ChaseDream
搜索
返回列表 发新帖
打印 上一主题 下一主题

晨依小超人的写作贴,欢迎拍砖!

[精华] [复制链接]
141#
发表于 2012-4-11 19:52:15 | 只看该作者
In the passage, communal onlineencyclopedias are considered less valuable thatthan traditional printed ones, supportedby three serious problems. However, the lecturer refutes the viewpointmentioned in thereading because it hadhas a prejudice towards the onlineencyclopedias and ignoredignores the significance.

First of all, the reading holds the ideathat some contributors to the online encyclopedias are not specialized andauthorityauthoritative enough, leading to an inaccuracy of the communal onlineencyclopedias. In contrast, the professor says that those errors are impossibleto appear in any case. According to the professor, the communal onlineencyclopedias have never been close to the original books, and if we look at acompete reference encyclopedia, errors will be corrected immediately. But inthe printed encyclopedias, corrections is areusually made byafter decades.

In the second place, it is stated in thereading that communal online encyclopedias are easily deleted or modified byhackers, in which case the encyclopedias will be different from the previousversions. While the lecturer holds a conflicting standpoint that sometimes itis a strategy to make a special (read-only) formatin case of being disputed by hackers. Hence we may reach an agreement on thereliability of the communal online encyclopedias.(少了一个要点,和read-only同时举出的另一个措施是” tohave special editors whose job is to monitor all changes made to the articlesand eliminate those changes that are clearly malicious.”找一些编辑专门监测文章,看被修改的内容是不是恶意修改)

Ultimately, another point suggested by theauthor is about the confusion of  importanceon topics in communal online encyclopedias.(需不需要说一下因为online topics都是一些popular topics,所以容易导致confusion?求讨论) On the opposite, the speakeralso refutes that view. He mentions, the communal online encyclopediasrepresent large amount of accurate topics for people to decide the importanceof topics, and that is indeed the strongest advantage.(需不需要说一下,传统的版面有限,所以都是由编辑来决定什么是重要的,这些重要的信息也许不是读者们认为的重要的信息,求讨论)

P.S 字数超了一点点~ 255个字
写的挺好的了,要点什么的都很全了
142#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-4-11 22:23:13 | 只看该作者
TPO7
In the reading passage, a recent ecocertification policy on wood product is on doubt for three main factors. However, the listening material casts doubts on the author's intension and speak highly of the significance of the ecocertifaction.

First, what is stressed in the passage is large groups of television viewers are exposed to advertisement and thus will have little confidence in the ecocertificated products. In contrast, the speaker thinks not all viewers treat advertisement in the same way. As consumers make decisions independently, according to the speaker, they would like to pay for wood products which have an international ecocertification. Hence, the price theory is not convincing.

Subsequently, the writer compares the price between ecocertified wood products with unecocertified ones, indicating the high price will decrease the number of customers. What's more, a certification fee paid to an agency increase their cost, argued by the writer. On the contrary, speaking of price, the lecturer's point is that if the difference of price between two kinds of products are limited at a percentage of five, consumers are still willing to perchase the ecocertificated products. He firmly believes that with the arising awareness of environmental protecting, the high price will be acceptable.

In the end, a pursue of certification is regarded only useful for a foreign market, say the author. Oppositely, the professor refutes that viewpoint again. He claims that it is a compain for market rather than a competition with foreign companies, So if companies are not conscious with the quality of their products, attracting customers would be a tough work, the company will finally lose their shares in the market.
143#
发表于 2012-4-11 23:48:24 | 只看该作者
我是不是应该先看学习一下再给你改?我也明天再来哈~搜搜综合的相关资料去~
144#
发表于 2012-4-12 20:31:22 | 只看该作者
占座,现在就去学习综合+给晨依改综合!
145#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-4-12 21:10:31 | 只看该作者
占座,现在就去学习综合+给晨依改综合!
-- by 会员 miss绿光 (2012/4/12 20:31:22)



不急不急~waiting for you
坐等绿光给我的拙作点睛哈~!
晨依去写今天的咯
146#
发表于 2012-4-12 21:48:42 | 只看该作者
TPO7
In the reading passage, a recent ecocertification policy on wood product is on doubt for three main factors. However, the listening material casts doubts on the author's intension and speak highly of the significance of the ecocertifaction.

First, what is stressed in the passage is +that(加从句的话要有that) large groups of television viewers are exposed to advertisement and thus will have little confidence in the ecocertificated products. In contrast, the speaker thinks (claims/asserts/believes...) not all viewers treat advertisement in the same way. As consumers make decisions independently, according to the speaker, they would like to pay for wood products which have an international ecocertification [文章里说的是ecologically certified by an independent organization with an international reputation for trustworthiness.,不知道和你这个意思一不一样,我觉得有点歧义]. Hence, the price theory is not convincing.

Subsequently, the writer compares the price between ecocertified wood products with unecocertified ones, indicating the high price will decrease the number of customers. What's more, a certification fee paid to an agency increase their cost, argued by the writer. On the contrary, speaking of price, the lecturer's point is that if the difference of price between two kinds of products are limited at a percentage of five, consumers are still willing to perchase (purchase) the ecocertificated products. [咱俩都没有mention到一点:这个有eco-label的products与没有的差距正好就在这5%之内,觉得这个还是很重要的一点] He firmly believes that with the arising awareness of environmental protecting, the high price will be acceptable.

In the end, a pursue of certification is regarded only useful for a foreign market, say (says) the author. Oppositely, the professor refutes that viewpoint again (绿光特别喜欢这里的强调用法,将professor与passage对立的态度贯穿始终+强调。). He claims that it is a compain (complaint) for market rather than a competition with foreign companies, So if companies are not conscious with the quality of their products, attracting customers would be a tough work, the company will finally lose their shares in the market.
====
晨依给我offers了一堆结构/内容上的建议,再说结构的话实在是班门弄斧啦~就说说自己的感觉吧。
我发现晨依的第一个论点最后有一个总结,甚好!这样也算是在conclude的时候表明俩人是反对关系。我觉得可以每段都这么用,觉得还蛮赞的。结构和内容也很好,特别要学习你的模板~
然后就是晨依写完以后可以模拟考试的状态,检查3分钟,把小的拼写错误eradicate了,就更加完美啦~
================
最后,抱歉中间被耽搁了,又拖了这么久…><
147#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-4-12 22:34:05 | 只看该作者
TPO8 综合写作
The reading material cast doubts about the reality of the Chevalier de Seingalt's life experience, claiming that the memoir eggaxerating(exaggerated). However, the listening refutes the point made in the passage by providing three explanations.

In the first place, while the author points out Chevalier de Seingalt was poor for he spending great amount of money on gambling and parties, the lecturer thinks that theory unconvincing. He believes, at the time when Chevalier de Seingalt lived in Switzerland, people tended to sell their possess for converting things into money. Hence, that Chevalier de Seingalt involving himself in parties and casinos could not demonstrate his poverty.

Subsequently, the writer put doubt on the accuracy of conversations between Chevalier de Seingalt and Voltaire, maintaining the impossibility of memorizing the content of conversations so clearly. In contrast, the professor indicates that witness said Voltaire did write down everything he could remember as soon as their talking ended, in which case the accuracy between their talks could be confirmed. In other words, many other journals prove their conversations as well, refuting the author's mind.

Last but no least, it is skeptical to some extent that Chevalier de Seingalt  managed to escape from the prison, according to the passage. But in the speech, another evidence is mentioned that one of the prisoners was more than powerful and escaped the prison. That case also successfully examplified the reality of Chevalier de Seingalt escaping the prison. Furthermore, referring to some pieces of old documents, the prison was repaired after Chevalier de Seingalt had escaped, denying the skeptical assume that he failed to get out of the prison suggested by the writer.
148#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-4-12 22:39:21 | 只看该作者
TO 绿光~
Thanks for your constructive advice~~
晨依的缺点就是听听力的时候经常会漏要点,而且表达一些句子的时候也是错误多多,要向绿光学习下炉火纯青的语言运用,不断完善天天进步提升~!哈哈以后写完了一定检查一下,不过我写得真的好慢的说(我的二指神功还没有修炼成熟)最后不到三十天啦提高一下打字速度!
149#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-4-13 17:51:33 | 只看该作者
4月13日 独立写作
晨依的作文现在问题多多,跪求大家指导!
1、拿到题目愣半天不知道该写什么,想不出论点来,常常只能写出两段来然后啰里啰嗦地往上凑字数。。
2、写文章的时候又严重拖延,想用点高级单词吧各种不会拼,逻辑混乱……

贴上今天的烂文一篇、继续真诚地请大家拍砖~~~
It is a common phenomenon that countries are attaching considerable importance to cultivating young people in many aspects, indicating the raising status of youngsters in society. But here comes a question, do young people at present time have something to do with making decisions that determine the future of the society? I don't think young people are playing a major role in deciding the future society for the following reasons.

Primarily, we young age are considered not mature enough to dominate the whole society. Dependent and unexperienced most youths are, to some extent, the young in the contemporary age are able to make right decisions either on economy development or social security, not to mention the diploma affairs. Take a general glance at our leaders and major officials, they are both well-educated and quite experienced in dealing with varities(varieties) of matters. Though there exists a few extraodinary people stepping into political circles at a very young age, say the newspaper and radios. However, we could not deny that, it is vital for them to learn from elder ones when handling some tough matters. Meanwhile, immaturity and hesitation when making decisions really appears along with their policies published. In conclusion, young people are of great significance in equipping themselves with knowledge and experience in order to regulate or have obvious influence on the society in the future, but not at present time.

Subsequently, though a large population young people occupy, that does not mean a huge proportion of the whole population in the country. That is to say, what young people think and do do not usually make changes, let alone making decisions on the overall society. As a matter of fact, young people in the modern society, are influential in a couple of aspects. Let's turn our focus on the "post 90th" generation, as a newly and totally unique young generation, what they do often be posed at the heart of public concentration. Apart from some young talents, when the juvenile crimes, for example a top college student killed a pedstrain(pedestrian) after his car crashed the passerby injured; as well as some showing-rich behaviors turning out constantly, they demonstrated that what many youths behave are detrimental to the construction of our society. Now that juveniles are not well behaved on their personal affairs, never could we count on young people influencing the whole society for future development.

Admittedly, the young generations, as they play an increasing active part in our society, do have their own attractions and influence. Here comes a word made by Liang Qichao, a Chinese philosopher and literatuer(litterateur), that a stronger China depended on a strong generation of youngsters. But, young people, who are not mature or experienced to make considerate decisions on society, are still not powerful enough to have tremendous influence on determining future society.
150#
发表于 2012-4-13 19:40:17 | 只看该作者
4.12 改文后就贴在这了哦
TPO8 综合写作改后(呵呵,这个咱们上课的时候听过哈)
The reading material cast doubts about the reality of the Chevalier de Seingalt's life experience, claiming that the memoir(was)eggaxerating(exaggerated). However, the listening refutes the point made in the passage by providing(这个动词删掉是不是好点?) three explanations.

In the first place, while the author points out Chevalier de Seingalt was poor for he spending great amount of money on gambling and parties(逻辑理解问题,这里文章里说的是“他花了很多钱在gambling and parties”显得他很钱,而不是因为把钱花在这些上所以变穷), the lecturer thinks that theory isunconvincing. He believes, at the time when Chevalier de Seingalt lived in Switzerland, people tended to sell their possess for converting things into money. Hence, that Chevalier de Seingalt involving himself in parties and casinos could not demonstrate his poverty.(应该强调一下没有现金)
这一段的听力细节没有抓住
Subsequently, the writer put doubt on(换成is skeptical of the accuracy of conversations between Chevalier de Seingalt and Voltaire, maintaining(这个词很怪) the impossibility of memorizing the content of conversations so clearly. In contrast, the professor indicates that witness said Voltaire did write down everything he could remember as soon as their talking ended, in which case the accuracy between their talks could be confirmed. In other words, many other journals prove their conversations as well, refuting the author's mind.

Last but nonot least, it is skeptical to some extent that Chevalier de Seingalt  managed to escape from the prison, according to the passage. But in the speech, another evidence is mentioned that one of the prisoners(不止是一个哦) was more than powerful and escaped the prison. That case also successfully examplified the reality of Chevalier de Seingalt escaping the prison. Furthermore, referring to some pieces of old documents, the prison was repaired after Chevalier de Seingalt had escaped, denying the skeptical assume that he failed to get out of the prison suggested by the writer.

Conclusion:有缺少be动词的现象,还有就是听力有待加强哦,加油,晨依!
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 立即注册

Mark一下! 看一下! 顶楼主! 感谢分享! 快速回复:

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS



近期活动

正在浏览此版块的会员 ()

手机版|ChaseDream|GMT+8, 2024-11-25 08:28
京公网安备11010202008513号 京ICP证101109号 京ICP备12012021号

ChaseDream 论坛

© 2003-2023 ChaseDream.com. All Rights Reserved.

返回顶部