新手一枚，多多指教

sherlock1992

童颜公主 发表于 2013-6-6 07:27
没有吧，他们喜欢倒四分之三，剩四分之一给点面子。

这个。。。我是参考了一下慎小儗的《10天搞定TOEFL essay》，上面就是这么讲的，至于绝对与否，欢迎讨论。P.S.不过赶脚没那么严格吧? 当然，个人意见。

sherlock1992

abbyseven 发表于 2013-6-5 23:09
就是，可以说 参加organization 可以获得和参加class一样的多的benefit啊 甚至更多 就有一边倒的赶脚了  ...

恩，这个。。。我是参考了一下慎小儗的《10天搞定TOEFL essay》，上面就是这么讲的，至于绝对与否，欢迎讨论。P.S.不过赶脚没那么严格吧? 当然，个人意见。

abbyseven

sherlock1992 发表于 2013-6-6 19:12
恩，这个。。。我是参考了一下慎小儗的《10天搞定TOEFL essay》，上面就是这么讲的，至于绝对与否，欢迎 ...

我也在看这个 啦啦啦 表示写的很好

sherlock1992

Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement?
It is better to relax by watching a movie or readinga book than doing physical exercise.
Integrated Writing：
TPO16

In this day and age, everyone faces much pressure than ever before. Forthe sake of a much better working condition, grasping a proper way to relax issuch a necessity. In regarding to the variable choices of relieving pressure, I,given the chance, prefer to do physical exercise than to watch a movie or reada book.

First and foremost, granted, watching a movie or reading a book canbrings us much nerve-easing. But only by doing physical exercise can both reduceour pressure and maintain our healthy condition, which, in return, can keep ourworking efficiency in the long run. For instance, one of my friends named jimmyworks in an accounting company, which is seen as a high-pressure work. Jimmytold me that he usually needs to spend more than 50 hours a week in front ofthe desk and the best way for him to relax himself is jogging, one of thesignificant reasons he chooses this physical exercise rather than readingbooks, which is his favorite spare-time thing in the past, is bad healthcondition cannot resist the intensive arrangements and the following hugepressure in the process of working. So, for modern people, living in such ahigh-pace environment, cultivating a habit of doing physical exercises as a wayto relax is very useful.

Besides, some physical exercises like basketball, football, and so on,which we called them team sports, can give us some gains, which cannot hardlybe found in movies or books. Here is one of my cases, I am a basketball fan. So,the first choice I relax myself is to play balls with my friends. And youcannot imagine how many things I learn from this outdoor activity---teamcoordination, tenacity, the aggressive spirit, and etc. Therefore, in thisaspect, doing physical exercise has more advantages.

Last, but not the least, just asthe pursing of the balance of curricular activities and extra-curricularactivities in education area, our life needs this balance too. And a versatileman is more easily to get a higher achievement and contributes more to societalwell-being. Some cases like Mao, the ex-chairman of People’s Republic of China,who likes swimming as a way to relax, and Putin, the president of Russia, whorelieves pressure through judo are all proofs to prove physical exercise hasmore benefits compared to watch a movie or read a book.

All in all, for people in contemporary era, being healthy is importantand doing more physical exercise is a good way to relax.

sherlock1992

6.7 综合
花露水同学对不住喽，，，交的太迟了

The readingpassage explores the issue of whether archaeologists confront with seriousproblems and limitations in twentieth-century Britain. The professor lecturedeals with the same issue. However, she thinks that there is no cap on thedevelopment of archaeology in twentieth century, which contradicts what thereading states. And in the lecture, she uses three specific points to buttressher idea.

First, eventhough the reading passage suggests that many precious artifacts were destroyedto construction projects, the professor argues in the lecture that it is seenimpossible. This is because before a construciton project begins, someexaminantions by archaeologists are needed to make sure whether there arevalueable antiques or not. If they do, local expertises and governmentofficials will gather to make a plan to preserve this antique.

Moreover,despite the statement in the reading passage suggests that the money is shortto make a full reserch of these artifacts，theprofesssor contends that it is construction company raher than government tofund these archaelology projects. And these contruction companies provide a newresource to archaeologists to go on their interesting projects.

Finally, the professor asserts that it is ridiculous to statearchaeology is a tough career to chase, whereas the author of the reading claimsthat the jobs provided concerning with archaeology is limited. The professorproves that this claim is indefensible by points out that it is a high-paidwork to be as a archaeologist---i.e. the different part in the process of thewhole archaeology like excavation and data-processing can improve theprofessional's numbers.

In conclusion, the professor clearly identifies the flaws in the readingpassage and convincingly shows that the central argument in the reading,---that is, that the science of archaeology is limited is incorrect.

louzhou

sherlock1992 发表于 2013-6-8 22:22
Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement?
It is better to relax by ...

In this day and age, everyone faces much pressure than ever before. Forthe(For the) sake of a much better working condition, grasping a proper way to relax issuch(is such) a necessity. In regarding to the variable choices of relieving pressure, I, given the chance, prefer to do physical exercise than to watch a movie or reada(read a) book.

First and foremost, granted, watching a movie or reading a book canbrings(can bring) us much nerve-easing. But only by doing physical exercise can both reduceour(reducce our) pressure and maintain our healthy condition, which, in return, can keep ourworking(our working) efficiency in the long run. For instance, one of my friends named jimmyworks(Jimmy works) in an accounting company, which is seen as a high-pressure work. Jimmytold me that he usually needs to spend more than 50 hours a week in front ofthe(of the) desk and the best way for him to relax himself is jogging,（此处应该用句号，因为两个句子之间没有并列连词） one of thesignificant(the significant) reasons he chooses this physical exercise rather than readingbooks, which is his favorite spare-time thing in the past, is that（表语从句前面应该加that，会保险些）bad healthcondition(health condition) cannot resist the intensive arrangements and the following hugepressure in the process of working. So, for modern people, living in such ahigh-pace environment, cultivating a habit of doing physical exercises as a wayto relax is very useful.

Besides, some physical exercises like basketball, football, and so on, which we called them team sports, can give us some gains, which cannot hardly be(双重否定表肯定，但此处应该是表否定的意思) found in movies or books. Here is one of my cases, (逗号两边的句子无连词，同时也不是并列关系，所以改为句号比较好）I am a basketball fan. So, the first choice I relax myself is to play balls with my friends. And youcannot imagine how many things I learn from this outdoor activity---teamcoordination, tenacity, the aggressive spirit, and etc. Therefore, in thisaspect, doing physical exercise has more advantages.

Last, but not the least, just asthe pursing of the balance of curricular activities and extra-curricular activities in education area, our life needs this balance too. And a versatileman is more easily to get a higher achievement and contributes more to societalwell-being. Some cases like Mao, the ex-chairman of People’s Republic of China, who likes swimming as a way to relax, and Putin, the president of Russia, whorelieves pressure through judo are all proofs to prove physical exercise hasmore benefits compared to watch a movie or read a book.

All in all, for people in contemporary era, being healthy is important and doing more physical exercise is a good way to relax.

感觉楼主写得有点急，很多地方都忘了空格，以后要注意哈…
建议：
1. 第一段的实例中用了Jimmy这个比较常见的名字，我在上课的时候老师说实例的话尽量用指向性强的名字，否则很容易给考官感觉是虚构的例子。如果是我的话会用My uncle或者是My roomate之类的（不过用了泛名也没什么大问题的）；
2. 感觉第四段的观点不是很明确（有表明，但是需要一定的思考才能发现——对于我来说）；
3. 结尾可以再稍微升华一下……讲到considering our physical health, mental health., working efficiency and harmony in our own body, .... while books and movies can only bring us mental inspiration. 有时间的话扣题加上补刀会有比较好的效果。
4. 楼主把重点放在开头和第二段是明智的选择，这两段也是考官主要看的。
5. 这篇文章比较标准，在时间控制上也很有利，感觉楼主能减少语法错误并且再优化句子语法的话，就可以拿到很好的分数了。
加油!

sherlock1992

louzhou 发表于 2013-6-10 16:07
In this day and age, everyone faces much pressure than ever before. Forthe(For the) sake of a much ...

非常感谢louzhou的认真批改，建议很中肯，我会注意的。
P.S. 对于空格问题，我是在别的介质上写好粘贴在CD上的，所以有些单词连在了一起，算是个bug吧。。。

louzhou

sherlock1992 发表于 2013-6-10 18:46
非常感谢louzhou的认真批改，建议很中肯，我会注意的。
P.S. 对于空格问题，我是在别的介质上写好粘贴在C ...

或者试试用印象笔记？我就是用这个写的，粘贴不会出错，没有自动纠错的功能，可以统计字数……
要批改的话就粘贴到word里面看。。。

sherlock1992

好主意，谢谢louzhou了

sherlock1992

6.10独立
In this day and age, people living in this modern society have many kinds of friends. Despite different backgrounds, they can still get on well with each other. Moreover, they don't care about whether you a rocket scientist or an artist, whether you come from a small village or big city, or whether you are poor or wealthy. Therefore, people can, no doubt, have friends who have more money.


First and foremost, in this opening world and society, people tend to have more courage to express their thoughts beyond the hierarchy of society, language, racial element, and the gap between the rich and the poor. So, the communication scale is much wider than before, which has a strictly limit between aristocrats and normal people. Here is a case in point, one of my roommates named Paul is absolutely a lucky guy because when born to this world, he has never shortened of money. And every time I asked him for borrowing some money, he never hesitates to lend me and never exudes a contemptuous or any other negative emotional signs. Naturally, we become so good friends, and meanwhile accepted by each other rather than pay more attention to these compares of asset.


Besides, it may seem not a so tough thing to make a rich friend. Although there do have some different views deriving from the different education coming from families, people can still find their same interests as possible as they try. For example, if the guy richer than you is your classmate, the interests may lie in classes. If the guy is your colleague, the interests may depend on works or ex-work activities. Hence, only if you try a further step can you really know making friends with guys with a lot of money maybe a pretty good choice.


Moreover, a few precious characteristics can be found from these wealthy people if you further communicate with them. The reason is simple, because the amount of money you have is usually a significant exponent to measure how successful a man is. So, in most situations, the more money you owns, the more value you possess. Under this circumstances, why not make friends with these richer guys?


After ruminating these three reasons above, I am fully convinced that it is suitable for us to make friends with these guys who are richer.

这篇感觉有点难啊，写的有点挫。。。