开贴留念-狂虐托福作文

GJason

值此黄道吉日，特开此贴，备诸神监督。

GJason

TPO 30 IW
The reading passage suspects the story that the ancient Greeks discovered the burning mirror to defend. The professor discusses the same topic and indicates that the burning mirror is feasible, contradicting with the view of the reading passage. To substantiate her conclusion, the professor points out three main flaws in the reading passage.

According to the passage, the ancient Greeks, even the people in the world at that time, did not have the technology to produce such a large and accurate mirror that was used to gather sunlight. However, the professor states that a group of smaller individual mirrors could be arranged together to get the same effect as the bigger one. Because the small mirror was possible in that time, the point that the ancient Greeks unable to make the burning mirror is weakened.

Furthermore, the professor points out that the burning mirror could burn the ship in seconds, opposite to the reading passage in which concludes that the burning mirror could only burn the ship in ten minutes. To support the conclusion, the author of reading passage makes an experiment to detect how long the wood will be burned by mirrors. Since the ship was not only made of ordinary wood, but also made of other material used to overcome the water environment, which was easy to be burned, the ship could be burned in seconds. The professor implies that the efficiency of burning mirror is very high, which makes the reading passage unconvincing.

Thirdly, the reading passage doubts the reason why the Greeks developed new weapon for they had flaming arrow, which was also used to make fire. The professor explains that the flaming arrows are very easy to discover and the enemy can prepare for the fire, but the burning mirrors are very difficult to be found. For these reasons, soldiers can take the mirror with them and attack enemy suddenly. This character makes the mirrors more efficient.

GJason

Teaching is a harder work in the past than today.

Some people believe that teaching profession is becoming increasing difficult since the requirement of education is increased. However, teaching is easier for individual teacher today than the past time for several crucial reasons, including the more specific teaching content, the more convenient teaching approach and the participation of parents.

Teachers, no matter in primary school, middle school or university, only need to concentrate on specific subject today rather than various subjects in the past. When I was in primary school, our literature teacher had to teach music, which means she would spend more time to prepare the class and have to be equipped with different knowledge. But the teachers today only have to be familiar with certain subject. The fact that more and more young teachers are in the classrooms is appealing evidence that teaching is easier today.

Due to the development of computer and internet, it becomes more convenient for teachers to prepare and give the lecture. In the past time when the digital library was not available, to prepare the lecture teachers had to spend much time to search for information in the library. Whereas today teachers can obtain information by internet at anywhere, and the information is very convenient to edit. It is popular that teachers prepare the background information before class and do not need write anything on the board, while teachers in the past had to write everything on the board when they were teaching. Attributed to the technology, teachers today need less time to prepare lecture and the lecture becomes easier.

It is common sense today that not only the teachers in school but the parents play an essential role to students. The trend that parents participate in the education releases the stress of the teachers. The assignment is a good example. In the past time, teachers had to check the assignment every day and correct errors for students. However, parents replace the teachers to guide their children to finish the assignment today. Besides the assignment, parents take part in the mental and physical education. It is undoubted that home becomes another school for students and parents become alternative teachers, which means the pressure of teacher is released.

It is possible that the education is a complicate project, but the education is an integrated project for society, not only for the school and teachers. The teachers today benefit from the technology advance and teaching approach development which make their task easier, even though their responsibility about education seems very great.

GJason

7月21日综合：(Those who correct this writing do not laugh at my word and grammar errors)
The development of technology, without a doubt, has significant influence on our daily life. Some believe that due to the advance of technology, the life pace is accelerated and we have to cope with more and more personal affairs and working affairs, which makes the lives saturated with responsibilities. However, we would have to notice that the advanced technologies make us more convenient, technologies including information technology, industrial technology and medical technology, etc.

The information technology has developed fast since last century and has changed our life dramatically. The telephone and internet are the most important invents in this field. We even cannot imagine the life without telephone and internet. The communication tools, especially the internet, make the earth smaller. Because of the internet we could communicate in worldwide, and we could have meetings and finish trade through internet. Furthermore, the communication technology promotes the development of online business, and we can buy anything at home. Obviously, the information technology makes life easier.

The industrial technology also affects our life significantly. With the development of computer, the automatic technology appears and has replaced some hand work. Consequently, the efficiency of manufacturing is improved and the machines have taken place human to do the hard work. For example, workers in the automobile factory, whose work is meaningless and boring, have to assemble cars one after another. However, the automatic machines are replacing workers and the workers only have to operate and control the machines. For workers, the automatic technology sounds very good since it relieves their hard work.

The medical technology has overcome various complex diseases and introduced the vaccine to strengthen immune system of human. Historically, people suffered from kinds of diseases but doctors only had limited means. The fact that people live longer today indicates that the medical technology is good for healthy condition. New treatment methods have released the patient's pain. Furthermore the vaccines help people to hence the immune system which could decrease the possibility of disease. The new medical technology not only relieves the pain, but also improves the immune system.

It is possible that development of technology has some negative effect on our life, but we have to recognize that the technology has made significant influence on our life and has changed the human society. Without new technologies, we will not able to communicate with our relatives and friends freely, we will need to do very hard which is done by machines today, and we will suffer from kinds of diseases. In a word, technology makes us easier.

slave918

The development of technology, without a doubt, has significant influence on our daily life. Some believe that due to the advance of technology, the life pace is accelerated and we have to cope with more and more personal affairs and working affairs, which makes the lives saturated with responsibilities. However, we would have to notice that the advanced technologies make us more convenient, technologies including information technology, industrial technology and medical technology, etc.

The information technology has developed fast since last century and has changed our life dramatically. The telephone and internet are the most important invents in this field. We even cannot （cannot even) imagine the life without telephone and internet. The communication tools, especially the internet, make the earth smaller. Because of the internet we could communicate in worldwide, and we could have meetings and finish trade through internet. Furthermore, the communication technology promotes the development of online business, and we can buy anything at home. Obviously, the information technology makes life easier.
1.红色部分是不是重复了？

The industrial technology also affects our life significantly. With the development of computer, the automatic technology appears and has replaced some hand work. Consequently, the efficiency of manufacturing is improved and the machines have taken place human to do the hard work. For example, workers in the automobile factory, whose work is meaningless and boring, have to assemble cars one after another. However, the automatic machines are replacing workers and the workers only have to operate and control the machines. For workers, the automatic technology sounds very good since it relieves their hard work.

The medical technology has overcome various complex diseases and introduced the vaccine to strengthen immune system of human. Historically（i suggest use“ a long time ago"), people suffered from kinds of diseases but doctors only had limited means. The fact that people live longer today indicates that the medical technology is good for healthy condition. New treatment methods have released the patient's pain. Furthermore the vaccines help people to hence the immune system which could decrease the possibility of disease. The new medical technology not only relieves the pain, but also improves the immune system.
这段有点偏题的感觉，毕竟题目是Make people lifes simpler 不是减少疾病。这两个概念还是有些区别哦

It is possible that development of technology has some negative effects on our life, but we have to recognize that the technology has made significant influence on our life and has changed the human society. Without new technologies, we will not able to communicate with our relatives and friends freely, we will need to do very hard which is done by machines today, and we will suffer from kinds of diseases. In a word, technology makes us easier.

总的来说，楼主在大的框架上没有什么问题，在语法上也没什么错误（不过用法不太地道，可以多阅读阅读优秀的文章）。
不过，主要的问题是，每段的例子不够详细。楼主应该多写点实实在在的例子，少点说理。可以参见各位大牛的范文。
第二呢，词汇和句型需要在多多学习。词汇多样化，和句子的多样化也很重要。
逻辑上，没有什么问题。
楼主还需多多加油，首先要坚持练作文，其次要学习优秀的作文。两者结合。
还有，楼主是不是写成20号的作文啦

GJason

谢谢你的建议。作文对我来说是一个很大的挑战，刚刚开始练习

GJason

7月22日，独立
The young people today are less dependent on their parent. The increasing living pressure, especially the economic items, causes some young people rely on their parents for housing and food. However, more young people work and live independently, which is attributed to several factors, including the education of family, the development of university and vocational education and the development of employment market.

Parents increasingly recognize the independence as the crucial personality to be successful, and they pay more attention to the cultivation of independence. As an important part of education, parents play an essential role on the growth of youth. Some parents require their children deal with personal affairs, such as washing clothes, booking transportation ticket, etc., when they are very young. Besides, parents encourage juveniles to travel by themselves. To prepare the trip, young people have to learn how to plan the travel and how to deal with different situations, which strengthen their personality.

Furthermore, young people have more opportunities to obtain university education or vocational education, which makes young people easier to get a job. In contrast to past time, young people have more choices today. For students who are interesting in engineering, they can go to university to learn related subject and they will be equipped with strong knowledge, which helps them to success in career. In another hand, for student who do not like office job, they can go to vocational school which will help them to obtain working skills.

Except for the education factors, the employment market provides plenty of positions for young people. Beneficial from the economic development, the industry provides various positions. Consequently, the unemployment rate decreases. Therefore, young people equipped with useful knowledge and skill can find a job easily which allow them to live independently.

Obviously, independence is a essential factor for the career development of young people. Because of the effort from family and society, more and more young people obtain the ability to work and live independently, which is good for both the individuals and the society.

GJason

7月23日，独立
Should we always state our honest opinions even though most people don't agree with you?

It is not uncommon that we face dilemma that our views contradicts with the others and we have to either accept the other opinions or insist on mine. There is no denying that we have to follow our views if the view is right. However, we have to admit that we often make mistakes and our views may be wrong. Therefore, it is better to consider the other's voice but not reject them absolutely.

It is quite possible that our own opinion is wrong and we cannot realize. As the old saying goes: there must be one smarter among three people. In our daily work, the meeting is necessary since we could communicate our view together and obtain the best choice. I have worked in the design department and am responsible for the package design. I felt quite well about my design for a kind of transportation package for huge machine. When I submitted the design, my manager suggested me to correct the paper, but I considered the design was perfect. The manager explained how to correct the errors and I found out that I even did not realize the flaw. Thanks to the suggestion, the design worked well.

Furthermore, the world we live in has changed dramatically because of the development of technology. Consequently, our opinion may be outdating quickly. It is worthwhile for us to collect new information from our colleagues. As we know, Nokia, the mobile most famous manufacturer, has been combined by other company, and it performance was still perfect few years ago. When we want to find out the reason why this corporation goes down, it is possible the company insists on its product strategy, but not change as the environment has changed. Like the company, individuals also have to concentrate on the suggestion from other people, because we are in a changing world.

In the past few decades, the advance of technology makes the world fast, and we feel difficult to catch up with the step of society. Everything is changing, therefore why our opinion can not be changed? We have to notice that it is impossible for us to understand everything correctly in this drastically changing world.

xiaofan0205

GJason 发表于 2014-7-23 22:18
7月23日，独立
Should we always state our honest opinions even though most people don't agree with yo ...

红色表示错误
蓝色表示没错，但是可以改进的地方

It is not uncommon that we face dilemma that our views contradicts with the others and we have to either accept the other opinions or insist on mine. There is no denying that we have to follow our views if the view is right. However, we have to admit that we often make mistakes and our views may be wrong. Therefore, it is better to consider the other's voice but not reject them absolutely.
1、we 和 mine主谓不一致，要修改其中一个达成一致
2、have to重复次数较多，可以考虑换一种说法，比如should/need/must之类
3、but not也可以，但是换成rather than更流畅

It is quite possible that our own opinion is wrong and we cannot realize. As the old saying goes: there must be one smarter among three people. In our daily work, the meeting is necessary since we could communicate our view together and obtain the best choice. I have worked in the design department and am responsible for the package design. I felt quite well about my design for a kind of transportation package for huge machine. When I submitted the design, my manager suggested me to correct the paper, but I considered the design was perfect. The manager explained how to correct the errors and I found out that I even did not realize the flaw. Thanks to the suggestion, the design worked well.
1、our own opinion is,  our view 都有主谓一致的问题， am是时态不对
2、句子之间的结构比较简单，可以尝试用一些从句来表达，比如my manager suggested me to correct the paper which I thought was perfect.

Furthermore, the world we live in has changed dramatically because of the development of technology. Consequently, our opinion may be outdating quickly. It is worthwhile for us to collect new information from our colleagues. As we know, Nokia, the mobile most famous manufacturer, has been combined by other company, and it performance was still perfect few years ago. When we want to find out the reason why this corporation goes down, it is possible the company insists on its product strategy, but not change as the environment has changed. Like the company, individuals also have to concentrate on the suggestion from other people, because we are in a changing world.
1、从句义上来看 it 应该改成 its
2、and改成even though更能够表达句子之间的逻辑关系

In the past few decades, the advance of technology makes the world fast, and we feel difficult to catch up with the step of society. Everything is changing, therefore why our opinion can not be changed? We have to notice that it is impossible for us to understand everything correctly in this drastically changing world.
最后一段最好能够再提炼一下要表达的观点。

总的来说思路比较清晰，但有三点建议
1、主谓一致和时态问题要再细心一点
2、句式和用词相对比较单一，建议再丰富一下
3、句子之间的逻辑关系可以稍微加强一些

blackjack201303

GJason 发表于 2014-7-22 21:58
7月22日，独立
The young people today are less dependent on their parent. The increasing living press ...

有点改晚了，不好意思啊！多多指教！