羊咩咩yw的写作贴~~求猛拍，for my dream~

羊咩咩yw · 发表于 2012-8-24 13:27:28

第一次加入学习分队，很开心，希望有进步，朝25+冲~路过的大神大牛们~请猛拍，不用客气，多多提出你们的观点和看法，拍拍分更高~

按自己的计划，一步步坚持下去，绝不放弃~~

超级无敌小鹤鹤 · 发表于 2012-8-24 16:11:16

欢迎加入小分队~~
具体的小分队规则等等的请参看帖子小分队の大本营
加油！For U dream！

羊咩咩yw · 发表于 2012-8-24 18:55:40

谢谢~~

一定会和大家一起努力的~~哈哈~~

羊咩咩yw · 发表于 2012-8-24 19:00:32

这个是今天的写滴作文，请大家猛拍，我主要的缺点在于语法错误多，文章的结构把握不准，还有就是我的观点有时候不是那么好~~所以请帮我修改的大牛们不要客气，以把我批死为目标，指出的我错误和要改进的地方，谢谢啦~~

Movies and TV have more negative effects than positive effect on the way young people behave. A/D ?

Parents focus intensely on the factors that affect their children' behaviour no matter at school or public places. Some parents own the unappropriate behaviour of their kids to the negative effects from movies and TV programs. It is totally unfair. Are movies and TV exerting more negative effect than positive effect on the young people? My answer is definitely no.

To began, in most cases, young people's behaviour habits are based on what they are seeing and learning from their surroundings. Young people haven't build a complete behave type in their early age; they watch other people's behaviour and learn from them. According to a resent research on the internet, nearly 85 percent of young people watch movies and TV programs with family members at home, that is to say, they have few chances to learn those bad behaviour from TV programs and movies. On the contrary, for example, young people in our country like to watch a program named the Voice of China which is a perfect music competition for young people who want to show their voice. It inspires young people to persue their dreams no matter how hard it will be. From this perspective, movies and TV do have more positive effects than negative effects on the way young people behave.

What's more, in most countries, it is prohibited by law to spreed bad information by TV or movies. Governments of different countries have already generated specialized laws to protect young people from learning these bad behaviour from TV or movies.

However, there is something to the opposing point of view. Some advertisements still deliver some bad informations to the young. Obviously, their negative effects on the behave of young people are tantamount to those from the Internet. Yet, the number of such advertisement is relatively few. What's more, young people,such like me, will change the channel without hesitate if the advertisements show up.

To sum up, movies and TV programs do not exert more negative effect than positive effect on young people, in fact, they help young people to build a positive life attitude.

羊咩咩yw · 发表于 2012-8-25 17:17:09

8.25 作业 由于不熟悉小分队的规则，所以昨天的作业没有顺利完成，很是内疚的说~~

，所以今天早早的就把作业交了

，还是一样，大牛们不要吝惜你们的砖，请狂拍，我逻辑结构和语法不是很好~~所以你们的建议对我很重要~~羊咩咩先谢谢了~

In order to solve the problems of the present and future, people should review the past.

It is more important than ever to have a good grasp of what was happened in the past. Some people even argue that in order to slove the problems of the presents and future, people should review the past. But is it really necessary for us to review the long history in the past just for solving the problems? I don't think so.

To began, it seems attractive at fist glance that the wisdom accumulated by our ancestor in the famous historical story can help us to solve problems more wisely. But the overabundance of information from these history stories can actually make it more difficult to figure out the best way to solve the exact problems of the present, let along the problems of the future. What's more, with the development of our society, there are a lot of things that have never happened in the past, such like computer technology, advanced transportation tool, cellphone net, you name it. If things never found on the past, how we solve the problems about it based on the information or knowledge in the past?

Thus, in this day and age, to solve the problems of the present dose not necessarily mean we having to review the past, but rather having a good analysis of the real reasons of these problems, and using our knowledge and wisdom to solve it. Plus, we cannot know what kind of problems will happen in the future, so spending time on predicting problems in the future is of course unnecessary.

However, even though reviewing the past is not the best way for us to solve the problems of the present and future, it is also a good choice for us to review the past when we mislead by the present. History is not an exact science. But we can learn the elite part of the history sources we read and always know in the back of our mind, using the most productive way to solve the problems.

To sum up, the most effective way to solve problems of the present and future is to analyze the problem, and use our knowledge and wisdom to solve it, but not reviewing the past.

332211abc · 发表于 2012-8-25 22:26:16

we cannot know what kind of problems will happen in the future

路人一眼找到一处错误。we do not know..

羊咩咩yw · 发表于 2012-8-25 23:02:59

是呢是呢，这里用do not会比较合适~~谢谢呢，有空常路过，路过记得猛拍~~

kchszy061ban · 发表于 2012-8-26 13:08:29

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

It is more important than ever to have a good grasp（grasp是做NOUN用么？） of what was happened in the past. Some people even argue that in order to slove the problems of the presents and future, people should review the past. But is it really necessary for us to review the long history in the past just for solving the problems? I don't think so.（这里一点就是long history 和the past 等价么？）

To began（begin，）, it seems attractive at fist glance that the wisdom accumulated by our ancestor （in the famous historical story 这个可以不要，我觉得说的不是很清楚） can help us to solve problems more wisely. But the overabundance of information from these history stories can actually make it more difficult to figure out the best way to solve the exact problems of the present, let along the problems of the future. What's more, with the development of our society, there are a lot of things that have never happened in the past, such like （such as，或者就用like）computer technology, advanced transportation tool, cellphone net, you name it. If things never found（existed） on（in） the past, how we solve the problems about it based on the information or knowledge in the past?

Thus（这个thus，用在段首？）, in this day and age, to solve the problems of the present dose not necessarily mean we having(have to or haing to?) to review the past, but rather having a good analysis of the real reasons of these problems, and using our knowledge and wisdom to solve it. Plus, we cannot know what kind of problems will happen in the future, so spending time on predicting problems in the future is of course unnecessary.

However, even though reviewing the past is not the best way for us to solve the problems of the present and future, it is also a good choice for us to review the past when we mislead(这里就要用被动语态了) by the present. History is not an exact science（history本来就不还是science）. But we can learn the elite part of the history sources we read and always know in the back of our mind, using the most productive way to solve the problems.

To sum up, the most effective way to solve problems of the present and future is to analyze the problem, and use our knowledge and wisdom to solve it, but not reviewing the past.

整体构架清楚，词和句子的准确度需要提高一下。

着只是个人观点，一起提高额

羊咩咩yw · 发表于 2012-8-26 14:44:36

谢谢小k的修改，仔细回味了一下，确实history和past 不对等，所以修改了一下，还有里面出现的一些小错误都修改过了，仔细记下了，下次不会再错了
It is more important than ever to have a good grasp of what was happened in the past. Some people even argue that in order to slove the problems of the presents and future, one should review the past. But is it really necessary for us to review the things in the past just for solving the problems? I don't think so.

To begin, it seems attractive at fist glance that the wisdom accumulated from the experiences and things in the past can help us to solve problems more wisely. However,we should take the overabundance of information from the experiences in the past into consideration, because these informations can actually make it more difficult to figure out the best way to solve the exact problems of the present, let along the problems of the future. What's more, with the development of our society, there are a lot of things that have never happened in the past, such as computer technology, cellphone net, you name it. If things never existed in the past, how we solve the problems about it based on the information or knowledge in the past?

Thus, in this day and age, to solve the problems of the present dose not necessarily mean we having to review the past, but rather having a good analysis of the real reasons of these problems, and using our knowledge and wisdom to solve it. Plus, we cannot know what kind of problems will happen in the future, so spending time on predicting problems in the future is of course unnecessary.

However, even though reviewing the past is not the best way for us to solve the problems of the present and future, it is also a good choice for us to review the past when we are misled by the present. But we can learn the elite part of the past we experienced and always know in the back of our mind, using the most productive way to solve the problems.

To sum up, the most effective way to solve problems of the present and future is to analyze the problem, and use our knowledge and wisdom to solve it, but not reviewing the past.

kchszy061ban · 发表于 2012-8-26 19:37:03

你太细心了，那就在段中加入几个小例子也好一点。有例子的证明才是有bone有muscle额。

羊咩咩yw的写作贴~~求猛拍，for my dream~

8.25 作业~~

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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