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twilighter123

TPO24.
One of the best ways that parents can help their teenagers prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part-time job.

When it comes to raising children to be prepared to a crule and entertained society, getting them through teenagers to adults could always be tough as this is one of the most important transitions for those chridren as well as for their parents. However，the case galvanizes a discussion  about the best method to encourage them. Some state that taking those children to go travel around the world would be the best way to form the real adults by solving problem through the journey, planning the blueprint routes for the next morning trip, and cooperating with teamates to get to the destinations planned on time without delay.Others, however, are in the favor of by reading, studying, or even getting a part-time job. To be honest, I agree the statement that a part-time job help fomulate and prepare for a healthy adulthood.
Gaining confidence is of vitality among human being no matter which life pattern you are in, especially for teenangers. As we all know that getting a part-time job is the first step to open your social life, as the metophor for entering a real society. In doing the part-time job, teenagers are realizing that now it is the time to make connections with collegues and customers around. For instance, my 16-year-old sister works as a waitress in a French restaurant which is super popular among those English speaking oriented foreign costermers, and it is obvious to see what a unfamiliar brand new environment is to my sister, but after working for a few weeks in that canteen, she told me that how embarrassed she was in the first day and now she is fluent in chatting with all those customers she has served, which i am so proud of her huge shift from a shy girl to a sunshine girl with her confident smiles.
To prepare a child for an adult life is to motivate to take a part-time job, on of the advantages of doing so encourage the child to develop social interactions with others from different backgrounds, learning some valuable lessons from the temporary working experience eventually. taking the English courses as well, my younger sister now is superior at oral speaking compared with her peers in the class due to the atmosphere the working palce provided. What is more, she has already made a bunch of foreign friends she met in the canteen and bond a firm social interactions with them by sending emails during the holiday such as Christmas. Therefore, I found the part-time job is playing an important role in her and indeed encourages her to be socialable.
A minor point i would like to add for the merit that working teenagers can gain is earning some loaf money and reliefing the a little financial burden left by their parents.  Working teenagers have disposal to spend and will always be thankful to their parents who work permanantly for their hard work, swearing no waste of money compulsively, because they have realized the unease to accumulate money earned by themselves.
Above all, Taking a part-time job should be firmly encouraged and supported among teenagers and their guildances, parents for its countless advance the job brings to them in trading labor for unforgettable lessons they can learn in working.

lavenderws

twilighter123 发表于 2015-7-9 14:53
TPO24.
One of the best ways that parents can help their teenagers prepare for adult life is to enco ...

总的来说。语言还好。能做到句型的灵活使用；词汇有些刻意使用高频词的倾向。

但是，最重要的问题是：

1. 跑题。并没有证明为什么 做兼职工作 是为未来准备的 最好方法。
2. 内容举例上重复。所以词汇到后面就重复了。


建议：1. 多练习解题；2.各种 论证方式都要熟悉。

针对写作没有内容写，可以加我的公众微信号：evaessay . 参加到每个月都有的托福写作团。每天 给素材＋响应题目，给你们有针对地练习提升。

加油！



TPO24.
One of the best ways that parents can help their teenagers prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part-time job.

When it comes to raising children to be prepared to a crule and entertained society, getting them through teenagers to adults could always be tough as this is one of the most important transitions for those chridren as well as for their parents. However，the case galvanizes a discussion  about the best method to encourage them. Some state that taking those children to go travel around the world would be the best way to form the real adults by solving problem through the journey, planning the blueprint routes for the next morning trip, and cooperating with teamates to get to the destinations planned on time without delay.Others, however, are in the favor of by reading, studying, or even getting a part-time job. To be honest, I agree the statement that a part-time job help fomulate and prepare for a healthy adulthood.

Gaining confidence is of vitality among human being no matter which life pattern you are in, especially for teenangers. As we all know that getting a part-time job is the first step to open your social life, as the metophor for entering a real society. In doing the part-time job, teenagers are realizing that now it is the time to make connections with collegues and customers around. For instance, my 16-year-old sister works as a waitress in a French restaurant which is super popular among those English speaking oriented foreign costermers, and it is obvious to see what a unfamiliar brand new environment is to my sister, but after working for a few weeks in that canteen, she told me that how embarrassed she was in the first day and now she is fluent in chatting with all those customers she has served, which i am so proud of her huge shift from a shy girl to a sunshine girl with her confident smiles. 这段并没有比较为什么做兼职工作是建立自信最重要的。


To prepare a child for an adult life is to motivate to take a part-time job ［删去。啰嗦］, on of the advantages of doing so encourage the child to develop social interactions with others from different backgrounds, learning some valuable lessons from the temporary working experience eventually.－这一都是逗号连接的大长句子啊。也没有体现出为什么兼职工作是最重要的方式。 taking the English courses as well, my younger sister now is superior at oral speaking compared with her peers in the class due to the atmosphere the working palce provided. What is more, she has already made a bunch of foreign friends she met in the canteen and bond a firm social interactions with them by sending emails during the holiday such as Christmas. Therefore, I found the part-time job is playing an important role in her and indeed encourages her to be socialable［跑题了啊。怎么又说道交朋友和英语上了了？这段的中心是在 价值观上。］.

A minor point i would like to add for the merit that working teenagers can gain is earning some loaf money and reliefing the a little financial burden left by their parents.  Working teenagers have disposal to spend and will always be thankful to their parents who work permanantly for their hard work, swearing no waste of money compulsively, because they have realized the unease to accumulate money earned by themselves.－－－－跟题目完全不符啊～


Above all, Taking a part-time job should be firmly encouraged and supported among teenagers and their guildances, parents for its countless advance the job brings to them in trading labor for unforgettable lessons they can learn in working.

twilighter123

Tpo 28综合写作

In the lecture the professor disproves the evidences provided by the reading material stating that Peary once had been to the North Pole. the professor finds them not solid evidence and not convincing enough to support the report writer. She then lists three main points to counterpart those evidences.
Firstly, even though the reading asserts that the NGS constituted a committee to conduct a research about Peary's records and equipment, the professor claims that the committee was unbiased because those members were closed friends with Peary and were the only source to fund him money to go explore. Therefore, the committee were not trustworthy to support the truth Peary had been to North Pole.
Additionally, in spite of the statement in the passage that a recent expedition spends the same amount of time as that of P did to reach North Pole, the professor disproves that these two voyages are in different ways and points out that Tom's ship was far more lighter than P's due to the drop of food from the ship. So the conditions compared by the two are unfavorable.
Finally, the writer insists that it is convincing to show the photo of the exact surface position that Peary was in. On the contrary, the professor argues that although photo is an evidence, techniques depened on the shadows should be viewd precisely. What is more, the photo was taken a hundred years ago with unfocused and fuzz mark,which was worn out and faded to the accuracy. Thus, the reading material is jeopardized by the professor in the lecture.

tony4824

With the remarkable progress of people's living standard, how to spending the money seems to be a dispensable of people's lives. As we know,adults should learn how to manage thier money. But when it is comes to whether the children should manage their money or not, people get into a dilemma.I think not only adults , but children should learn how to spend their money in a more effective way, which will teach children to be more independent, and more responsible for themselves.

Firstly, children can find it is hard for their parents to earn money by learn how to manage their own money, which will teach them to be more responsible for themselves. By teaching them how to manage their own money, children will find it is not easy for their parents to work and earn money so that they can be more polite and thankful to their parents , which will make them to be a more reoponsible adults later.

In addition, by learning how to manage their own money, children will pay more attention to the products that they will buy, and their will make a chioce about it. For instance, if a child want to buy a toy, a book and a CD at the same time, but he can only afford one of them, so he will try to find which it most important for him to buy instead of asking his parents to buy all to him. When he become an adult, he already gain the ability to make a slection about how to choose a more important things to do it first instead of having no idea about what to do and asking someone else for help. So this behavior will help him to become a financially responsible adults.

Last but not least, even though some people might say that it is hard for the children to learn how to manage their money since they are at thier young age. But I think this can make them pay more attention to their life that worth cherishing. And they can be more responsible when they become an adult.

To put in a nutshell, it is useful for children to manage their own money at a young age, since they will be more financially responsible in later life.

tony4824

还有3天考托福，麻烦大神指点下，跪谢
Topic
In order to become financially responsible adults ,children should learn to manage their own money at their young age .
With the remarkable progress of people's living standard, how to spending the money seems to be a dispensable of people's lives. As we know,adults should learn how to manage thier money. But when it is comes to whether the children should manage their money or not, people get into a dilemma.I think not only adults , but children should learn how to spend their money in a more effective way, which will teach children to be more independent, and more responsible for themselves.

Firstly, children can find it is hard for their parents to earn money by learn how to manage their own money, which will teach them to be more responsible for themselves. By teaching them how to manage their own money, children will find it is not easy for their parents to work and earn money so that they can be more polite and thankful to their parents , which will make them to be a more reoponsible adults later.

In addition, by learning how to manage their own money, children will pay more attention to the products that they will buy, and their will make a chioce about it. For instance, if a child want to buy a toy, a book and a CD at the same time, but he can only afford one of them, so he will try to find which it most important for him to buy instead of asking his parents to buy all to him. When he become an adult, he already gain the ability to make a slection about how to choose a more important things to do it first instead of having no idea about what to do and asking someone else for help. So this behavior will help him to become a financially responsible adults.

Last but not least, even though some people might say that it is hard for the children to learn how to manage their money since they are at thier young age. But I think this can make them pay more attention to their life that worth cherishing. And they can be more responsible when they become an adult.

To put in a nutshell, it is useful for children to manage their own money at a young age, since they will be more financially responsible in later life.

tony4824

还有3天考托福，麻烦大神指点下啊，跪谢
The reading and the listening passage have a debate on whether these meausres can stop the spread of the cane toad in Australia or not. The writer points out three reasons that these measures can make it, which are weakened by the following lecture.
Firstly, the writer claims that one way to stop the spread of the toad is building a national fence. Because the fence can block the toads from entering the parts of Australia. However , the professor says that since young toads can move by steam and waterway, it is not effective to prevent them by this meathod.
Addtionally, the author holds that they can find volunteers to capture and destroy the toads. Because it is easy for the volunteers to catch these toads by hands. In contract, the  speaker states that , by doing this , it is easy for them to harm those animals that are in danger, since it is hard for those volunteers to distinguish these animals.
Finally, the wirter holds that they can develop a virus to control the population of the toads, which is contradicted by the professor who says that it will cause a diasater to the toads in USA if they develop a virus to control the population of toads , since these virus can be carried by some reptiles to USA , the place where toads are a native species in USA.

lavenderws

tony4824 发表于 2015-7-30 01:46
还有3天考托福，麻烦大神指点下啊，跪谢
The reading and the listening passage have a debate on whether ...

同学，综合写作这种作文就不用发上来了吧。网上都有范文的。你自己查一下。
评分标准：1. 阅读观点；2。听力观点＋听力细节 都写上了。3. 表达清晰。没有语法错误。
你的听力细节写得少了。

独立写作需要练习和素材，可以加我的公众微信号：evaessay. 有地道英语素材和托福写作团。



The reading and listening materials have a conflict of opinions about how to control the population of cane toads。The writer puts forward three solutions/ ways/ measures (to solve/ ease the problem)，which is contradicted by the following lecture.

　　Firstly, the author suggests that a national fence should be built. However, the lecture opposes this suggestion by saying that young toads and toad eggs are found in rivers and streams that would carry them to the other side, no matter where the fence is built / regardless of the fence. As a result, the population will continue to grow.

　　Secondly, the passage proposes that volunteers can trap and destroy cane toads. However, the speaker views this issue from an opposite angle. According to her/him, untrained volunteers tend to inadvertently destroy endangered frogs since it is hard to distinguish (tell A apart from B) them when they are young.

　　The third measure (proposed by the writer) is to develop a disease-causing virus. By contrast, in accordance with the professor, this method does not hold water. It is because cane toads (infected by the virus) would be transported to Americas (where the local cane toad is a vital part of the ecosystem). Once the virus attacks them, the local ecosystem would suffer.

tony4824

   独立写作麻烦看下 Topic
In order to become financially responsible adults ,children should learn to manage their own money at their young age .
With the remarkable progress of people's living standard, how to spending the money seems to be a dispensable of people's lives. As we know,adults should learn how to manage thier money. But when it is comes to whether the children should manage their money or not, people get into a dilemma.I think not only adults , but children should learn how to spend their money in a more effective way, which will teach children to be more independent, and more responsible for themselves.

Firstly, children can find it is hard for their parents to earn money by learn how to manage their own money, which will teach them to be more responsible for themselves. By teaching them how to manage their own money, children will find it is not easy for their parents to work and earn money so that they can be more polite and thankful to their parents , which will make them to be a more reoponsible adults later.

In addition, by learning how to manage their own money, children will pay more attention to the products that they will buy, and their will make a chioce about it. For instance, if a child want to buy a toy, a book and a CD at the same time, but he can only afford one of them, so he will try to find which it most important for him to buy instead of asking his parents to buy all to him. When he become an adult, he already gain the ability to make a slection about how to choose a more important things to do it first instead of having no idea about what to do and asking someone else for help. So this behavior will help him to become a financially responsible adults.

Last but not least, even though some people might say that it is hard for the children to learn how to manage their money since they are at thier young age. But I think this can make them pay more attention to their life that worth cherishing. And they can be more responsible when they become an adult.

To put in a nutshell, it is useful for children to manage their own money at a young age, since they will be more financially responsible in later life.

Myjing

求老师指点，万分感谢！！！！

Some people say that teachers and parents should decide what assignment or activities children should do after school. Others say that children should make these decisions on their own. Which view do you agree with and why?  


When I was young, I was forced to take piano lessons after school. But I preferred to participate in soccer club and play soccer with my friends. I felt upset and couldn’t develop interest in playing the piano, thus wasting the precious time in the piano lessons. In the end, my parents had to cancel my piano lessons and lost a large amount of money. This experience makes me realize that children should make their own decisions on what assignment or activities to do after school.
First of all, Einstein once said, ”Interest is the best teacher”. Children will learn better when they are interested in what they are learning. If I had decided to take soccer club and practiced soccer every day, I would have been strong and highly skilled, been enrolled in our soccer team, represented my school to compete with other teams in the field, and finally won a cup for my team. But now, I can only be an audience for the school team and cheer for the players on the audience seat. Apparently, children should make own decisions to choose the afterschool activities because they can learn more in the activity they are interested in.
In addition, the importance of the skill of making decisions to the development of a person can never be exaggerated in this competitive society. The earlier we start, the better outcome we receive. Therefore, the capability of making decisions should be developed in childhood. In this sense, let children decide which activities or assignment to do after school is one of the best ways to cultivate their capability of making decisions. Making decisions on their own not only teach children how to be independent and responsible but also teach them how to schedule time. On the one hand, once children choose one activity, they should learn to accept the outcome and be responsible to their decision, whether it is good or bad. On the other hand, they should learn to manage time efficiently, completing both curricular assignment and extracurricular assignment not only on time but also in a good quality.
In conclusion, being allowed to choose what they prefer to do brings children many benefits. Only children make decisions by themselves will they acquire more knowledge, enjoy activities more and develop the skills of decision-making and time management more quickly. For these reasons, I recommend that children make their own decisions on what activities or assignment to do after school.

lavenderws

Myjing 发表于 2015-7-31 17:43
求老师指点，万分感谢！！！！

Some people say that teachers and parents should decide what assignmen ...

总的来说，句型简单，词汇有些重复。尤其是第三段，内容比较罗素。提升：增加内容；掌握文段展开的方法；提升句型的多样性。

欢迎加入 我的 托福写作团。提供素材和复习计划。我的个人微信号：eva-essay


Some people say that teachers and parents should decide what assignment or activities children should do after school. Others say that children should make these decisions on their own. Which view do you agree with and why?  


When I was young, I was forced to take piano lessons after school. But I preferred to participate in soccer club and play soccer with my friends. I felt upset and couldn’t develop interest in playing the piano, thus wasting the precious time in the piano lessons. In the end, my parents had to cancel my piano lessons and lost a large amount of money. This experience makes me realize that children should make their own decisions on what assignment or activities to do after school.
First of all, Einstein once said, ”Interest is the best teacher”. Children will learn better when they are interested in what they are learning. If I had decided to take soccer club and practiced soccer every day, I would have been strong and highly skilled, been enrolled in our soccer team, represented my school to compete with other teams in the field, and finally won a cup for my team.［虚拟语气，本可以用得不错。但是并列太多了。句型就简单了。］ But now, I can only be an audience for the school team and cheer for the players on the audience seat.［加一个感叹句：how regretful i felt］ Apparently, children should make own decisions to choose the afterschool activities because they can learn more in the activity they are interested in.[变成 强调句：it is children who should .....]

In addition, the importance of the skill of making decisions to the development of a person can never be exaggerated in this competitive society. The earlier we start, the better outcome we receive. Therefore, the capability of making decisions should be developed in childhood. In this sense, let children decide which activities or assignment to do after school is one of the best ways to cultivate their capability of making decisions. Making decisions on their own not only teach children how to be independent and responsible but also teach them how to schedule time. On the one hand, once children choose one activity, they should learn to accept the outcome and be responsible to their decision［啰嗦了。be responsible for ］, whether it is good or bad. On the other hand, they should learn to manage time efficiently, completing both curricular assignment and extracurricular assignment not only on time but also in a good quality. [啰嗦了。可以开始写例子了。不要重复说自己的解释，导致词汇和句型也重复了。]


In conclusion, being allowed to choose what they prefer to do brings children many benefits. Only children make decisions by themselves will they acquire more knowledge, enjoy activities more and develop the skills of decision-making and time management more quickly. For these reasons, I recommend that children make their own decisions on what activities or assignment to do after school.