婷婷connie的作文帖~勇者创造机会，愚者等待机会

婷婷connie

我发现楼主在引用数据的时候经常是85%。。。。。是增加可信度的吧？

-- by 会员 lvaptx4869 (2012/9/11 0:13:13)

恩恩，是这样，可以跟人错觉，90%感觉太高，然后太低就不可信了，所以85%最适宜，摘自新东方老师~

婷婷connie

9.9 综合 再改
9.9 综合The reading and listening passage discussthat whether salvage logging is beneficial to both a damaged forest and to theeconomy. The writer is confident about these benefits, which, however, iscontradicted by the lecturer.


To begin with, the writer asserts thatsalvage logging removes the remains of dead trees and makes room for freshgrowth. Conversely, the lecturer casts doubtabout on（换成on比较地道）it. According to her, it is the decomposition of those dead trees that providesthe soil with rich nutrients enrich the soil. Thus,these dead trees promise a more nutritious condition for fresh trees to grow.

Moreover, the lecturer controverts the ideagiven by the author that salvage logging helps to (怎么老犯这个错误？)（加上to）minimize the dangers of insect infestationand contributes to the health of the forest. To illustrate it, the lecturerpresents a case of spruce trees. This kind of tree has been living with the spruce beetle near a hundredyears without suffering anyserious healthymajorproblem.Besides, thelecturer also mentions that the dead tree as well offers space for birds andsome good insects. And this tree also provides space for birds and insects which are contributors to the long-term forest health.(这个地方木有听准)Long term 在第二段没有提到啊，鸟和好昆虫生活在树林里，长期来看是对森林有益的~ 那个case的细节赞！

In addition, the lecturer challenges thepoint that salvage logging has economic benefits. As far as she concerned, theproject requires some vehicles such as helicopter which is too expensive tomaintain. Furthermore, additional jobs cannot be created for local residentssincethose jobs are only temporary andthe project needs more experienced outsiders who have receivedprofessional training for the job. 回收的工作都是临时性的（jobs created by salvage logging are onlytemporary）这一点没有说到

To sum up, the writer stands for thesalvage logging because of its positive influences on both forest and economy,yet the lecturer believes that its disadvantages outweigh the advantages..

260个字会不会太多了？

感觉到这个问题了，觉得最后一段不重要，以后还是不写了，另外，中间段有点罗嗦的说，to illustrate,as far as she concerned这些没有太大用

瓜瓜不瓜

婷婷 910的独立 我真诚地邀请了鹤鹤大神为你修改！！！！（其实是我自己偷懒~~~~捂脸遁走！！！）

超级无敌小鹤鹤

额。。。我二了。。。。改完忘记发上来了。。。然后好像firefox出了点问题，在线编辑可是错误。。所以就在电脑上写了然后转成了pdf~

婷婷connie

额。。。我二了。。。。改完忘记发上来了。。。然后好像firefox出了点问题，在线编辑可是错误。。所以就在电脑上写了然后转成了pdf~
106093

-- by 会员 超级无敌小鹤鹤 (2012/9/12 17:37:27)

呀，高科技啊，好吧，我去下载一下~
谢谢鹤鹤神

婷婷connie

9.10 独立再改
In contemporary society, residents are placing more concerns over the success in a new job. Some people stand for the adaptation to a new circumstance, while others also emphasis the magnitude of knowledge within this field. The information I have collected over last few years leads me to believe that the knowledge outweigh the former notation view(额，被新东方老师误导了= =) in one's success.

First of all, the mastery of certain knowledge of the new job renders a person the permission to the company. Currently, with fiercer competitions in human source resourcemarket, it is the excellent knowledge that helps a person stand out during the job interview. To take my gregarious brother Tom as an example, he majored in mechanic engineering in the university and he did well in his courses. Undoubtedly, he made it to enter the William corporation, which enjoys high prestige in China, due to his preeminent performance in the interview. In contrast, his classmate Jenny who could easily adjust herself to any new environment,(粗心了，木有加逗号) failed to get a job, since her academical academic grades were poor. Here, we figure it out that it is the knowledge that promises one's entrance to get a new job.

Moreover, the fabulous working knowledge plays an essential role in one's promotion in the job career. No matter how good a man isto accommodateat accommodating(其实是想用be good at这个短语)himself to a new place and surrounding strangers, his promotion opportunities are related closely with his own knowledge of the job. An investigation conducted by China Daily unveils that over 85% of verdant employees whoget got promotions in their new job largely depend on their firm possession of major knowledge. Specifically, some enterprenuers(entrepreneurs) confess that they appreciate employees who own better knowledge instead of adaptation competence, as everyone could develope an ability of adjustment via special training courses, (;)yet the accumulation of knowledge, which is a painstaking process, takes （a）long period of time.

Admittedly, I concede, to some degree, that adaptation counts in one's way to success in a new job. Since a person comes to a new position, he may feel unfamiliar about it. For instance, he does not knowevery membermembersin the team and faces some quandaries to communicate with them. But this brilliant man know much about the tasks and (and前后要连接句子的话，必须结合逗号)he is willing to help his fellow workers out with his knowledge. Chances are that this unaccommodated mire is conquered as time goes by. In this way, the adaptation could not be put too much value on one's success compared to knowledge.

To sum up, considering all analyses above, it is time to applaud the significance of knowledge demanded by the job, for the mastery of knowledge permits one to enter the company, to get promoted and to build human-circle. Only if we master a good hand of knowledge could we go further in a company and ultimately achieve success in the career.



自批：语言表达不够自然，local,加紧练习~

瓜瓜不瓜

9.11 独立
There is a general (有点非主流。。还是heated吧)discussion on success in contemporary society, and one of questions under debate is whether a person could achieve the acme （好高级的词汇。。）of his career without （这个题应该是alex贴的有问题，正确的题目是with）their family's assistance with more ease than in the past. Some people place value on the help from one's family, while others also accent（很形象） his own competence. I, personally, contend that, even though without family's support, a person can reap his fruits more easily than in the past.（额 我发现婷婷是按without写的~~~那我就按你的思路批~）

At the very beginning, modern education furnishes a man with a good mastery of knowledge and promises （鉴于后面已经有一个同根词了，建议这个换成grant）him a promising career. Along with the economic development, the government, currently, place （places）extremely concentration on the popularization of education, which renders opportunities for residents to obtain knowledge. To take my gregarious brother as a case, living in the urban, he had no access to get educated in the past. Luckily, he gains (gained 这句话时态有点乱)chance to study nowadaysdue to the enactment of education law, and he find(found) a well-paid job in a metropolis. Here, we could witness his success resulted from the improvement of modern education instead of family’s assistance.

Moreover, the multiplicity of information collecting channels plays an essential role for citizens to earn success under the situation of no help from the family. Thanks to the advances of technology and science, odds are that people manage to search for information via internet. People only need clicking into the searching box and typing key words, （+and then）all the information demanded will emerge on the screen in seconds. Additionally, there are many intriguing television programs which provide abundant chance to succeed(这个表达和婷婷想要表达的电视提供很多有助于成功的意思不符). Specifically, the Economics, a program enjoys prestige, focusing on the current trend of economy and markets enables businessmen to grasp the latent and slight opportunity to thrive.

Admittedly, I concede, to some degree, that family members can exert significant impacts on one's career in the past. For instance, with the financial support of the family, a man was(一般现在时会不会更好)able to open his own store; with the help of social circle from a family member, he seemed to （is more likely to）work working problems out smoothly. Nonetheless, the role of family members on one's success no longer counts too much, since the advent of technological inventions such as computer and television set grants （grant）people comprehensive and useful information about job and promotion opportunity. After all, it is a man that he could construct his future by his own knowledge and competence, thus he is not supposed to rely too much on his family members.（让步段写的很精彩！）

In a nutshell, having discussed the reasons above, we may safely draw the conclusion that a man is more likely to stand on the zenith of his career without his family members' help than in the past. Only if he equips himself with knowledge and exploit resources around him such as Internet will he succeed ultimately.

总评：婷婷字数也好多了！！！GXGX!!!
         写的很好~~！！！木有大错误！！！让步段，物质和人脉那个思路特别好！！！
        加油！

婷婷connie

9.12 综合
The reading passage holds that the number of birds in the United States will decline at the result of the growth of human population, agriculture and pesticide use, which, however, is contradicted by the lecturer for following points.

To begin with, the speaker challenges the decline in the number of birds caused by human populations and settlements. Intead, she mentions a fact in urban areas, namely, better and larger habitats are provided for birds such as pigeon there. She also stresses that the number of birds shrinks frequently: some birds decline while others are gorwing.

Furthermore, the writer asserts that increasing agricultural activities result in the further destruction of bird habitats. Conversely, the lecturer opposes it by explaining that, currently, less and less lands are used for agricultural activities due to the introduction of an advance crop, producing more food in a limited land than the traditional one.

Last, the lectuer casts doubt on the view that the use of chemical pesticides threatens the existence of birds. Since people have realized the serious consequences of the pesticide use, two changes have been made: on one hand, new and less toxic pesticides are invented; on the other hand, the pest-resisted crop, which could produce poisonous subtance by itself, is developed in the argricultural field, and the crop is not harmful to birds.

婷婷connie

9.12 独立
9月12日Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.

In the contemporary society, there is a heated debate over strategies of handling affairs among residents. Some place considerable value on the patience, others, however, believe that people ought to be guided by their passions and take action at once. The information I have collected over last few years leads me to vote for the second view, and a further demonstration is presented by following points.

At the very beginning, immediate action is inclined to avoid opportunity from slipping away from people's hands. Since a patient man tends to maintain the current situation and then think over multiple aspects of the issue, seldom will he take any measures before he a decision. Even though he is able to decide the most effective method to conquer it later, the best chance does not always wait for him.To take myself as an example, once I got a precious chance to be an exchange student in Hongkong, yet I kept patient and thought over about my financial situation and the adaptation. And when I finally made up my mind to take the chance, it was gone as another candidate had already taken away my offer. But no matter how regretful I was, I would never get that chance again. Here, it is acknowledged that action should be taken as soon as the chance comes.

Furthermore, it is the action that plays an essential role to testify our talents. As an old saying goes, seeing is believing. As convincing and far-reaching your thoughts are, you can easily be bettered by an action. An investigation conducted by China Enterprise Funds(CEF), which is a prestigious nongovernmental organization in China, unveils that over 85% of preeminent entrepreneurs owe their success to the passion and their immediate actions. Specifically, the Baidu is found at the inspiration of making information searched more easily. Granted that the practitioner of Baidu pondered much about the current trends of the market and the subsequent results, chances are little that corporation could come into being. Generated exactly from passion, the founder took actions as soon as he was hit by the innovative idea, and his talents was witnessed by the public.

Admittedly, I concede, to some degree, that patience probably help individuals grasp whole situations better. An individual with patience usually think the case over before moving on, for he could get closer to case, such as his benefit, the potential hazards and possible consequences. Nonetheless these factors count in the decision making process, passion renders people greater possibility to achieve the goal. What if the Wright Brothers are afraid of the crash before they fly an airplane in the sky? How about the expert scientists' anxiety of potential dangers faced by the spaceship in the cosmos? If they pay too much attention in these occasion, hardly can we currently made it to explore the sky and outsider space. Thus, we become aware of the great passion and encouragement brought by quick action.

In a nutshell, from what has been discussed above, it is time to applaud the action taken now instead of later, for it could not only help us seize slight opportunities but grant us passion to make breakthroughs then prove our eminence, despite of the possible assistance made by patient consideration.

婷婷connie

9.11 独立再改
9.11 独立
There is ageneral heated(有点非主流。。还是heated吧)discussion on success in contemporary society, and one of questions under debate is whether a person could achieve the acme （好高级的词汇。。）of his career without （这个题应该是alex贴的有问题，正确的题目是with）their family's assistance with more ease than in the past. Some people place value on the help from one's family, while others also accent（很形象） his own competence. I, personally, contend that, even though without family's support, a person can reap his fruits more easily than in the past.（额 我发现婷婷是按without写的~~~那我就按你的思路批~）

At the very beginning, modern education furnishes a man with a good mastery of knowledge and promisesgrant（鉴于后面已经有一个同根词了，建议这个换成grant）him a promising career. Along with the economic development, the government, currently,placeplaces（places）extremely concentration on the popularization of education, which renders opportunities for residents to obtain knowledge. To take my gregarious brother as a case, living in the urban, he had no access to get educated in the past. Luckily, he gains(had no access是想说in the past,然后obtain就是现在了，不过确实很别扭) (gained 这句话时态有点乱)chance to studynowadaysdue to the enactment of education law, and he find(found) a well-paid job in a metropolis. Here, we could witness his success resulted from the improvement of modern education instead of family’s assistance.

Moreover, the multiplicity of information collecting channels plays an essential role for citizens to earn success under the situation of no help from the family. Thanks to the advances of technology and science, odds are that people manage to search for information via internet. People only need clicking into the searching box and typing key words, （+and then）and then all the information demanded will emerge on the screen in seconds. Additionally, there are many intriguingtelevision programs which provide abundant chance to succeed there are abundant chance provided by intriguing television programs(强调的地方错了)(这个表达和婷婷想要表达的电视提供很多有助于成功的意思不符). Specifically, the Economics, a program enjoys prestige, focusing on the current trend of economy and markets enables businessmen to grasp the latent and slight opportunity to thrive.

Admittedly, I concede, to some degree, that family members can exert significant impacts on one's career in the past. For instance, with the financial support of the family, a man was is(一般现在时会不会更好)able to open his own store; with the help of social circle from a family member, he seemed tois more likely to（is more likely to）work working problems out smoothly. Nonetheless, the role of family members on one's success no longer counts too much, since the advent of technological inventions such as computer and television set grants (这里的主语是advent啊，所以用单数)（grant）people comprehensive and useful information about job and promotion opportunity. After all, it is a man that he could construct his future by his own knowledge and competence, thus he is not supposed to rely too much on his family members.（让步段写的很精彩！）

In a nutshell, having discussed the reasons above, we may safely draw the conclusion that a man is more likely to stand on the zenith of his career without his family members' help than in the past. Only if he equips himself with knowledge and exploit resources around him such as Internet will he succeed ultimately.

总评：婷婷字数也好多了！！！GXGX!!!
        写的很好~~！！！木有大错误！！！让步段，物质和人脉那个思路特别好！！！
       加油！



自批：1.有个别句子不达意

     2.还有就是注意例子中的时态问题了，顽疾啊