婷婷connie的作文帖~勇者创造机会，愚者等待机会

killT

作文整体上很不错~理由很充分，用到了孔子的例子和CEF的调查等，还提到另一面的观点~

With the accelerating tempo of society, residents are increasingly aware of the importance of high education(higher education). When it comes to the methods to improve the quality of university education, people's opinions vary from each other. Someone recommend(recommends)giving a rise(give riseto:引起，使发生)professor's salary, however, I am not for it.

To begin with, rising(raisingrise不能用作及物动词) professor's salary may dispure(stain ) the incentive of a few individuals. Since the high salary in the educational field is attractive, people will transfer from different areas into this field,(句号，consequently不是连词) consequently(,) the whole quality(overall quality) of university will suffer. What we really require is someone who really regard(regards) teaching as hisduty.Let me take Confucius as an example.It(有点口语化，建议直接用 For example, it …)is conspicuous that Confucius（例子很好~）is a great social philosopher and thought(thinker)in China. He was so selfless a man that he often illustrated (enlightened 或illustrated his points to…)his students free of charge and donated his own books. Nowadays, people memorate(commerate) (commemorate) Confucius as a saint because of his pural(pure) teaching motivate(motivation). Thus,(去掉逗号) professor's salary is not supposed to be too high.

Besides, the improvement of the level of professor's salary probably will cause some demanding（demanding: 苛求的，费事费力的） students(to) drop off from campus. According to a survey conducted by China Employment Fund(CEF), approximate 70% of a professor's salary comes from the student's education fee thought with the governmental investment support other functions such as the repairment of old buildings or establishment of a caferteria (cafeteria)(后半句好像省掉也不影响什么). However, what we must admit is that some students' families are still under heavy financial pressure as their parents are underemployment(unemployed or underemployed) or just get a little wage per week by cooking dishes or do with concrete. Thus,(去掉逗号) this part of students may face difficulty on handing(in) fee every semester and ultimately suspend or even stop their education.

Admittedly, I concede the salary improvement policy do enhance professor's enthusiasm on teaching to some degrees. If a professor is rewarded for his excellent directing results, he is (will be)absolutely willing to be more engaged in his teaching programs(programs可以去掉). For instance, he may have a talk on the essay with his students regularly and he will make a good preparation before he delivers a speech and students will benefit a lot. Nonetheless, the(which university？可改为 a) university could as well create internship programs for its students from which student can obtain some practical experience and own some preponderance in job hunting. As a result, students can accumulate a great deal applicable knowledge in working place. So,(去掉逗号)we can get to know that (有点口语化)internship programs is more favorable.

In a nutshell, since the improvement of professor's salary(搭配 raise salary / improve financial condition)may dispure(stain) the incentiveand induce students to drop off from university, I insist that we should not spend more money on this to improve the quality of university education.

还有两个小问题在文章里多次出现
1.to professor's salary –> professors’ salaries
单数可数名词professor不能单独存在
2.What we really require is someone who really regard(regards) teaching as his(his or her) duty.
His -> his or her因为并没有指定someone是男是女
也可以用复数或其他不指示性别的名词

婷婷connie

5.25 独立改改后
作文整体上很不错~理由很充分，用到了孔子的例子和CEF的调查等，还提到另一面的观点~


With the accelerating tempo of society, residents are increasingly aware of the importance of high education higher education (higher education). When it comes to the methods to improve the quality of university education, people's opinions vary from each other. Someonerecommends(粗心惹的祸呀)(recommends)giving a rise in(这个地方貌似木有错呀,在longman上找了一个例句We are expecting  a sharp risein interest rates) (give riseto:引起，使发生)professor's salary, however, I am not for it.

To begin with, rising(raisingrise不能用作及物动词) professor's salary maydispure stain(这个词好！！)(stain )the incentive of a few individuals. Since the high salary in the educational field is attractive, people will transfer from different areas into this field,(句号，consequently不是连词) consequently （yeah, got it）(,)the whole overall quality(overall quality) of university will suffer. What we really require is someone who really regard regards(regards)teaching as hisduty.Let me take Confucius as an example.It(有点口语化，建议直接用 For example, it …)is conspicuous that Confucius（例子很好~）is a great social philosopher and thought thinker (thinker)in China. He was so selfless a man that he often illustrated/enlightened(enlightened 或illustrated his points to…)his students free of charge and donated his own books. Nowadays, people memorate(commerate)commemorate(更正都错了，这个单词要好好记一下)(commemorate) Confucius as a saint because of his pural pure (pure) teaching motivate motivation(motivation). Thus,(去掉逗号)professor's salary is not supposed to be too high.

Besides, the improvement of the level of professor's salary probably will cause some demanding needy（呀，记错了）（demanding: 苛求的，费事费力的）students(to)drop off from campus. According to a survey conducted by China Employment Fund(CEF), approximate 70% of a professor's salary comes from the student's education fee thought with the governmental investment support other functions such as the repairment of old buildings or establishment of a caferteria (cafeteria)（那就果断不要了）(后半句好像省掉也不影响什么). However, what we must admit is that some students' families are still under heavy financial pressure as their parents are underemployment underemployed(unemployed or underemployed)or just get a little wage per week by cooking dishes or do with concrete. Thus,(去掉逗号)this part of students may face difficulty on handing in (in)fee every semester and ultimately suspend or even stop their education.

Admittedly, I concede the salary improvement policy do enhance professor's enthusiasm on teaching to some degrees. If a professor is rewarded for his excellent directing results, he or sheis more likely to be (will be)absolutely willing to be more engaged in his teaching programs(programs可以去掉). For instance, he or shemay have a talk on the essay with his or her students regularly and he or shewill make a good preparation before he delivers a speech and students will benefit a lot. Nonetheless, the(which university？可改为a)university could as well create internship programs for its students from which student can obtain some practical experience and own some preponderance in job hunting. As a result, students can accumulate a great deal applicable knowledge in working place. So,(去掉逗号)we can get to know that (有点口语化) so we safely get the point thatinternship programs is more favorable.

In a nutshell, since the improvement of professor's salary the professor's financial condition (搭配raise salary / improve financial condition)may dispure stain(stain)the incentive/motive/intentionand induce students to drop off from university, I insist that we should not spend more money on this to improve the quality of university education.

还有两个小问题在文章里多次出现
1.to professor's salary –> professors’ salaries
单数可数名词professor不能单独存在
2.What we really require is someone who really regard(regards) teaching as his(his or her) duty.
His -> his or her因为并没有指定someone是男是女
也可以用复数或其他不指示性别的名词

Conclusion:1.professor 那个不太确定呀，求进一步解释~

         2. 这个经常忽视，以后婷婷会注意的

感谢killt这么耐心的修改~~~~

killT

关于rise和raise:
We are expecting  a sharp risein interest rates   中rise in ...没问题
但是 give a rise in 这个用法确实没见过，倒是有 give rise to 这个短语是“使发生，引起”的意思。可以把 giving 去掉。
Someone recommends a rise in ...
Longman的rise v. 词条下有raise和rise的比较“When rise is a verb, it does not have an object. ”
所以第二段开头不能说 rise xxx ，不过它还说了raise "It is not formal when it means 'make something increase" ，raise也不正式..建议婷婷换种表达吧

我觉得 A's B 的话A肯定是个名词，那么professor是可数名词那就要有个冠词吧...  算了，这个问题太无聊了

killT

感觉这篇文章比较难写，lecture和reading对应关系很神奇..
不过你解释挺详细的~要是能再说下lecture里的influencer 和free rider问题就更好了~~

The passage and the lecture debaete the topic on team work. The writer demonstrates some advantages, while the lecturer casts doubt on them by the following speech.

First and foremost, the author holds that a group of people has a wider range of knowledge, expertise and skills, which makes them quickly think up creative solutions. However, the lectuer reputes it. He stresses: since every individual in the group has his own opinions, the group cannot reach a consensus in a short time. Thus, the efficiency may not be promised.

Furthermore, the writer holds that a group is more likely to make ricsky decision while responsibility is spreaded to everybody in the team. Conversely, the lecturer emphasizes that a team probably is not able to come up with some real creative solutions as they share the contribution with others in the group. So they ususllyusually tend to rely on each other to devise some ideas.

Moreover, the professor also challenges the point that the individual gets a better chance to be recognized. According to him, when a group reaches a significant settlement, they are rewarded asa whole. As nobody's name will be remembered by the manager, they are not recognized as highly significant easily.

To sum up, the writer insists that people benefit from team work, but the professor justthinks that strategy just does not contribute at all.

另外有一点：整个lecture都只是在陈述从那个company的例子里获得的facts，并没有做任何一般性的conclusion，所以说把观点“强加”给professor不太好吧...

婷婷connie

6.6 综合
The passage and lecture are discussing the issue of salvage logging. The writer holds that salvage logging is beneficial both to a damaged forest and the economy, while the lecturer casts doubt on this.

To begin with, the lecturer reputes the idea elicited by the writer that removing remains of dead trees makes room for fresh growth immediately. According to her, as dead trees are removed rapidly, the soil will be lest less enriched and the new tree cannot get nutrients from it. Thus, this project may not help the damaged forest recover in a short term.

Furthermore, the lecturer also believes the perspective that salvage logging helps minimize the dangers of insect infestation is questionable. To demonstrate this, the speaker presents an example of spruce beetle. This insect has been living with the spruce for a hundred years without causing any obvious problems. Besides, some birds are the main contributors to the forest's health.  Therefore, the speaker stresses that removing the dead tree does more harm to the forest.

In addition, the lecturer disagrees with the point that salvage logging has economic benefits. He emphasizes that the helicopter which is used for the salvage logging project is too expensive to use and maintain. What is more, the project demands individuals who are experienced and have taken some specific trainings. Conversely, the local residents are less likely to be eligible, so this project can not create more oppositions for them.

To sum up, the writer asserts that salvage logging has a great deal of preponderances, however, the speaker thinks that none of them is convincing.

婷婷connie

好久没有写了，发一篇吧~
Governments should focus on solving the immediate problems of today rather than trying to solve the anticipated problems of the future.

The government plays a crucial role in the settlement of problem ranging from current ones to anticipated ones. However, whether the immediate matters of nowadays enjoy the first priority? In my view of point, I hold that the government are supposed to pay a balanced attention to those problems.

I accede that there are a quantity of troubles presently emerged in the society which call for urgent notice from the government. Specifically, the fussy matter of employment. In the contemporary society, people around the world confront the challenge of getting a desirable position. Numerous cases are met frequently where a preeminent graduate from a world-famous university cannot sign a contact with a enterprise within his major or where an experienced worker faces the embarrassing occasion of layoff because of the economic crisis. Undoubtedly, these problems are so severe that the government has to tackle it in a most timely and effective approach in case of the incitement of social commotion.

Nevertheless, as governmental officials are fully devoted to work down problems of today, they have to face the quandary that some future problems are just around corner. Additionally, if leaders neglect those anticipated ones, they will not afford to pay for it. The tendency of global warming, one of the most heated discussions aroused in academic field, has roaringly captured citizens' eyes. It is obvious that this inclination has not bring out too much in the present days, however, to our imagination, what will happen without implementing measure to control the release of carbon dioxide in 50 or 60 years? Are we still able to appreciate the beauty of windmills in Holland with a increasing sea level? Can we get to peek a sight of Pole Bear in the North pole with a inanition of ozone level? Thus, we can comfortably arrive the point that future problems count to the same significance.

However, since energy, money and time available for the government are limited, the government must manage to figure out these rigorous issues at the same point. One of the best approaches to handle those dilemmas is find a balanced solution. Granted a municipality is going to launch a project of electric power station from which myriad of unemployed residents can benefit, then the mayor ought to consider the harm of giving off carbon dioxide or other greenhouse gas and motivate the patrons to devote money to exploit some promising and environmentally friendly powers like the solar energy. In this way, a purpose that not only developing economy but also protecting the nature could be achieved.

In brief, from what have been discussed above, we may reach a consensus that the government should handle immediate problems as well as coming ones with a good balance of it.

lxc1989614

The government plays a crucial role in the settlement of problems ranging from current ones to anticipated ones. However, whether the immediate matters of nowadays enjoy the first priority? In my view of point(point of view), I hold(in my viewpoint and hold are the same meaning,so just keep one) that the government are is supposed to pay a balanced attention to those problems.

I accede that there are a quantity of troubles presently emerged in the society which call for urgent notice from the government. Specifically, the fussy matter of employment.这个句子不能独立成句的，它不是一句完整的句子，你要把它放到前一句的后面, especially the fussy matter of employment In the contemporary society, people around the world confront the challenge of getting a desirable position. Numerous cases are met frequently where a preeminent graduate from a world-famous university cannot sign a contact with a an enterprise within his major or where an experienced worker faces the embarrassing occasion of layoff because of the economic crisis. Undoubtedly, these problems are so severe that the government has to tackle with it them （problems是复数） in a most timely and effective approach in case of the incitement of social commotion.

Nevertheless, as governmental officials are fully devoted to work down problems of today, they have to face the quandary that some future problems are just around corner这个词组是隐隐约约的意思吗？. Additionally, if leaders neglect those anticipated ones, they will not afford to pay for it. The tendency of global warming, one of the most heated discussions aroused in academic field, has roaringly captured citizens' eyes. It is obvious that this inclination has not bring out too much in the present days, however, to our imagination, what will happen without implementing me     asure to control the release of carbon dioxide in 50 or 60 years? Are we still able to appreciate the beauty of windmills in Holland with aan increasing sea level? Can we get to peek a sight of Pole Bear in the North pole with a inanition of ozone level? Thus, we can comfortably arrive the point that future problems count to the same significance.

However, since energy, money and time available这个放energy前面是不是好些？ for the government are limited, the government must manage to figure out these rigorous issues at the same point. One of the best approachesbest只有一个，所以应该是单数吧？我觉得改成the best approach比较好 to handle those dilemmas is find a balanced solution. Granted a municipality is going to launch a project of electric power station from which myriad of unemployed residents can benefit, then the mayor ought to consider the harm of giving off carbon dioxide or other greenhouse gas and motivate the patrons to devote money to exploit some promising and environmentally friendly powers like the solar energy. In this way, a purpose that not only developing economy but also protecting the nature could be achieved.总觉得这句话语法好像不对的，是不是可以改成the purpose of not only economic development but also environmental protection could be achieved.

In brief, from what have been discussed above, we may reach a consensus that the government should handle immediate problems as well as coming ones with a good balance of it them.

GRE的作文就是不一样啊。。。好多高级词汇，复杂句式，开眼了。。。
其实我对GRE作文的要求也不是很了解，但是外国人的作文是把事情讲清楚，单从这点上看你做到了，结构，观点什么的都很清晰
然后是语法结构词汇这些基本点,稍微有一点小错误。
句子太长其实比较容易写错的，主谓，单复数什么的，一不留神就不一致了，这点要注意。
然后千万要注意句子的完整性，有的句子如果把握不是很好，还是不要写的太复杂，反而容易扣分。
不错不错，继续加油咯，希望我的修改对你有帮助！

lxc1989614

忽然发现一个问题！！！
I accede that there are a quantity of troubles presently emerged in the society which call for urgent notice from the government
a quantity of是算单数的吧！，那z这句就不对了！
改为：there is a quantity of troubles presently emerged in the society which calls for......

婷婷connie

忽然发现一个问题！！！
I accede that there are a quantity of troubles presently emerged in the society which call for urgent notice from the government
a quantity of是算单数的吧！，那z这句就不对了！
改为：there is a quantity of troubles presently emerged in the society which calls for......

-- by 会员 lxc1989614 (2012/8/10 10:35:17)

哇，谢谢lxc这么认真地改文，~~

婷婷connie

Claim: In any field-business, politics, education, government-those in power should step down after five years.
Reason: The surest path to success for any enterprise is revitalization though new leadership.

Nowadays, a heated discussion arouses among people whether leaders in enterprises should be substituted every five years or not. Some people approving the change of leaders argue that leaders may be easily depraved/corrupted, while others believe those in power are of better mastery of solving problems with the accumulation of experience. In my opinion, the policy on official's tenure should be balanced combined different cases.

To begin with, we have no choice but to admit that veterans own richer experiences on handling issues than novices. As an old saying goes, long time witnesses one's improvement. Since people spend a long period on doing similar things, he or she will gradually become versed of them. For example, in the government, faced with the commotion of deluge triggered by heavy rain, a green officer probably has trouble dealing it. Conversely, an expertise who undergoes several flood disasters before can conduct the whole salvation with aplomb and efficiency, able to avoid the most severe results. In those situations, the longer time a leader is this position, the better will a adversity be tackled. Thus, they ought not to be changed in short time.

Nevertheless, obstacles come when those empiricists refuse to adopt new methods to conquer problems. The Sheng mall is an case which falls in this category. This mall once was one of the most successful ones in my town. However, its administer refused to apply new system to run the firm by hiring fresh leaders. On the contrary, an innovate shopping pattern was carried out in the JZ mall, a ,all in competition with the Sheng. It is not tough to prophesy the end-the Sheng mall was flattened. Here, considerable importance is emphasized on changing leaders every five years.

That is to say, it is crucial to inject vitality into an enterprise for the purpose to prosper. Once a community's leader level is crowded with the old, stubborn individuals, its future will surely be hampered. Given those impenitents only trusting their own experiences will not be inclined to embrace a new perspective, the community will go astray easily. However, the advent of new leaders enables the community to experience an advantageous contradiction, followed with a fusion of both traditional and innovative views. Undoubtedly, with a source of vigors, these new elites will contribute to the prosperity of the community. Therefore, new comers as well play an essential role in promoting an enterprise's success.

In conclusion, considering all analysis above, we may safely come to a view that any enterprise should complement a balanced stipulation on the tenure of leadership, for it needs both experienced leaders and innovated ones to realize its final flourish.