羊咩咩yw的写作贴~~求猛拍，for my dream~

夜游的恶鸟

改的在上页最后。
例子很充分，只是那个电视剧可以不写名字哈~表达也很连贯，只是感觉每段最好能最后强调一下你的论点，将例子回归到论点上。
只是有一点点拼写的小错误~整体很好的~一起加油~~~

kchszy061ban

来看看yangyang的作文哈。 我刚开始练的时候写一篇都三  四个小时，到现在看到作文就有些不知所措。 yangyang一开始就修改的这么认真，肯定能超过目标额。 亲 ~~~

羊咩咩yw

小k~你给的意见对我帮助很大呢，特别是在举例子这方面，每次给你改完作文我都想sha了我自己，因为你的结构和例子都没得说，眼看时间就不够鸟~不认真不行啊，使劲拼命的走第一批申请啊~~再不对ETS say bye bye不行了，你作文已经很好了，25+保拿，我还得使劲努力啊~~常来我这里看看啊，看到错误你就猛批

猫和鸭

The professor is not in agreement with the reading passage which suggests that the best way to approach a new project is to work in a team. He uses some foundings of a company to oppose the reading's argument.First of all, according the company, almost every team gets a free rider（这里是需要指出一个吗？还是说用THE来表示一类呢）who does not contribute more to the project, but also can benefit from the rewording(rewarding) if his/her group do a successful job. On the country, the people who really put a inside （insight)on the problem solving are not be named, because the reword(reward) were placed on the whole team. It is different from the reading.Second, the project do not move as quickly as the the reading passage mentioned. The fact is that many groups take many meetings to reach consensus on how to move the project along.It is another part which is different from the reading passage.Last but not least, the professor says that if one ore two influencers in a group say no to a idea, this idea will be dropt(droped) instead of further discussing. What's more , the opinion from individual members will be ignored if he holds the opposites opinion against the influencer's. However, if this project is failed, the blam will placed on all the groups as a whole but not the influencer only.

MM的这篇写作是我见过字数最少的，哈哈，不过言简意赅，论点描述很到位，就是有些常规小错，记得考试写完后多检查，不然因为这些被扣分会很怨啊。
另外，MM好像引用了好多文章的原句，虽然不容易出错，但是否考虑用些替换词啥的，不然考官会不爽吧。
MM，我目前的水平就是小K说的一篇写三四个小时的阶段，自己瀑布汗先，如果批改的不给力请MM多多包涵啊，
最后祝MM考出理想的成绩！加油！

羊咩咩yw

谢谢小M~我也3~4小时一篇，我也想换些词汇~但每次都找不到更好的~~努力琢磨中，我的字数确实比较少~这个我也很头疼，实在是找不到写的了~哈哈，我开始的时候写得更少~直逼ETS底线，你说多写一些reading的内容会不会好一点？

羊咩咩yw

8.29 独立

Parents focus intensely on the factors that affect their children' s performance in school, an positive environment filled with excellent teachers is considered essential, They even argue that increasing teachers' salaries is the best way to improve the quality of education. In my point of view. It is possible, but not very probable.



First of all, a high education quality is based on the joint efforts from students, parents and teachers. The idea to improve teachers' salaries is an appealing one, but it is not feasible unless blending with the cooperation of parents and students. Students, it is thought, benefit from the professional assistance and practive advices of teachers. That is to say, to improve the quality of education, we should to improve teachers' knowledge range and education experience, but not their salaries. According to a recent research on the Internet, nearly 90% of famous high schools ,with high reputations on education quality, put 95% of their education fond on teachers' training projects. In addition, these kind of schools inspire and support teachers to get further degree in other countries. It is concluded that improving the teachers' salaries is far from a best way to increase education quality.

Second, teachers may put more attention on other things but education students if they get higher salaries. It is a natural for people to enjoy and experience novelty things if they have enough money to support them. When teachers get more salaries, they might spend these money on traveling, investing, or other interest things they want to do. It will exert a negative influence on students' performance in school. Take my high school english teacher as an example, I still remember 4 years ago, almost 60% classmates in our school had a bad experience on our college entrance English exams because our English teacher put more time on investing estate rather than companying with us. It is obvious that , in most cases, teacher with high wages will harm students' chances to improve themselves.

However, there is something to the opposing point of view. Some excellent teachers with high salaries tend to improve their work abilities and broaden knowledge range. It is these kind of teachers who give students professional advices to persue their dreams. Yet, the number of representative cases is relatively few. Therefore, these special cases can not be widely applied in all teachers.

To sum up. there are a lot of ways to improve the quality of education, and to improve teachers' salaries is not the best method.  

TPO 3
The professor admits that every thing we read from the reading is true, but, after several examination, it is concluded that the painting is indeed a wark from Rembrandt. She provided some findings from the examination to demonstrate her idea, as presented below.

First of all, according to the examination, the luxurious fur collar was not part of the original painting. Someone added it over the original painting in order to increase the value of it. So in the original one, there is no inconsistence about the way the women in the portrait is dressed.

Second , she mentions that if we remove the luxurious fur collar, we could see the original painting, in which the white linen cap can reflect the light to illuminate the woman's face. In the original one, the light and shadow are so realistic just as we respect for.

Last but not least, according to the above analyzing, the painting is not the original one. The wood panels were added by some people who want to make it looks more grand and valuable. And the scientist of this research indicate that the original wood panel came from the very same tree of one of Rembrandt's work, his self portrait with a hat.

kchszy061ban

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误
Parents focus intensely on the factors that affect their children' s performance in school, (这里加个关联词)an positive environment filled with excellent teachers is considered essential, They even argue that increasing teachers' salaries is the best way to improve the quality of education. In my point of view. It is possible, but not very probable.

First of all, a high education quality is based on the joint efforts from students, parents and teachers. The idea to improve teachers' salaries is an appealing one, but it is not feasible unless blending with the cooperation of parents and students. Students, it is thought, benefit from the professional assistance and practive advices of teachers. That is to say, to improve the quality of education, we should to（原形）improve teachers' knowledge range and education experience, but not their salaries. According to a recent research on the Internet, nearly 90% of famous high schools ,with high reputations on education quality, put 95% of their education fond on teachers' training projects. In addition, these kind of schools inspire and support teachers to get further degree in other countries. It is concluded that improving the teachers' salaries is far from a best way to increase education quality.

Second, teachers may put more attention on other things but education（其实这里也可以用rather than，educate）students if they get higher salaries. It is a（这里不要冠词的） natural for people to enjoy and experience novelty things if they have enough money to support them（这里感觉加上了不是很好 support 感觉应该跟basic needs 相关，这些都是必须的）. When teachers get more（感觉more 换成higher比较好） salaries, they might spend these money on traveling, investing, or other interest（interesting adj） things they want to do. （要不这里加个which连成整句好了）It will exert a negative influence on students' performance in school. Take my high school english teacher as an example, I still remember 4 years ago, almost 60% classmates in our school had a bad experience on our college entrance English exams because our English teacher put more time on investing estate rather than companying with us. It is obvious that , in most cases, teacher with high wages will harm students' chances to improve themselves.（感觉最后一句写成 will lead to unpredictable result which will do harm to students in the long run. 这样可以和你的例子相照应）

However, there is something to the opposing point of view. Some excellent teachers with high salaries tend to improve their work abilities and broaden knowledge range. It is these kind of teachers who give students professional advices to persue their dreams. Yet, the number of representative cases is relatively few. Therefore, these special cases can not be widely applied in all teachers.（感觉这段可不可写，一些高薪老师是另外，然后说他们怎么做好工作，教好学生，举个例子下，然后总结，感觉这样比较好额。Yangyang 要不试试？）

To sum up. there are a lot of ways to improve the quality of education, and to improve teachers' salaries is not the best method.
Yangyang ,我一直在看高分185，这上面的文章很经典啊。

TPO 3
The professor admits that everything we read from the reading is true, but, after several examinations, it is concluded that the painting is indeed a wa（work of ）from Rembrandt. She provided（provides,前后保持时态一致） some findings from the examination to demonstrate her idea, as presented below.

First of all, according to the examination, the luxurious fur collar was not （这里是要加冠词的了）part of the original painting. Someone added it over the original painting in order to increase the value of it. So in the original one, there is no inconsistence about the way the women in the portrait is dressed.

Second , she mentions that if we remove the luxurious fur collar, we could see the original painting, in which the white linen cap can reflect the light to illuminate the woman's face. In the original one, the light and shadow are so realistic just as we respect for（expect？）.

Last but not least, according to the above analyzing, the painting is not the original one. （这里面要加个连词什么的）The wood panels were added by some people who want to make it looks more grand and valuable. And the scientist of this research indicate that the original wood panel came from the very same tree of（这里容易有歧义的） one of Rembrandt's work, his self portrait with a hat.

Yangyang 听力点到了，句子的组织和衔接还是要练下

羊咩咩yw

8.30 综合
It is more important for government to spend more money to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational facilities(such as swimming pools, play ground)

With the increasing development of our society, people focus intensely on the factors that affect their health both physically and psychologically. An positive living environment filled with big art museum, music performance center and various recreational facilities is considered essential. When asked if government should spend more money to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational, my answer is definitely yes.

First of all, a museum is such a place where display the most essence part of a city's, or even a country's art culture. It provides an opportunity for citizens and travelers to admire beautiful and elaborated art works. In addition, building a art museum is money-consuming, only government has enough money and right to build it. What's more, a large number of these culture heritages' fate remain vulnerable. To halt the accelerating losing of these art works, government must spend more money to build art museums. On the country, according to a recent research on the internet, over 85 percent of cities have enough recreational facilities since 2010, however, only 25 percent of countries have or plan to build art museums. It is concluded that building more art museums is more urgent than building recreational facilities.

Second, it is acknowledge that music is power, music is company, and music is knowledge, it plays a indispensable role in our life. Watching a music performance while working is the most efficacious way of relaxing our mind. However, the truth is that there are not enough music centers for people to enjoy their leisure time, in most case, they can hardly buy a single ticket. I still remember last time, I was so excited because Langlang, a famous pianist in China, came to our city to give us a concert. The music center in our country is so small that my friends and I could not get tickets even though we came to the ticket center in 6 o'clock am. I was down and blue at that time. If the government can spend more money to build a larger music performance center, more people can have this opportunity to watch Langlang's concert.

Last but not least, people in nowadays tend to do exercises in gym. It not only provides people more advanced facilities, but also a coze atmosphere to hang out with friends. What's more, the professional instructors in gym can give people practical advices to help them build their figures. So it is unnecessary for government to spend more money on building recreational facilities.

To sum up, in order to provide us a more wonderful living environment, I call upon the government to spend more money to build art museums and music performance centers.
 
TPO4
The professor mentions that many scientists are not in agreement with the reading passage, which suggests that dinosaurs are endotherms, she provides three main ideas to oppose the main point in the reading passage, as presented bellow.

First of all. she mentions that the temperatures in the polar region was more wormer that today, wormer enough for no endotherms animal to survive in that period. What's more, when temperature became colder, the polar dinosaurs can migrate to other wormer place or just h5beraete. So the dinosaur fossils of polar region cannot prove the dinosaurs are endotherms.

Second, she mentions that legs underneath body dose not necessary mean they allows sustained physical activity. It also can be explained that the legs can undertake more weight of dinosaurs. And large weight is a characteristic of dinosaurs.

Last but not least, she admits that many dinosaurs do have haversian canals,  but they also have growth rings which indicate the period when they would stop grow. It provides evidence that dinosaurs can stop growth or slow growth during cold periods. On the country, even though in cold period, the endothermes also can growth rapidly.

fuzhengrui

羊咩咩yw

谢谢~~你给的意见对我很有帮助呢， 我再好好改改~有空多来拍我的作文吖