新手一枚，多多指教

sherlock1992

5.30 独立
Young people today more likely to give time and effort improving the world than young people were at the past.

When talking about the youth today, people are more likely to use fashionable, creative and cooperative to describe this group, which tends to express more positive powers rather than negative ones. The reason is very obvious, because after the three decisive industrial revolutions, our work efficiency has grown by leaps and bounds. And then, the advent of World Wide Web greatly boosts the degrees of the opening scale of nearly every country in the world. Young people, a special group being much more curious about this world and creative than any other age groups, no doubt, will seize this precious opportunity and play a important role in improving this changeable world.
First and foremost, the silicon valley is well-known for its creative and brilliant contributions to our world. Among this not big place, thousands of enterprises gather just with one common goal---to make this world better off. And the average age of these entrepreneurs is only 23.4. Many times people still think it is so unbelievable that they are too young to bring about so huge effects on this world. Here is one example, video sharing websites like YouTube are internet destinations where people can watch and share video clips on almost every topic imaginable, from Cartoons to sporting events, from music performances to horrific car crashes. They create a sense of community---i.e., they allow us to upload our talents, interests and experiences and share them with other viewers. Because of these excellent inventions, our world is becoming more convenient and full of happy and harmony.
Second, it is undeniably that the limited means of transportation at the past gravely influenced the communities of people among different places. Also, the low-level progress of technology make it doomed for people who try, again and again, to build the relations with the residents in far places. So, the time and effort the youth give usually focuses on these areas where they live, which cannot have a widespread influence in the past conditions. Apart from it, the tools the past young people used and knowledge they grasped is still far less compared with modern youth. Hence, no wonder that the young people living at the past cannot match these in modern times.
After ruminating those reasons listed above, i am fully convinced that young people today devote much time and efforts to the improvement of our world. Anyway, young people living in contemporary society do have the world better off than these at the past.

sherlock1992

5.30 综合

Both the readingand listening passages deal with the same topic: whether the memoir is writtenby the Chevalier de Seingalt or not. The main idea of reading passage is thatsome false events in memoir has several advantages, whereas the speaker arguesagainst the points presented by the reading passage.

Above all, thewriter claims that the Chevalier is not likely to be very rich because of thebehavior of borrowing money. However, the professor opposes the writer'sargument, based on the assertion that it cannot definitely means a person ispoor just because of the behavior of borrowing money. The reason lies ineveryone cannot have money on hand every moment, and he or she, at first, mustsell the property to make money, which is a process needs some time.

Second, asmentioned in the reading passage, it is impossible to recall the details in theconversation so concretely after a thing has happened many years. However, thelecturer maintains that it can be true only if the Chevalier has the habits ofnoting. And some proofs do have proven this habits. Moreover, you can nearlyrecord everything with a note journal.

lastly, thewriter contends that it is unrealistic for the Chevalier to escape from prisonall by himself. On the contrary, the professor points out although theChevalier have many friends with much power, they don not have a power to freehim. Apart from it, the way to tell others you are ready to bread jail,obviously, is unwise.

anafkn

sherlock1992 发表于 2013-6-1 08:47
5.30 综合
Both the readingand listening passages deal with the same topic: whether the memoir is wri ...

Hi 空白木有这种事无视哈，不是我没打空格，是DC的回复框一回就变成酱紫了orz
红色修改 蓝色建议 高亮表赞

Both the reading and listening passages deal with the same topic: whether the memoir is written by the Chevalier de Seing lt ornot(呃……原文是doubt about theaccuracy of the memoir, 不是他是不是这个回忆录作者的问题啊，有点跑题了). The main idea of reading passage is that some false events inmemoir has(have) several advantages, whereas thespeaker argues against the points presented by the reading passage.

Above all, the writer claims that the Chevalier is not likely to bevery rich because of the behavior of borrowing money. However, the professoropposes the writer's argument, based onthe assertion thatit cannot definitely means a person is poor just because of the behavior ofborrowing money. The reason lies in everyone cannothave money on hand every moment(我……木有看懂), and he or she, at first, must sellthe property to make money, which is a process needs(needing)some time.

Second, as mentioned in the reading passage, it is impossible torecall the details in the conversation so concretely after a thing has happenedmany years（happen不是持续性动词，不接时间段，可改成，happened many years ago）. However, the lecturer maintains that it can be true only if theChevalier has the habits of noting. Andsome proofs do have proven this habits. Moreover（这一句是解释了上一句noting habit的咩）, you can nearly record everythingwith a note journal.

Lastly, the writer contends that it is unrealistic for the Chevalierto escape from prison all by himself. On the contrary, the professor points outalthough the Chevalier have many friends with much power, they do not have apower to free him. Apart from it, the way to tell others you are ready to breadjail, obviously, is unwise.(最后一段听力的点有一个监狱天花板坏了没有听出来)

最好最后还能有一个小总结（当然这也是人家建议我的来着……）

小结：
综合写得清清楚楚的
听力好像漏了一两点
一起努力咯~~~~~~~~

顺便：我们独立也是互改咩？

anafkn

sherlock1992 发表于 2013-5-31 22:51
5.30 独立
Young people today more likely to give time and effort improving the world than young peop ...

Young people today more likely to give time and effort improving theworld than young people were at the past.

When talking about the youth today, people are more likely to usefashionable, creative and cooperative to describe this group, which tends toexpress more positive powers rather than negative ones. The reason is veryobvious, because after the three decisive industrial revolutions, our workefficiency has grown by leaps and bounds. And then, the advent of World Wide Web greatly booststhe degrees of the opening scale of nearly every country in the world. Young people,a special group being much more curious about this world and creative than anyother age groups, no doubt, will seize this precious opportunity and play an important role in improving this changeable world.

First and foremost, the Silicon Valley is well-known for itscreative and brilliant contributions to our world. Amongthis not big place(在这个不大的地方，in this limited/finiteplace?), thousands of enterprises gather just with onecommon goal---to make this world better off. And the average age of theseentrepreneurs is only 23.4. Many times people still think it is so unbelievable that they are tooyoung to bring about so huge effects on this world（too……to……表否定，连在一起是，他们太过年轻，以致于无法对世界施以如此重大的影响，这一点难以置信。。。所以多重否定，赶脚是不是有点绕错了？换成it is so unbelievable that they are so young but bring about so huge effects on this world）. Here is one example,video sharing websites like YouTube are internet destinations where people canwatch and share video clips on almost every topic imaginable, from Cartoons tosporting events, from music performances to horrific car crashes. They create asense of community---i.e., they allow us to upload our talents, interests andexperiences and share them with other viewers. Because of these excellentinventions, our world is becoming more convenient and full of happy(joy) andharmony.

Second, it is undeniably that the limited means of transportation at(in)the past gravely influenced the communities of people among different places.Also, the low-level progress of technology makes it doomed for people who try again and again to build the relations with the residents in far places. So the time and effort the youth give usually focuses on these areas where theylive, which(呃……which代指啥？) cannot have a widespread influence in the past conditions. Apartfrom it, the tools the past young people used and knowledge they grasped isstill far less compared with modern youth. Hence, no wonder that the young people living at the past cannotmatch these（these代指啥？） in modern times.

After ruminating those reasons listed above, I am fully convincedthat young people today devote much time and efforts to the improvement of ourworld. Anyway, young people living in contemporary society do have the worldbetter off than these at the past.

小结：
开头一段惊艳
一些句子的指代可能要看一下（当然也可能是我晚饭木有吃所以理解跟不上）
论点：
原题论点：现在的青年一代比过去更可能花费时间精力改善这个世界。
文章论点：同意
分论点：1. 硅谷的例子；2. 科技发达了，所以影响力可以更广；3. 总结：现在的青年一代比过去花费更多时间精力改善这个世界
为什么……觉得有点小古怪……
anyway，写跑题的人木有资格这样讲，权当废话吧（捂脸）
谢谢

sherlock1992

anafkn 发表于 2013-6-1 17:19
Hi 空白木有这种事无视哈，不是我没打空格，是DC的回复框一回就变成酱紫了orz
红色修改 蓝色建议 高亮表赞 ...

独立是cquzyr帮你改，我留意了一下。

sherlock1992

anafkn 发表于 2013-6-1 17:58
Young people today more likely to give time and effort improving theworld than young people were at ...

楼主不要自谦了，我有看你的文章，写的相当好的，一起努力。p.s.确实我感觉自己写的逻辑不是太清晰。

sherlock1992

6.1 综合

Both the readingand listening passages deal with the same topic: the reason of the rapidlydeclining of the otters. The main idea of the reading passage is that pollutioncausing the dropping number of the otters has serveral advantages whereas thespeaker argues against the points presented by the reading passage, who is moretend to support the predation hypothesis.

Above all, thewriter claims that chemicals coming from the natural sources directly lead todeaths of the otters. However, the professor opposes the writer's argument,based on the assertion that there are not any dead otters  found off the shores. If they do die owing topollution, why we cannot find their remains off the shores.

Second, as mentioned in the reading passage, the only factor of pollution endangering the otters also threatens the other sea animals. However, the lecturer maintains that thanks to the human hunt for whales, the orca has to change their diet and hunts for some smaller sea animals such as seals and sea lions. Hence, that's why so many other animals die.

Lastly, the writer contends that the imbalance pollution level causes the uneven pattern of otter decline. On the contrary, the professor points out not thanks to the different pollution situation but the easy or difficult of the access to the shores for the orca decide the numbers of the otter in that area. For example, if the shore is shallow, it will be a trouble for orca to prey the otter.
After posing the three refutations, the professor proves that it is predation rather than pollution that leads to the decline of the otter.

sherlock1992

6.1独立
In the past, the ties linking neighbors are strong becausethe low development of material conditions impelspeople to ask help more often from their neighborhood. Whereas, in this day andage, the technology has grown by leaps and bounds, the dependence amongneighbors, yet, is substantially weakened.   
First and foremost, as we know, the power of creativedestruction is so tremendous that the connections between one people and the other have been rebuilt again andagain, of course, including neighbors. Nowadays, people seem to be more prone to using Internetto communicate, whatever thing it is. So, the free talk time is less and lessamong neighbors for it is much happier to chat with your friends on the Internet insteadof the person living nearby.  As a result, the gap is appearing slowly,the frequency to seek help from neighbors is also becoming much lower than before.
What's more, the serviceprovide today is various, from house-moving to machine-fixing. Meanwhile, theseservices are professional and effective. Compared to directly recourse to neighbors forhelp, these services can diminish the time we cost and improve theproductivity, more importantly, the price is not very expensive. Thus, in thissituation when your car is broken or the house should be cleaned up entirely, peopleusually have a call to these services corporation rather than rely on theirneighbors.
On the other hand, thebusier you are, the less time you meet with your neighbors.  It isundeniable that modern people are under much pressure than before.They get up in the early morning and are exhausted to come back late at night. It is no wonderthat the relationship among neighbors is hard to develop further because theirlives are nearly no points of intersection. Naturally, the not-so-goodrelationship is a transparent barrier for them to build solid ties to help eachother more. Therefore, neighbors lean on each other less compared to the pastpeople.
After I ruminate thosethree above-mentioned reasons, obviously, today, neighbors are moreindependent. They have a lot of ways to choose from besides their neighbors tosolve a problem. Anyway, people depend on their neighbors less than the peoplein the past.

anafkn

sherlock1992 发表于 2013-6-2 08:36
6.1 综合
Both the readingand listening passages deal with the same topic: the reason of the rapidlyd ...

Both the reading and listening passages deal with thesame topic: the reason of the rapidly declining(decline 名词，下降；declining,形容词，后面不加of,那前面的rapidly就改为形容词修饰decline吧) of the otters. The main idea ofthe reading passage is that pollution causing the dropping number of the ottershas serveral(several) advantages whereas the speakerargues against the points presented by the reading passage, who is（逗号后的定语从句一般修饰的是离它比较近的名词passage,容易引起歧义哈） more tend tosupport the predation hypothesis.

Above all, the writer claims that chemicals coming fromthe natural sources（那啥……这句我没听出来，呃，是自然状态下的pollution吗？） directly lead to deaths of the otters. However, theprofessor opposes the writer's argument, based on the assertion that there arenot any dead otters found off the shores. If they do die owing to pollution,why we cannot find their remains off the shores（其实只有问句的形式有差，可是为啥念起来有点小奇怪……呃，酱紫怎么样：if they are really killed by pollution, why can't we find their remains off the shores?）.

Second, as mentioned in the reading passage, the onlyfactor of pollution(污染因素？pollution factor肿么样) endangering the otters also threatens the other seaanimals. However, the lecturer maintains that thanks to the human hunt forwhales, the orca has to change their diet and hunts for some smaller seaanimals such as seals and sea lions. Hence, that's why so many other animalsdie.

Lastly, the writer contends that the imbalance pollutionlevel causes the uneven pattern of otter decline. On the contrary, theprofessor points out not thanks to the different pollution situation but（我猜这里是not……but……的句型，但是thanks to作为有副词意味的关联词，不太适合放在not后面，加个it is that句型吧：……points out that it is not the pollution situation but the accessibility of the locations for the orca that decides ……） theeasy or difficult of the access to the shores for the orca decide the numbersof the otter in that area. For example, if the shore is shallow, it will be atrouble for orca to prey the otter.

After posing the three refutations, the professor proves that it is predationrather than pollution that leads to the decline of the otter.

Hi 首先，对学习能力表赞，赶脚之前很多高亮的词汇被用进来了啊 assertion, thanks to啦之类的，我之前画过，这里就不高亮了哈，也有结尾了
句型其实是很有心地想要写得更复杂一些的，不过（跟我一样）句型变化一多，容易出差错
听力上的细节加强咯
谢谢啦。

cquzyr

In the past, the ties linking neighbors are strong becausethe low development of material conditions（用词不当 猜测用mobile devices会比较好？） impels people to ask help more often from their neighborhood. Whereas, in this day and age, the technology has grown by leaps and bounds, the dependence among neighbors, yet, is substantially weakened. （这句话有两个主语，应在中间加入and，或者用句号。）First and foremost, as we know, the power of creative destruction is so tremendous that the connections between one people and the other have been rebuilt again and again, of course, including neighbors.（这句话看不懂……大概是我水平不行？） Nowadays, people seem to be more prone to using Internet to communicate, whatever thing it is. So, the free talk time is less and less among neighbors for it is much happier to chat with your friends on the Internet instead of the person living nearby. As a result, the gap is appearing slowly,the frequency to seek help from neighbors is also becoming much lower than before.（同上，两个主语。）What's more, the service provide（providing or provide?） today is various, from house-moving to machine-fixing（最好用machinery maintenance）. Meanwhile, these services are professional and effective. Compared to directly recourse to neighbors for help, these services can diminish the time we cost and improve the productivity, more importantly, the price is not very expensive. Thus, in this situation when your car is broken or the house should be cleaned up entirely, people usually have a call to these services corporation rather than rely(relying) on their neighbors.On the other hand, the busier you are, the less time you meet with your neighbors. It is undeniable that modern people are under much pressure than before.They get up in the early morning and are exhausted to come back late at night. It is no wonder that the relationship among neighbors is hard to develop further because their lives are nearly no points of intersection. Naturally, the not-so-goodr relationship is a transparent barrier for them to build solid ties to help each other more. Therefore, neighbors lean on each other less compared to the past people.After I ruminate on those three above-mentioned reasons, obviously, today, neighbors are more independent. They have a lot of ways to choose from besides their neighbors to solve a problem. Anyway, people depend on their neighbors less than the people in the past.


因为我的功底不是很好，所以没办法标注高亮之类的非常抱歉。
你看看吧。我只能找出一些比较基础的问题。
要不让anafkn帮你瞅瞅再？