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晨依小超人的写作贴,欢迎拍砖!

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31#
发表于 2012-2-25 10:50:48 | 只看该作者
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The advice from grandparents has no use for their grandchildren because the world changed a lot during the past 5o years. Use specific reasons to support your answer.

As the sosiety(society) we are living in is changing all the time with a high speed, what we used to totally agree with no longer catches up with (感觉用 can no longer catch up with会好一点) the pace today. In such a "fast world", a large number of people agree with the statement that advice from grandparents for their grandchildren is of no use. I, however, argue for the opposite.

To begin with, grandparents usually have adequate life experience, which makes them more sensitive dealing with various things. From that aspsct(aspect), they are the best advisors for grandchildren solving all kinds of problems. To be honest, my grandmother, is my closest friend and listener. When I ran into some (不是可以去掉?)troubles, she always helped me analyze the situation and provided me very useful advices (advice不可数吧。。。)according to her own experience. Though sometimes she was not quite familiar with the terrible condition I had confronted, her instructions could inspire me to cope with some emergencies in a proper way.

Furthermore, the concept our grandparents hold is more prudent and conventionnal(conventional其实我想写conservative的,单词记混了...). What we may see as old-fashioned ideas may have a significant influence on making right decisions. A few years ago, I told my grandmother that I would like to shift all my deposit to stocks although she didn't actually know stocks well. To my surprise, she persuaded me not taking(to take) a risk because she thought that it was not high time to join the stockmarket. I consequently accepted her suggestion though I firmly believed that it was a great chance to earn a great deal of money in a short period. Faced with the serious inflation later, finally, her cautiousness made sense.(个人感觉finally不用再居中,可以提前一下,晨依你再查查?)

No one would deny that our world is changing rapidly and things maybe extremely different compared to the past 50 years. Admittedly, the gap between grandparents and grandchildren is increasingly enlarged with highly developed science and technology. However, that does not mean that points from grandparents are out of date. No doubt that we should take their ideas into consideration in case of repeating the mistakes they have made in their young ages(?). Additionally, their advices are benefical(beneficial) to making ourselves be(去掉吧) more mature when meeting with incidents.

Since grandparents have abundant experience and more prudent attitude,  grandchildren do have the necessary(是不是该换成名词形式啊,necessarity?) to respect their suggestions. After all, truth is worthy of being examined by time.(truth can stand the test of time敢问大家有没有正宗一点的说法?) In conclusion, words from grandparents are useful to their grandchildren even in a fast-changing world.
-- by 会员 chasedreamabc (2012/2/25 10:48:17)

32#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-2-25 13:51:46 | 只看该作者
谢谢ABC的修改~你的建议很好,敢问第二处红色是说删除那一部分??
33#
发表于 2012-2-25 16:00:52 | 只看该作者
感觉some 是不是可以去掉呢
PS:昨天有事情,拖到今天才改完,实在不好意思
34#
发表于 2012-2-25 21:19:03 | 只看该作者
蓝色表示应该修改的,并且附加了我的观点的!
红色表示感觉读起来很weird,但是没想到合适的
橄榄色表示读后感~~~~
Life in ancient time was extremly(extremely)hard for people and there used to be no heatings in the winter, no cars to go further, or even no intermedia to communicate with other people.


Thanks to the great inventions 我们不谋而合了。。。我刚开始想着用owe to 来着的,但是貌似GMAT里认为,owe to 不能用在句首,所以我就用了thanks to like (莫非你在考我GMAT SC...such as 比较好吧,前面给个逗号,然后接such as!话说like 后面我见过最多只能跟一个的啊!air-conditioners, automobiles and cell phones, etc. they have significantly changed people's lives. From my view, though science and technology develop in a high speed, the most significant improvements have already happened.我昨天之所以看见这个题目就~~~吐槽,是因为我觉得这两个分句其实没有那么强大的逻辑关系,虽然科技在高速发展,可是人们生活已经明显提高了。我一直弱弱地觉得这个题目因果关系比较好吧!)


The air-conditioner, as for as I'm concerned, is one of the most important inventions of (这里有强烈的表示sth 用来做了什么,你试试of换成to怎么样啊!Of 感觉很怪)improving people's living conditions in the past 100 years.我大胆猜测你是想表达最近一百年以来,空调是最不错的,可以考虑一下现在完成时态,the air-conditioner has beenXXXduring the last 100 years,因为你用的be动词是is 然后用时间状语in the past 100years,换我就用现在完成时态~蒙混过关了~~~It is a high-tech machine which can be controlled to adjust the temperature to make people feel comfortable only in a couple of minutes. By setting it to a lower temperature, we can have a even cooler summer day instead of waving fans or weeping sweat. (你是不是想表达擦汗的特效呢。。。擦汗是不是wipe sweat Weep是小女生哭泣吧)Likewise, a central heating provides people an easy access to enjoying a warm winter without burning coals. For the great convenience and powerful functions, air-conditioners are widely accepted by a majority of people and make significant changes to 对于人们生活水平的提高做出了巨大贡献。。。你的意思翻译过来是 “对于人们生活水平带来了重大改变”わたくし认为make significant changes to improve 比较好些,轻拍people's living standard. No one would deny that air-conditioners are now existed to make people's lives different   额。。。I bet 你这句话跟我一样也是,重复上一句话的意思。。。。。。Anyway,我们共勉), though they will beproduced more functionalwith the development of technology in the future.



Also, cars has ~~~单复数succeeded in making surprising improvements in people's lives. As we all know, cars, which include taxis, trucks, buses and so on, have suited for all sorts of requirements in the modern society. We could not have  couldnot have done 我的理解是 我们本不该这样做,但是事实上我们做了。
你说呢,不知道跟你表达的意思一样么。有点weird~感觉是imagined that one day we can reach everywhere we want with the help of automobiles freely. In Han Dynasty when cars weren't invented,GMAT语法比较尽可能得取消被动,我感觉when there were on cars表达会比被动好点。。。。Again 请拍 people made use of horses as a kind of transportation, which was这个which会不会感觉有点指代不明。指代马儿呢还是指代a kind of transportation,我明白你这里的汉语意思,你觉得改成people made use of horses as a kind of transportation and had to tolerate the inconvenince and slowness.啊。。。。我怎么感觉我改得更复杂了,好吧,我允许你可以背着我偷偷改回去了~~neither convenient nor speedy. At that time, it usually took a general友情建议,你如果想表达时间长的概念,可以试试it usually took sb as long as to 来表达你的情绪) a few days to report the situation of the war to the emperor, and because of thatbecause of that ....友情推荐一个thus soidiers(soldiers)had to wait for the permission from the general to attack enemies. The delays often led to missing the best oppotunity(opportunity)of fighting against with (两个介词,去掉withthe enemies. However, cars have shortened the time spending in the long-distance places and accelerated people's connections.

(我觉得这一段对比很精彩!先说现在car 非常便利,再说以前多么惨。。。
不过我淡淡感觉用古代的例子用的篇幅貌似有点多额,从而使得最后一句非常突兀,如果可以把对比的幅度把握一下,会不会更好一些呢~~~~

Furthermore, the more frequent and swifter communications among people benefited from cell phones is another improvement taken place. Unlike  making use of doves to deliver messages or making fires as signals, cell phones changed people's lives in an unbelievable way. In just a few seconds, a friend from the opposite site of the world is able to accept our texting message sent by our cell phones. How fantastic the cell phones are! Just as the advertisement of Iphone 4S(正如4s广告says 比较好吧~~, mobile phones actually "changed the world for a second time".



Admittedly, we have abundent(abundant)confidence in the prospective development of science and technology. 这个转折表示你已经赞同了题目的逻辑了,虽然科技会飞速发展,可是我们生活的确已经改善了。。。。我纠结是因为,我感觉这个题目如果是“虽然科技预计发展会进入很慢的阶段,但是我们已经的生活已经很受益了,如果是这样的话才非常reasonable,你觉得呢,这就是昨天1:00am,我的point.....ORZ.....However, the most significant improvents(improvements)indeed have taken place in changing people's living conditions, transportations and communications.


(赞:我了解你表达的意思了,原来是这样啊,你的文章整体的organization 是非常不错的!遵循了总分总的描述方式,而且主题句也很鲜明啊,不像我各种乱扯。。。。各种不着边!
非赞:美中不足,是可能是因为这个题目太扯了,我们的例子都不是非常shining ,不过anyway,你比我好多了,向你学习~啊  

                                           Mjuzik此致敬礼!   )
35#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-2-25 21:20:39 | 只看该作者
-- by 会员 jiaosisisisi (2012/2/25 21:19:03)


敢问Mr. Music,我的作文改到哪里去鸟~~~??
36#
发表于 2012-2-25 21:27:03 | 只看该作者
-- by 会员 jiaosisisisi (2012/2/25 21:19:03)



敢问Mr. Music,我的作文改到哪里去鸟~~~??
-- by 会员 晨依Jacqueline (2012/2/25 21:20:39)


我是占座的。。。给你改了~~~~冤枉啊~~~
37#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-2-26 00:16:39 | 只看该作者
To music....
【先说点题外话】
1 改作文这个真的不需要占楼的……
2 橄榄色有点像shihuang色有木有……下次建议换个好看点的
3 GMAT的语法我是很不懂啊……
【关于文章的探讨】
4 倒数第二处红色,which的问题,确实我记得在GMAT语法里面好像which不能指代前面整个句子。
5 最后一段我想的是把那个题目扩充一下,承认虽然以后科技还会发展,但是影响人们生活的已经发生了……就是想让个步,我觉得这里和你的意见可能有出入,我再想想。。。
6 其他意见和建议感觉不错,今天太晚了不修改了,明天到学校如果有空我就再改改嗯
7 不拍你了,改的确实挺有水平的!
38#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-2-26 00:17:33 | 只看该作者
感觉some 是不是可以去掉呢
PS:昨天有事情,拖到今天才改完,实在不好意思
-- by 会员 chasedreamabc (2012/2/25 16:00:52)


谢谢ABC 虽然改动不是特别多 但改出来效果都挺好的~
39#
发表于 2012-2-26 00:21:25 | 只看该作者
Music真认真~赞赞!

小晨依你也赚大了呢,这里很多考过GMAT的人,语法题逻辑题做多了就变得思维严谨了,语言简洁有效了~
像Music,Alex,Serena,Daisy,八戒,Aviva, 和Me~ 可能还有我不知道的~
40#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-2-26 00:28:24 | 只看该作者
Music真认真~赞赞!

小晨依你也赚大了呢,这里很多考过GMAT的人,语法题逻辑题做多了就变得思维严谨了,语言简洁有效了~
像Music,Alex,Serena,Daisy,八戒,Aviva, 和Me~ 可能还有我不知道的~
-- by 会员 Crystaljoy (2012/2/26 0:21:25)


对啊对啊~我一开始想先考G的时候看过一点点语法方面的,觉得有点困难,但是确实是很严谨……
而且大家的用词真的是很腻害,表达也很多样化,都很值得我学习!
毕竟我还是刚刚开始准备,很多东西还不是太懂,真的要好好请教大家了~
在这里也谢谢之前给我改过作文的童鞋们,当然也要提前感谢以后要给偶改作文的童鞋们~~总之是小分队的所有人啦!
群么一个O(∩_∩)O哈哈~
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