新手一枚，多多指教

sherlock1992

23 Aug 「Today」
學校或工作 Presentation 你習慣一個月前就開始準備或有 idea 後才晚一點開始進行
TPO17

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So normal it is for a person living in this modern society to have such a necessary ability to give a decent presentation in public. Through this process, one can describe and express his or her idea to everyone. Thus, an excellent presentation is so smoothful a vehicle via which the audience can catch the critical point of the presentation and have a deeper impression. Therefore, significant seems the preparation of a presentation.
Different person have different ways to prepare. One kind of people like starting preparation in advance of a month. While, the other who pursue the perfection and innovation of a work choose to wait untill a idea sparks.
If the former is your own way, some doubts may be casted to you for whether you can submit a work enough to bring your longing audience a really surprise. Because when you begin to make preparation too early, a idea hasn't probably been conceived in your mind, left for you till now are only some minor parts rather than core parts. So, step by step, wait and go on, which wastes a lot of time that is needed for other work.
On the other hand, latter one is your habit. A terrible fact behind you is you are lack of enough time to fulfill your idea when you got it. The ensuing result probably is your information acceptors have a bad digestion and the idea can only be partly absorbed.
For me, i may choose the middle. That is--- the first-half of the month is idea-breeding time, while the second-half is spaced for fulfillment. This time-limited two-parts process improves the efficiency to some extent. Wherever school or corporation you are in, this way can both relatively create a good idea and enrich its content.

laneesherry

sherlock1992 发表于 2013-7-4 11:14
23 Aug 「Today」
學校或工作 Presentation 你習慣一個月前就開始準備或有 idea 後才晚一點 ...

蓝色的地方是个人意见及建议
黄色高亮是好词好句


So normal it is for a person living in this modern society to have such a necessary ability to give a decent presentation in public. Through this process, one can describe and express his or her idea to everyone. Thus, an excellent presentation is so smoothful a vehicle via which the audience can catch the critical point of the presentation and have a deeper impression. Therefore, significant seems the preparation of a presentation.

Different person have different ways to prepare. One kind of people like starting preparation in advance of a month. While, the other who pursue the perfection and innovation of a work choose to wait untill a idea sparks.（好形象！）

If the former is your own way, some doubts may be casted to you for whether you can submit a work enough to bring your longing audience a really surprise. Because when you begin to make preparation too early, a idea hasn't probably been conceived in your mind, left for you till now are only some minor parts rather than core parts. So, step by step, wait and go on, which wastes a lot of time that is needed for other work.

On the other hand, latter one is your habit. A terrible fact behind you is you are lack of enough time to fulfill your idea when you got it. The ensuing result probably is your information acceptors have a bad digestion and the idea can only be partly absorbed.

For me, i may choose the middle. That is--- the first-half of the month is idea-breeding time（酝酿点子的时间，形象生动）, while the second-half is spaced for fulfillment. This time-limited two-parts process improves the efficiency to some extent. Wherever school or corporation you are in, this way can both relatively create a good idea and enrich its content.

本来想逐段评论的，但是后来发现这篇文章是一个完整的整体，拆开任何一部分都是不合适的。
比起“正统”的议论文，本文看上去更像是那种适合休闲时刻去读的散文，不管是词句的丰富多样还是恰到好处的描写，读起来都有一种独特的韵味。(因为如果把喜欢的句子全部划出来就会一片黄了所以只是象征性地划了两处）

不过从托福作文的角度来讲，本文是不合格的。
首先，文章一直到最后才亮明了自己的观点，太含蓄
其次，自己的观点并没有详细的论据去支撑
再次，让步观点段也只是纯说理，而且是第二人称的假设，并没有很好地证明这种做法是不恰当的

sherlock1992

TPO17

写的太晚了，唉，我这拖延症什么时候才能才能才能克服呢、、。。。。。。

The reading passage explores the issue of the numbers of birds in America. The professor deals with the same topic. However, she thinks that the numbers of birds will not decrease in the future, which contradicts what the reading passage states. And in the lecture, she uses three specific points to butress her idea.

First, even though the reading passage suggests that due to expansion of human populations and settlements, the natural habitats of birds will inevitably diminish, the professor argues in the lecture that as urban development, the space birds can live is becoming larger and better. Because cities can still be the home of some birds. And what results is only the numbers of some kinds of birds diminish while other numbers expand.

Moreover, despite the statement in the reading that the need of agricultural lands accelerate the disapperance of bird's habitats, the professor contends that although it is true that more people needs more crops, increasing the agricultural lands is not the only way to solve the problem. And now, we have new kind of crops, which could create more crops within the same land as usual. The more productive crop is the future.

Finally, the professor asserts that  the wide use of chemical pesticides  plays a main role in the decreasing of birds. Whereas the author of the reading claims that it has passed when people were not aware of the  harms of chemical pesticides towards nature. Therefore, now, some new kinds of chemical pesticides are birthed in order to lessen the negative influence to animals and birdS. Besides, humans start to grow pesticide-resistant crops, which is more attractive to people and no any harms to birds.

In conclusion, the professor clearly identifies the flaws in the reading passage and convincingly shows that the central argument in the reading is incorrect.

ni_kate

8.25 独立完成，请查阅
http://forum.chasedream.com/foru ... ;extra=#pid18574485

sherryv

同学你的独立呢？等着看好久了哦~

sherlock1992

sherryv 发表于 2013-8-26 20:24
同学你的独立呢？等着看好久了哦~

....对不起，对不起，，，马上写。。。

sherlock1992

ni_kate 发表于 2013-8-26 17:53
8.25 独立完成，请查阅
http://forum.chasedream.com/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=870746&pid=18574485&p ...

11:00前帮你改好，对不起啊。。。

sherlock1992

825 「Today」
人們可以從playing sports 上learn lessons of life
Playing sports gives important lesson on life learning.

Playing sports is an indispensible part in everyone's life. Sometimes, it is just like the air that one can not live without it. You can regard them as a way to keep healthy or a habit through which maintains happy and joyful. And  the same, playing sports can also teach us something so important that influence us all the life.
For instance, sports can teach people never give up. All participants in a game have a strong longing to win, so they try their best to play the games, even if they have no energy. Even in the midst of exhaustion, persistence leads players to move forward just in order to beat their opponents. For example, in the NBA game between the Houston Rockets and the San Antonio Spurs in 2004, the Spurs gained a 74-66 lead within the last few minutes, meaning that the Rockets were nearly beat by the Spurs. A large segment of the audience left the Toyota Center, but T-Mac, the heart of the Rockets, did not want to lose the game. Because of this, he kept moving, at the end of the game, he offers an unbelievable performance, winning an increble thirteen points within 35 seconds to beat the Spurs. People can learn a lesson about not givin g up from the basketball game and T-Mac.
Additionally, sports make people know what is the realy unity. In the 2010 South Africa World Cup, the Germans have embodied this spirit. The German team is not like the teams of England, Brazil, and Argentina, which have a large number of A-list superstars, but the members of the German team use their unity to beat their rivals one by one and earn respect. The coach of the Netherlands team remarked that the threat presented by the German is not its offenses but    its unity. I believe that people can be deeply affected by the spirit of unity they see in sports.
Sports can be a mirror reflecting something meaningful in people's lives. I frimly believe that sports teach people lessons about life.

本文是我之前背过的老段子，因为里面的例子不错，所以就背了。注意：版权并非吾所有。。。

sherlock1992

sherryv 发表于 2013-8-26 20:24
同学你的独立呢？等着看好久了哦~

独立搞定了。。。

laneesherry

同学你的TPO19呢？
要是不发的话我只好明天再帮你改了