刺猬加入『写作小分队』 真心想改掉拖延症 要坚持

Herisson0509

3月16日110415 NA



昨天看完李笑来的一些作文，觉得这次的题目正符合可以两边倒，就想have a try。

婷婷受苦了啊，这两天都是你改我的。



Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Compared with hiring famous teachers, school should pay more attention to improve facilities.



Evey year in June, the univerisities in China are faced a ardent competition due to huge amounts of students will have a selection among them. Depend on personality type, we can find that pefect colleges in their imagination are diverse. However, which is more important bewteen well-knowen professors and improved facilities to us?



To begin with, thoes are advanced in equipments enjoy the priority. As the popular saying goes,the first impressions matter hugely because it sets the stage for our judgement. Therefore, it is the definitive moment when new students enter the university with their parents for the first time. The initial decision adhere to whether the essential establishments are provided. Consider me for an example, that year my father wanted me to give up when we saw those antiquated machinery I would use in four years. Although I was extremely dissatisfied with everything in there, I comfort him that I can bear hardship when I saw my father`s tears for his love. In fact, I feel very sorry for him since as yet he is worried about me. So, it is more appealing that a college reaches level of modernization.

In addition, it is acknowledged that devices are indispensable to us. The reason why we need them is that they can supply convience in numerous aspects for us. For instance, in winter, boys want to play basketball whereas they are compelled to give up owing to no indoor basketball hall in our college. In our spare time, we can always stay healthy by taking exercise. The environment we would study and live in four or more years are completely benefical to our growth.

Certainly, there is no denying that celebarted professors attract an lot of students for their popularity. To undergradutes, special experiences learned from professors are of great value. Usually, social successful men are willing to spend much money on a noted professor`s lecture. In univerisity, academicians not only increase knowledge but also save a large amount of money. Thus sometimes, we cannot emphasize the importance of the famed person too much.

Above all, in breif, improved facilities and famous teachers are essential to completeness to an outstangding school. Combine both of them reasonably will bring more benefits to the society.

婷婷connie

木事木事，怎么昨天就咱们俩啊？
Evey year in June, the univerisities（the university /universities 任选一个，the 加复数不常见的） in China are faced a ardent competition due to huge amounts of students will have a selection among them. Depend on personality types, we can find that pefect colleges in their（their 指代不明） imagination are diverse. However, which is more important bewteen well-knowen professors and improved facilities to us?(第一段最好把观点表出来，不能给读者一个问句)



To begin with, thoes universities are advanced in equipments enjoy the priority. As the popular saying goes,the first impressions matter hugely because it sets the stage for our judgement.（这句话是第一印象决定选择吗？ 感觉怪怪的~） Therefore, it is the definitive moment when new students enter the university with their parents for the first time. The initial decision adhere to whether the essential establishments are provided. Consider me for an example, that year my father wanted me to give up when we saw those antiquated machineryI would use in four years（这句话有点中式，写成which would accompany me for four years）. Although I was extremely dissatisfied with everything in there, I comfort him that I can bear hardship when I saw my father`s tears for his love. In fact, I feel very sorry for him since asyet he is worried about me. So, it is more appealing that a college reaches level of modernization(感觉不对，但是也想不到好的替换).

In addition, it is acknowledged that devices are indispensable to us. The reason why we need them is that they can supply convience in numerous aspects for us. For instance, in winter, boys want to play basketball whereas they are compelled to give up owing to no indoor basketball hallcourt in our college. Thus, In our spare time, we can always stay healthy by taking exercise. TheSuch environment(表明是在设施先进的环境里) we would study and live in four or more years are completely benefical to our growth.

Certainly, there is no denying that celebarted professors attract an lot of students for their popularity(这个还没有写完，接着however, people's aims are also for economical study,一般批作文时会先看每一段的ts，你这样写会造成误会的 ). To undergradutes, special experiences learned（obtained） from professors are of great value. Usually, social successful men are willing to spend much money on a noted professor`s lecture. In univerisity, academicians not only increase knowledge but also save a large amount of money. Thus sometimes, we cannot emphasize the importance of the famed person too much.（这个让步段不利于主观点的说的有点多）

Above all, in breif, improved facilities and famous teachers are essential to completeness to an outstangding school. Combine both of them reasonably will bring more benefits to the society.
这个结尾是说两个都好吗？通常在考试中，建议侧重一方面。
据我理解，让步的写法不是在两者中折中，而是先选一个，然后说其实另一个也行，但是和之前那个比远远不如，或者是说第一个也有缺点，但是可以通过某些方法客服。
Conclusion:能看出在作文模板上下了一番功夫，逻辑方面有待加强，之后多看一些文章结构方面的知识吧~

Herisson0509

和同学交流了一下，觉得婷婷说的很对。

创新失败了还是老老实实一边倒吧

决定好好改一下婷婷抽空帮忙看下有没有好很多

蓝色为修改

Evey year in June, universities（the 加复数不常见的） in China are faced a ardent competition due to huge amounts of students will have a selection among them. Depend on personality types, we can find that perfect colleges in college student`s（their 指代不明） imagination are diverse. From my point of view, it is advisable to improve the facilities in school.

To begin with, thoes universities are advanced in equipments enjoy the priority. As the popular saying goes,the first impression matters hugely （换成greatly）because it influences our judgement.（这句话是第一印象决定选择吗？感觉怪怪的~起初我觉得还可以吧，查词的时候看到的；后面问了鸟儿我就按她说的改了） Therefore, it is the definitive moment when new students enter the university with their parents for the first time. The initial decision adhere to whether the essential establishments are provided. Consider me for an example, that year my father wanted me to give up when we saw those antiquated machineryI would use in four years which would accompany me for four years（这句话有点中式，写成which would accompany me for four years）. Although I was extremely dissatisfied with everything in there, I comfort him that I can bear hardship when I saw my father`s tears for his love. In fact, I feel very sorry for him since asyet he is worried about me. So, it is more appealing that a college reaches alevel of modernization(感觉不对，但是也想不到好的替换现代化水平应该还好吧也不知道换成什么就加了个a).

In addition, it is acknowledged that devices are indispensable to us. The reason why we need them is that they can supply convience in numerous aspects for us. For instance, in winter, boys want to play basketball whereas they are compelled to give up owing to no indoor basketball hallcourt in our college. Thus, In our spare time, we can always stay healthy by taking exercise. TheSuch environment(表明是在设施先进的环境里) we would study and live in four or more years are completely benefical to our growth.

Certainly, there is no denying that celebarted professors attract an lot of students for their popularity，however, people's aims are also for economical study .(这个还没有写完，接着however, people's aims are also for economical study,一般批作文时会先看每一段的ts，你这样写会造成误会的 ). To undergradutes, special experiences learned obtained（obtained） from professors are of great value. Usually, social successful men are willing to spend much money on a noted professor`s lecture. In univerisity, academicians not only increase knowledge but also save a large amount of money. But, compared with the advanced machines, the well-known professors are less important.

Above all, in breif, improved facilities and famous teachers are essential to completeness to an outstangding school. Neverthless，I strongly commit the notion that school should pay more attention to improve facilities.

Herisson0509

木事木事，怎么昨天就咱们俩啊？
Evey year in June, the univerisities（the university /universities 任选一个，the 加复数不常见的） in China are faced a ardent competition due to huge amounts of students will have a selection among them. Depend on personality types, we can find that pefect colleges in their（their 指代不明） imagination are diverse. However, which is more important bewteen well-knowen professors and improved facilities to us?(第一段最好把观点表出来，不能给读者一个问句)



To begin with, thoes universities are advanced in equipments enjoy the priority. As the popular saying goes,the first impressions matter hugely because it sets the stage for our judgement.（这句话是第一印象决定选择吗？ 感觉怪怪的~） Therefore, it is the definitive moment when new students enter the university with their parents for the first time. The initial decision adhere to whether the essential establishments are provided. Consider me for an example, that year my father wanted me to give up when we saw those antiquated machineryI would use in four years（这句话有点中式，写成which would accompany me for four years）. Although I was extremely dissatisfied with everything in there, I comfort him that I can bear hardship when I saw my father`s tears for his love. In fact, I feel very sorry for him since asyet he is worried about me. So, it is more appealing that a college reaches level of modernization(感觉不对，但是也想不到好的替换).

In addition, it is acknowledged that devices are indispensable to us. The reason why we need them is that they can supply convience in numerous aspects for us. For instance, in winter, boys want to play basketball whereas they are compelled to give up owing to no indoor basketball hallcourt in our college. Thus, In our spare time, we can always stay healthy by taking exercise. TheSuch environment(表明是在设施先进的环境里) we would study and live in four or more years are completely benefical to our growth.

Certainly, there is no denying that celebarted professors attract an lot of students for their popularity(这个还没有写完，接着however, people's aims are also for economical study,一般批作文时会先看每一段的ts，你这样写会造成误会的 ). To undergradutes, special experiences learned（obtained） from professors are of great value. Usually, social successful men are willing to spend much money on a noted professor`s lecture. In univerisity, academicians not only increase knowledge but also save a large amount of money. Thus sometimes, we cannot emphasize the importance of the famed person too much.（这个让步段不利于主观点的说的有点多）

Above all, in breif, improved facilities and famous teachers are essential to completeness to an outstangding school. Combine both of them reasonably will bring more benefits to the society.
这个结尾是说两个都好吗？通常在考试中，建议侧重一方面。
据我理解，让步的写法不是在两者中折中，而是先选一个，然后说其实另一个也行，但是和之前那个比远远不如，或者是说第一个也有缺点，但是可以通过某些方法客服。
Conclusion:能看出在作文模板上下了一番功夫，逻辑方面有待加强，之后多看一些文章结构方面的知识吧~

-- by 会员 婷婷connie (2012/3/17 16:08:37)

谢谢婷婷的提醒 以后还是乖乖的

婷婷connie

Evey year in June, universities（the 加复数不常见的） in China are faced a ardent competition due to huge amounts of students will have a selection among them. Depend on personality types, we can find that perfect colleges in college student`s（their 指代不明） imagination are diverse. From my point of view, it is advisable to improve the facilities in school.

To begin with, thoes universities are advanced in equipments enjoy the priority. As the popular saying goes,the first impression matters hugely （换成greatly）because it influences our judgement.（这句话是第一印象决定选择吗？感觉怪怪的~起初我觉得还可以吧，查词的时候看到的；后面问了鸟儿我就按她说的改了） Therefore, it is the definitive moment when new students enter the university with their parents for the first time. The initial decision adhere to whether the essential establishments are provided. Consider me for an example, that year my father wanted me to give up when we saw those antiquated machineryI would use in four years which would accompany me for four years（这句话有点中式，写成which would accompany me for four years）. Although I was extremely dissatisfied with everything in there, I comfort him that I can bear hardship when I saw my father`s tears for his love. In fact, I feel very sorry for him since asyet he is worried about me. So, it is more appealing that a college reaches alevel of modernization(感觉不对，但是也想不到好的替换现代化水平应该还好吧也不知道换成什么就加了个a).(that a college owns a great many of modern facilities.)

In addition, it is acknowledged that devices are indispensable to us. The reason why we need them is that they can supply convience in numerous aspects for us. For instance, in winter, boys want to play basketball whereas they are compelled to give up owing to no indoor basketball hallcourt in our college. Thus, In our spare time, we can always stay healthy by taking exercise. TheSuch environment(表明是在设施先进的环境里) we would study and live in four or more years are completely benefical to our growth.

Certainly, there is no denying that celebarted professors attract an lot of students for their popularity，however, people's aims are also for economical study .(However, people also base their aims on economical aspect我又改了一下，这样更好吧)(这个还没有写完，接着however, people's aims are also for economical study,一般批作文时会先看每一段的ts，你这样写会造成误会的 ). To undergradutes, special experiences learned obtained（obtained） from professors are of great value. Usually, social successful men are willing to spend much money on a noted professor`s lecture. In university, academicians not only increase knowledge but also save a large amount of money. But（Thus这句应该是转折了）, compared with the advanced machines, the well-known professors are less important.

Above all, in breif, improved facilities and famous teachers are essential to completeness to an outstangding school. Neverthlessthe advanteges of advanced facilities outnumber those of celebrated progessors, hence, I strongly commit the notion that school should pay more attention to improve facilities.(呵呵，这样更好了，不用再说两个都好，这样的思维很中式)

Herisson0509

堕落了一周 我又回来啦
继续用作文监督自己 时刻不可松懈
小霏霏 初次见面 请不吝赐教哦 狠狠拍。。。
3月27日 111217 NA

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is impossible to be completely honest with your friend.

There is no doubt that honesty is the Chinese traditional virtue. In childhood, our parents often told us that it is bad to lie to anyone, such as, your father and mother, even friends and teachers. Nevertheless, I agree with the assertion that it is impossible to be completely honest with your friends. My positions are based on a deep and fundamental analysis as dicussed below.

To begin with, it is apparent that no one has the ability to not cheat their companions permanently. According to a recent survey, the figure shows us that only one percent assure forever sincereness. Both common sence and personal experience have told us that one person may make small mistake unconsciously at times no matter how valuable your affection are. But, on no account can we be a tricker on purpose. We should do our utmost to build the greastest confidence in our associates. Thus, it is too hard to be truthful thoroughly.

In addition, it pays to tell a white lie now and then. It is benefical to cope with the problem, even decrease some sorrow. Take me as an example, one of my best intimates who had cancer concealled her illness to me when she grew worse day after day. I wasnot in the dark until she died. However,I still remember the last days she spent with me happily rather than miss her sadly.

Last but not the least, there is no denying that integrity plays an increasing important role in keeping long-term friendship. Friends should never deceive each other. However, these cases are not commom in uncertain conditions. Sometimes the truth can exert more negative effects than the lie. Hence, we cannot emphasize the necessity of a kind lie too much.

In conclusion, while some people may remain unconvinced, the reasons that I have analyzed in above argument should at least make them aware of the complexities of the issue under discussion. Considering the all aspects , I hold the view that it is unlikely to be totally honest with our friends.

Herisson0509

堕落一周了 要回来奋斗了
小霏霏 初次见面 请不吝赐教哦 狠狠拍。。

3月27日 111217 NA

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is impossible to be completely honest with your friend.



There is no doubt that honesty is the Chinese traditional virtue. In childhood, our parents often told us that it is bad to lie to anyone, such as, your father and mother, even friends and teachers. Nevertheless, I agree with the assertion that it is impossible to be completely honest with your friends. My positions are based on a deep and fundamental analysis as dicussed below.

To begin with, it is apparent that no one has the ability to not cheat their companions permanently. According to a recent survey, the figure shows us that only one percent assure forever sincereness. Both common sence and personal experience have told us that one person may make small mistake unconsciously at times no matter how valuable your affection are. But, on no account can we be a tricker on purpose. We should do our utmost to build the greastest confidence in our associates. Thus, it is too hard to be truthful thoroughly.

In addition, it pays to tell a white lie now and then. It is benefical to cope with the problem, even decrease some sorrow. Take me as an example, one of my best intimates who had cancer concealled her illness to me when she grew worse day after day. I wasnot in the dark until she died. However,I still remember the last days she spent with me happily rather than miss her sadly.



Last but not the least, there is no denying that integrity plays an increasing important role in keeping long-term friendship. Friends should never deceive each other. However, these cases are not commom in uncertain conditions. Sometimes the truth can exert more negative effects than the lie. Hence, we cannot emphasize the necessity of a kind lie too much.



In conclusion, while some people may remain unconvinced, the reasons that I have analyzed in above argument should at least make them aware of the complexities of the issue under discussion. Considering the all aspects , I hold the view that it is unlikely to be totally honest with our friends.

夏雨霏霏

There is no doubt that honesty is the Chinese traditional virtue. In childhood, our parents often told us that it is bad to lie to anyone, such as, your father and mother, even friends and teachers（We have been taught be our parents since childhood that we should not lie to people no matter who they are.这句太罗嗦，我想这么改，你看看阿）. Nevertheless, I agree with the assertion that it is impossible to be completely honest with your friends. My positions are based on a deep and fundamental analysis as dicussed below.

To begin with, it is apparent that no one has the ability to not cheat their companions permanently. According to a recent survey, the figure shows us that(啰嗦，删了吧) only one percent of the people interviewedassure forever sincereness(觉得怪，that they will be forever sincere to their friends). What’s more, Both common sence and personal experience have told us that one person may make small mistake unconsciously at times no matter how valuable your affection are. But, on no account can we be a tricker on purpose. We should do our utmost to build the greastest confidence in our associates. Thus(前一句说我们不能故意撒谎，要极力建立关系的信心，这里however好一点), it is too hard to be truthful thoroughly.

In addition, it pays to tell a white lie now and then. It is benefical to cope with the problem, even decrease some sorrow. Take me as an example, one of my best intimates who had cancer concealled her illness to me when she grew worse day after day. I was not（没这个not吧） in the dark until she died. However,I still remember the last days she spent with me happily rather than miss her sadly（这两没法匹配the memory of her is more about the happiness I got by playing with her rather than the misery I felt after she passed away）.

Last but not the least, there is no denying that integrity plays an increasing important role in keeping long-term friendship. Friends should never deceive each other. However, these cases are not commom in uncertain conditions (it is not the case in certain conditions). Sometimes the truth can exert more negative effects than the lie. Hence, we cannot emphasize the necessity of a kind lie too much.

In conclusion, while some people may remain unconvinced, the reasons that I have analyzed in above argument should at least make them aware of the complexities of the issue under discussion. Considering the all aspects , I hold the view that it is unlikely to be totally honest with our friends.

Herisson0509

修改3.27
There is no doubt that honesty is the Chinese traditional virtue. In childhood, we have been taught by our parents that we should not lie to people no matter who they are. Nevertheless, I agree with the assertion that it is impossible to be completely honest with your friends. My positions are based on a deep and fundamental analysis as dicussed below.

To begin with, it is apparent that no one has the ability to not cheat their companions permanently. According to a recent survey, the figure shows us that(啰嗦，删了吧) 这里我觉得是可以不用删掉的only one percent of the people interviewed assure that they will be forever sincere to their friends(觉得怪，that they will be forever sincere to their friends). What’s more, both common sence and personal experience have told us that one person may make small mistake unconsciously at times no matter how valuable your affection are. 【Thus, it is too hard to be truthful thoroughly. 放在这里感觉比较适合也不用换掉thus了】But, on no account can we be a tricker on purpose. We should do our utmost to build the greastest confidence in our associates. Thus(前一句说我们不能故意撒谎，要极力建立关系的信心，这里however好一点), it is too hard to be truthful thoroughly.

In addition, it pays to tell a white lie now and then. It is benefical to cope with the problem, even decrease some sorrow. Take me as an example, one of my best intimates who had cancer concealled her illness to me when she grew worse day after day. I was （没这个not吧） in the dark until she died. However,I still remember the memory of our happiness in her last days rather than the misery her death brings to me.（综合咱俩的想法我最终这样改）she spent with me happily rather than miss her sadly（这两没法匹配the memory of her is more about the happiness I got by playing with her rather than the misery I felt after she passed away）.

Last but not the least, there is no denying that integrity plays an increasing important role in keeping long-term friendship. Friends should never deceive each other. However, these cases are not commom in uncertain conditions (it is not the case in certain conditions). Sometimes the truth can exert more negative effects than the lie. Hence, we cannot emphasize the necessity of a kind lie too much.

In conclusion, while some people may remain unconvinced, the reasons that I have analyzed in above argument should at least make them aware of the complexities of the issue under discussion. Considering the all aspects , I hold the view that it is unlikely to be totally honest with our friends

Herisson0509

There is no doubt that honesty is the Chinese traditional virtue. In childhood, our parents often told us that it is bad to lie to anyone, such as, your father and mother, even friends and teachers（We have been taught be our parents since childhood that we should not lie to people no matter who they are.这句太罗嗦，我想这么改，你看看阿）. Nevertheless, I agree with the assertion that it is impossible to be completely honest with your friends. My positions are based on a deep and fundamental analysis as dicussed below.

To begin with, it is apparent that no one has the ability to not cheat their companions permanently. According to a recent survey, the figure shows us that(啰嗦，删了吧) only one percent of the people interviewedassure forever sincereness(觉得怪，that they will be forever sincere to their friends). What’s more, Both common sence and personal experience have told us that one person may make small mistake unconsciously at times no matter how valuable your affection are. But, on no account can we be a tricker on purpose. We should do our utmost to build the greastest confidence in our associates. Thus(前一句说我们不能故意撒谎，要极力建立关系的信心，这里however好一点), it is too hard to be truthful thoroughly.

In addition, it pays to tell a white lie now and then. It is benefical to cope with the problem, even decrease some sorrow. Take me as an example, one of my best intimates who had cancer concealled her illness to me when she grew worse day after day. I was not（没这个not吧） in the dark until she died. However,I still remember the last days she spent with me happily rather than miss her sadly（这两没法匹配the memory of her is more about the happiness I got by playing with her rather than the misery I felt after she passed away）.

Last but not the least, there is no denying that integrity plays an increasing important role in keeping long-term friendship. Friends should never deceive each other. However, these cases are not commom in uncertain conditions (it is not the case in certain conditions). Sometimes the truth can exert more negative effects than the lie. Hence, we cannot emphasize the necessity of a kind lie too much.

In conclusion, while some people may remain unconvinced, the reasons that I have analyzed in above argument should at least make them aware of the complexities of the issue under discussion. Considering the all aspects , I hold the view that it is unlikely to be totally honest with our friends.

-- by 会员 夏雨霏霏 (2012/3/29 22:29:37)

霏霏改的好认真啊 谢谢你啊