新手一枚，多多指教

cquzyr

In the past, the ties linking neighbors are strong becausethe low development of material conditions（用词不当 猜测用mobile devices会比较好？） impels people to ask help more often from their neighborhood. Whereas, in this day and age, the technology has grown by leaps and bounds, the dependence among neighbors, yet, is substantially weakened. （这句话有两个主语，应在中间加入and，或者用句号。）First and foremost, as we know, the power of creative destruction is so tremendous that the connections between one people and the other have been rebuilt again and again, of course, including neighbors.（这句话看不懂……大概是我水平不行？） Nowadays, people seem to be more prone to using Internet to communicate, whatever thing it is. So, the free talk time is less and less among neighbors for it is much happier to chat with your friends on the Internet instead of the person living nearby. As a result, the gap is appearing slowly,the frequency to seek help from neighbors is also becoming much lower than before.（同上，两个主语。）What's more, the service provide（providing or provide?） today is various, from house-moving to machine-fixing（最好用machinery maintenance）. Meanwhile, these services are professional and effective. Compared to directly recourse to neighbors for help, these services can diminish the time we cost and improve the productivity, more importantly, the price is not very expensive. Thus, in this situation when your car is broken or the house should be cleaned up entirely, people usually have a call to these services corporation rather than rely(relying) on their neighbors.On the other hand, the busier you are, the less time you meet with your neighbors. It is undeniable that modern people are under much pressure than before.They get up in the early morning and are exhausted to come back late at night. It is no wonder that the relationship among neighbors is hard to develop further because their lives are nearly no points of intersection. Naturally, the not-so-goodr relationship is a transparent barrier for them to build solid ties to help each other more. Therefore, neighbors lean on each other less compared to the past people.After I ruminate on those three above-mentioned reasons, obviously, today, neighbors are more independent. They have a lot of ways to choose from besides their neighbors to solve a problem. Anyway, people depend on their neighbors less than the people in the past.

cquzyr

对了还有小结……
其实很不错。但是有一点 就是只指出了现在情况没有阐述原来如何就直接进行比较，希望下一次可以对比着说，因为直接这样比较出题人会觉得没有在比较，因为他不知道古代是怎么样的呀。

sherlock1992

cquzyr 发表于 2013-6-2 21:33
In the past, the ties linking neighbors are strong becausethe low development of material conditions ...

如果可以，，，当然更好

sherlock1992

cquzyr 发表于 2013-6-2 21:41
对了还有小结……
其实很不错。但是有一点 就是只指出了现在情况没有阐述原来如何就直接进行比较，希望下一 ...

非常感谢cquzyr的认真批改

anafkn

cquzyr 发表于 2013-6-2 21:41
对了还有小结……
其实很不错。但是有一点 就是只指出了现在情况没有阐述原来如何就直接进行比较，希望下一 ...

哈……那啥——sherlock的独立……我还要改吗？根据你给我的留言？

sherlock1992

anafkn 发表于 2013-6-3 12:16
哈……那啥——sherlock的独立……我还要改吗？根据你给我的留言？

悉听尊便哈~

sherlock1992

先贴出独立，综合中午再贴出

sherlock1992

Students can getas many benefits from organization or club activities as they can get fromtheir academic studies.

In our traditional society, students usually devote much time to doing academic studies, which makes them pay more attention to books and lack of outdoor activities. By contrast, nowadays, with the conception upgraded and horizon broadened, people tend to evaluate a person in many ways including not only academic performance, more importantly, but the behaviors in organization orclub activities. And as we can see, students can usually gain a lot fromoutdoor activities just as they learn from classes.

First and foremost, it is undeniable that people absorb a lot from classes and books, but there is a point you must notice, that is purely theoretical knowledge can do nothing. It cannot create this beautiful world but practical ones. Pragmatism,while, is the top method to solve problem in our real world. Let us set an example in this case, we all know economists usually play a role to give advice concerning economic prediction to president. While, in this situation, because of the uncertainty of future market, we regret to say these elites are usually wrong. In contrast, those who often participate in actual economic activities makea right judge. So, granted, academic papers are so important, activities fromorganizations and clubs are just the same.

Besides what is mentioned above, in our schools, a miniature society, such ideas that outdoor activities are also pivotal for students compared to academic studies can bealso proved. Here is a case in point, one of my friends named Kim is the chairman of our school English club. When I meet him in campus, the most frequent word he says to me is busy, due to the tight schedule in his club every day.But he surely learns a lot from this experience, especially the knowledge of psychology. Here is the proof. Although I indulge myself into study every day, in the final exam, he got a higher score in psychology exam. And the reason is he has a further understanding of the psychological process. Thus, the gains from organization or club activities sometimes give people a much easier access to knowledge.

After ruminating those reasons listed above, we can clearly see that if a school or society lacks of essential outdoor activities, instead, full of academic studies and theoretical knowledge, the life of us will be worse off absolutely. Therefore, the benefits one can get from organizations or clubs are equitable to that of academic studies.

求狠批！

anafkn

sherlock1992 发表于 2013-6-4 08:18
悉听尊便哈~

In the past, the ties linking neighbors are strong because the low development of material conditions（我觉着你应该是想说，随着物质条件的提高——如果不要改变句意，这里可以引申为生活条件提高咯，living condition肿么样？） impels people to ask help more often from their neighborhood. Whereas, in this day and age, the technology has grown by leaps and bounds, the dependence among neighbors, yet, is substantially weakened. （dependence 前面加while表对比，可以把yet去掉）

First and foremost, as we know, the power of creative destruction is so tremendous that the connections between one people and the other have been rebuilt again and again, of course, including neighbors.（创造性的破坏……我听过，但是中文我也不知道啥意思……顺便，后面有个of course，念起来有点小断句不畅……） Nowadays, people seem to be more prone to using Internet to communicate, whatever thing it is（to communicate anything?）. So, the free talk time is less and less among neighbors for it is much happier（木有错，我只是觉得……换成convenient更应景一些？） to chat with your friends on the Internet instead of the person living nearby. As a result, the gap is appearing slowly,the frequency to seek help from neighbors is also becoming much lower than before.（同上）

What's more, the service provide（provided，被动态的修饰词） today is various, from house-moving to machine-fixing（最好用machinery maintenance）. Meanwhile, these services are professional and effective. Compared to directly（direct） recourse to neighbors for help(木有看懂……), these services can diminish the time we cost（spend. cost主语不是人（不是……我不是骂人）） and improve the productivity, More importantly, the price is not very expensive. Thus, in this situation when your car is broken or the house should be cleaned up entirely, people usually have a call to these services corporation rather than rely(relying) on their neighbors.

On the other hand, the busier you are, the less time you meet with your neighbors. It is undeniable that modern people are under much pressure than before.They get up in the early morning and are exhausted to come back late at night. It is no wonder that the relationship among neighbors is hard to develop further because their lives are nearly no(hardly have) points of intersection. Naturally, the not-so-good relationship is a transparent barrier for them to build solid ties to help each other more. Therefore, neighbors lean on each other less compared to the past people.

After I ruminate on those three above-mentioned reasons, obviously, today, neighbors are more independent.(after+从句，主语需要和主句（today后面）保持一致，要么就把after的从句换成状语，after ruminating on ……I believe that it is obvious that today……) They have a lot of ways to choose from besides their neighbors to solve a problem（……木有看懂）. Anyway（Therefore?）Thererfore, people depend on their neighbors less than the people in the past.

总结：
词汇很美，句型注意咯。像of course, however, 这种哪里都可以放的词，觉着吧，可能要注意到断句的问题哈
色彩丰富是因为……在cquzyr的基础上继续顺手改的

（传说中的中午写好综合呢QAQ，好不容易办公室摸鱼，居然木有事情……）

sherlock1992

6.3综合
今天换了一个新模板，各种不顺手啊~

The reading passage explores the issue of whether the girl in the portrait is Jane Austen or not. The professor’s lecture deals with the same issue. However, he thinks that subject in the painting is no t Jane Austen, which contradicts what the reading states. And in the lecture, he uses three specific points to buttress his idea.

First, even though the reading passage suggests that the Austen’s family sees the painting as a portrait of the author, the professor argues in the lecture that it can prove nothing. This is because 70 years has passed when the Austen’s family authorizes the portrait to others. And these family members probably have not ever seen what the famous author is like. So, obviously, the professor’s argument disproves its counterpart in the reading.

Moreover, despite the statement in the reading that the face in the portrait is similar to the one sketched by Cassandra. The professor contends that the extended Austen’s family is so big that some relatives at that time such as teenage girls are very like the portraits too. The he supports his point with the fact that one of those relatives, many experts believes, is the right person.

Finally, the professor asserts that one can not judge the subject of the portrait only by the style of the painting whereas the author of the reading claims that the active period of Humphery is complied with the time when Jane Austen is a teenager. The professor proves that this claim is indefensible by pointing out that it is impossible for Humphery to use black canvas sold by Williams to pain.---i.e., when Williams sold this kind of canvas in London, Jane Austen had been a 27-year-old girl.

In conclusion, the professor clearly identifies the flaws in the reading passage and convincingly shows that the central argument in the reading,---that is, the girl in the portrait is Jane Austen is correct.

抱歉，以后我会说到做到的~