新手一枚，多多指教

sherlock1992

5.26 独立

Just like Descartes ever said, “The reading of all good books is like a conversation with the finest men of past centuries,” reading books and watching movies is usually regarded by people as a way to absorb knowledge and broaden eyes. For many times we learn from these vehicles in order to multiply our abilities and change our sense, which aimlessly influence our characteristic. So it is no wonder that we can judge a person’s some traits from the books andmovies he or she likes.

Everyone knows, although a person has its inner traits coming from thegenes he or she has, what mostly works, or decisive for people, is the environmentinfluences a person faces. And one of the most significant factors influencing people,undeniably, is the interests, more precisely, the things you like. For example, in our Chinese history, there is a proverb said that the Scripture-lovers should read books concerning with history for fear of too weakness in characteristic while history-lover should pay more attention to Scripture so as not to be too strong in characteristic, which rightly explains the relationship between the books you read and the person you are. Hence, it is not a difficultthing to learn about a person from the books he or she likes, which influenceshe or she a lot, too.

Apart from books, movies are also a fit tool to measure a person. Knowing about which movies the person likes, we probably have a rough picture of what the man or woman is like in our mind. For instance, people who like watching comedies,just like my older brother, are always full of the spirits of entertainments. While,my cousin addicting to thrilling movies is a man craving for challenges in his life. Therefore, asking a person which movies he or she likes may be a usefultechnique to measure a person’s characteristic.

Last, but not the least, books and movies one person likes actually mirrors what he or she is. Anyway, it is a good way to make a judge of a person.

whom123

sherlock1992 发表于 2013-5-27 14:33
5.26 独立
Just like Descartes ever said, “The reading of all good books is like a conversation with ...

Just like Descartes ever said, “The reading of all good books is like a conversation with the finest men of past centuries,” reading books and watching movies is usually regarded by people as a way to absorb knowledge and broaden eyes. For many times we learn from these vehicles in order to multiply our abilities and change our sense（这个词组的意思是？不太明白）, which aimlessly influence our characteristic. So it is no wonder that we can judge a person’s some traits（总觉得有点中式英语的感觉。。） from the books and movies he or she likes.
Everyone knows, although a person has its inner traits coming from the genes he or she has, what mostly works, or decisive for people, is the environment influences a person faces（这个定语从句是不是有点拗口，一个人面临的环境影响？窃以为the environments which affect on a person 好点儿。。）. And one of the most significant factors influencing people,undeniably, is the interests, more precisely, the things you like. For example, in our Chinese history, there is a proverb said that the Scripture-lovers should read books concerning with history for fear of too weakness in characteristic while history-lover should pay more attention to Scripture so as not to be too strong in characteristic, which rightly explains the relationship between the books you read and the person you are. Hence, it is not a difficult thing to learn about a person from the books he or she likes, which influence she or she a lot, too（和前句意思一样为什么要加too。。。）.
Apart from books, movies are also a fit（是不是suitable好点儿。。 没怎么见过这么用的） tool to measure a person. Knowing about which movies the person likes, we probably have a rough picture of what the man or woman is like in our mind. For instance, people who like watching comedies,just like my older brother, are always full of the spirits of entertainments. While（while不能作连词，只能作介词吧）,my cousin addicting to thrilling movies is a man craving for challenges in his life. Therefore, asking a person which movies he or she likes may be a useful technique to measure a person’s characteristic.
Last, but not the least, books and movies one person likes actually mirrors what he or she is. Anyway, it is a good way to make a judge of a person（最后一段观点感觉有点和前文重复了，结尾稍显仓促）.
文章层次感好像不是特别强，有点儿小语病，个人认为主要问题是很多地方表达感觉不太地道，尤其第二段的中国谚语不太明白意思和作用？还有就是跟我一样，字数是不是有点少？用词还不错，没有太多重复。加油~
PS：写了作文在大本营要记得更新链接啊。。。 差点以为你没写就没改要是我被隔离了那你这是闹哪样啊。。。

sherlock1992

whom123 发表于 2013-5-27 20:57
Just like Descartes ever said, “The reading of all good books is like a conversation with the fine ...

多谢兄台提醒，小弟以后定会注意

sherlock1992

whom123 发表于 2013-5-27 20:57
Just like Descartes ever said, “The reading of all good books is like a conversation with the fine ...

对了，中间那句中国谚语（似乎不是谚语啊~）是“柔则读史，刚则读经”，翻译的似乎有些不妥，不知兄台有何高见？

sherlock1992

whom123 发表于 2013-5-27 20:57
Just like Descartes ever said, “The reading of all good books is like a conversation with the fine ...

while可以作conj.

whom123

sherlock1992 发表于 2013-5-27 22:14
while可以作conj.

那个翻译。。。 本来古文翻英文就有难度吧=。= 我是不会 只是我觉得如果不是很有把握还是不要这么引用吧。。。
其次，我打错了。。。 while好像只作连词不作介词吧 而你文章里while好像就是介词的作用。你那一句，感觉这样更妥当些 For instance, people who like watching comedies,just like my older brother, are always full of the spirits of entertainments, while my cousin addicting to thrilling movies is a man craving for challenges in his life.
个人意见，仅供参考~

sherlock1992

5.27
telephones are playing a more effective role than televisions in people's life.

Can you imagine a less effective world than one devoid of telephones? Can you imagine our modern high-pace life without any mobile phones? Luckily, because of the existence of this tiny device, we can keep in touch with our team workers all the time, which substantially accelerates the velocity of our project we focuses on. We can also order a restaurant in telephone in fear of lacking of time preparing for dinner, which, accordingly, make our life more convenient. So it seems telephones are much more effective tool rather than televisions. In my experience, even people who do not have a television at home are actually with a telephone. Indeed, considering the efficiency, telephones are the first choice.
First and foremost, when using telephones, we usually have an aim in our mind. We know what we want talk about and what things should be solved. In contrast, watching television is often a behavior aimlessly. Take my little sister for example, the main function television for her is just a way to relax. Of course, sometimes, she can get some information such as travel places, discount clothes and so on, but the select process of these all kinds of information from different channels, obviously, waste so much time. Therefore, televisions are playing a less effective role rather than an effective one in our life.
Besides, everyone knows interaction is a more effective way when we meet obstacles. Hence, it is no wonder that telephones can help people much easier to handle one puzzle for the reason that phones provide a platform for two parties to communicate regardless of distance and time, which surely significantly make life more convenient. As for television, one direction tool to force-feed people information without any exchange, it undoubtedly lack of effeciency. So, in this aspect, telephones have more advantages.
On the other hands, the scope one telephones can touch is much wider than televisions. One person can take a mobile phone at any place and at any time, but it is hard to imagine one can put a TV with him or her all the time, even considering the televisions' ample information and the trend of becoming smaller, it is still unrealistic. So, when people go to somewhere long distance from city, a phone is a indispensible thing to make information transmitted more effictively.
After ruminating those three above-mentioned reasons, i am full convinced that telephones is so great important in modern people's daily life. Anyway, compared to televisions, a telephone is a more effective partner for you.

sherlock1992

综合大概看了一下，后天要考试，实在没时间写。所以兄台只改我的独立好了。

whom123

sherlock1992 发表于 2013-5-28 18:08
5.27
telephones are playing a more effective role than televisions in people's life.

Can you imagine a less effective world than one devoid of telephones? Can you imagine our modern high-pace life without any mobile phones? Luckily, because of the existence of this tiny device, we can keep in touch with our team workers all the time, which substantially accelerates the velocity of our project we focuses on. We can also order a restaurant in telephone in fear of lacking of(去掉) time preparing for dinner, which, accordingly, make our life more convenient. So it seems telephones are much more effective tool(去掉) rather than televisions. In my experience, even people who do not have a television at home are actually with a telephone(表达不太恰当,个人认为have a telephone更合適). Indeed, considering the efficiency, telephones are the first choice.
First and foremost, when using telephones, we usually have an aim in our mind. We know what we want talk about and what things should be solved. In contrast, watching television is often a behavior aimlessly(an aimless behavior). Take my little sister for example, the main function (+of) television for her is just a way to relax. Of course, sometimes, she can get some information such as travel places, discount clothes and so on, but the select process of these all kinds of information from different channels(the process of selecting varies of information from different channels), obviously, waste so much time. Therefore, televisions are playing a less effective role rather than an effective one in our life(个人认为还是不要这么表达的好).
Besides, everyone knows interaction is a more effective way when we meet obstacles. Hence, it is no wonder that telephones can help people much easier to handle one puzzle for the reason that phones provide a platform for two parties(为什么要用party.. ) to communicate regardless of distance and time, which surely significantly make life more convenient. As for television, one direction tool to force-feed people information without any exchange, it undoubtedly lack of effeciency. So, in this aspect, telephones have more advantages.
On the other hands, the scope one telephones can touch is much wider than televisions. One person can take a mobile phone at any place and at any time, but it is hard to imagine one can put a TV with him or her all the time, even considering the televisions' ample(?) information and the trend of becoming smaller, it is still unrealistic. So, when people go to somewhere long distance from city, a phone is a indispensible thing to make information transmitted more effictively.
After ruminating those three above-mentioned reasons, i am full convinced that telephones is so great important in modern people's daily life. Anyway, compared to televisions, a telephone is a more effective partner for you.
个人觉得,telephone不包括mobile phone吧... 其实我刚开始也跟你思路差不多,后来一想不对,觉得telephone没有移动电话的含义,所以就没这么写了.这一点持保留義见吧.
不考虑以上因素,结构还是很清晰的,就是第三个分论点感觉跟例子不是很搭.还有就是上一篇文章一样的问题,有些表达不太恰当.其他的都还好,加油~~~

sherlock1992

whom123 发表于 2013-5-28 20:46
Can you imagine a less effective world than one devoid of telephones? Can you imagine  ...

我查了下牛津，上面对于telephone的解释是 system of transmitting the human voice to a distance by wire or radio, 而longman与上面意思差不多，但webster却是强调了一下sound is converted into electrical impulses for transmission by wire, 但也没有否认。所以综上，我想telephone是包括mobile的。