婷婷connie的作文帖~勇者创造机会，愚者等待机会

蝴蝶渡海

看到婷婷的作文亚历山大

婷婷connie

8月23日 For future career success, it is relate well to other people more important than studying hard at school?

Nowadays, a soaring number of citizens perceive the magnitude of assistance from other people in one's career success. On the contrary, a ubiquitous notion says: one's success correlates with his own competence. Standing on the intersection, I am inclined to the latter perspective for following points.

To begin with, one can not be blind to the significant impact exerted by hard studying on his career. Since a person gets his time schedule taken mostly by study, he will be facilitated with deeper and broader knowledge within his major field which helps him stand out in the human resource market. In contemporary society, it is a pervasive phenomenon that college student is the only qualified group to enter a promising company. Reason is that most enterpreneurs consider preponderance of assiduous students in campus better that of ordinary employees since those students are likely to master principle skills demanded by the position. Thus, we become aware of the essence of hard working at school.  

Hence, it is the perseverance and spunk developed in periods of one's learning that bolster his promotion in the film. Accumulation of knowledge is not a handy thing, instead, it requires patience, insistence as well other fabulous characters. An investigation conducted by China Daily, a prevalent newspaper in China, unveils that over 85% of college students who take the psychologic quiz demonstrate a higher level of emotional quantity which presents a incentive factor for their promotions in communities. Here, painstaking as one's learning experience, he will reap the most intriguing fruit in his career as long as trudging though this hardship.

Admittedly, I concede that someone may stress the opportunity offered by others to lift one's career level thus approaching more closely the acme. Take my elder sister as a good case, her academical grades look challenging, yet she does not worry about this. As she enjoys prerogative rendered by her father, a CEO of a international company, she enters the company with ease. Nevertheless, she suffers a lot from other's prejudice because of her gawky behaviors on the work. Therefore, obvious as it is, even if someone gives us a hand, we must be ready to grasp the very chance by unremitting endeavor.

In a nutshell, considering all analysis above, we can safely arrive the conclusion that one's diligence at school is absolutely of better importance than other's help as the arduous work at school benefits not only our own knowledge and skills but also personalities. After all, the most reliable person in our way to success is ourselves.

婷婷connie

看到婷婷的作文亚历山大

-- by 会员 蝴蝶渡海 (2012/8/23 17:21:43)

小蝴蝶，木事儿，完全是时间的沉淀啊，过段时间，可能你也这样~~

瓜瓜不瓜

8月23日 For future career success, it is relate well to other people more important than studying hard at school?

蓝色建议 红色错误 高亮精彩 你懂的！

Nowadays, a soaring number of citizens perceive the magnitude of assistance from other people in one's career success. On the contrary, a ubiquitous notion says: one's success correlates with his own competence. Standing on the intersection, I am inclined to the latter perspective for following points.
（开头平淡却有力！还有很多高级词汇！赞！）

To begin with, one can not be blind to the significant impact exerted by hard studying on his career. Since a person gets his time schedule taken mostly by study（因为没有说清是一个人在校学习的时间，让人会有是一生的时间的感觉，建议说清：Since a person gets his school time taken mostly by study）, he will be facilitated with(?有这个用法么？神马意思？瓜瓜身边木有大字典，但是在网上查了一下好像木有这个用法，婷婷去验证一下) deeper and broader knowledge within his major field which helps him stand out in the human resource market. In contemporary society, it is a pervasive phenomenon that college student is the only qualified group to enter a promising company. （这一句话感觉和上下文，特别是和下文的逻辑链接很奇怪，建议去掉）Reason is that most enterpreneurs consider preponderance of assiduous students in campus better（如果是想表达学生比普通人好，consider better than中的than要加上去，要是是表达比起普通人更多考虑学生，那better就要换成more）that of ordinary employees since those students are likely to master principle skills demanded by the position. Thus, we become aware of the essence of hard working at school.

Hence（意思是因此，用在开头句并不好）, it is the perseverance and spunkdeveloped in periods of one's learning that bolsterhis promotion in the film. Accumulation of knowledge is not a handy thing, instead, (instead adv.不能用于连接两个句子，所以这里缺少连词)it requires patience, insistence as well other fabulous characters. An investigation conducted by China Daily, a prevalent newspaper in China, unveils（感觉意思不是很对） that over 85% of college students who take the psychologic quiz demonstrate a higher level of emotional quantity which presents a incentive factor for their promotions in communities. Here, painstaking as one's learning experience, he will reap （超生动的词！）the most intriguing fruit in his career as long as trudging though this hardship.

Admittedly, I concede that someone may stress the opportunity offered by others to lift one's career level（跟了两个定语，感觉有点乱，建议把stress后面的内容改成从句，这样opportunity后面就可以少一个定语，看起来更舒服~） thus approaching more closely the acme. Take my elder sister as a good case, her academical grades look challenging（challenging好像没有婷婷想要表达的意思）, yet she does not worry about this. As she enjoys prerogative rendered by her father, a CEO of a international company, she enters the company with ease. Nevertheless, she suffers a lot from other's prejudice because of her gawky behaviors on the work. （例子里面要都改成一般过去时~）Therefore, obvious as it is, even if someone gives us a hand, we must be ready to grasp the very chance by unremitting endeavor.

In a nutshell, considering all analysis above, we can safely arrive（arrive是不及物动词，后面要接介词at/in 但是具体接哪个，瓜也不知道~~求解！） the conclusion that one's diligence at school is absolutely of better（better的比较原型是：good，well，但是这两个词都一般不和importance搭，） importance than other's help as the arduous work at school benefits not only our own knowledge and skills but also personalities. After all, the most reliable person in our way to success is ourselves.

感慨一下不愧GRE单词已经背了3遍~瓜瓜看着这些词有一种要挂的感觉，金山词霸好忙！
哈哈！但是高级词汇很好！！加油！！

写的逻辑和瓜瓜的一样~~！但是personality那段比我写的高级多了！！2+1的结构用得很得心印手嘛！！
但是上面仍存在一些错误，改正！

Fight了个ing！

lxc1989614

Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study.

Whether college students are demanded to take various courses besides their majors or merely focus on textbooks within their own fields still causes a dilemmadue to the issue's complexity. Though concentration on one major promises high possibility of academic accomplishment, I accede that students should be encouraged to be involved in courses of diversity after they have a good mastery of their own majors.

To begin with, offered different courses, a university student whose vision is positively enriched likes a little fish swims in a (the) ocean. Take Chinese university students as a case, they generally have such narrow a course schedule (have such a narrow) . A persuasive survey conducted recently by China Daily manifests that approximately 80% of respondents confess that they lack certain basic knowledge like music, astronomy, medicine and so on. To embrace the truth and appreciate the beauty of nature, effective measures ought to be taken to broaden the educational scope as well as students' eyes(horizon) I think it is better to use the horizon to explain “scope of sight”.

Furthermore, it is not arduous to find that curricula outside(outsides??) one's major field usually exert stimulative(simulative) influence on his own major. Since one may feel humdrum or out of inspiration at a time in the laboratory, he needs some fresh air which makes his brain become creative later. During the period, he will come to do other things instead. Einstein sets an excellent exemplification for us. He is a preeminent physicalist who enjoys a world reputation because of his theory of Relativity,. Additionally, entitled a master of violin, he is in fond of art that much “I cannot understand here”. According to him, it is art that drives him to physical success. Thus, we can advance a point that things out of one's major circle are also boost improvement in one's field.

Admittedly, I concede that a variety of courses may render heavy pressure on students, for they have to endeavor to meet demands granted by those disparate courses. I will not walk away from my point(hiahia, do u learn this from my essay??), though these pressure is an inevitable fact. Nevertheless, students could be cultivated with a conception of time management. In this way, they can give themselves a well-organized time schedule which will help them overcome those annoying pressure flexibly. Only do students find a balance between courses of both in field(fields) of study and out of it, will students live a colorful campus life.

In conclusion, we can come to a stance that every campus students are supposed to be motivated to the enrollment of multifarious courses inside or outside the filed(field), for with which their inspirations and innovations will enhance(be enhanced) together.


Comments:
U did such a good job!
I am not enable to pick up more mistakes with my limited vocab and gramma.
Just pay more attention to the tiny mistakes and u will be better!
Wish u good luck!

婷婷connie

8月24日 Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave. Do you A/D?

Nowadays, there is no inventions that receive more praises and abuses than movies and television, for chances are that they provide residents with not only positive notions but also negative contents. Here lies a dilemma choice between support and opposition on them. As far as I am concerned, advantages they possess should be given preponderances over their disadvantages.

To begin with, it is of no doubt that movies and television have become an indispensable part of people's life since they offer great amounts of information which broaden people's eyes' horizon. With the tendency of globalization, people are thrown in a world of multiple cultures. For example, a hit in Broadway in New York City will be accessible to Chinese people within days via the approach of movies and television. Conveniently do people need not go abroad but enjoy the intriguing movie at their home country. In this movie people can appreciate charming the of hero in the movie, as well acknowledge the certain backgrounds of America. Movies and television actually bridge gaps between people from all around the world.

Furthermore, since movie and television exert considerable impacts on people's horizon, people's views on life and world can be inevitably transformed towards more comprehensive and correct directions. And the Shawshrank Redemption is a good case which falls into this category. The movie describes a bank clerk's two-decade experience in a French prison where he maintains his hope and integrity through many adversities and ultimately gets freedom. Without surprise, audiences are touched deeply by this movie as they are infected by the hero's inspirit. Hence, spectators will be encouraged to learn from these excellent qualities involuntarily. Here, the movie and television plays a vital role in the improvement of people's thoughts.      

Nevertheless, some opponents will place significant emphasis on some negative aspects, namely, pornography and violence which probably emerge in movies and television deliberately. For the sake of riveting a wider range of favors, movie makers and television might adopt unhealthy contents that greatly do harm to juveniles. Fortunately, governments have already realized this passive phenomenon and take some measures to prevent the bad behavior timely, such as the enactment of certain laws to lead the healthy development of recreation industry. Therefore, I am firmly convinced that the atmosphere of movies and television will be better with governments' meticulous supervision.

In a nut shell, considering all analysis discussed above, we may safely draw a conclusion that movies and television are able to enrich our knowledges and thoughts. As long as governmental departments pitch care on contents of movies and televisions will the whole people benefit from them.

婷婷connie

8.23 改改后
8月23日 For future career success, it is relate well to other people more important than studying hard at school?

蓝色建议 红色错误 高亮精彩 你懂的！

Nowadays, a soaring number of citizens perceive the magnitude of assistance from other people in one's career success. On the contrary, a ubiquitous notion says: one's success correlates with his own competence. Standing on the intersection, I am inclined to the latter perspective for following points.
（开头平淡却有力！还有很多高级词汇！赞！）

To begin with, one can not be blind to the significant impact exerted by hard studying on his career. Since a person gets hisschool(加个school是不是好点呀？)time schedule taken mostly by study（因为没有说清是一个人在校学习的时间，让人会有是一生的时间的感觉，建议说清：Since a person gets his school time taken mostly by study）, he willbe facilitated with（呜呜，记错了是be furnished with）(?有这个用法么？神马意思？瓜瓜身边木有大字典，但是在网上查了一下好像木有这个用法，婷婷去验证一下) deeper and broader knowledge within his major field which helps him stand out in the human resource market. In contemporary society, it is a pervasive phenomenon that college student is the only（prior） qualified group to enter a promising company. （这一句话感觉和上下文，特别是和下文的逻辑链接很奇怪，建议去掉）(这句话是现象，后面reason...就是在解释，感觉还行呀)Reason is that most enterpreneurs consider preponderance of assiduous students in campus better(这里的better婷婷用的动词用法~transitive verb: to surpass in excellence超过、胜过的意思)（如果是想表达学生比普通人好，consider better than中的than要加上去，要是是表达比起普通人更多考虑学生，那better就要换成more）that of ordinary employees since those students are likely to master principle skills demanded by the position. Thus, we become aware of the essence of hard working at school.

Hence Further（意思是因此，用在开头句并不好）, it is the perseverance and spunkdeveloped in periods of one's learning that bolsterhis promotion in the film（firm）. Accumulation of knowledge is not a handy thing, instead,(嘿嘿，长知识了~) (instead adv.不能用于连接两个句子，所以这里缺少连词)it requires patience, insistence as well other fabulous characters. An investigation conducted by China Daily, a prevalent newspaper in China, unveils(这里相当于expose ：to make public  : DIVULGE, REVEAL  *a good time to unveil their plans*)（感觉意思不是很对） that over 85% of college students who take the psychologic quiz demonstrate a higher level of emotional quantity which presents a(an)incentive factor for their promotions in communities. Here, painstaking as one's learning experience is, he will reap （超生动的词！）the most intriguing fruit in his career as long as trudging though this hardship.

Admittedly, I concede that someone may stress the opportunityoffered by others to lift one's career level that one will be rendered an opportunity to thrive（跟了两个定语，感觉有点乱，建议把stress后面的内容改成从句，这样opportunity后面就可以少一个定语，看起来更舒服~） thus approaching more closely the acme. Take my elder sister as a good case, her academical grades look(looked)challenging poor(之前看过mental challenge是精神病的意思，就接过来了^0^，换成poor)（challenging好像没有婷婷想要表达的意思）, yet she does（did） not worry about this. As she enjoys prerogative rendered by her father, a CEO of a international company, she enters(entered)the company with ease. Nevertheless, she suffers(suffered)a lot from other's prejudice because of her gawky behaviors on the work. （例子里面要都改成一般过去时~）Therefore, obvious as it is, even if someone gives us a hand, we must be ready to grasp the very chance by unremitting endeavor.

In a nutshell, considering all analysis above, we can safely arriveat（模板里的）（arrive是不及物动词，后面要接介词at/in 但是具体接哪个，瓜也不知道~~求解！） the conclusion that one's diligence at school is absolutely of betterlarger（better的比较原型是：good，well，但是这两个词都一般不和importance搭，） importance than other's help as the arduous work at school benefits not only our own knowledge and skills but also personalities. After all, the most reliable person in our way to success is ourselves.

感慨一下不愧GRE单词已经背了3遍~瓜瓜看着这些词有一种要挂的感觉，金山词霸好忙！
哈哈！但是高级词汇很好！！加油！！

写的逻辑和瓜瓜的一样~~！但是personality那段比我写的高级多了！！2+1的结构用得很得心印手嘛！！
但是上面仍存在一些错误，改正！

Fight了个ing！



感谢瓜瓜so细心的批改~~
婷婷自批：

1.败在better手里了，以后一定要注意词的互相搭配

2.Instead后面加逗号

3.段间连词出错了，hence表因果关系，不能用在并列

4.叙述例子的时候，用过去时

婷婷connie

8.13改改后
Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study.


Whether college students are demanded to take various courses besides their majors or merely focus on textbooks within their own fields still causes a dilemmadue to the issue's complexity. Though concentration on one major promises high possibility of academic accomplishment, I accede that students should be encouraged to be involved in courses of diversity after they have a good mastery of their own majors.

To begin with, offered different courses, a university student whose vision is positively enriched likes a little fish swims in a (the) ocean. Take Chinese university students as a case, they generally have such narrow a course schedule(so narrow a course range这里用了倒装，来强调narrow~) (have such a narrow) . A persuasive survey conducted recently by China Daily manifests that approximately 80% of respondents confess that they lack certain basic knowledge like music, astronomy, medicine and so on. To embrace the truth and appreciate the beauty of nature, effective measures ought to be taken to broaden the educational scope as well as students' eyeshorizon(horizon) I think it is better to use the horizon to explain “scope of sight”.

Furthermore, it is not arduous to find that curricula outside（介词）(outsides??) one's major field usually exert stimulative(是刺激的意思，simulate是模仿)(simulative) influence on his own major. Since one may feel humdrum or out of inspiration at a time in the laboratory, he needs some fresh air which makes his brain become creative later. During the period, he will come to do other things instead. Einstein sets an excellent exemplification for us. He is a preeminent physicalist who enjoys a world reputation because of his theory of Relativity. Additionally, entitled a master of violin, he is in fond of art(被授予了小提琴家称号的酷爱艺术)that much “I cannot understand here”. According to him, it is art that drives him to physical success. Thus, we can advance a point that things out of one's major circle are also boost improvement in one's field.

Admittedly, I concede that a variety of courses may render heavy pressure on students, for they have to endeavor to meet demands granted by those disparate courses. I will not walk away from my point(hiahia, do u learn this from my essay??)（reply: absolutely）, though these pressure is an inevitable fact. Nevertheless, students could be cultivated with a conception of time management. In this way, they can give themselves a well-organized time schedule which will help them overcome those annoying pressure flexibly. Only do students find a balance between courses of both in field fields(fields) of study and out of it, will students live a colorful campus life.

In conclusion, we can come to a stance that every campus students are supposed to be motivated to the enrollment of multifarious courses inside or outside thefiled field(field), for with which their inspirations and innovations will enhancebe enhanced(be enhanced) together.


Comments:
U did such a good job!
I am not enable to pick up more mistakes with my limited vocab and gramma.
Just pay more attention to the tiny mistakes and u will be better!
Wish u good luck!

谢谢lcx批文~
嘿嘿，小错误不断，下次继续改正~

婷婷connie

8.14 Educational institutions should actively encourage their students to choose fields of study that will prepare them for lucrative careers.

In contemporary society, a heated matter over education has been discussed within academics. Some people insist that universities should offer majors favored by students, while others bolter the encouragement of lucrative fields which lay foundation for students to get well paid. In my opinion, universities are supposed to motivate students' interests but also their ambition for promising careers.

To begin with, we must come to realize that it is obligatory duty of schools to educate students on the basis of their interests and habits. Since interest is the best teacher of children, educational institutions cannot constrainedly make students take part in something they do not appreciate, which on the contrary exerts impediment on the growth of students. Wright Brothers, aviation pioneers, who were credited with inventing and building the world's first successful airplane. Born with the dream of flying in the blue sky, they have luckily been cultivated in a atmosphere of encouragement to one own interests in campus. Then, they endeavored to study certain theories and ended up with a great successful in aircraft. Thus, we witness the charming of dream as well as university's significant role in promoting one's achievement.

Nevertheless, it is indisputable that individuals have to confront reality. Chance is slim that an extraordinary genius works in a laboratory lightheartedly without considering the danger of starvation and exposure. Living in this material world, everyone has to ponder the issue of wealth, so is is rational for educational institutions to boost their students' involvement in comparatively lucrative majors. For instance, nowadays, a skyrocketing number of parents become aware of the fundamentality in the option of their children's majors, which directly determine the salary in the future. Specifically, the position of attorney or physician, rendering highly income and rising reputation of schools, enjoys the first priority among universities' majors. In this way, universities have great amounts of reasons to persuade its students into those profitable majors.  

Finally, to conquer the quandary, universities would better to take both interest and reality into account. As a proverb goes, the maturity not to see how old you, but your shoulder strong enough to see the responsibilities. As mature college students, they have developed a good sense of judgment, from which they can determine a conducive major offering high wage as well as falling into their favorites. From the aspect of the shool administers, they could amend a system to grant students courses of diversity so as to enhance their interests and guide children to step on the most advantageous way of future success in career market. I believe, only in this way will shools make full use of students' gift but also earn more prestige via high employment rate in beneficial enterprises.

Considering all analysis above, we may comfortably come to a conclusion that education institutions ought to adopt a balanced approach to solve the dilemma. Within it, they are able to cultivate students' interests by various majors and educate them to make wisest choice.

喵喵了个咪

8月24日 独立改 Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave. Do you A/D?

Nowadays, there is no inventions(直接用单数就可以) that receive more praises and abuses than movies and television, for chances are that they provide residents with not only positive notions but also negative contents. Here lies a dilemma choice between support and opposition on them. As far as I am concerned, advantages they possess should be given preponderances over their disadvantages.我觉得首段应该强调下young people

To begin with, it is of no doubt that movies and television have become an indispensable part of people's life since they offer great amounts of information which broaden people's eyes'(多余) horizon. With the tendency of globalization, people are thrown in a world of multiple cultures. For example, a hit in Broadway in New York City will be accessible to Chinese people within days via the approach of movies and television. Conveniently do(没见过句首这么用的，求指点) people need not go abroad but enjoy the intriguing movie at their home country. In this movie people can appreciate charming the of(of the) hero in the movie, as well acknowledge the certain backgrounds of America. Movies and television actually bridge gaps between people from all around the world.段首写可以开阔视野，结尾句却是联系世界人民。这个逻辑有些牵强。

Furthermore, since movie and television exert considerable impacts on people's horizon, people's(their) views on life and world can be inevitably transformed towards more comprehensive and correct directions. And the Shawshrank Redemption is a good case which falls into this category. The movie describes a bank clerk's two-decade experience in a French prison where he maintains his hope and integrity through many adversities and ultimately gets freedom. Without surprise, audiences are touched deeply by this movie as they are infected by the hero's inspirit.(我觉得这句话有些啰嗦touched deeply和infected语义重复) Hence, spectators will be encouraged to learn from these excellent qualities involuntarily. Here, the movie(还是不要特指的好) and television plays a vital role in the improvement of people's thoughts.      

Nevertheless, some opponents will place significant emphasis on some negative aspects, namely, pornography and violence which probably emerge in movies and television deliberately. For the sake of riveting a wider range of favors, movie makers and television might adopt unhealthy contents that greatly do harm to juveniles. Fortunately, governments have already realized this passive phenomenon and take(时态不对) some measures to prevent the bad behavior timely, such as the enactment of certain laws to lead the healthy development of recreation industry. Therefore, I am firmly convinced that the atmosphere of movies and television will be better with governments' meticulous supervision.

In a nut shell, considering all analysis discussed above, we may safely draw a conclusion that movies and television are able to enrich our knowledges(这里不可数) and thoughts. As long as governmental departments pitch care on contents of movies and televisions will the whole people benefit from them.(缺少谓语)



总结

1 文章的语法错误比较少，都是些小错误。注意就好

2在内容上我觉得应该多突出题目中的young people

3 在逻辑结构上最好上下文，段首尾观点统一。不要出现第二段尾句那样与论述观点不一致或者无关的句子。

PS 婷婷的词汇量我自愧不如T T