羊咩咩yw的写作贴~~求猛拍，for my dream~

羊咩咩yw

8.26 独立 为什么每次写作文都那么的费时间~~啊啊啊啊啊，这篇花了我好长时间，求狂拍，有拍才有进步~~我不太会写例子，如果今天替我修改的CDer有多余的时间的话，可以给我多提一点举例子的建议哟~~咩咩先谢谢啦~
What is the main role of the university professor, to educate students or to do research.


Parents focus intensely on the factors that affect their children' future life when they are choosing a university for their kids. A positive studying and living environment filled with excellent professor is considered essential. The definition for an excellent professor, to most parents, is the one who spend most of his time to educate students. I am not belong with them. I strongly incline to the view that the main role for the university professor is to do research.


First of all, it seems attractive at first glance that professor who put most of  his or her time to educate student can give students more professional assistant in their studying or future work than others. However, the truth is that the professor who do an excellent job in his research can bring more practical  and useful knowledge or information to his students, these first-edge knowledge and information can not only exert  positive effect on student's future work, but also inspire young people to learn something out of the text book. According to a recent research on the Internet, almost 85 percent famous universities inspire and support their professors  put more time to do research in their filed.


Furthermore, devoting more time on research than education doesn't necessary mean the professor do not put enough time to educate students. Plus, in most famous universities, professor gives a class for students during the research process. In this particular way, the students need to do a lot of preparing work, from this kind of work, they can learn the concrete knowledge from books, websites, and magazines by themselves; and from the process of doing research, they can learn how to handle accident problems.  


Last but not least, the most important thing we need to remember is that professors in university are not the teachers in high school, their major job is providing student more practical and useful knowledge and professional assistant, but not educating them with text book. What's more,  besides study, students in college should pay more attention on social activities and working opportunities.


To sum up, the main role for university professor is to do research, which benefits both the college and the students in many ways. And the students in college should learn to get knowledge and work skills out of text books.

羊咩咩yw

我去欣赏了一下你的习作，例子都举得很好，我不太会举例子的说，向你学习，不断练习中~~谢谢小k~

羊咩咩yw

8.27 独立 One can learn a lot about the person from the type of friends the person has. Use specific reasons and example to support you answer.
这篇写完有种想死的感觉，实在是找不到例子啊啊啊~~太抽象了，不好写~~但努力写完了，请大神们批阅~~


Friendship is one of the greatest pleasure that people can enjoy. Real friends are those who can share all our sorrows and double all our joys. Two people meeting by chance and finally becoming friend are because they have something in common in their characters and interests. So, I strongly incline to the view that one can learn a lot about the person from type of friends he has.


To begin, friends are like a mirror, who can reflect the type of person who we are. Even though two friends have the totally different surface characteristics, they surely have the same part in their inner heart. Take me and one of my intimate friend as an example, I am an outgoing girl, but she is so quiet. We shared the same table in our high school. I clearly remember last time, I had a bad performance in my college entrance exams, I felt down and blue. It was her who set beside me and inspired me by saying that you deserve a second chance and don't give up. She do the same thing that I always do to all my friends--always be there if my friends need me. We are the same type of person. So it can be concluded that to know a person well, one can learn his friend type first, because they share the most important merits in their bottom of their heart.


Furthermore, if we want to know a person well, we need to learn his interests and habits first. It is obvious that, in most cases, people becoming friends are because they have the similar interests. They communicate their interests a lot ,and they know each other's preference. According to a recent research on the Internet, nearly 85% of people becoming friends are because of interests. That is to say, we can learn a lot about the person's interests preference from the type of his friends. My favourite sport is swimming, I always swim with my best friend Robert, we met each other in the swimming pool in our college. We both like Sunyang , the most famous swimming athlete in China. We have a lot common interests. Because of swimming, we become friends, and because of Robert, a lot of his friends knows me without talking with me. They say we are all the same type person who love swimming and cherish friendship. And now, we have a swimming team in our school, and all of the team members are friends with each other.


Finally, everyone is unique in this world, we can hardly know a person well just based on his friend type. But it is also a good choice for us to learn a person's characteristics, interests and  habits form the type of his friends.


To sum up, my friends is another me in some aspects. People can learn a lot about me from my friends. So, I still believe that people can learn a lot about the person from the type of friends the person has.

婷婷connie

婷婷正在改哦~
What is the main role of the university professor, to educate students or to do research.
婷婷来改文了，红色错误，蓝色讨论，高亮精彩~

Parents focus intensely on the factors that affect their children' future life when they are choosing a university for their kids. A positive studying and living environment filled with excellent professors is considered essential. The definition for an excellent professor, to most parents, is the one who spendsmost of his time to educate students. (Nevertheless/however，婷婷觉得加个连接词更好~)I am not belong with them. I strongly incline to the view that the main role for the university professor is to do research.


First of all, it seems attractive at first glance that professor who puts most of his or her time to educate student can give students more professional assistant(assistance) in their studying or future work than others. (这个ts不能概括整个段的意思，要把however后面的内容包括进来，要不然感觉实在肯定教授的教育工作~) However, the truth is that the professor who does an excellent job in his research can bring more practical and useful knowledge or information to his students, these first-edge knowledge and information can not only exert positive effect on student's future work, but also inspire young people to learn something out of the text book. According to a recent research on the Internet, almost 85 percent famous universities inspire and support their professors put more time to do research in their filed.


Furthermore, devoting more time on research than education doesn't(注意分开写哦) necessary mean the professor do not put enough time to educate students. Plus, in most famous universities, professor gives a class for students during the research process. In this particular way, the students need to do a lot of preparing work, from this kind of work, they can learn the concrete knowledge from books, websites, and magazines by themselves; and from the process of doing research, they can learn how to handle accident problems. 这一段可以升华一下，通过让学生自己做课前准备，可以培养他们的独立性。


Last but not least, the most important thing we need to remember is that professors in university are not the（这里表泛指，不要加the~） teachers in high school, their major job is providing student more practical（换一个更猛的~pragmatic） and useful knowledge and professional assistant, but not educating them with text book. What's more, besides study, students in college should pay more attention on social activities and working opportunities.
这一段说理有点散，婷婷木有找到ts诶，感觉和第一个主段大同小异。可以说it is university professors that help students make preparation on future career.


To sum up, the main role for university professor is to do research, which benefits both the college and the students in many ways. And the students in college should learn to get knowledge and work skills out of text books.



Conclusion:

1.整体的文章写得很流利，不错~

2.注意第三人称单数需要加S

3.文章的sub-point还需要深化一点，建议第三个主段来个让步，显得考虑的更全面。比如education也很重要，它关系到学校的学生就业率、名誉...但是教授可以找到一个balance~

4.嘿嘿，加油~

kchszy061ban

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

Friendship is one of the greatest pleasure that people can enjoy. Real friends are those who can share all our sorrows and double all our joys. Two people meeting by chance and finally becoming friend are because they have something in common in their characters and interests. So, I strongly incline to the view that one can learn a lot about the person from type of friends he has.（着开头不错额）

To begin, friends are like a mirror, who can reflect the type of person who we are. Even though two friends have the totally different surface characteristics（这个用appearance不行么？）, they surely have the same part（parts？这里的heart是指biological 还是spirit？） in their inner heart. Take me and one of my intimate friend as an example, I am an outgoing girl, but she is so quiet. We shared the same table in our high school. I clearly remember（remembered） last time, I had a bad performance in my college entrance exams, I felt down and blue. It was her who set beside me and inspired me by saying that you deserve（过去式） a second chance and don't give up. She do the same thing that I always do （to all my friends这个不要了，多余还有歧义，因为不知道包不包括her）--always be there if my friends need me. We are the same type of person. So it can be concluded that to know a person well, one can learn his friend type first, because they share the most important merits in their（用the就好） bottom of their heart（感觉用beneath their surfact differences行不？）.

Furthermore, if we want to know a person well, we need to learn his（/her 要不然有性别歧视） interests and habits first. It is obvious that, in most cases, people becoming friends are（be动词多余额？） because they have the similar interests. They communicate（这个词用的不是很好，联系兴趣么？） their interests a lot ,and they know each other's preference. According to a recent research on the Internet, nearly 85% of people becoming friends are because of (the same or similar) interests. That is to say, we can learn a lot about the person's interests preference from the type of his friends. My favourite sport is swimming, I always swim with my best friend Robert, we met each other in the swimming pool in our college. We both like Sunyang , the most famous swimming athlete in China. We have a lot common interests. Because of swimming, we become friends, and because of Robert, a lot of his friends knows me without talking with me(流水账式的简单句组合额). They say we are all the same type person who love swimming and cherish friendship. And now, we have a swimming team in our school, and all of the team members are friends with each other.

Finally, everyone is unique in this world, we can hardly know a person well just based on his friend type. But it is also a good choice for us to learn a person's characteristics, interests and  habits form（from） the type of his friends. （这段写的真的是没有fully develop, 这样写出来是扣分的点额）

To sum up, my friends is another me in some aspects （朋友是另外一个我的翻译版么？My friends and I share the same interests and preference in some aspects）. People can learn a lot about me from my friends. So, I still(still 不是很合适，firmly or strongly) believe that people can learn a lot about the person from the type of friends the person has.

开头和第一段不错，后来怎么就好像变的这么快类。独立我写的TPO 1 ,朋友这个昨天写了  麻烦改下额

羊咩咩yw

TPO 1 综合

The professor is not in agreement with that of the reading passage, which suggests that such policy will be beneficial for the whole economy,individual company as well as the employees.
    
First of all, the professor argue that offering 4-day week option would not increase company's profits in the ways the reading suggests. Adding more employee will force the company spending more money on training and medical benefits, what's more, having more employees also means more office spaces and computers. These things will definitely cut into the company's profits.
    
Second, instead of providing more job opportunities, the company may choose to force 4-day week employees to work overtime. If these companies choose to do so, no job opportunity will be provided, and the current job is also unpleasant. It is different from the reading that such policy will reduce the unemployment rates
    
Last but not least, 4-day week job policy do provides employees more free time, but it also presents some risks. It will decrease their job ability and  harm their promotion chances. In addition, 4-day week employees will be the first one to lose job in the economic downturn. Obviously, they will be passed over for promotion for sure. That is to say, it will not improve the quality of their lives in the way the reading suggests.

羊咩咩yw

谢谢婷婷给我改的作文，我有几个小地方想要问问你的意见呢~~可以帮我看看吗，用绿色笔标注的，还有让步段我不太会写我去努力补习一下，把第三段改成让步段



Parents focus intensely on the factors that affect their children' future life when they are choosing a university for their kids. A positive studying and living environment filled with excellent professors is considered essential. The definition for an excellent professor, to most parents, is the one who spends most of his time to educate students. However, I am not belong with them. I strongly incline to the view that the main role for the university professor is to do research.

First of all, it seems attractive at first glance that professor who puts most of his or her time to educate student can give students more professional assistance in their studying or future work than others. (婷婷，我这里是写的一个让步，然后观点的突出在后面，具体表达的意思是，虽然看上去....很合理，但事实是...你是怎么想的呢？我想听听你的观点呢~~呵呵，有时间一定帮我看看) However, the truth is that the professor who does an excellent job in his research can bring more practical and useful knowledge or information to his students, these first-edge knowledge and information can not only exert positive effect on student's future work, but also inspire young people to learn something out of the text book. According to a recent research on the Internet, almost 85 percent famous universities inspire and support their professors put more time to do research in their filed.

Furthermore, devoting more time on research than education does not necessary mean the professor do not put enough time to educate students. Plus, in most famous universities, professor gives a class for students during the research process. In this particular way, the students need to do a lot of preparing work, from this kind of work, they can learn the concrete knowledge from books, websites, and magazines by themselves; and from the process of doing research, they can learn how to handle accident problems. This special reaching plus teaching mode can not only inspire students to become independent, but also give them a chance to improve there research skills. 婷婷说的升华这样行吗？

Last but not least, the most important thing we need to remember is that professors in university are not  teachers in high school, their major job is providing student more pragmatic and useful knowledge and professional assistant, but not educating them with text book. What's more, besides study, students in college should pay more attention on social activities and working opportunities.


To sum up, the main role for university professor is to do research, which benefits both the college and the students in many ways. And the students in college should learn to get knowledge and work skills out of text books.

陈喵喵holdon

TPO 1 综合

The professor is not in agreement with that of the reading passage, which suggests that such policy will be beneficial for(be beneficial to)the whole economy,individual company as well as the employees.
   
First of all, the professor argue that offering 4-day week(表达有点偏差..没说明是一周工作四天)option would not increase company's profits in the ways the reading suggests. Adding more employee(employees)will force the company spending(force sb. to do)more money on training and medical benefits, what's more, having more employees also means more office spaces(space不可数) and computers. These things will definitely cut into the company's profits.
   
Second, instead of providing more job opportunities, the company may choose to force 4-day week employees to work overtime. If these companies choose to do so, no job opportunity will be provided, and the current job is also unpleasant. It is different from the reading that such policy will reduce the unemployment rates
   
Last but not least, 4-day week job policy do provides employees more free time, but it also presents some risks. It will decrease their job ability and  harm their promotion chances. In addition, 4-day week employees will be the first one to lose job in the economic downturn. Obviously, they will be passed over for promotion for sure. That is to say, it will not improve the quality of their lives in the way the reading suggests.

-- by 会员 羊咩咩yw (2012/8/28 15:43:59)

点都覆盖到了,细节也没问题,单句复句连词也都有用到,比较balance..我感觉挺好的没有大问题哈..就是词汇觉得有点单薄

羊咩咩yw

TPO 2 综合
The professor is not in agreement with the reading passage which suggests that the best way to approach a new project is to work in a team. He uses some foundings of a company to oppose the reading's argument.

First of all, according the company, almost every team gets a free rider who does not contribute more to the project, but also can benefit from the rewording if his/her group do a successful job. On the country, the people who really put a inside on the problem solving are not be named, because the reword were placed on the whole team. It is different from the reading.

Second, the project do not move as quickly as the the reading passage mentioned. The fact is that many groups take many meetings to reach consensus on how to move the project along. It is another part which is different from the reading passage.

Last but not least, the professor says that if one ore two influencers in a group say no to a idea, this idea will be dropt instead of further discussing. What's more , the opinion from individual members will be ignored if he holds the opposites opinion against the influencer' s. However, if this project is failed, the blam will placed on all the groups as a whole but not the influencer only.

8.28独立 Agree or disagree, If child want to do well in school parents should limit the hours of watching TV programs or movies.

Parents focus intensely on the factors that affect their children' s performance in school. An positive studying and communication environment filled with meaningful activities and professional teachers is considered essential. In order to inspire children spend more time on some meaningful things, parents are trying to limit the hours of watching TV programs and movies. I totally support them.

For one reason, if children contribute more time on watching TV program or movies, they might have less time to complete their homework, let along communicating with friends and teachers, or taking part in activities. It is no doubt that these things are necessary to help them improve their performance in school. If they are attracted by unrealistic TV programs, how could they concentrate on improving themselves. Take me as an example, I still remember 4 years ago, I experienced a hard time in my college entrance exams, because I spend a lot of time watch a TV program named XXX. I could not help to watching it because of the attractive plot. I felt down and down at that time, but time could not come back. We need to take responsible for what we did. So limiting the TV- hours for students is a definitely wise move.

For another reason, there are some bad contents in TV programs, especial cartoons, may mislead children to behave unappropriate or even wired in school. According to a recent research on the internet, almost 85 percent of cartoons deliver some unrealistic informations to mislead children, which will exert a negative effect on children' s performance in school. Death Diary is a famous cartoon programs in China, it tells a story about a young student kills people who dislike by writing this special diary note, which mislead children to imitate this young students' s ridiculous behaviour. It creates a illusion for child that if they dislike somebody, they can kill he/her by write diaries. To keep children form these informations, parents definitely need to limit the hours of watching TV programs or movies.

Finally, while most TV programs and movies are not suitable for children to watch, there are also a few of them,such as the Voice of Chins and Chase Dream, benefit children from both physical activities and mental building. This kind of programs encourage student to persue their dreams in a feasible way. So if children want to devote some time on watching these kind of programs, parents should respect their interests.  

To sum up, in order to improve children' performance in school, limiting the hours of watching TV programs and movies is a best choice.

夜游的恶鸟

______错误  ______不恰当  _____修改  _____好！
8.28独立 Agree or disagree, If child want to do well in schoolparents should limit the hours of watching TV programs or movies.

Parents focus intensely on the factors that affect their children's performancein school. An(A) positive studying andcommunication environment filled with meaningful activities and professionalteachers is considered essential. In order to inspire children spend more timeon some meaningful things, parents are trying to limit the hours of watching TVprograms and movies. I totally support them.

For one reason, if children contribute more time on watching TV program ormovies, they might have less time to complete their homework, let along communicating withfriends and teachers, or taking part in activities. It is no doubt that thesethings are necessary to help them improve their performance in school. If theyare attracted by unrealistic TV programs, how could they concentrate onimproving themselves.? Take me as an example,I still remember 4 years ago, I experienced a hard time in my college entranceexams, because I spend a lot of time watch a TV program named XXX. I could nothelp to watching it because of the attractive plot. I felt down and down atthat time, but time could not come back. We need to take responsible for whatwe did. So limiting the TV- hours for students is a definitely wise move.

For another reason, there are some bad contents in TV programs, especialcartoons, may mislead children to behave unappropriate(inappropriate) or even wired in school. Accordingto a recent research on the internet, almost 85 percent of cartoons deliversome unrealistic informations(information) to misleadchildren, which will exert a negative effect on children' s(不知道是网站问题还是作者的习惯，‘s中间不需要空格)performance in school. Death Diary is a famous cartoon programs in China, ittells a story about a young student kills people who dislike by writing thisspecial diary note, which mislead children to imitate this young students' s(同上一个) ridiculous behavior. Itcreates a(an) illusion for childthat if they dislike somebody, they can kill he/her by write diaries. To keepchildren form these informations(information), parentsdefinitely need to limit the hours of watching TV programs or movies.【虽然说了电视节目带来不好的影响，但是没有说一下是怎样影响在学校的表现。可以加一两句来点一下题】

Finally, while most TV programs and movies are not suitable for children towatch, there are also a few of them, such as the Voice of Chins(China) and Chase Dream,benefit children from both physical activities and mental building. This kindof programs encourage student to persue(pursue)their dreams in a feasible way. So if children want to devote some time on watchingthese kind of programs, parents should respect their interests.  【最好是最后转折以下说虽然这些节目很好但是毕竟数量有限，再回到原本支持的观点上更好】

To sum up, in order to improvechildren' performance in school, limiting the hours of watching TVprograms and movies is a best choice. 【换了一种表达方式很好】