pengxudong的写作贴，求不留情批改

pengxudong

9月18日 独立+综合    谢谢指导

pengxudong

9月19日 独立    谢谢指导

pengxudong

9月20日 综合    谢谢指导

kellyzhou0000

楼主改完了~抱歉晚了哈~

pengxudong

9月21日 独立     谢谢指导

pengxudong

9月22日 综合     谢谢指导

五五波

The author provides three reasons,including growing human population, increasing agriculture lands, and morepesticide use, to claim that the number of birds will continue declining.However, the professor offers some evidences tostate that all three arguments mentioned in the reading passage areunconvincing.
    Firstly, the number of some types of birds would increase due to urbangrowth. Although urban growth has a negative influence on certain types of birdpopulations, the number of other types of birds are likely to increase such aspigeons. It is because more advantageous habitats can be found in cities forthese types of birds. Therefore, it contradicts the statement in the readingpassage that all bird populations would decline.
     Secondly, agricultural activities would notresult in further destruction of bird habitats. The truth is that less and lesslands are being used for agricultural purposes in the United States. Also, morefood can be produced since there are more productive crops. Therefore, there isno need for people to expand agricultural lands anymore, which directlycontrasts with what is stated in the reading passage that more wildness areaswould be converted to agricultural use.
    Thirdly, pesticides would have less and less negative effect on birdpopulations. The professor says that pesticides have become less toxic thanever due to the people's awareness of negative influence of pesticides on environments.Besides, there are more pest-resistant crops now than before, thus lesspesticides are needed to control the number of pests. As a result, theprofessor refutes the statement in the reading passage that pesticides wouldcontinuously contribute to decline in bird population.


Conclusion: points in the lecture is overall and specific making little mistakes.
1、听力中的点全面且详细，语句流畅，用词多变
2、但对reading 和lecture的关联性表述不足。Question of integrated writng is: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they cast doubt on specific points made in the reading message  一般每段会在开头对reading的推理过程有一段简述，结尾可以一段总结。前面的部分就是explain how。具体的亲可以看看范文或者模板。

3、如果时间充足，可以在文末加一个总结的

kellyzhou0000

pengxudong 发表于 2013-9-22 04:09
9月21日 独立     谢谢指导

十分抱歉今天有些事情没有来得及改~明天我给你修改哈~

pengxudong

五五波 发表于 2013-9-23 20:21
The author provides three reasons,including growing human population, increasing agriculture lands,  ...

哈哈，关联性有反映哟，在每段的最后一句话。我这种写法是模仿OG中的满分范文的格式哟

kellyzhou0000

改好了·抱歉这么晚...