蘑菇作文贴：每周都得写点儿什么

小蘑菇开始打怪

[0628-独立]Parents should give school-age children money as reward for getting a high mark in school

Nowadays, many parents choose to give them children money as rewards when their children get a high mark in the exams. Even though giving children money can help them build the habit of money management, it is not a good way to encourage children to study hard in long-term. From my perspective, it is not appropriate for parents to give school-age children money as reward of good scores.

First, getting high scores in exams is the duty of students. Even though the high score is not the final goal of study, but the great scores is some way that shows the students have greatly gain the knowledge. If parents give money to children every time children perform well in exam or use money as incentives to encourage their children work hard, the children may consider money as the final goal of study. It is obviously opposite to the idea of parents.

In the second place, children in school-age may not have a good sense of money and they may misuse the money. In the modern society, because of the one-child policy, all the families choose to devote all the effort and love to the child. No matter what he want and how much the staff cost, parents just try their best to meet the needs of the children. We can always see the news about how parents are spoiling their children and the children just do some bad things because they have money given by their parents. In the TV show, we can see that most children in school-age do not have the ability to clarify expensive thing from cheap one and the ability to decide which one to buy. If they have more money than they actually need, they must waste them and buy something they do not need.

The last but not the least point is that there are more better ways for parents to choose to reward their children. For example, the parents can promise their children that if he get what score, the parents will take him a travel. Even though the travel is also something like money to encourage children study hard, children can benefit more from travel. Spending time with their parents to see how wonderful our country and world are is a fantastic experience for children in school-age and the money spent in this tour is more worthwhile.

To conclude, parents should not choose the money as the reward when their children get high scores in school. The money is not the best way to encourage their children to work hard in long-term. The children should understand their final goal of study and the parents should help their children have the ability of money management before the children have more money they need. Parents can also choose some other ways to give incentives to their children such as travel and buy the children a pet.

elleven806

Nowadays, many parents choose to give them(their) children money as rewards when their children get a high mark in the exams. Even though giving children money can help them build the habit of money management, it is not a good way to encourage children to study hard in long-term. From my perspective, it is not appropriate for parents to give school-age children money as reward of good scores.

First, getting high scores in exams is the duty of students. Even though the high score is not the final goal of study, but the great scores is some way that shows the students have greatly gain the knowledge.(感觉这句话逻辑让步上表达的有些别扭 总赶脚不是削弱而是加强给钱刺激的好处呀~~ in some way 可以改成 in some extent，even though 用了就不用but 不然木有主句) If parents give money to children every time children perform well in exam or use money as incentives to encourage their children work hard, the children may consider money as the final goal of study. It is obviously opposite to the idea of parents.

In the second place, children in school-age may not have a good sense of money and they may misuse the money. In the modern society, because of the one-child policy, all the families choose to（tend to) devote all the effort and love to the child. No matter what he want(s) and how much the staff costs, parents just try their best to meet the needs of the children(meet their needs). We can always see the news about how parents are spoiling their children and the children just do some bad things(什么bad things？这可以举例讲讲） because they have money given by their parents. In the TV show, we can see that most children in school-age do not have the ability to clarify expensive thing from cheap one and the ability to decide which one to buy. If they have more money than they actually need,（这个是个好论点，如果下次有机会可以试着深入讲讲） they must waste them and buy something they do not need.

The last but not the least point is that there are more better ways for parents to choose to reward their children. For example, the parents can promise their children that if he get what score（这个太表达有点chinglish。 high scores就可以表达了 ), the parents will take him a travel.( Even though the travel is also something like money to encourage children study hard, 这个让步不太好,换成Compared with money rewards, children can benefit more from travel. Spending time with their parents to see how wonderful our country and world are is a fantastic experience for children in school-age and the money spent in this tour is more worthwhile.）

To conclude, parents should not choose the money as the reward when their children get high scores in school. The money is not the best way to encourage their children to work hard in long-term. The children should understand their final goal of study and the parents should help their children have the ability of money management before the children have more money they need. Parents can also choose some other ways to give incentives to their children such as travel and buy the children a pet.

1.主谓一致打快了还是不能注意到，小错误 细节多注意~
2.亲的中式表达有点多，就会出现一些不必要的从句。托福作文中一个词能表述的最好不要用两个字，字数很重要，但是准确简介表达也是门技术活，上盘蜀黍帮我改作文，给的建议就是 多背点优美地道句子。
3.感觉亲的有的论点提的很好，但是都只是泛泛一谈，木有深入。论点提出后，论证要一点一点要说清楚哒~~
4.另外感觉亲的词汇可以再积累点，有点匮乏~~even though好像就出现了3次~~
亲的问题都是我的问题呀~~~一起共勉！

小蘑菇开始打怪

elleven806 发表于 2014-6-29 23:21
Nowadays, many parents choose to give them(their) children money as rewards when their children get  ...

谢谢~~我会好好看的~
你的文章我今晚改行嘛

elleven806

小蘑菇开始打怪 发表于 2014-6-30 09:25
谢谢~~我会好好看的~
你的文章我今晚改行嘛

好 麻烦了 我这周考~~

小蘑菇开始打怪

[0703-独立]Movies and television programs should present stories in which good people are rewarded and bad people are punished

Nowadays, it is common to see that many movies or television programs involve some plots that bad people won at the end. The ending is not only shocking but also has some bad influence on the new generation and the whole society. From my stand of view, the movies and television programs should present some stories in which good people are rewarded and bad people get what they deserve.

First of all, many children and young people are influenced by the movies and the TV programs. Recently there are many news showing that some young people mimic the roles in movie doing the robbing. When asking them why they did this, they just said it is cool and the people in movie is released without any punishment. It is obviously that the movies and TV programs have made some bad influences on the judgement of the new generation. It is the top duty of the government to direct the right values and propagandize the great merits of good people.

Secondly, it is the common sense that if people did bad things such as lie or thief, they must be punished. What we have been educated is that everyone get what he deserves, but if the bad people do not get the punishment they should have? We may wonder whether we are right or wrong in the judge of the affair or the people. The principle and the values we have always stink to may have changed to some way we cannot understand anymore. It is horrific to the society. A sustainable and steady society need the great notion and judgement of what is right and what is wrong for its fundamental basis. Movies and TV programs should bear great responsibilities in doing this kind of thing.

The last but not the least part of my argument is that movies and TV programs is not just a way for the writers to express their own opinions. It is true that some writers want to write or create something that impress every audience, but when the material is published, the writers should pay some attention to what they have created. As I have mentioned before, movies and TV programs as the most common media bear a lot in the spread the culture and values. That is why we need some policy to limit the contents of programs. The plots in which bad guy smiled to the end is definitely not the good and right thing we want to see in the cinemas or TVs, so it is understandable why the government banning some TV serious even though the serious is really popular among the public.

To sum up, movies and TV programs really need to pay more attention on what are showed in them. We all know that good people should be rewarded and bad people must be punished since they have done something harmful. Not only the writers but also the government take role in making our society a better one and provide the new generation right values.

elleven806

[0703-独立]Movies and television programs should present stories in which good people are rewarded and bad people are punished

Nowadays, it is common to see that many movies or television programs involve some plots that bad people won at the end. The ending is not only shocking but also has some bad influence on the new generation and the whole society. From my stand of view, the movies and television programs should present some stories in which good people are rewarded and bad people get what they deserve.

First of all, many children and young people are influenced by the movies and the TV programs. Recently there are many news showing that some young people mimic the roles in movie doing the robbing. When asking them why they did this, they just said it is cool and the people in movie is released without any punishment. It is obviously that the movies and TV programs have made some bad influences on the judgement of the new generation. It is the top duty of the government to direct the right values and propagandize the great merits of good people. (GOOD！这段论点论证很清晰）

Secondly, it is the common sense that if people did bad things such as lie or thief, they must be punished. What we have been educated is that everyone get what he deserves, but if the bad people do not get the punishment they should have? We may wonder whether we are right or wrong in the judge of the affair or the people. The principle and the values we have always stink to may have changed to some way we cannot understand anymore. It is horrific to the society. A sustainable and steady society need the great notion and judgement of what is right and what is wrong for its fundamental basis. Movies and TV programs should bear great responsibilities in doing this kind of thing.（这段感觉全段都是是论证，没有中心句。段首最好加一句，比如 坏人得不到应有的惩罚的这类电影会影响人们的价值观，模糊道德底线之类的话，然后读者看起来才更有赶脚）

The last but not the least part of my argument is that movies and TV programs is not just a way for the writers to express their own opinions. It is true that some writers want to write or create something that impress every audience, but when the material is published, the writers should pay some attention to what they have created. As I have mentioned before, movies and TV programs as the most common media bear a lot in the spread the culture and values. That is why we need some policy to limit the contents of programs. The plots in which bad guy smiled to the end is definitely not the good and right thing we want to see in the cinemas or TVs, so it is understandable why the government banning some TV serious even though the serious is really popular among the public.

To sum up, movies and TV programs really need to pay more attention on what are showed in them. We all know that good people should be rewarded and bad people must be punished since they have done something harmful. Not only the writers but also the government take role in making our society a better one and provide the new generation right values.

蘑菇蘑菇 不好意思哈 我就晃眼看了哈，明天要切考试哒， 这哈还有些事没弄完。 等我考完了回来再细看哒~~
赶脚和上次相比，蘑菇的语法和句型已经进步很大呀~~
唯一美中不足的是 有些论点的提出上还不够有说服力， 特别是中心句，每段开始最好先提出TOPIC SENTENCE，这样比较一目了然哒~~
说的不对的要告诉我哟，加油加油！！

小蘑菇开始打怪

elleven806 发表于 2014-7-5 09:54
[0703-独立]Movies and television programs should present stories in which good people are rewarded a ...

谢谢elleven~~明天考试加油~~

小蘑菇开始打怪

[0704-独立]Parents should allow children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes

Nowadays, parents pay more attention on the education of their children and want their children have a successful future. Parents choose to direct everything their children do and do not let their children have any mistakes. However, from my perspective, I believe that parents should let children have the experience of failure from which they can learn and benefit a lot.

To begin with, as the old saying goes, failure is the mother of success. No one can succeed at one time without any mistakes. Let’s take Edison’s story as an example. We are all familiar with the story how he invented the light after over 1000 times failure. Every time he failed, he did not give up but knew that he reached the success even closer. If parents do not allow their children to make mistakes, the children will not know how hard it is to get to the final win and they could have no idea of the value of success.

Second, making no mistakes is a thing that seldom happens during one’s lifetime. We all have some period when we cannot concentrate on the thing we are dealing with. It is easy to make mistakes in that circumstance and we should admit that these situation happens all the time. Even with the advice or tutor from experienced people, we cannot avoid the mistakes as well. Do not allow children to make mistakes means putting a lot of pressure on children. I still have the memory when I was in primary school, my parents told me that I should get a high score in the math test. It was really a huge pressure for me as a little child. Thus you can imagine the result, which I failed the exam beyond my parents’ expectation.

The last but not the least part of my assertion is that learning from the mistakes is a process that will benefit the children the whole life. When it comes to talk about the learning ability from failure, we need to emphasize the power of thinking. Learning from the mistakes is actually a thinking process in which you recollect what you have done and find out what you can do better. Thinking is essential to our life and is the key point to get success. My favorite writer has a book called what I am thinking when I am running. In this book, he describes how he spends most of his time thinking and the process gives him a lot of clue of novel. In this way, children can learning from their mistakes and do it better next time. What parents can do is to direct children to have a positive view on his failure and never give up.

To sum up, mistakes is not a bad thing for most of us. Parents should allow their children to make mistakes since it is the essential part on the way to success. Children can also benefit from their experience of failure and as long as they never abandon themselves, they can reach the goal one day.

小蘑菇开始打怪

[TPO21-综合]

The article discusses the advantages of genetically modified trees from three aspects. Genetic modification is a new tech that used widely to improve the performance of plants. However, the professor states a conflicting assertion to the reading material by beating the arguments one by one.

To start with, the article makes the point that genetically modified trees are designed so that they can survive better than other kinds of trees. The professor refuses to accept the idea for even though genetically modified trees can resist to some certain climate, they cannot live when the climate change. Since the genetically modified trees are uniformed, when a new pest is introduced into the environment or some of the element of the climate changed, the genetically modified trees may all die and just wipe out.

Second, on the contrary to the reading that genetically modified trees can bring economic benefit to the local area, the professor points out that it may not be convincing because actually the genetically modified seeds charge more than normal seeds for the farmer. On the other hand,every year, farmers want to use the seeds, they need to pay the company again in stead of using the seeds for free. Taking the high cost into consideration, the profit brought by the genetically modified trees is limited.

The last point that the professor disagrees is that the wide spread of genetically modified trees can prevent over cut of wild trees. The actual reason and circumstance is that genetically modified trees can oppositely do harm to wild trees. Because the genetically modified trees have some advantages in survival, they are aggressive when they compete with wild trees. With the limited amount of source, wild trees can be out of compete and finally be crowding out of the space.

elleven806

Parents should allow children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes

Nowadays, parents pay more attention on (to 只有pay attention to这种用法哟) the education of their children and want their children have a successful future. Parents choose to direct everything their children do（这句话是想表达神马呀 没读懂 父母指导孩子么 用guide会比direct更准确哒） and do not let their children have any mistakes. However, from my perspective, I believe that parents should let children have the experience of failure from which they can learn and benefit a lot.（GOOD！)

To begin with, as the old saying goes, failure is the mother of success. No one can succeed at one time without any mistakes. Let’s take Edison’s story as an example. We are all familiar with the story how he invented the light after over 1000 times failure. Every time he failed, he did not give up but knew that he reached the success even closer(RUN-ON，两个完整句子组成一句话？缺连词， 可以把第一句做成从句，every time when he failed,.....）. If parents do not allow their children to make mistakes, the children will not know how hard it is to get to the final win and they could have no idea of the value of success.

Second, making no mistakes is a thing that seldom happens during one’s lifetime. We all have some period when we cannot concentrate on the thing we are dealing with. It is easy to make mistakes in that circumstance and we should admit that these situation happens all the time. Even with the advice or tutor from experienced people, we cannot avoid the mistakes as well. Do not allow children to make mistakes means putting a lot of pressure on children. I still have the memory when I was in primary school, my parents told me that I should get a high score in the math test. It was really a huge pressure for me as a little child. Thus you can imagine the result, which I failed the exam beyond my parents’ expectation.(这个非限定性定语从句是浪么回事，在后面句子是完整的情况下，which指代的啥子呀？如果是同位语就用that哟）这一段从论点到论证再到例子都非常好~鼓掌！！~

The last but not the least part of my assertion is that learning from the mistakes is a process that will benefit the children the whole life. When it comes to talk about the learning ability from failure, we need to emphasize the power of thinking. Learning from the mistakes is actually a thinking process in which you recollect what you have done and find out what you can do better. Thinking is essential to our life and is the key point to get success. My favorite writer has a book called what I am thinking when I am running. In this book, he describes how he spends most of his time thinking and （that ）the process gives him a lot of clue of novel(and后面最好加个that，两个宾语从句并列哒）. In this way, children can learning from their mistakes and do it better next time. What parents can do is to direct children to have a positive view on his（their指代要一直，children复数哒) failure and never give up.

To sum up, mistakes is not a bad thing for most of us. Parents should allow their children to make mistakes since it is the essential part on the way to success. Children can also benefit from their experience of failure and as long as they never abandon themselves, they can reach the goal one day.

哇塞，蘑菇的进步真是刚刚的。
特别是论证的部分，越来越好啦！
拼写神马的我自己都很粗心，所以也没发现蘑菇的错误。
能改的已经只剩少数语法错误啦~
建议可以最后几天再背背句式，文章头的句型还是有那么一点点单一~不过已经进步很大啦~
摸摸头，这周考试加油哟！