刺猬加入『写作小分队』 真心想改掉拖延症 要坚持

Herisson0509

在这里认识了晨依（再次谢谢晨依）
她介绍我加入写作小分队 我9号立马就入了
想着第二天就写作文 交掉让大神改改
可是最终又被拖延症拉下水了
我是真想练啊啊啊
唉 昨天又看了几个人CDer的心经
才知道差距原来可以这么远
还不开始努力怎么能行呢

所以我得振奋起来了 和大家一起战斗 加油

Herisson0509

3月11日 独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.

In history, every war,the emperor often asked some strategists to help to choose the method of fight. Whatever wait patiently or action immeditaly ,both success and failure exists.So is the modern times .However, it is not completely true to say that patience is usually not a good strategy, we should take action now rather than later.

 Firstly, due to the variation of character，everyone inevitably has different ways of doing things.Such as ,those people who is calm and steady must possess enough patience before take action. Importantly ，patience on behalf of enough preparations.As we all know, well begin is half done.No good preparations,no actions. Do not think that preparing patiently is wasting time,or you will never know the result can beyond your expection so far.If an enterprise do not spend a lot of time and enenrgy buying building materials, how can they build the building for their work？So the patience is the basic of the action like the foundation of a building.Nobody can buid in the air.


 Moreover,at the same time, after starting to take action,patience is also necessary.Whatever we do ,a gentle state of mind can cause an effective effect all the time.Some people usually perfer to finish work in a hurry,as a consequence the high failure rate happens.As the old saying goes,giving are always equal to reward.Therefore,we should do anything step by step.Position yourself ,never follow others blindly. Take myself as an example,I had to say the process of studying TOEFL is quite hard.When heared friends studied much further than me, I can not calm myself down.I was too anxious to know how to do next,which delayed my all plan.After that,I took a few days to adjust myself.Now,everything return back nomal.


  Of course,we encourage to take action earlier and quicker .Nevertheless,patience must attach to the action tightly.It will be so easy for all work that combine patience and actionscientifically.In a word,it is superfical to simply say that patience is usually not a good strategy.

晨依Jacqueline

加油加油！共同进步呀~

Herisson0509

3.12 独立
先附一段（嗨婷婷，我们同是5.12的哦。加油哦。
这个话题 本来是可以说不少的 写着写着就有点绕自己了 云里雾里的
我的思路如何才能清晰
听说你作文写的不错 ，我去看了一下，果然就如传闻所说。

我差你们都太远了。估计会耗费婷婷一段时间和精力。
总之，拜托婷婷辛苦了。有什么都可以说的，如果你想照顾一下我的面子，可以私聊我的。）

3月12日独立

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Can two people be good friends if one people has more money than the other?

We all know, money can cater people lots of needs,which causes a strong attraction.However,it can not completely be the reason that two people want to be friend.

Firstly,money is not everything.It is impossible that balance friendship by money as same as buy things.The real value of friendship is an special emotion that two people share joy and sorrows each other.As the old saying goes,A friend in need is a friend indeed.Whatever you are successful or in trouble,he always be around .Pure and true friendship absolutely has nothing to do with money or benefit.Moreover,when we were child,we had considerably friends without considering whether his family was rich or her father owned much power. People always can not catch friendship accurately and appropriately because of its unique feature and some complex elements.It is just that simply is true.

On the other hand, people also can pretend to be your good friend due to your rich.So is the aim. In fact,they just want to use you to achieve goals. Perhaps in the end you are still not aware of what happened,they have stolen all assets you once possessed and run away. In their eyes,benefit lies the first forever. To them,you are only a tool for earning money.Such foul way to make friends seriously pollute the value of friendship.

As far as I am concerned,people who have a common goal often be good friend.Take an example of me,I meet a kind girl on the CD in the process of preparing TOEFL TEST.She helps me a lot and we encourage each other when we are in trouble.This is our true friendship.

In a word,true friendship can not be relate to any money or benefit. Whether you are rich or poor,make friend with others in your heart.You will get good friend,even better for reward.

婷婷connie

3月12日独立 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Can two people be good friends if one people has more money than the other?

ps:你睡好晚啊！我写的一般吧，也是这两天才刚开始，感觉Jason写的很好，互相交流吧，呵呵！

红色修改，蓝色疑问，黄色精彩


We all know, money can cater people lots of needs（people's demands largely）,which causes a strong attraction.（这里你想说money引起好的attraction 还是坏的？ 通常cause后面接的是不好的结果，那么下文就不需要用however了，建议使用evoke）However,it can not completely be the reason that two people want to be friend.
注意一下：写作时，标点之后是需要空格的。

Firstly,money is not everything.It is impossiblethat（to） balance friendship by money as same as buy(建议使用高级一点的词汇purchase) things.The real value of friendship is an special emotion that two people share joy and sorrows（joy和sorrow如果是开心/悲伤的人或事，则需要加s，这里一定要前后一致）with each other.As the old saying goes（感觉怪怪的）,A friend in need is a friend indeed.（呵呵，这句我也用了）Whatever（Whenever） you are successful or in trouble（后面也用形容词吧tough）,he always be around .Pure and true friendship absolutely has nothing to do with money or benefit.Moreover,when we were children,we had considerably(这个是非常地的意思，不是形容词，建议用a good number of ) friends without considering whether his family was rich or her father owned much power. People always can not catch friendship accurately and appropriately because of its unique feature and some complex elements.It is just that simply is true.(这句话很中式，是“简单才是真”吗？直接写What counts is sincereness. )

On the other hand, people also can pretend to be your good friend due to your rich(wealth).So is the aim（这句没有看懂）. In fact,they just want to use(exploit) you to achieve goals. Perhaps in the end you are still not aware of what happened,they have stolen all assets you once possessed and run(ran?) away. In their eyes,benefit lies the first (enjoys the first priority)forever. To them,you are only a tool for earning money.Such foul way to make friends seriously pollute the value of friendship.

As far as I am concerned,people who have a common goal often be（become） good friends.Take an example of me,I meet a kind girl on the CD in the process of preparing TOEFL TEST.She helps me a lot and we encourage each other when we are in trouble.This is our true friendship.

In a word,true friendship can not be related to any money or benefit. Whether you are rich or poor,make friends(因为交朋友是两个人的事，所以要加s) with others in your heart.You will get good friend,even better for reward.

conclusion:连词用的不错，表扬一下。
但和我一样，写文还是很中式，尤其是第二个主段。
倒数第二段，说的是有共同目标的人更能成为朋友，可以把instead of money 带上，这样对比一下更好。
加油啦，发展空间还很大哦！期待看到你更多的进步~

Crystaljoy

3月11日独立写作修改
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.

来帮蝴蝶渡海看看小刺猬的文章，我主要是关注语法小错误哈。

In history, every war,（In every war in history）the emperor often asked some strategists to help to choose the method of fight. Whatever wait patiently or action immeditaly , both success and failure exists. So is the modern times. (这句话whatever，so用法错误，意思看起来也有点费解，感觉和前后句不太衔接。) However, it is not completely true to say that patience is usually not a good strategy, （,改成and 不然容易理解成前面是不对，后面是应该）we should take action now rather than later.

Firstly, due to the variation of character（various characteristics），everyone inevitably has different ways of doing (handling) things. Such as ,(For example. 注意such as 后面接N列举, 不须单独成句。例如：I love watching movies such as fiction, comedy, action movies and so on.) those people who is(are) calm and steady must possess enough patience before take(taking. 注意介词后面V的形式) action. Importantly ，patience on behalf of（stands for/ entails 这里需要一个V，不然就不能成为完整句子了） enough preparations. As we all know, well begin (begun) is half done .No good preparations, no (proper) actions. Do not think that preparing patiently is wasting time, or you will never know the result can beyond your expection so far. (because you never know how far the result can be beyond your expectation) If an enterprise do not spend a lot of time and energy(energy) buying building materials, how can they build the building for their work？(感觉这个反问的有点欠妥啊，针对性不够。我试着改改哈：If an architectural engineer cannot endure the longtime spent on studying various construction materials, how can he make the best use of them to build the skyscraper? ) So the patience is the basic of the action like the foundation of a building. Nobody can buid in the air. (So patience is to action what foundation is to building, as nobody can build in the air. 忽然想到A is to B what C is to D 这个句型很适合你这个意思。吼吼。)


Moreover, at the same time,（删去） after starting to take action, patience is also necessary. Whatever we do ,a gentle state of mind can cause（contributes to 一个是三单问题，一个是词汇的选择） an effective effect all the time. Some people usually perfer（prefer） to finish work in a hurry, as a consequence （，）the high failure rate happens. As the old saying goes, giving are always equal to reward. Therefore, we should do anything step by step. Position yourself, never follow others blindly. Take myself as an example, I had to say the process of studying TOEFL is quite hard. When heared friends studied much further than me,(hearing of friends who studied more than me,) I can(could) not calm myself down. I was too anxious to know how to do next, which delayed my all plan.(what delayed my process and how to make it up next) After that, I took a few days to adjust myself. Now, everything return back nomal. (is back on track 回归正轨)


Of course, we encourage to take action earlier and quicker .Nevertheless, patience must attach to the action tightly. It will be so easy forall work that（to handle all work when）combine patience and action scientifically. In a word, it is superfical to simply say that patience is usually not a good strategy.


结构很好的！再细心一些，注意语法小错误。还是感觉有点翻译中文，建议多读读美文，多积累地道的美式表达。加油！

蝴蝶渡海

In history, every war,(In every war in history)the emperor often asked some strategists to help to choose the method of fight. Whatever wait patiently or action immeditaly(immediately)(另外此句我觉得这么写能合适点NO matter what you wait patiently or action immediately, both success and failure exist) ,both success and failure exists(exist).So is(does) the modern times .However, it is not completely true to say that patience is usually not a good strategy,(此处必须有连词and，否则是典型的语法错误) we should take action now rather than later.

Firstly, due to the variation of character，everyone inevitably has different ways of doing things.（此句读起来怪怪的我认为写成everyone has own unique way of doing things比较好，仅供参考啊）Such as（such as 不能引导句子，后面直接+名词，换成For example 或者For instance）,those people who is （are）calm and steady must possess enough patience before take（taking） action. Importantly ，patience on behalf of enough preparations. . Importantly(建议用Above all或者It is important that...), patience on behalf of(represents比较好，如果你那个用法的话需要前面加个谓语动词)enough(abundant/sufficient) preparations. (而且这个句子和本段主题句差距较大，不适合放在这里) As we all know, well begin is half done.No good preparations,no actions.（使用谚语或者引用名人名言不错但是我查了下应该是A well began is half done，而且后面的那个是什么意思啊）Do not think that preparing patiently is wasting time,or you will never know the result can beyond your expection（expectation） so far.If an enterprise do not spend a lot of time and enenrgy（energy） buying building materials, how can they build the building for their work？So the patience is the basic （basis）of the action like the foundation of a building.Nobody can buid （build）in the air.


Moreover,at the same time, （at the same time 删除）after starting to take action,patience is also necessary.Whatever we do ,a gentle state of mind can cause an effective effect all the time.Some people usually perfer to finish work in a hurry,as a consequence the high failure rate happens.As the old saying goes,giving are always equal to reward.Therefore,we should do anything step by step.Position yourself ,never follow others blindly. Take myself as an example,I had to say the process of studying TOEFL is quite hard.When heared friends studied much further than me, I can not calm myself down.（前半句when heard..语法有错误哈）I was too anxious to know how to do next,which delayed my all plan.After that,I took a few days to adjust myself.Now,everything return back nomal.（normal）


Of course,we encourage to take action earlier and quicker .Nevertheless,patience must attach to the action tightly.It will be so easy for all work that combine patience and actionscientifically.In a word,it is superfical to simply say that patience is usually not a good strategy.




可能是第一次写吧单词的拼写错误很多,一定要注意啊。句子结构错误也挺多的，给我的感觉就是有点支离破碎的，像东拼西凑起来的。另外一点建议：标点后空一格，否则也算是语法错误。多写写就好了，大家都加油，我看到鸟儿已经给你改了。昨晚我怕我改的不好让她也给你改一份。认真就会进步。大家都加油！

Herisson0509

在鸟儿和蝴蝶辛苦一番后，我更正的：

In every war in history, the emperor often asked some strategists to help to choose the method of fight. NO matter what you wait patiently or action immediately, both success and failure exist. So does the modern times. However, it is not completely true to say that patience is usually not a good strategy and we should take action now rather than later.

Firstly, due to the various characteristics, everyone has own unique way of doing things. For instance,those people who are calm and steady must possess enough patience before taking action. As we all know, well begun is half done. Do not think that preparing patiently is wasting time, because you never know how far the result can be beyond your expectation. If an architectural engineer cannot endure the longtime spent on studying various construction materials, how can he make the best use of them to build the skyscraper? So patience is to action what foundation is to building, as nobody can build in the air.

Moreover, after starting to take action, patience is also necessary. Whatever we do ,a gentle state of mind can contributes to an effective effect all the time. Some people usually prefer to finish work in a hurry, as a consequence ,the high failure rate happens. As the old saying goes, giving are always equal to reward. Therefore, we should do anything step by step.Position yourself ,never follow others blindly. Take myself as an example, I had to say the process of studying TOEFL is quite hard. When hearing of friends who studied more than me, I could not calm myself down. I was too anxious to know what delayed my process and how to make it up next. After that, I took a few days to adjust myself. Now, everythingis back on track.

Of course, we encourage to take action earlier and quicker .Nevertheless, patience must attach to the action tightly. It will be so easy to handle all work when combine patience and action scientifically. In a word, it is superfical to simply say that patience is usually not a good strategy.
（高亮是他们修改的精彩之处，要重点标记，宝贵财富）
再次感谢他们两个。
在这个过程中，我学到了许多，看到了自己的不足之处，我更加愿意去努力完善自己。

Herisson0509

婷婷修改后更正的


3.12 独立
We all know, money can cater people's demands largely, which evokes a strong attraction.However,it can not completely be the reason that two people want to be friend.




Firstly, money is not everything. It is impossible to balance friendship by money as same as purchase things. The real value of friendship is an special emotion that two people share joys and sorrows with each other. As the old saying goes, A friend in need is a friend indeed. Whenever you are successful or tough, he always be around. Pure and true friendship absolutely has nothing to do with money or benefit. Moreover, when we were children,we had a good number of friends without considering whether his family was rich or her father owned much power. People always can not catch friendship accurately and appropriately because of its unique feature and some complex elements. What counts is sincereness.

On the other hand, people also can pretend to be your good friend due to your wealth. In fact, they just want to exploit you to achieve goals. Perhaps in the end you are still not aware of what happened, they have stolen all assets you once possessed and ran away. In their eyes,benefit enjoys the first priority forever. To them, you are only a tool for earning money.Such foul way to make friends seriously pollute the value of friendship.




As far as I am concerned, people who have a common goal often become good friends instead of money. Take an example of me, I meet a kind girl on the CD in the process of preparing TOEFL TEST. She helps me a lot and we encourage each other when we are in trouble. This is our true friendship.

In a word, true friendship can not be related to any money or benefit. Whether you are rich or poor, make friends with others in your heart. You will get good friend,even better for reward.

Herisson0509

3月12日独立 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Can two people be good friends if one people has more money than the other?

ps:你睡好晚啊！我写的一般吧，也是这两天才刚开始，感觉Jason写的很好，互相交流吧，呵呵！

红色修改，蓝色疑问，黄色精彩


We all know, money can cater people lots of needs（people's demands largely）,which causes a strong attraction.（这里你想说money引起好的attraction 还是坏的？ 通常cause后面接的是不好的结果，那么下文就不需要用however了，建议使用evoke）However,it can not completely be the reason that two people want to be friend.
注意一下：写作时，标点之后是需要空格的。

Firstly,money is not everything.It is impossiblethat（to） balance friendship by money as same as buy(建议使用高级一点的词汇purchase) things.The real value of friendship is an special emotion that two people share joy and sorrows（joy和sorrow如果是开心/悲伤的人或事，则需要加s，这里一定要前后一致）with each other.As the old saying goes（感觉怪怪的）,A friend in need is a friend indeed.（呵呵，这句我也用了）Whatever（Whenever） you are successful or in trouble（后面也用形容词吧tough）,he always be around .Pure and true friendship absolutely has nothing to do with money or benefit.Moreover,when we were children,we had considerably(这个是非常地的意思，不是形容词，建议用a good number of ) friends without considering whether his family was rich or her father owned much power. People always can not catch friendship accurately and appropriately because of its unique feature and some complex elements.It is just that simply is true.(这句话很中式，是“简单才是真”吗？直接写What counts is sincereness. )

On the other hand, people also can pretend to be your good friend due to your rich(wealth).So is the aim（这句没有看懂）. In fact,they just want to use(exploit) you to achieve goals. Perhaps in the end you are still not aware of what happened,they have stolen all assets you once possessed and run(ran?) away. In their eyes,benefit lies the first (enjoys the first priority)forever. To them,you are only a tool for earning money.Such foul way to make friends seriously pollute the value of friendship.

As far as I am concerned,people who have a common goal often be（become） good friends.Take an example of me,I meet a kind girl on the CD in the process of preparing TOEFL TEST.She helps me a lot and we encourage each other when we are in trouble.This is our true friendship.

In a word,true friendship can not be related to any money or benefit. Whether you are rich or poor,make friends(因为交朋友是两个人的事，所以要加s) with others in your heart.You will get good friend,even better for reward.

conclusion:连词用的不错，表扬一下。
但和我一样，写文还是很中式，尤其是第二个主段。
倒数第二段，说的是有共同目标的人更能成为朋友，可以把instead of money 带上，这样对比一下更好。
加油啦，发展空间还很大哦！期待看到你更多的进步~

-- by 会员 婷婷connie (2012/3/13 8:27:50)

万分感谢婷婷！！！还小小表扬了我，真是体贴哦。
就像你说的我的发展空间还很大，我会努力完善自己。