婷婷connie的作文帖~勇者创造机会，愚者等待机会

婷婷connie

9.16 独立
话说这文章有点市侩啊~
In the contemporary society, there is a heated discussion over the option of careers among people. Some hold that parents are supposed to make the child engage in the similar job as them, others, in contrast, believe that children's willingness should be given precedence. The information I have collected over the last two years leads me to believe that advantages of taking the similar job as parents far outweigh its disadvantages.

At the very beginning, children are inclined to go further with assistance of the experience from their parents better when majoring in the similar field. Perhaps we may confront some quandary that our colleagues are not willing to share working experience with us. Yet this situation will never occur to our parents. As the parents’ dream is to make the child live a brighter life, the parents will tell us everything they know within the issue. Thus we benefit a lot from it. Specifically, I majored in electricity in the university. Every time when I encounter a problem from my major, my farther, who is an electricity engineer, is the person I turned to without hesitation, as I knew that he was ready to help me out.

Furthermore, it is commonly acknowledged that more valuable opportunities could be offered by us if we follow our parents' way. As our parents have worked in this field for a relatively long period of time, their social circle is much wider than we rookies, which sometimes comes to provide us with precious chance. For instance, my gregarious brother, who mastered in finance, once had a hard time to find a satisfying job. Luckily, her mother worked in the local bank. With her assistance, my brother gained a chance of an interview in an enterprise, which enjoys much prestigious in the my city. Undoubtedly, with the well preparation, my brother ultimately was given the admission to enter this corporation. Here, we witness the great ascendance from our parents’ circle .

Admittedly, I concede, to some degree, that someone may emphasize the importance of respect of children's mind. An investigation unveils that over half of graduate have little interest towards their parents' careers. Yet we need not hold a passive attitude toward this phenomenon. As parents are able to create a favorable atmosphere where the children could embrace the charm of the certain area, such as its intriguing scenarios and the pregnant theories, which could guide the children into the exact direction to parents' careers. In this way, the children can readily pursue the careers as their parents.

In a nutshell, from what have been discussed above, it is time to applaud the enhancement of children's choosing the similar career as their parents, for it enjoys great benefits from both the experience and opportunity. As long as parents foster their children in a wise way will their children stand on the acme of their career and own a promising life in the future.

婷婷connie

9.14 独立再改
9.14 独立
In the contemporary society, even though (some) people in growingnumbers number (number )have become aware of the fundamentalitypopularity( 嗯，搭配不好，脑袋短路了，其实这句话是想说一部分人意识到教育的普及，但是其他人还是觉得接受教育有一定困难的)(意识到了教育的基本？ 感觉不是很对奥，用 fundamental role感觉好一点)of education, others are living under the illusion that getting education still is a quandary（这个句子感觉even though的逻辑并没有出来）. As far as I am concerned, nowadayscurrently（呀，那我改了吧，保险起见）（传说中，ETS讨厌nowadays， 因为中国学生最喜欢用这个词~~~噗 不知道是真是假）residents can get informed more easily.

At the very beginning, the view that equating education with future career success （语法错误，that后面应该是一个完整的句子）enhance （enhances）people to pursue educational chances unconsciously  the improvement of people’s thought that education is an indispensable part of their life enhances people to get educated more easily.(其实这一段是想写人们的观点的转变的，不知道怎么就写跑了。。。)（人们下意识地追求教育与接受教育更容易并没有太大的逻辑关系。。婷婷觉得呢？）. Along with the development of national economy, residents nowadays are placing much value on the education instead of farming works, as they realize that crops cannot thrive without the assistance of agricultural knowledge. To take my gregarious sister as a case, living in the remote countryside, she never considered going to colleges (since her parents asked her to work in the farm). Luckily, imbued with the view that education promises a better life, （her parents encouraged her to pursue knowledge）she determined to come to the metropolis. After years of assiduous study, she made it to study in Peking University, which enjoys much prestige in China. Here, we come to witness the positive impact exert by the change of mind towards education.（这段逻辑我感觉有问题，妹纸去意识到了教育的重要性，于是考上了北大，并没有证明人们更容易接受教育了。如果婷婷说，以前妹纸她爸妈不让她上学，只要她务农，后来观念转变了，让她去读书，这样的话逻辑就对了。）

Furthermore,the improvement of technologies enhances the efficiency of education, thus people could get educated with more ease modern technology and science provide people with lots of ways and equipments to access education.（个人感觉efficiency与接受教育的容易程度无关，中间有一个gap。改成technology provides lots of ways and equipments for people to access education，会不会好一些？）. Specifically, with the advent of projector, professors currently do not have to write every word in a blackboard and anymore, thus large amounts of time could be saved to deliver （while delivering）（这里是想说时间被剩下来讲课）an intriguing lectures, which greatly boosts the working efficiency of teachers. Additionally, the computer has become an indispensable part of students' life: no matter where and when(一般都是when and where， 个人感觉啦！), all students need to do is merely clicking a searching box and typing key words, then information related with the paper will emerge on the computer screen, which promises more sources for student to do academical paper. Those enhancement of educational methods renders convenience to students.

Admittedly, I concede, to some degree, that some people may accent the fiercer competitions on theuniversity's （university）entrance examination, which presents （set/ install）obstacles to people's access to education. (高考设置障碍，观点好~)As superficially convincing it is, we could not ignore a basic fact that our educational resources are enriching at an accelerating pace. Specifically, the government has pitched mints of capitals into the educational industry to build more schools and train more professional teachers, promising better accesses to colleges and universities. In this way, even though we may face much hardship on preparation those examinations, chances are that we can still get enrolled to a certain institution.

In a nutshell, from what has been discussed above, we may （could/ can）safelycome todraw a conclusion that people are getting easier and easier to obtain educational chance. As long as we strive for those chances unremittingly will we get educated.

婷婷好好再斟酌一下这篇的逻辑奥~~不过也是我的一家之言~~~可以找大牛们来看看！

惨了，逻辑有出错了？？

呀，婷婷尽力改了改

小兔爱twins

9.16 独立  这题还真市侩！！我换了一题写哈哈 因为这题不在鸡精里

In the contemporary society, there is a heateddiscussion over the option of careers among people. Some hold that parents aresupposed to make the child engage in the similar job as them, others, incontrast, believe that children's willingness should be given precedence. Theinformation I have collected over the last two years leads me to believe thatadvantages of taking the similar job as parents far outweigh its disadvantages.（哈哈标准无公害的模板开头~ ）

At the very beginning, children are inclined to gofurther with assistance of the experience from their parents better whenmajoring in the similar field. Perhaps we may confront some quandary that ourcolleagues are not willing to share working experience with us. Yet thissituation will never occur to our parents.（这句话我觉得在指代的逻辑上是有歧义的 ，，，虽然我明白你要表达的意思是家长会乐意分享他们的工作经验给孩子，，稍微注意一下这个问题 ） As the parents’ dream is to make the child live a brighter life, theparents will tell us everything they know within the issue. Thus we benefit alot from it. Specifically, I majored in electricity in the university. Everytime when I encounter a problem from my major, my farther, who is an electricityengineer, is the person I turned to without hesitation, as I knew that he was ready to help me out.（这三次词的时态要统一一下）

Furthermore, it is commonly acknowledged that morevaluable opportunities could be offered by us if we follow our parents' way. Asour parents have worked in this field for a relatively long period of time,their social circle is much wider than we rookies, which sometimes comes to（可以去掉） provide+s us withprecious chance. For instance, my gregarious brother, who mastered in finance,once had a hard time to find a satisfying job. Luckily, her mother worked inthe local bank. With her assistance==我觉得有时候用天然词组with the help of her 更健康。。。 , my brother gained a chance of an interview in anenterprise, which enjoys much prestigious in the my city. Undoubtedly, with thewell preparation, my brother ultimately was given the admission to enter thiscorporation. Here, we witness the great live;">ascendance from our parents’ circle .

Admittedly, I concede, to some degree, thatsomeone may emphasize the importance of respect of children's mind. Aninvestigation unveils that over half of graduate have little interest towardstheir parents' careers. Yet we need not hold a passive attitude toward thisphenomenon. As parents are able to create a favorable atmosphere where thechildren could embrace the charm of the certain area, such as its intriguingscenarios and the pregnant theories, which could guide the children into theexact direction to parents' careers. In this way, the children can readilypursue the careers as their parents.

In a nutshell, from what have been discussedabove, it is time to applaud the enhancement of children's choosing the similarcareer as their parents, for it enjoys great benefits from both the experienceand opportunity. As long as parents foster their children in a wise way willtheir children stand on the acme of their career and own a promising life inthe future.

整体都很好哦~~~  字数也足~~ 楼主已经到了可以脱离模板的时候啦！！！ 抽离吧！！！哈哈哈哈哈！！！！！

bonfin

9.16 综合 TPO20  修改
The reading and listening passage discuss the effects brought about by the "let it burn" policy in 1988. The writer conceives that the fire renders considerable damages to the Yellowstone park, which, however, is contradicted by the speaker for following points.

To begin with, the writer holds that Yellowstone fire resulted in tremendous damage to the vegetation. Conversely, the lecturer casts doubt on it by presenting a basic fact. After the fire, the soil was colonized by new plants. Specifically, the old and tall trees are replaced by smaller trees, which provide open and unshaded space.（顺序最好换一下，提供了更多空间这些小树才生存。） Besides, some seeds have germinated by the high level of heat.

Moreover, the lecturer questions the negative impacts on animals. According to her, the fire, instead, created new living opportunities for those animals such as rabbits. As rabbits and other animals are thriving, the number of their predators is also growing. Thus, stronger food chains have been formed since then.

Last but not least, the lecturer opposes that the fire compromised the value of the park as a tourist attraction. As the fire has not happened again, it will no longer threaten tourists. Additionally, the low rainfall and other spectacles of the park are riveting to (这是什么意思吖？) people.（听力里说的导致火势大的原因是low rainfall和其他因素的组合，不知道你这这句话表达的是不是这个意思吖） Therefore, an increasing number of tourists come here each year, which plays an essential role in the prosperity of the city.

听力基本上都听到位了~细节也都写到了~很好~

婷婷connie

9.17 综合
The reading and listening passage discuss over the topic over the planation of genetically modified trees. The writer believes that it will bring lots of benefits, which, however, is contradicted by the speaker for following points.

To begin with, the writer holds that genetically modified trees are able to survive the harder environment. Conversely, the lecturer casts doubt on it. The natural trees are born with genetical diversity which ensures some individuals of the species to resist certain severe situations. In contrast,  genetically modified trees are uniformed in genetics, they may suffer from a challenge which they have never met before and eventually die out.

Moreover, the lecturer also questions the economic benefits brought by those trees. To illustrate this, she presents a basic fact: according to the law, every time, the farmer who want to plant those genetically modified trees and collect their seeds must pay the company which has designed genetically modified trees.  Thus, this is a huge hidden cost.

Last but not least, the lecturer contends that it is more damages that genetically modified trees bring to the endangered native trees. Since those particular trees are designed to grow more aggressively, chance are big that they will outcompete the natural trees, specifically, on the sunlight, soil nutrients and water. Therefore, the unique or rare species will confront bigger hazard.

婷婷connie

9.16 综合
9.16 综合 TPO20  修改
The reading and listening passage discuss the effects brought about by the "let it burn" policy in 1988. The writer conceives that the fire renders considerable damages to the Yellowstone park, which, however, is contradicted by the speaker for following points.

To begin with, the writer holds that Yellowstone fire resulted in tremendous damage to the vegetation. Conversely, the lecturer casts doubt on it by presenting a basic fact. After the fire, the soil was colonized by new plants. Specifically, the old and tall trees are replaced by smaller trees, which provide open and unshaded space.（顺序最好换一下，提供了更多空间这些小树才生存。） Besides, some seeds have germinated by the high level of heat.

Moreover, the lecturer questions the negative impacts on animals. According to her, the fire, instead, created new living opportunities for those animals such as rabbits. As rabbits and other animals are thriving, the number of their predators is also growing. Thus, stronger food chains have been formed since then.

Last but not least, the lecturer opposes that the fire compromised the value of the park as a tourist attraction. As the fire has not happened again, it will no longer threaten tourists. Additionally, the low rainfall and other spectacles of the park are riveting tobecause the combination of low rainfall and strong wind is rare.(这里真心是听错了，以为是景观什么的。。)(这是什么意思吖？) people.（听力里说的导致火势大的原因是low rainfall和其他因素的组合，不知道你这这句话表达的是不是这个意思吖） Therefore, an increasing number of tourists come here each year, which plays an essential role in the prosperity of the city.

听力基本上都听到位了~细节也都写到了~很好~



惭愧啊，最后一点给听岔了~

婷婷connie

9.16 独立
9.16 独立这题还真市侩！！我换了一题写哈哈因为这题不在鸡精里

In the contemporary society, there is a heateddiscussion over the option of careers among people. Some hold that parents aresupposed to make the child engage in the similar job as them, others, incontrast, believe that children's willingness should be given precedence. Theinformation I have collected over the last two years leads me to believe thatadvantages of taking the similar job as parents far outweigh its disadvantages.（哈哈标准无公害的模板开头~ ）

At the very beginning, children are inclined to gofurther with assistance of the experience from their parents better whenmajoring in the similar field. Perhaps we may confront some quandary that ourcolleagues are not willing to share working experience with us.Yet thissituation will never occur toour parents.Yet our parents are never feel bothered to communicate over job skills with us.(这么写舒服很多)（这句话我觉得在指代的逻辑上是有歧义的，，，虽然我明白你要表达的意思是家长会乐意分享他们的工作经验给孩子，，稍微注意一下这个问题） As the parents’ dream is to make the child live a brighter life, theparents will tell us everything they know within the issue. Thus we benefit alot from it. Specifically, I majored in electricity in the university. Everytime when I encounter encountered a problem from my major, my farther, who is an electricityengineer, is the person I turned to without hesitation, as I knew that he was ready to help me out.（这三次词的时态要统一一下）(都用过去时吧)

Furthermore, it is commonly acknowledged that morevaluable opportunities could be offered by us if we follow our parents' way. Asour parents have worked in this field for a relatively long period of time,their social circle is much wider than we rookies, which sometimes comes to（可以去掉） provide+s us withprecious chance. For instance, my gregarious brother, who mastered in finance,once had a hard time to find a satisfying job. Luckily, her mother worked inthe local bank. With her assistance==我觉得有时候用天然词组with the help of her 更健康。。。 , my brother gained a chance of an interview in anenterprise, which enjoys much prestigious in the my city. Undoubtedly, with thewell preparation, my brother ultimately was given the admission to enter thiscorporation. Here, we witness the greatascendancefrom our parents’ circle .

Admittedly, I concede, to some degree, thatsomeone may emphasize the importance of respect of children's mind. Aninvestigation unveils that over half of graduate have little interest towardstheir parents' careers. Yet we need not hold a passive attitude toward thisphenomenon. As parents are able to create a favorable atmosphere where thechildren could embrace the charm of the certain area, such as its intriguingscenarios and the pregnant theories, which could guide the children into theexact direction to parents' careers. In this way, the children can readilypursue the careers as their parents.

In a nutshell, from what have been discussedabove, it is time to applaud the enhancement of children's choosing the similarcareer as their parents, for it enjoys great benefits from both the experienceand opportunity. As long as parents foster their children in a wise way willtheir children stand on the acme of their career and own a promising life inthe future.

整体都很好哦~~~  字数也足~~ 楼主已经到了可以脱离模板的时候啦！！！抽离吧！！！哈哈哈哈哈！！！！！

自批：

1.观点还好，不过说理部分强度不够，感觉自己都说服不了啊

2.不要背模版所累，尝试写自己的东西~

小兔爱twins

我感觉婷婷你作文写得真心蛮好的 内容丰富 语言也蛮到位的。。。

235852140

9.17 综合批改   错误建议 好
The reading and listening passage discuss over the topic over（about） the planation（这是啥？不认识。。均夷作用？是不是打错了） of genetically modified trees. The writer believes that it will bring lots of benefits, which, however, is contradicted by the speaker for (+the) following points.

To begin with, the writer holds that genetically modified trees are able to survive （in ） the harder environment. Conversely, the lecturer casts doubt on it. The natural trees are born with genetical diversity which ensures some individuals of the species to resist certain severe situations. In contrast, genetically modified trees are uniformed in genetics, (加个连词) they may suffer from a challenge which they have never met before and eventually die out.

Moreover, the lectureralso questions the economic benefits brought by those trees.  （一段的开头最好还是不用代词的好，因为those trees 不知道指谁，说全称避免指代不清的问题）To illustrate this, she presents a basic fact: according to the law, every time, the farmer who want to plant those genetically modified trees and collect their seeds must pay the company which has designed genetically modified trees. Thus, this is a huge hidden cost.

Last but not least, the lecturer contends that it is more damagesthat genetically modified trees bring to the endangered native trees. Since those particular trees are designed to grow more aggressively, chance are(is) big that they will outcompete the natural trees, specifically, on the sunlight, soil nutrients and water. Therefore, the unique or rare species will confront bigger hazard.

我问Alex,他说没有字数限制啊。到底谁的对呀？

婷婷connie

9.18 综合
The reading and listening passage discuss the topic over the ethanol fuel. The writer holds that ethanol is not a promising substitute for gasoline, which, however, is contradicted by the lecturer for following reasons.

To begin with, the author conceives that ethanol fuel is not able to help to solve the global warming. Conversely, the lecturer presents a basic fact: the process of producing ethanol will greatly remove the carbon dioxide. Specifically, the plant which is used to make ethanol absorbs carbon dioxide as part of its nutrient. This actually reduces the amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere.

Moreover, the lecturer also casts doubt on the perspective that the production of ethanol will dramatically reduce the amount of plants available for other uses such as fodder for animals.  To oppose it, the lecturer explains that the ethanol is produced mainly from a certain part of plant, namely the cell membrane, which is not eaten by animals. Thus, the large scale of production of ethanol will not interfere with food source for animals.

Last but not least, the lecturer contends that ethanol absolutely can compete with gasoline in terms of price. With the increasing popularity of ethanol, the larger production of this new fuel will make most people have access to use ethanol. Besides, according to the statistics, the cost of ethanol will decline by forty percent with three times greater of the production.