新手一枚，多多指教

sherlock1992

4月13号 独立写作

        Perhaps no issue in this world is as difficult to people living in modern times as maintaining healthy condition which makes them well-prepared for the future challenges. Despite various responses people may have on the topic concerning the issue regarding whether it is easier to maintain health than in the past or not. I, given the chance, prefer to endorse that good health is really a luxurious thing for people surrounding with various uncertain unhealthy factors.

        First and foremost, as we all know, in the past, the sky is blue, the river is transparent, the air is fresh, and the food is green. But now, all things have changed. Just like the scenery you see today, the sky is not blue anymore but full of gray, the river is polluted and exudes an air of fume, the air is so bad that nearly all people in some countries know the technical terms like PM2.5 very clearly, and the food, which directly related to our human being’s health, is often being found all kinds of problem owing to the disorder use of food ingredients. In a word, the uncertain factors may harming our health today is much more than these in the past.

        What’s more, a notorious factor in modern society that influences our health a lot is the pressure. Although the advance of technology provides people with more convenience and pleasure, the side effects come to people’s lives, too. With the increase of competitive level, people, everyday, face all kinds of challenges, known or un-known, prepared or un-prepared, whether you do it or not, these tasks are always there. And what they mean? Obviously, pressure. If a man is under pressure for a long time, it is no doubt that his immune system is fragile, and then some problem concerning health will ensue, too.

        On the other hand, the ways people live today do not conform to nature. And the recreational facilities, whether day or night, open their doors to people, many of whose sleeping patterns are all upside-down. It is no wonder that the average healthy condition for modern people is continuously decreasing. On the contrary, our ancestors begin to work at dawn and stop at dusk, which is a nature-friendly life style to obey the outer environment.

        After ruminating those three above-mentioned reasons, I was fully convinced that the improvement of health condition for people living in this day and age is very imperative. Anyway, I think it’s not an easy way to maintain healthy life style than in the past.

lihaolan

Perhaps no issue in this world is as difficult to people living in modern times as maintaining healthy condition which makes them well-prepared for the future challenges. Despite various responses people may have on the topic concerning the issue regarding whether it is easier to maintain health than in the past or not.（despite+名词，句子。你后面不能直接断句） I, given the chance, prefer to endorse that good health is really a luxurious thing for people surrounding with various uncertain unhealthy factors.

First and foremost, as we all know, in the past, the sky is blue, the river is transparent, the air is fresh, and the food is green（organic）. But now, all things have changed. Just like the scenery you see today, the sky is not blue anymore but full of gray, the river is polluted and exudes（主语是什么这个谓语动词。） an air of fume, the air is so bad that nearly all people in some countries know the technical terms like PM2.5 very clearly, and the food, which is directly related to our human being’s health, is often being（去掉） found all kinds of problems owing to the disorder use of food ingredients. In a word, the uncertain factors may harming our health today is much more than these（those） in the past.（分论点总结提炼下。）

What’s more, a notorious factor in modern society that influences our health a lot is the pressure. Although the advance of technology provides people with more convenience and pleasure, the side effects come to people’s lives, too. With the increase of competitive level, people, everyday, face all kinds of challenges, known or un-known, prepared or un-prepared,（断句） whether you do it or not, these tasks are always there. And what they mean? Obviously, pressure. If a man is under pressure for a long time, it is （there is）no doubt that his immune system is fragile, and then some problems concerning health will ensue, too.

On the other hand, the ways people live today do not conform to nature. And the recreational facilities, whether day or night, open their doors to people, many of whose（前面没有你指代的词） sleeping patterns are all upside-down. It is no wonder that the average healthy condition for modern people is continuously decreasing. On the contrary, our ancestors begin to work at dawn and stop at dusk, which is a nature-friendly life style to obey the outer environment.

After ruminating those three above-mentioned reasons, I was fully convinced that the improvement of health condition for people living in this day and age is very imperative. Anyway, I think it’s not an easy way to maintain healthy life style than in the past.
文章and 连接用的有点多。句型挺好的。语法注意下。

sherlock1992

4月14 独立写作

        Perhaps no issuein this world is as significant to people as receiving education from theirteachers which equips them an ability to make a living in society. However,nowadays, a series of conflicts between students and teachers is alwaysreported by television. Despite various responses people may have on the topicconcerning the issue regarding whether people respect their teachers more orless in modern society compared to the past. I, given the chance, prefer toendorse that it do lack the respect teachers deserve to own in modern times.

        First and foremost,as we all know, with the development of technology, our ways to capture informationis more various. It also influence the area of studying, even some people sayit will initiate a revolution in the sphere of education. For instance, theopening classes that many famous universities set up are a good case for peoplearound the world torching knowledge and getting educated. The giant effect ofteacher to education domain is substantially weakened. Another example is fromthe requirement of society to modern people, it is very realistic that peopleliving in today is imperative to have the ability of learning by themselves. Thus,the job of teaching is not so important as in the past because everyone, insome degree, is a teacher of themselves.

        What’s more, itis hard to say that teachers today are still as brilliant as the job to be inthe past years. One of the reasons maybe lies in the choosing system ofteachers. Our ancestors usually choose the man who has a high quality and richknowledge as the teacher. Whereas, the choosing system today is much more alikethe assembly line, which significantly improves the productivity of producingbut the quality of commodities accordingly decrease. Our professional trainingto pre-teachers, on the one hand, generating many “qualified commodities”, onthe other hand, the specialized characters of teachers in the past have disappeared.

        Another pointsupporting my statement is that the education object has changed with time goesby. In the old days, high level education mainly focuses on the elite whichpeople call it elite education. While today, the education is prone to normalpeople and we see it as public education. So, some problems might come fromthese changes, especially in the relationship between students and teachers.

        After ruminatingthose three above-mentioned reasons, I am fully convinced that it is a tendencyfor students to treat their teachers no more respect just as in the past. Anyway,it is a truth that people living in modern times less respect to their teachersthan in the past.

sherlock1992

4.15 独立写作

         Perhaps no issuein this world is as significant to people as being honest to your friends whichenable you to maintain a good relationship with your close partners. Despite variousresponses people may have on the topic concerning the issue regarding whether aperson can be always honest to his or her friends, I, given the chance, preferto endorse that it is nearly impossible to have a persistent honest to people,especially your friends.

         First andforemost, as we all know, there are two terms in economics: comparativeadvantage and absolute advantage, which are tools to prove that trades can makeeveryone better off. So do exist in the ways we treat to our friends. I call itcomparative honest and absolute honest. You know, in our real life, it is hardto say that people can be unchangeable and absolute honest to someone exceptsome soldiers. Also, good-hearted lies are usually seen as a blessing indisguise. So, I choose the comparative honest to describe this situation andsay in confidence that it is not a good idea to be absolute honest, even toyour friends.

        What’s more, aman’s life is full of uncertainties. You cannot plan or predict everything inthe future, so making a promise to your friends such as being honest for alife-long time is obviously not a wise decision. All you should do is just totry your best to keep honest to him or her. That’s enough. If you fail to dothat, your friends should forgive you in some degrees because we are all normalpeople who cannot avoid making mistakes in our life span. Hence, being honestfrom the start to the end is too difficult to finish it.

        On the other hand,it’s not uncommon to see white lies as a humorous way to make jokes with yourfriends. For instance, every year, when my girl friend’s birthday is around thecorner, I’ll lie him I’m busy during that time before her birthday, then goaround the downtown to prepare for her birthday gift just hoping to give her a surprise.Therefore, lies are not always a serious thing in some meanings.

        After ruminatingthose three above-mentioned reasons, I am fully convinced that being honest allthe time to your friends is impossible. Anyway, we should put this thing inperspective and have a perception that it is just a fact of our life.

viviyl

Perhaps no issue in this world is as significant to people as receiving education from their teachers which equips them (with) an ability to make a living in society. However, nowadays, a series of conflicts between students and teachers is(are) always reported by television. Despite various responses people may have on the topic concerning the issue regarding whether people respect their teachers more or less in modern society compared to the past. (改成逗号，前面不是完整的句子)I, given the chance, prefer to endorse that it do(does) lack the respect teachers deserve to own in modern times. (it 指代什么呢？这个从句怪怪的，是不是我没看出来= =)
        First and foremost, as we all know, with the development of technology, our ways to capture information is(are) more various. It also influence(s) the area of studying(study), even some people say it will initiate a revolution in the sphere of education. For instance, the opening classes that many famous universities set up are a good case for people around the world torching knowledge and getting educated. The giant effect of teacher(s) to(on) education domain is substantially weakened. Another example is from the requirement of society to modern people, it is very realistic that people living in today is imperative to have the ability of learning by themselves. Thus, the job of teaching is not so important as in the past because everyone, in(to) some degree, is a teacher of themselves.
(这段主要讲老师已经不需要了，建议在不需要老师和尊不尊敬老师之间搭个桥，不然有种偷换概念的感脚=。=)
        What’s more, it is hard to say that teachers today are still as brilliant as the job to be(those) in the past years. One of the reasons maybe lies in the choosing system of teachers. Our ancestors usually choose the man who has a high quality and rich knowledge as the teacher. Whereas, the choosing system today is much more alike the assembly line, which significantly improves the productivity of producing but (decreases,放在前面，因为是两个并列的which引导的从句)the quality of commodities accordingly decrease. Our professional training to pre-teachers, on the one hand, generating(generates) many “qualified commodities”, on the other hand, the specialized characters of teachers in the past have disappeared.(两句分开写，on the other hand 不是连接两个独立句子)
        Another point supporting my statement is that the education object has changed with time goes by. In the old days, high level education mainly focuses on the elite which people call it elite education. While today, the education is prone to normal people(不确定这么用合不合适) and we see it as public education. So, some problems might come from these changes, especially in the relationship between students and teachers. (论证要具体一点，为什么这样的转变影响了师生的关系)
        After ruminating those three above-mentioned reasons, I am fully convinced that it is a tendency for students to treat their teachers no more respect(treat sb. 后面应该接adj. 吧) just as in the past. Anyway, it is a truth that people living in modern times less respect to their teachers than in the past.
个人感觉有点跑题额，都没有直接论证为什么people do not respect teachers as much as in the past. 我也觉得这个题目不大好写= =
然后就是语法问题注意一下~加油~

sherlock1992

嗯，很好的建议，灰常感谢。

叮叮西

      Perhaps no issuein this world is as significant to people as being honest to your 去掉friends whichenable you to maintain a good relationship with your close partners. Despite variousresponses people may have on the topic concerning the issue regarding whether aperson can be always honest to his or her friends,太长了，简略一些 I, given the chance, preferto endorse that it is nearly impossible to have a persistent honest be persistent honestto people,especially your friends.

         First andforemost, as we all know, there are two terms in economics: comparativeadvantage and absolute advantage, which are tools to prove that trades can makeeveryone better off. So do exist in the ways we treat to our friends. I call itcomparative honest and absolute honest. You know太口语化, in our real dailylife, it is hardto say that people can be unchangeable and absolute honest to someone exceptsome soldiers. Also, good-hearted lies are usually seen as a blessing indisguise. So, I choose the comparative honest to describe this situation andsay in confidence that it is not a good idea to be absolute honest, even toyour friends.举例子

        What’s more, aman’s life is full of uncertainties. You cannot plan or predict everything inthe future, so making a promise to your friends such as being honest for alife-long time is obviously not a wise decision. All you should do is just totry your best to keep honest to him or her. That’s enough避免口语化. If you fail to dothat, your friends shouldwould forgive you in tosome degrees because we are all normalpeople who cannot avoid making mistakes in our life span. Hence, being honestfrom the start to the end is too difficult to finish it. 举例子

        On the other hand,it’s not uncommon to see white lies as a humorous way to make jokes with yourfriends. For instance, every year, when my girl friend’s birthday is around thecorner, I’ll lie himcolor] I’m would be busy during that thetime before her birthday, then goaround the downtown to prepare for her birthday gift just hoping to give her a surprise.Therefore, lies are not always a serious thing in some meanings.

        After ruminatingthose three above-mentioned reasons, I am fully convinced 说服读者而不是说服自己that being honest allthe time to your friends is impossible. Anyway, we should put this thing inperspective and have a perception the faiththat it is just a fact of our life.

注意单词之间的空格 例子支撑不够 多一些单词替换

sherlock1992

4.16 独立写作
    In the past, the ties linking neighbors are strong because the low development of material conditions impels people to ask help more often from their neighborhood. Whereas, in this day and age, the technology has grown by leaps and bounds, the dependence among neighbors, yet, is substantially weakened.   
    First and foremost, as we the know, the power of creative destruction is so tremendous that the connections between one people to the other have been rechanged again and again, of course, including neighbors. Nowadays, people seem to be more prone to using Internet to communicate, whatever thing it is. So, the free talk time is less and less among neighbors for it is much happier to chat with your friends instead of the person living nearby.  As a result, the gap is appearing slowly, the intention to seek help to neighbors is also becoming more reluctant than before.
    What's more, the service provide today is various, from house-moving to machine-fixing. Meanwhile, these services are professional and effective. Compared to direct to neighbors for help, these services can diminish the time we cost and improve the productivity, more importanly, the price is not very expensive. Thus, in this situation when your car is broken or the house should be cleaned up entirely, poeple usually have a call to these service corporation rather than rely on their neighbors.
    On the other hand, the busier you are, the less time you meet with your neighbors.  It cannot be deniable that modern people are under much pressure than before. They get up in the early morning and be exhausted to come back late at night. It is no wonder that the relationship among neighbors is hard to develop further because their lives are nearly no points of intersection. Naturally, the not-so-good relationship is a transparent barrier for them to build solid ties to help each other more. Therefore, neighbors lean on each other less compared to the past people.
    After ruminating those three above-mentioned reasons, obviously, today, neighbors are more independent. They have a lot of ways to choose from besides their neighbors to solve a problem. Anyway, people depend on their neighbors less than the people in the past.

叮叮西

4.16 独立写作
     In the past, the ties linking neighbors are strong because the low level of development of material conditions material development impels people to ask help more often from their neighborhood. Whereas, in this day and age, the technology has grown by leaps and bounds, the dependence among neighbors, yet, is substantially weakened.   
     First and foremost, as we the 去掉know, the power of creative destruction is so tremendous that the connections between one people to and the other have been rechanged again and again, of course, including neighbors. Nowadays, people seem to be more prone to likely to use using Internet to communicate, whatever thing it is. So, the free talk time is less and less among neighbors for it is much happier to chat with your friends on the Internet instead of the person living nearby.  As a result, the gap is appearing slowly, the intention to seek help to neighbors is also becoming more reluctant reluctant 主语应该是人而不是intention than before.
     What's more, the service provide today is various, from house-moving to machine-fixing. Meanwhile, these services are professional and effective. Compared to direct to derectly recourse to neighbors for help, these services can diminish the time we cost and improve the productivity, more importanly, the price is not very expensive. Thus, in this situation when your car is broken or the house should be cleaned up entirely, poeple usually have a call to these service corporation rather than rely on their neighbors.
     On the other hand, the busier you are, the less time you meet with your neighbors.  It cannot be deniable is undeniable that modern people are under much pressure than before. They get up in the early morning and be are exhausted to come back late at night. It is no wonder that the relationship among neighbors is hard to develop further because their lives are nearly no points of intersection. Naturally, the not-so-good relationship is a transparent barrier for them to build solid ties to help each other more. Therefore, neighbors lean on each other less compared to the past people.
     After ruminating those three above-mentioned reasons, obviously, today, neighbors are more independent. They have a lot of ways to choose from besides their neighbors to solve a problem. Anyway, people depend on their neighbors less than the people in the past.
结构不错，不过每段应该举具体的例子

sherlock1992

agree or disagree:Young people should try different jobs before they decide which job or career they will do in a long term.

Once stepping into society, young people always crave for finding a job which best fits them, and then, putting all their energy into this wonderful job. Is it a fact of our lives? Obviously, no. On the contrary, it is very hard to find the right niche for themselves at their first try. Thus, for people at this golden age, they should take different jobs in order to have a clear vision for their career or job they love for.
First and foremost, accumulating vaious job experiences are a competitive edge compared to those who only touch a single area. Also, these precious processes widen one's horizon and substantially, on doubt, enhance their ability to receive new knowledge coming from the outer world. My uncle is a good example, from young to mid-aged, his jobs have traveled from electrician to textile workers, from tailor to managers. When meeting with difficulties, his neighbors always ask him for help only because of his ample experiences. The truth is, all the time, my brilliant uncle solves these things easily, even some things out of his learning. Therefore, trying different jobs can improve the youngs ability so that they can make a more accurate decision concerning their future job or career.
What's more, varying job experiences is a gateway for young people to find the real love, the real appealing jobs for them. Only finding the labor of love can people completely stimulate their potential, thus allowing access to their full efficiency. Accordingly, the job or career people tend to do in a long term is usually prone to the things they interest, or more precisely, the things they love. Here is a vivid case in point, steve jobs, a crazy lover for computer, create iPod, iPone and any other beautiful 'artworks', which make a significant contribution in the line of computers.
On the other hand, different jobs are also different angles to observe our lives. Through observations, these young people can not only learn knowledge coming from professoinal jobs, but also obtain lessons from the life they living in. For most famous people, when talked about their secrets of success, they usually thinks the way towards life make them stronger and wealthier; rathen than the knowledge coming from books. So, a well-thougt value towards life is seen of great significance.
After ruminating those three above-mentioned reasons, i fully convinced that it is absolutely true for young people to try different works areas in order to have a more brighter future. Anyway, it is such a crucial factor which, in some meanings, more or less, decides a person's life.