pengxudong的写作贴，求不留情批改

yzwdan818

     The professor in the lecture refutes thestatement in the reading passage that the communal online encyclopedias areless valuable than traditional, printed ones. Instead, she claims that thecommunal online encyclopedias are tremendously more advantageous thantraditional, printed ones.

     In the beginning, it is mentioned in thereading passage that a communal online encyclopedia is often less reliable dueto a lack of academic credentials of contributors. However, the professorpoints out that mistakes in a comprehensive, printed encyclopedia often remainthere for decades and are easier to be spotted since it is difficult to correctinformation in a printed one compared with an online encyclopedia. Therefore,it is hardly a fair criticism that online encyclopedias have errors.（这里好像还有个点没提到，就是我们很难找到没有错误的书，就算是纸质版的，所以教授觉得容易修改的才是好的）

     Secondly, in terms of（这个短语好像你比较喜欢用，TPO5里面也用了，但是我觉得其实用得不太准确，或者说不符合美国人的习惯吧.你自己翻译一下，其实意思怪怪的：根据黑客，教授提出……其实应该是根据黑客会破坏正确性这一观点，教授提出……）hackers who tamper with entries, the professor states that online encyclopediashave realized the importance of protecting articles by instituting two kinds ofstrategies. The first one is to use a read-only format to maintain crucialfactors in order to prevent them from being tampered. Also, a special editor isused to monitor all changed entries, eliminating the clearly maliciousinformation. All above strategies help to prevent articles from beingmaliciously tampered.

     Finally, when it comes to the proportionof topics, the professor says that the reason why traditional encyclopedias have to decide what isimportant or not is because（语病，去掉because，加that） there is only limited space.However, it is not an issue for online ones. Besides, traditional encyclopediasusually do not reflect great range of interests of the public since they areonly edited by a small number of people, while online ones, containing a greatvariety of topics and articles, accurately represent the interests of themajority. Thus, online encyclopedias are more advantageous than traditionalones.

1. 每段之间空了一行，开头就不要空格了，直接顶格写~

2. 你的文章对阅读材料和听力的还原度很高，我觉得好强，像我这一篇听力就没太听明白，感觉不熟悉，生词多,我就写得不太精确。

3. 总体来说，你写得真的很好，内容，词汇，句式，语法，结构都很不错，昨天我给你的建议，你也马上就尝试采用了，我要多向你学习！！！

pengxudong

yzwdan818 发表于 2013-9-12 15:42
The professor in the lecture refutes thestatement in the reading passage that the communal onli ...

同学夸奖了呀，其实我第一遍也有些词没听清，例如malicious, diversity

哈哈，其实我理解的in terms of 是regarding or concerning 也就是关于的意思哟

啊啊，我一直记混了，原来一直以为the reason is that 才是错的呢，谢谢同学提醒呀

wanggang0411

pengxudong 发表于 2013-9-12 00:07
这是我的9月11日的作业：综合+独立
多谢指导

结构和组织上都没问题, 我觉得是时候, 按照185的优秀作文, 精化语言.

pengxudong

9月12日独立
先上传独立，晚些时候再上传综合


终于都写好了，独立+综合

pengxudong

wanggang0411 发表于 2013-9-13 17:25
结构和组织上都没问题, 我觉得是时候, 按照185的优秀作文, 精化语言.

王大叔呀，185这么多topic，我要从何处开始看呀？有什么建议吗？

wanggang0411

pengxudong 发表于 2013-9-13 22:07
王大叔呀，185这么多topic，我要从何处开始看呀？有什么建议吗？

我的想法是, 拿自己写过的对着修改.

pengxudong

9月15日作业 综合+独立 多谢指导

kellyzhou0000

抱歉修改的比较晚~

pengxudong

kellyzhou0000 发表于 2013-9-16 18:39
抱歉修改的比较晚~

同学说的很有道理，我也是考虑要在段落之间加词或句子表过渡的意思

pengxudong

9月17日 独立+综合    谢谢指导

综合虽没人改，不过也还是上传了