Top MBA Essay Analysis from Jon Frank---P11: THE MOST IMPORTANT THING MBA APPLIC

JonFrank

EXPERT ADVICE FROM ROUGH TO FINAL

Things that are easier than writing an MBA essay:

Getting a cavity filled
Parallel parking in Times Square
Solving this Rubik’s cube
Getting into SpaceCamp for grownups
Pretty much everything else
Writing MBA essays is NOT easy. Trying to lay out your entire career plan in 100 words or less? Might as well try to find an affordable cable provider… amirite??

Don’t worry, we’re here to help. Check out our MBA Essay Writing Guide for all new tips and strategies to help you rock out a technically perfect, emotionally charged, inspirational MBA essay and get you into HBS, Stanford, Columbia, or whatever your dream B-school may be.

Here’s a sneak peek at the gems of wisdom you’ll find in our MBA Essay Writing Guide:

On conquering writer’s block:

Write out your stories in a bulleted list of all your greatest achievements and most fun, wild stories in everything you have done, from work to academics, to community service. Two or three sentences per story; just the essence. If you get stuck, chat it over with people – a boyfriend, girlfriend, a mom, a colleague or boss, over a beer or coffee. They might remember things you have forgotten.

On the biggest essay writing mistakes to avoid:

Not having a destination for where you want the Admissions Committee reader to arrive is a recipe for mediocrity. This means you should have a conscious agenda for what you want the reader to come away with, like: “This woman can make lemon-aid out of lemons, leap tall buildings in a single bound, and she is going to make herself rich while ridding the world of disease – wow, she could make our school famous!”

On what you MUST do when writing your MBA essay:

Don’t be afraid to employ a little creativity. Too often, people respond like it’s a Q&A Interview, repeating the prompt verbatim in their answer. What better way to SHOW that you can indeed “think outside the box” than by playing around with your essay structure, employing imagery, anecdotes, and even a dash of humor. But perhaps the true lesson is: START EARLY. Hard to be creative and experiment with essay ideas when you’re under the gun.

BEC2010

Thank for Jon's kind sharing. Look forward to more essays from other S16 B-schools.

JonFrank

AVOIDING NARRATIVE CLICHÉS
Everyone has their own unique life story, but we’d be lying if we didn’t say that MBA applicants tend to have had similar experiences. While you can’t reinvent your past, you CAN avoid emphasizing life experiences that will make you blend in and you CAN emphasize those in a way that will make you stand out.

The following are 2 cliché storylines to avoid foregrounding while writing your essays, and 2 ways around them.

1. I come from a destitute village. This rag-to-riches narrative plays on the reader’s sympathy by emphasizing the writer’s impoverished background and suggesting that the candidate wants to “make a difference” once he hits it big. Unfortunately, this ploy is utterly TRANSPARENT, since the applicant’s career goals have little to do with charity or development.

What to write instead: If your career goal truly is to get involved in an NGO or charity organization, by all means emphasize this. But if your goal is to succeed in business and make loads of money, don’t lie to the school. It’s not going to help. If anything, the adcom will see right through that story and it will only hurt your essay. The key here is to only emphasize your background if it RELATES TO YOUR GOALS. Since a sizeable number of applicants will write something similar, it won’t help you stand out unless it works in the greater context of your application.

2. I’m an engineer; get me out of here! This applicant majored in computer science, and with hard work, rose in the ranks at a tech company. Now he’s bored, underpaid and wants to, “move to the business side,” but his essays belie his technical background and lack of leadership skills.

What to write instead: Downplay your technical experience by avoiding “engineering stories.” No mention of how you fixed a major bug in 24 hours, no stories about suggesting server improvements, and absolutely NO programming descriptions. Even if these stories highlight leadership, they first and foremost scream, “I’m an engineer.” Instead, focus on stories where you led individuals and where you suggest ideas that change the overall direction of a company. You want to show the school that you are the man who will think of a game-changing concept, not the man who will implement it.

JonFrank

EXPERT ADVICE FROM ROUGH TO FINAL

Things that are easier than writing an MBA essay:

Getting a cavity filled
Parallel parking in Times Square
Solving this Rubik’s cube
Getting into SpaceCamp for grownups
Pretty much everything else
Writing MBA essays is NOT easy. Trying to lay out your entire career plan in 100 words or less? Might as well try to find an affordable cable provider… amirite??

Don’t worry, we’re here to help. Check out our MBA Essay Writing Guide for all new tips and strategies to help you rock out a technically perfect, emotionally charged, inspirational MBA essay and get you into HBS, Stanford, Columbia, or whatever your dream B-school may be.

Here’s a sneak peek at the gems of wisdom you’ll find in our MBA Essay Writing Guide:

On conquering writer’s block:

Write out your stories in a bulleted list of all your greatest achievements and most fun, wild stories in everything you have done, from work to academics, to community service. Two or three sentences per story; just the essence. If you get stuck, chat it over with people – a boyfriend, girlfriend, a mom, a colleague or boss, over a beer or coffee. They might remember things you have forgotten.

On the biggest essay writing mistakes to avoid:

Not having a destination for where you want the Admissions Committee reader to arrive is a recipe for mediocrity. This means you should have a conscious agenda for what you want the reader to come away with, like: “This woman can make lemon-aid out of lemons, leap tall buildings in a single bound, and she is going to make herself rich while ridding the world of disease – wow, she could make our school famous!”

On what you MUST do when writing your MBA essay:

Don’t be afraid to employ a little creativity. Too often, people respond like it’s a Q&A Interview, repeating the prompt verbatim in their answer. What better way to SHOW that you can indeed “think outside the box” than by playing around with your essay structure, employing imagery, anecdotes, and even a dash of humor. But perhaps the true lesson is: START EARLY. Hard to be creative and experiment with essay ideas when you’re under the gun.

JonFrank

STANFORD GSB MBA ESSAY ANALYSIS, YOUR 2014-2015 APPLICATION

Essay 1: What matters most to you, and why?

This may be the hardest of all b-school essays to write, and to write well. Why? Because it’s so open-ended. They haven’t just given you a hunk of clay and asked you to mold it. They’ve given you canvas, paint, wood, sheet metal, circuit boards, copper wire, and a hundred other elements and have asked you to “generate something awe-inspiring.” While you’re painting a blue sky on your canvas paper, the guy in the station next to you is creating a computer that can communicate with aliens. Intimidating. What are others writing about!? What are the guys who are GETTING IN writing about?

Well, let’s start there—if that’s plaguing you, you’re asking the wrong question. It has absolutely nothing to with WHAT others are writing about, but HOW they’re writing. Don’t misunderstand us here; this isn’t about writing skill. B-school essays are never about mastery of prose. The “how” here refers to the manner in which the successful candidates are able to introspect, and walk around an experience, and assess and interpret different points of view, and offer new and intriguing points of view, and reveal deeply personal tales that offer key insights into what they’re MADE of—it’s any number of those things. It’s not the story itself.

Gonna lift some words from Stanford’s bullet points. Values, experiences, lessons. Written from the heart. Influence.

We’ve talked about this Stanford essay a bunch before, so this time around, we wanna focus on these concepts above.

Especially that word influence. What has shaped you? Who are you today, and what process has brought that forward? If you’re the grand canyon, don’t tell us the specs of how big you are, and how deep your canyons are. Instead, focus on the way WATER and WIND eroded and molded you. It’s the shaping, the influencing, the MOLDING we wanna know about. This is more revealing than “the result.” “The thing.” It’s all in the shaping.

Consider the following statement. “I just landed a commercial jet containing 300 passengers.” Impressive? Maybe. Let’s consider two authors of that statement. Author 1—a 58-year-old veteran pilot with military experience, and 20 years of experience as a professional pilot. Author 1 has flown hundreds of flights every year for the past 20 years. Let’s consider the same statement, but introduce a new author, Author 2. Author 2 is 13 years old, scared of heights, and has a crippling fear of flying. He needs to be sedated every time he flies, in fact. One day, he wakes up mid-flight, due to his sedation unintentionally wearing off. He notices all of the passengers beside him unconscious, the captains of the plane incapacitated, and he turns out to be the only person on board who can communicate with air traffic control. The kid puts on the headset, now fueled by a will to survive that trumps all of his phobias, is guided by folks on the ground, and successfully lands the plane, saving the lives of hundreds on board.

Now ask yourself, which “landing of the commercial jet” feels cooler, more revealing about THE PERSON WHO PERFORMED THE FEAT? The answer is obvious, and the example was purposely absurd to demonstrate a point. The stuff Stanford wants to know about isn’t the “landing of the aircraft.” They wanna know about the phobia. The decision to walk into the cockpit in spite of the phobia. They wanna know how someone with these fears, with zero experience, etc. etc., could pull this thing off. They wanna know about the WATER and WIND folks… that shaped the grand canyon. Not the canyon itself.

So, let’s bring this back down to Earth. When you’re figuring out what matters most to you, think about polarities in your development. The strongest stories are the ones that have the most intense and compelling “arcs” where your starting point is here at point A and then somehow, things, people, circumstances, experiences, etc. SHAPED you… MOLDED YOU (like water and air) to travel to point B where you ended up—essentially—a different person. We need to understand all that CONTEXT. If you’re talking about an experience that “changed” you, or that “made you who you are,” it’s only as effective as our understanding of who you were BEFORE that experience so we can contextualize the change. If a person affected you significantly, same deal—we need to know who you were BEFORE that person affected you.

“Before & After” is an incredibly powerful tool for MOST b-school essays, and never more powerful than here for Stanford’s famous essay.

JonFrank

Chicago Booth MBA Essay Question 1

Presentation/Essay: Chicago Booth values adventurous inquiry, diverse perspectives, and a collaborative exchange of ideas. This is us. Who are you?

Presentation/Essay Guidelines

Be reflective. We’ve learned a lot about you throughout the application, but what more should we know?
Interpret broadly. “Who are you?” can be interpreted in many different ways. We encourage you to think critically and broadly about who you are, and how your values, passions and experiences have influenced you.
Determine your own length. There is no prescribed minimum or maximum length. We trust that you will use your best judgment in determining how long your submission should be, but we recommend that you think strategically about how to best allocate the space.
Choose the format that works for you. You can design your presentation or compose your essay in the format that you feel best captures your response. However, please consider the specific technical restrictions noted below.
Think about you, not us. Rather than focusing on what you think we want to hear, focus on what is essential for us to know about you. Simply put, be genuine.
Technical Guidelines

File Size: Maximum file size is 16 MB.
Accepted Upload Formats: Acceptable formats are PDF, Word and Powerpoint.
Multimedia Restrictions: We will be viewing your submission electronically and in full color, but all submissions will be converted to PDF files, so animation, video, music, etc. will not translate over.
Preserve Your Formatting: We strongly recommend converting your piece to a PDF file prior to submitting to ensure that everything you see matches what we see.

The famous Chicago Booth Presentation. The Booth essay that has confounded many, and brought out the best in others. What it is… is a golden opportunity to make Al Pacino in Heat very happy, and “Give em all you got.”

It used to be a three to four page Powerpoint presentation. Today, it has become a touch more open-ended. Present yourself, however you want. This can be as frustratingly directionless as it is liberating.

Let’s help it to be a liberator…

Be reflective. We’ve learned a lot about you throughout the application, but what more should we know?

Hint: don’t tell us stuff we already know. Why would you? If there are pieces you can fill in, stuff that you couldn’t possibly lace into a resume, then maybe. But, it can’t just be “the fifth bullet point that I left off because I ran out of space and had to fit it all to one page.” Instead, it has to be the “human” moment that changed your perspective, or somehow defines something fundamental about you. Something NEW. Folks, take this suggestion very seriously. To repeat something isn’t to reinforce it, it’s to not only reveal that you’re not really embracing Booth’s recommendation, but also to suggest that you’re… kinda unimaginative, and boring.

Interpret broadly. “Who are you?” can be interpreted in many different ways. We encourage you to think critically and broadly about who you are, and how your values, passions and experiences have influenced you.

Here’s a strange test you guys can administer yourself, as a potential gauge for how well you’re hitting THIS piece. If you show this to a bunch of people who know you, they can respond in one of a few ways.

Response #1 – “Wow, this is AWESOME. You did an AMAZING job.”

Contrary to what you might think, this isn’t particularly great feedback. (It may be, but it’s not NECESSARILY great feedback.)

Response #2 – “Wow, this presentation is SO YOU!”

THIS is a very good sign. If your presentation has captured something uniquely YOU, you have struck some kind of emotional chord with someone who knows you well—and that just means that the chances are great that will reveal that thing to someone who doesn’t know you (aka, the adcom).

So, it’s not about “doing a great job at creating a presentation.” It’s about doing an amazing job as distilling what’s YOU about you… IN the presentation.

Here’s another potentially amazing response:

Response #3 – “Hunh, I never knew that about you!”

Amazing. Why? Because the person’s focus was on YOU as the subject, AND presumably knows you well and managed to learn something. All amazing feats.

Determine your own length. There is no prescribed minimum or maximum length. We trust that you will use your best judgment in determining how long your submission should be, but we recommend that you think strategically about how to best allocate the space.

Bold, Chicago Booth! Bold. This may almost be a trap (haha). Folks who take this “no maximum length” concept and OVERSTAY their welcome may be signaling that they “don’t have great judgment.” So, please seek feedback here from trusted sources on what’s too much. Economy of words, pictures, whatever is a signal of EXCELLENT judgment, and clarity in communication skills. Do, um, that. In fact, once you get your concept nailed down, don’t communicate that story in “however long it takes,” Communicate it as QUICKLY as you’re able to communicate it.

Choose the format that works for you. You can design your presentation or compose your essay in the format that you feel best captures your response. However, please consider the specific technical restrictions noted below.

How to pick a winning format? Well, this is actually a fascinating question. Think of your presentation as an experience… that can be viewed as a presentation or PDF, or read as a Word doc. Doing it one way over another must present an ADVANTAGE to you. Are you able to articulate what that advantage is? Your choice of medium here must correspond to an advantage that makes the other version inherently LESS SUCCESSFUL at “capturing you.” For some, who have an unusually strong voice that POPS through with their writing, an essay or some type of prose piece in MS Word may nail this best. For others, who are artists, have graphic design chops, excellent presentation skills, or have pictures of them or that they have taken, or some other variation that a presentation format allows you to take advantage of… the PDF or PPT is the obvious choice.

Here’s an exercise. Consider some ALTERNATE versions of the story you’re trying to tell—i.e., via the alternative media choices available to you. What does the essay version of your presentation look like? What does the pictures-only version look like? What does the hybrid some-pictures, some-text version look like? What does the graphic design-heavy version look like? Which one captures “you” best? Some should start to pull ahead very clearly when you consider all the possibilities and even map a few out if you’re having trouble imagining all of it.

One thing’s for sure, if your STORY (i.e., your MESSAGE) is compelling, the format won’t matter quite so much. Get that part right. Figure out the WHAT here. The HOW will be the easy and fun part.

Think about you, not us. Rather than focusing on what you think we want to hear, focus on what is essential for us to know about you. Simply put, be genuine.

You’re either gonna have this instinct, or not. It’s hard to convince some folks to “be honest and earnest and not overthink it” when this is in their DNA. But we will continue to fight the fight and try!

Dear “all of you out there who think it’s possible to say what the adcom wants to hear…” – if your goal is to “earn admission to Chicago Booth to earn your MBA” and you believe that you can “talk to an insider and determine the kinds of things they want to see and hear,” and you just fold that stuff into your presentation, you will burn your chances of earning admission to Chicago Booth. Trust us. It’s transparent, and it has never worked.

So, pull aside a trusted friend, sibling, etc. If they review your presentation and say “this doesn’t really sound like you” and your response is “oh that’s okay, this guy who has his MBA from Booth said that as long as I mention a few things like this, I’m golden!” – then you’re doing it wrong! Create this presentation not to impress an admissions committee member, but to wow a friend by presenting the truest and coolest and most interesting summary of who you are and what makes you INTERESTING. Do that first. No matter what.

(It is possible to take THAT rough stone, and then to sculpt it and refine it in a way that is b-school-friendly. But enlist the help of a trusted friend/mentor for that stage, if you are so inclined. Not always necessary, but do not let that friend/mentor encourage you to reverse-engineer your presentation based on your anticipation of what will work best. Start BY yourself and… FOR yourself.

JonFrank

HOW DO I WRITE THE “WHY SCHOOL X” ESSAY?
Question:

How do I answer the MBA essay question, “Why Wharton?” or “Why Booth? ” or “Why School X?” How do I answer this question differently than everybody else?

Answer:

Ahhhhh! An excellent question. Think of it this way—how do you “prove” to a girl you love her? (Or to a guy you love him?) By saying “I love you”??? Nah. That only works on TV (although it does help!) But when you say it in the right way, it will be believed.

What is the right way? When you REALLY DO love the school, you know the school inside out and are really excited about the possibilities it will open up. (Kind of like real love.)

Real love ain’t surface-y. It’s not all about looks and prestige and reputation. Real love involves a deep understanding and a personal and specific connection to what makes the school special TO YOU.

So if you haven’t already, you gotta do your research. Find out everything you can about that school that is right for YOU and YOUR goals, and will HELP you achieve your goals. Keep your own personal background and pursuits in mind here. Because that school you want, it doesn’t have to be everybody’s soul mate, but in this essay it has to be yours:

What are some of the centers on campus that relate to your goals? What initiatives, events, and research happens there that will benefit you?
What are some special events the school puts together that relate to your goals? Conferences? Visiting professionals? Talks?
Are there clubs that specifically match what you’re working on?
Professors whose work you admire, classes you’re dying to take?
Something about their study abroad or other travel opportunities that speaks to your specific interests?
And then take it one step further: actually reach out to people in those groups/classes/etc. Visit the school and talk to people, sit in on a class, visit with the AdCom. Get as much specific info as you can so you can put it all in your essay and really make it convincing. If you’re writing a love poem to your sweetheart, do you write about their “brown hair” or their “hair the color of roasted chestnuts”? (Ok, both of those are cheesy and cliche, but you get the idea. One is generic, the other shows you are so into them that you not only noticed their hair was brown, but you noticed the exact shade.)

AdComs need to be wooed a little in that way. So when you get all that specific information that proves why you two are perfect together, you can gush about all of it in your application. Explain to the school how, without a doubt, this is the best school for you and you’re the best guy or gal for that school.

–Jon Frank

JonFrank

NYU Stern MBA essay analysis
Essay 1: Professional Aspirations
(750 word maximum, double-spaced, 12-point font)

Why pursue an MBA (or dual degree) at this point in your life?
What actions have you taken to determine that Stern is the best fit for your MBA experience?
What do you see yourself doing professionally upon graduation?


We love it when b-schools splinter questions into bite-sized chunks, helps you from going off the rails. Before we rip into it, let’s take a close look at the two words in the NYU Stern MBA Essay prompt above: “Professional Aspirations.” Let’s see through this to figure what they really mean here. As we’ve said countless times before, don’t get trapped by the idea that the “best” aspirations are gonna win this game. An aspiration is only as compelling as the likelihood that it will COME TO FRUITION. Here’s an exaggeration to illustrate a point:

Here’s my aspiration: solve world hunger, establish world peace, implement a perfect corruption-free form of government, make literate those who are illiterate, and lose ten pounds and get ripped, all in one day. Beat that for a goal. The problem here is obvious. While the goal may be lovely, what are anyone’s chances of actually pulling it off? Nil. Are there points for idealism? Maybe. But not in a b-school essay. We need pragmatism over idealism. Accomplishable goals. Goals that are measured, intelligent, and thought-through. This doesn’t mean safe necessarily, but the author of these goals must seem level-headed, and likely to achieve what he sets out to achieve. THAT is what we need to glean from your “personal aspirations.”

Just to hammer it home… it isn’t the aspiration, it’s the argument you make that convinces us that you’re gonna be successful—possibly at this stated goal, but more like, at ANYTHING you set your mind to. You’re gonna “be successful.” You’re gonna get the job ahead of your competitor. That’s attractive to a b-school. Bankability. With that in mind, let’s dig in.

(a) Why pursue an MBA (or dual degree) at this point in your life?

Let’s simplify the hell out of this. Why aren’t you attacking your short-term goal… RIGHT now? Why are you wasting your time with a business school application? Shouldn’t you be pursuing the thing you’re about to write about a billion times over as you lay out your grand vision for your short-term and long-term goals? Seriously, stop for a moment and consider it. There’s no rule that says in order to be successful in the world of business you MUST obtain an MBA. Plenty of people have been wildly successful without one—you know the list. Scrap the MBA for a second; why aren’t you applying for the job you’re eventually gonna talk about for your ST goal? There MUST be a reason you can’t just do it now. Or, that it doesn’t make SENSE to do it now. Articulate that sentence… and let your pen fly. The result will be a perfect starting point to the answer here.

The MBA is weaker when it’s something you think you’ll need to better your lot in life. It should instead feel like a critical means to an end. As soon as I get to the other side, I can make it to Oz. The problem is, there’s a gap between these two cliffs on the order of hundreds of feet. I can’t just run and jump and make it over there. And I can’t fly. I need a bridge to carry me from here to there. The bridge is the MBA. “The other side” is the path that takes you to the endgame. This is how we need to understand your current position: the MBA should feel like a need, not an insurance policy.

(b) What actions have you taken to determine that Stern is the best fit for your MBA experience?

Before we get to the “actions” piece, we’re gonna talk first about “fit.”

Not to sound harsh, but this is consistently the part that most people shank (especially international students who have been fed wildly misleading information that name-dropping and formulaic statements can demonstrate sincere interest in a program). Let’s dispense with that notion right away—the mention of a class, or a professor, or the listing of New York City’s well-known virtues will weigh a grand total of “zero” ounces… without context; specifically, how any of those and other things will affect YOUR ability to achieve your goals.

Think of business school as though it were… bamboo. Consider three students who claim to need/want bamboo to help them somehow. Here’s the BAD way they can explain “fit”:

“I want bamboo because it’s an incredibly cheap, fast-growing, and highly versatile resource.”

Wonderful. This statement applies to every single student on Earth, and is as hollow as the substance itself (“Boom!” as Jon Stewart might say). Let’s do it the right way:

Student 1 – I need to feed a family of four and have very little money to spend on imported foods. Bamboo is easy for me to obtain, and I can cook it and feed my family and never have to worry about what happens the next day because it grows so quickly.

Student 2 – I need to figure out a more cost effective way to provide clothing for my village. Traditional textiles have become prohibitively expensive. Bamboo provides an extremely sustainable and cost-effective solution.

Student 3 – I need to outfit an office building with new flooring, but due to massive budget cuts, are no longer able to afford traditional hard wood material. Cheaper alternatives, while affordable, are not durable. Bamboo floors are a perfect solution: durable, inexpensive, and attractive.

What’s the pattern here? The same substance (bamboo) has been served a COMPLETELY different purpose for each of these three students. The way that NYU affects you should likewise be similarly distinctly different from how it affects the NEXT applicant over. That should be your smell test—read your response here. If what you’ve stated can EASILY apply to another candidate, you can dig deeper and get more specific. Keep doing this over and over again, until it sounds like bamboo (i.e., NYU Stern) was put on this earth by ‘god’ specifically for you and you alone.

But, let’s go back to NYU’s question about “steps you’ve taken.” As you’re explaining the way Stern fits you like a glove, indicate the things you’ve done to discover these attributes and opportunities. Read through their website, sure, but hasn’t everyone? What else? Reached out to an alum, okay, but what else? How about visited the campus? How about attended an info-session? How about met someone who went there? How about studied the work of a former or current professor? What else? Are you really serious about Stern? Or do you consider it a “safety” school? We need to be convinced that you have found NYU to be something of a kindred spirit that has led to deep, earnest research into the program.

JonFrank

Research your school's classes, faculty, and programs to support your goals
Convincing your dream school that you’re the right fit takes some work, but with these three tips you’ll be well on your way:
1.Be clear about YOUR goals. Do you want to go into finance or start your own business? What kind of business? Does the school you’re applying to have a track record in that field? Being specific about your own goals means you’re able to find out how a particular school can help you achieve them – something you’ll want to know for more than just letter-writing purposes.
2.Now that you know your goals, it’s time to do some research. Look into CLASSES, FACULTY, ALUMNI CLUBS, PROGRAMS, and other services the school offers that relate to those goals. You want to convince your school that you KNOW what you’re getting into, and that your time in school will contribute to your success. The more you succeed, the more likely you are to give back to your school years later (and that’s something every school loves and wants!).
3.Don’t just name-drop professors or clubs, CONNECT them to your goals. For example, if you’re looking for a job in banking and there’s a foremost economist working for a school you’re applying to, it’s easy to drop his name. The savvy applicant, however, will RESEARCH that economist’s work and show the school HOW IT RELATES to what HE is doing and wants to do down the road.

So remember:
•Be clear about YOUR goals.
•Research classes, faculty and programs that SUPPORT those goals.
•Don’t name-drop – CONNECT.

JonFrank

NYU STERN MBA ESSAY ANALYSIS
Essay 1: Professional Aspirations
(750 word maximum, double-spaced, 12-point font)

Why pursue an MBA (or dual degree) at this point in your life?
What actions have you taken to determine that Stern is the best fit for your MBA experience?
What do you see yourself doing professionally upon graduation?

We love it when b-schools splinter questions into bite-sized chunks, helps you from going off the rails. Before we rip into it, let’s take a close look at the two words in the NYU Stern MBA Essay prompt above: “Professional Aspirations.” Let’s see through this to figure what they really mean here. As we’ve said countless times before, don’t get trapped by the idea that the “best” aspirations are gonna win this game. An aspiration is only as compelling as the likelihood that it will COME TO FRUITION. Here’s an exaggeration to illustrate a point:

Here’s my aspiration: solve world hunger, establish world peace, implement a perfect corruption-free form of government, make literate those who are illiterate, and lose ten pounds and get ripped, all in one day. Beat that for a goal. The problem here is obvious. While the goal may be lovely, what are anyone’s chances of actually pulling it off? Nil. Are there points for idealism? Maybe. But not in a b-school essay. We need pragmatism over idealism. Accomplishable goals. Goals that are measured, intelligent, and thought-through. This doesn’t mean safe necessarily, but the author of these goals must seem level-headed, and likely to achieve what he sets out to achieve. THAT is what we need to glean from your “personal aspirations.”

Just to hammer it home… it isn’t the aspiration, it’s the argument you make that convinces us that you’re gonna be successful—possibly at this stated goal, but more like, at ANYTHING you set your mind to. You’re gonna “be successful.” You’re gonna get the job ahead of your competitor. That’s attractive to a b-school. Bankability. With that in mind, let’s dig in.

(a) Why pursue an MBA (or dual degree) at this point in your life?

Let’s simplify the hell out of this. Why aren’t you attacking your short-term goal… RIGHT now? Why are you wasting your time with a business school application? Shouldn’t you be pursuing the thing you’re about to write about a billion times over as you lay out your grand vision for your short-term and long-term goals? Seriously, stop for a moment and consider it. There’s no rule that says in order to be successful in the world of business you MUST obtain an MBA. Plenty of people have been wildly successful without one—you know the list. Scrap the MBA for a second; why aren’t you applying for the job you’re eventually gonna talk about for your ST goal? There MUST be a reason you can’t just do it now. Or, that it doesn’t make SENSE to do it now. Articulate that sentence… and let your pen fly. The result will be a perfect starting point to the answer here.

The MBA is weaker when it’s something you think you’ll need to better your lot in life. It should instead feel like a critical means to an end. As soon as I get to the other side, I can make it to Oz. The problem is, there’s a gap between these two cliffs on the order of hundreds of feet. I can’t just run and jump and make it over there. And I can’t fly. I need a bridge to carry me from here to there. The bridge is the MBA. “The other side” is the path that takes you to the endgame. This is how we need to understand your current position: the MBA should feel like a need, not an insurance policy.

(b) What actions have you taken to determine that Stern is the best fit for your MBA experience?

Before we get to the “actions” piece, we’re gonna talk first about “fit.”

Not to sound harsh, but this is consistently the part that most people shank (especially international students who have been fed wildly misleading information that name-dropping and formulaic statements can demonstrate sincere interest in a program). Let’s dispense with that notion right away—the mention of a class, or a professor, or the listing of New York City’s well-known virtues will weigh a grand total of “zero” ounces… without context; specifically, how any of those and other things will affect YOUR ability to achieve your goals.

Think of business school as though it were… bamboo. Consider three students who claim to need/want bamboo to help them somehow. Here’s the BAD way they can explain “fit”:

“I want bamboo because it’s an incredibly cheap, fast-growing, and highly versatile resource.”

Wonderful. This statement applies to every single student on Earth, and is as hollow as the substance itself (“Boom!” as Jon Stewart might say). Let’s do it the right way:

Student 1 – I need to feed a family of four and have very little money to spend on imported foods. Bamboo is easy for me to obtain, and I can cook it and feed my family and never have to worry about what happens the next day because it grows so quickly.

Student 2 – I need to figure out a more cost effective way to provide clothing for my village. Traditional textiles have become prohibitively expensive. Bamboo provides an extremely sustainable and cost-effective solution.

Student 3 – I need to outfit an office building with new flooring, but due to massive budget cuts, are no longer able to afford traditional hard wood material. Cheaper alternatives, while affordable, are not durable. Bamboo floors are a perfect solution: durable, inexpensive, and attractive.

What’s the pattern here? The same substance (bamboo) has been served a COMPLETELY different purpose for each of these three students. The way that NYU affects you should likewise be similarly distinctly different from how it affects the NEXT applicant over. That should be your smell test—read your response here. If what you’ve stated can EASILY apply to another candidate, you can dig deeper and get more specific. Keep doing this over and over again, until it sounds like bamboo (i.e., NYU Stern) was put on this earth by ‘god’ specifically for you and you alone.

But, let’s go back to NYU’s question about “steps you’ve taken.” As you’re explaining the way Stern fits you like a glove, indicate the things you’ve done to discover these attributes and opportunities. Read through their website, sure, but hasn’t everyone? What else? Reached out to an alum, okay, but what else? How about visited the campus? How about attended an info-session? How about met someone who went there? How about studied the work of a former or current professor? What else? Are you really serious about Stern? Or do you consider it a “safety” school? We need to be convinced that you have found NYU to be something of a kindred spirit that has led to deep, earnest research into the program.