晨依小超人的写作贴，欢迎拍砖！

晨依Jacqueline

谢谢maylovehe~~~
好详细的说！赞~~

晨依Jacqueline

TPO23 综合写作

In the reading passage, three hypothesis are mentioned to explain the declined population of Yellow Cedar tree in North America, while none of these three explanations are convinced to be accurate accounting to the decrease of trees according to the listening material.

To begin with, the author suggests that the insect parasites, especially the ceder bark beetle, is regarded as the main reason for the decreasing number of trees. Oppositely, the lecturer claims that a healthy Yellow Cedar tree is resistant to insects and even its bark and leaves are poisonous to pests and insects. As a result, the insects are not the fundamental cause.

Additionally, the professor refutes the idea that brown bears caused the sharply decrease of  tree population because the Yellow Cedar trees are planted all across North America, both on the mainland and the islands. So there is no possible for bears to damage the trees on the island, which are not be responsible for the population shrink. This point also differs from the reading passage.

In the end, the writer casts that climate change is a possible reason for it's detrimental to the tree's root system. In contrast, the speaker raises a conflict viewpoint. As the speaker says, if the freezing climate is harmful to the root system, more trees will be damaged in a colder area, which are nearer the north part of country. But the reality is not like that. Though the tree's root system is sensitive to climate change or temperature change, it would not be a convincing hypothesis.

婷婷connie

有点晚了，不好意思~
The reading introduces a new kind of plant-genetic(这个地方为什么加plant呢?) modified tree, which is expected to bring about considerable economic benefits, while the lecturer holds (an)opposite idea that such genetic modified tree species is not as good as it might sound for its hidden cost and serious problems when closely examine it. Three points are provided to contradict to the passage.

Primarily, the lecturer admits the points cast in the reading that geneticallymodified trees(尽量保持跟文章里的一致) are resistant to some(a particular这样比较好)conditions. However, uniform as they are, when faced with undesigned threatening environmental changes, for example the climate change, they may lose their ability of resistance. What is worse, unlike the non-genetic modified trees, all genetic modified trees tend to die out（be wiped out尽量用听力中的东西） instead of dying out（这个是什么意思？）individually.

Besides, contrast to the promised economic profit the genetic modified trees may bring about cast in the passage, the professor claims that the invisible cost of planting that kind of tree is neglected. According to the law, people(farmer)who grow genetic modified trees are not permitted collecting seeds or using the timbers automatically. They have to pay extra money to the tree company（我听到的是genetical modification company） instead.

In the end, the author points out that genetic trees can prevent the overexploitation of wild trees for they can well satisfy people's need for timbers and firewoods. On the contrary, in the speaker's view, genetic modified trees are grown so agressively(aggressively) that they will compete fiercely with the local wild trees. As for this kind of improved trees are planted among natural trees, they will occupy sources such as water, sunlight and soil etc.(这个是缩写吗？), which will surely cuts the number of other unique (and rare)tree species.
层次分明，观点总的来说很不错啊，学习！

晨依Jacqueline

To 婷婷~
Firstly, thx for your revise~~
说明的地方
plant-genetic那里是分开的，本意是想用短线表示破折号的意思的~~就是一个plant叫做genetically modified trees；
die out我想表达的是灭绝的意思、、、etc是，等等。
这篇确实是听的时候大意还算明白，但是真的是写的时候表达比听力差得很远，谢谢婷婷的建议。
还有写小地方，单复数啊神马的真的是很粗心、、、改！

晨依Jacqueline

4月3日独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People can achieve happiness if they make others happy.

No one would deny that s/he is pursuing happiness in the whole life, and happiness is indeed an important element of people's life. Questions then raised that how can people achieve happiness? From my viewpoint, to make others happy is a good way to make oneself happy.

On the one hand, self-esteem, which is a source of happiness, can be built on the basic of making other people happy. According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, self-esteem is placed on the top of the Pyramid, requiring support of public reputation. For instance, my grandmother, who used to be a teacher teaching in a remote area without any payment, lives a happy life. When talking about her experience of teaching in a poor primary school, she showed no regret for making such a decision. She was respected by those students who starved for knowledge and achieve her happiness by making them happy. In the meantime, she won self-esteem because the education condition in that village had been improved via her effort. It is the same with Chen Guangbiao, a role model who donated his money to helping other people in need. Here we can reach a conclusion that the achievement of personal happiness is highly related to the happiness people contribute to others.

On the other hand, the popularity of comedy is a convincing evidence proving that people can achieve happiness if they make other people happy. That means, the success of an comedy actor is to make the audience laugh after watching his or her performance. Just take Charlie Chaplin as an example, he is a comedy actor with high reputation. During his childhood, he often performed with his mother in public places and his funny acting always pleased other people. It was from the laughters of the audience that little Charlie developed his interest on acting, which underlies his later performance. So, when he managed to use only body language presenting humorous effect in some dumb operas, he also experienced joy from making other people laughing. Apart from comedists(comedians), a group number of actors or actress, when investigated, indicate that making others happy are their progress of chasing happiness too.

In conclusion, people can achieve happiness by making others happy, and the more happiness we offer to others, the happier we will be.

晨依Jacqueline

4月4日独立写作

An increasing number of people are complaining about the skyrocketing price of housing in the contemporary era, which attracts a highly public concentration. It is the high time, from my point of view, that our government built new housing rather than paying too much attention on preserving old historic building.

Primarily, stressing more significance on building new housing satisfies people's need in modern society. Nowadays, people are more aware of their personal space, which raises the need of seperate(separate) space in housing. People are no longer willing to share the same washroom with their neighbors in today. That is to say, old historic buildings, which usually have no exclusive water closet or kitchen, do not satisfy people's taste anymore. Hence, with the rapid development of economy, more modern buildings are required to meet people's need.

Secondly, modern buildings are more space-saving than historic buildings, which are good ways of solving the tension of housing. In traditional culture, a much space occupied construction is always regarded as splendid and spectacular building. In this case, take the Siheyuan-a traditional kind of housing in Beijing as an example, it was built so large and wide. However, the growing population does not tolerant such architects, so the need for a space-saving building appears. As for some new buildings, functions and space are more concentrated by architectures in order to maximum their profits, and they are indeed more suitable to a modern need of a enormous population.

Furthermore, it is vital for the government to pay close attention to construct new buildings because it will encourage the creativity of a nation. Architectures are enabled to design a diversity of new buildings with both convenience and modern appearance if supported by the government. Though history is an important component of a country, a new building can also add popularity to historical ones. For instance, the "new pyramid" built in front of the Verse Palace(Palace of Versailles) in France, is a perfect combination of historic elements with high-tech design. It not only preserved the traditional construction, but also created new masterpiece in the world.

In the end, I firmly believe that our living standard will be improved if policies are published by the government to build new housing than preserving old historic building.

stones4

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People can achieve happiness if they make others happy.

No one would deny that s/he is pursuing happiness in the whole life, and happiness is indeed an important element of people's life. Questions then raised that how can people achieve happiness? From my viewpoint, to make others happy is a good way to make oneself happy. 我觉得直接引入的方式是很好的，但是稍微觉得开头孱弱了一点。如果能补充一点类似背景整个开头会更饱满一点

On the one hand, self-esteem, which is a source of happiness, can be built on the basic(basis) of making other people happy. According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, self-esteem is placed on the top of the Pyramid, requiring support of public reputation.觉得这里句式有种说不出的不顺？ For instance, my grandmother, who used to be a teacher teaching in a remote area without any payment, lives a happy life. When talking about her experience of teaching in a poor primary school, she showed no regret for making such a decision. She was respected by those students who starved for knowledge and achieve her happiness by making them happy.改成使他们收获知识是不是要好一点，反正换一个词就更棒，我个人认为，在强调主题happiness的时候，不一定必须使用因为happy所以happy要描述，类比的话文章的例证会更饱满，然后最后总结再强调 In the meantime, she won self-esteem because the education condition in that village had been improved via her effort. It is the same with Chen Guangbiao, a role model who donated his money to helping(help) other people in need. Here we can reach a conclusion that the achievement of personal happiness is highly related to the happiness people contribute to others.

On the other hand, the popularity ofcomedy is a convincing evidence proving that people can achieve happiness if they make other people happy. That means, the success of an comedy actor is to make the audience laugh after watching his or her performance. Just take Charlie Chaplin as an example, he is a comedy actor with high reputation. During his childhood, he often performed with his mother in public places and his funny acting always pleased other people. It was from the laughters of the audience that little Charlie developed his interest on(in) acting, which underlies his later performance. So, when he managed to use only body language presenting humorous effect in some dumb operas, he also experienced joy from making other people laughing. Apart from comedists(comedians), a group number of actors or actress, when investigated, indicate that making others happy are their progress of chasing happiness too.

In conclusion, people can achieve happiness by making others happy, and the more happiness we offer to others, the happier we will be.



总结一下，句子结构和文章的流畅度很棒。语法错误几乎没有。结构清晰，主题鲜明。

（其实我个人一直在抓主题很犹豫。所以一般都是段尾总结，总觉得太模版了，虽然我知道托福作文其实就是八股。）



小小的一点意见

感觉这个文章很平···

个人以为，如果在某段开头加一个反问，或者设问，会是整个文章有所改变。

还有结尾，结的很利索。这是优点，也是不足。我觉得可以折中一点做，不要关顾着紧扣主题。多一点和主题有关的客套话。想你能如此自由的使用句子，应该是手到擒来的。再赞一下文章的流畅度！



以上，

请多多指教

晨依Jacqueline

谢谢stone的advice~
我也觉得自己的文章写得比较死板~应该增加点生气啦！

夏雨霏霏

An increasing number of people are complaining about the skyrocketing(这词当时我也想用,就没想起来) price of housing in the contemporary era, which attracts a highly public concentration. It is the high time, from my point of view, that our government built new housing rather than paying(这里我有点疑惑,rather than后面是do 吧，doing 行么) too much attention on preserving old historic building.

Primarily, stressing（这个词好） more significance on building new housing satisfies people's need in modern society. Nowadays, people are more aware of their personal space, which raises the need of seperate(separate) space in housing（which不能指代全句阿，people’s awareness of personal space raises the need of separate room in housing 你看这个可以么，参考哈）. People are no longer willing to share the same washroom with their neighbors in today. That is to say, old historic buildings, which usually have no exclusive water closet or kitchen, do not satisfy people's taste anymore. Hence, with the rapid development of economy, more modern buildings are required to meet people's need.

Secondly, modern buildings are more space-saving than historic buildings, which are good ways of solving the tension of housing（which 真不能这么用啊which 应该是construction of modern building 不是mofern building）. In traditional culture, a much space occupied construction is always regarded as splendid and spectacular building. In this case, take the Siheyuan-a traditional kind of housing in Beijing as an example, it was built so large and wide. However, the growing population does(我觉得can比较合适，还是别扭，人口不能忍受建筑？) not tolerant such architects, so the need for a space-saving building appears. As for some new buildings, functions and space are more concentrated by architectures in order to maximum their(无指代，growing population远了一点吧) profits, and they are indeed more suitable to a modern need of a enormous population.

Furthermore, it is vital for the government to pay close（这个词能这么用么） attention to construct new buildings because it will encourage the creativity of a nation. Architectures are enabled（有点别扭， are able呢，参考阿，可以商量一下） to design a diversity of new buildings with both convenience and modern appearance if supported by the government. Though history is an important component of a country, a new building can also add popularity to historical ones. For instance, the "new pyramid" built in front of the Verse Palace(Palace of Versailles) in France, is a perfect combination of historic elements with high-tech design. It not only preserved the traditional construction, but also created new masterpiece in the world.

In the end, I firmly believe that our living standard will be improved if policies are published by the government to build new housing than preserving（rather than preserve）old historic building.
晨依，我真觉得你要注意一下，which

晨依Jacqueline

To 霏霏
谢谢你提醒我一个严重的问题！
这么一看，我发现自己还写了不少的which，而且现在是习惯性地写which了……
我一定改！