bonnenuit的作文帖！作文一直都是个弱项！求大牛帮忙批改作文！感激不尽啊！

chengzaaaa

骚瑞！动作比较慢哈。
比较罗嗦说的，希望能有帮助！
也不一定全对，再交流哦！

bonnenuit

10.8独立

People who move out of their native village or town are more successful and happier than who stay in their native village or town for their whole life.

Nowadays, millions of graduates are seeking a standing place in the society, and they often face a dilemma:start their career in their native place, or embark on a job in the big cities. Recently, a controversial issue about whether people who move out from their native village or town are more successful and happier than those who do not has been given rise to us, opinions on this issue vary from person to person from their own experience, educational backgrounds and emotional concerns. As far as I concerned, I firmly believe that people stay in their native place could also obtain more successful and happier life than those who are outside.



To begin with, we cannot deny that you will get more opportunities and options to achieve success and happy life in the outside world. You can easily find a desired job and acquire high salaries, however, you have to confront with the gradually fierce competition in reality. In order to keep you from standing in the original place, even mover forward a better position, you have to pay more time and energy to compete with someone who will threaten your interest. Take myself as an example, I once worked for a financial institution, and I was demanded by my employer to work for several additional hours after wok every day due to the fierce competition among the same industry. The great pressure depressed me a lot, and I could not feel any sense of achievements and happiness in spite of the high salary. Consequently, I virtually could not stand and I chose to quit.



Furthermore, although the salaries are limited and fewer existing chances you can get in your native village or town compared to those of the big cities, you own abundance resource such as human resource, financial aid from your family and so on. I still use my experience as an example. After I quited from the financial institution, and I chose to back to my native town to restart my career. I collected host of information and advice from my friends, and my family lend me some money, finally, I ran a small-scale company by myself. I really feel successful and happy when I work in the most similar place and my families and friends accompany me around. What's more, small town or village is relatively potential, more and more famous enterprises prefer to enter into small town or village because of the inexpensive labor cost and low-level competition, which will bring plenty of underlying opportunities.



Admittedly, everyone has different standards to evaluate whether he is happy and successful or not. Someone think him successful and happy when he gets high salaries in the big city, while someone considers that he is successful and happy when he owns a job and families and friends are round in his native place. Therefore, it is really hard to say that people who move out of their native village or town are more successful and happier than who stay in their native village or town for their whole life.

wsywsy1

People who move out of their native village or town are more successful and happier than who stay in their native village or town for their whole life.

Nowadays, millions of graduates are seeking a standing place in the society, and they often face a dilemma:start their career in their native place, or embark on a job in the big cities. Recently, a controversial issue about whether people who move out from their native village or town are more successful and happier than those who do not has been given rise to us, opinions on this issue vary from person to person from their own experience, educational backgrounds and emotional concerns. As far as I concerned, I firmly believe that people who stay in their native place could also obtain more successful and happier life than those who are outside.



To begin with, we cannot deny that you will get more opportunities and options to achieve success and happy life in the outside world. You can easily find a desired job and acquire high salaries, however, you have to confront with the gradually fierce competition in reality. In order to keep you from standing in the original place, even mover(move) forward a better position, you have to pay more time and energy to compete with someone who will threaten your interest. Take myself as an example, I once worked for a financial institution, and I was demanded by my employer to work for several additional hours after wok every day due to the fierce competition among the same industry(改成复数吧). The great pressure depressed me a lot, and I could not feel any sense of achievements and happiness in spite of the high salary. Consequently, I virtually could not stand and I chose to quit the job.



Furthermore, although the salaries are limited and fewer existing chances you can get in your native village or town compared to(with) those of the big cities, you own abundance(这个是名词吧。应该改为形容词) resource such as human resource（人类资源指的是什么。。有点怪怪的。）, financial aid from your family and so on. I still use my experience as an example. After I quited(had quitted) from the financial institution, and I chose to back to my native town to restart my career. I collected host of information and advice from my friends, and my family lend(lent) me some money, finally, I ran a small-scale company by myself. I really feel successful and happy when I work in the most similar (这个。。是怎么回事)place and my families and friends accompany me around. What's more, small town or village is relatively potential, more and more famous enterprises prefer to enter into small towns or villages because of the inexpensive labor cost and low-level competition, which will bring a plenty of underlying opportunities.



Admittedly, everyone has different standards to evaluate whether he is happy and successful or not. Someone thinks him successful and happy when he gets high salaries in the big city, while someone considers that he is successful and happy when he owns a job and families and friends are round in his native place(个人觉得主语统一点不会好些？). Therefore, it is really hard to say that people who move out of their native village or town are more successful and happier than who stay in their native village or town for（in）their whole life.





来晚了，不好意思。

改得不好见谅嗷~

亲的文章条理清晰，学习了。。

bonnenuit

10.10独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Movies are worth watching only when they teach us something about the real life.


With the development of science and technology, both the modern people's living standards and material conditions have been promoted. A lot of electronic products such as telephone, television, computer have been introduced into people's daily life, and the challenge people has to face is how adjust their lifestyles to utilize the information technology-sometimes called the "new industrial revolution"- to its best advantages. Recently , an issue about whether movies are worth watching only when they teach us something about the real life has been given rise to us, and people's opinion on this topic vary as a result from their own characters, their concerns and educational backgrounds. As far as I concerned, I firmly believe that movies are always worth watching not only when they teach us something about the real life.



To begin with, I have to refine that the functions of movies are more than teaching. We cannot deny that we can acknowledge host of things from a movie, such as the tradition, the characters, the religions of a country. Movies as one kind of media not only can represent the culture of a country, but also bring a lot of visual enjoyments to audience. Take me for example, I prefer to watch movies with my girlfriends as one way to relax ourselves rather than hang out during weekends. We always choose to watch the scientific fiction movies such as spiderman, the matrix, and so on, and we really enjoy the visual impact brought from the high teach picture more than something that the movies teach us about the real life.



Further more, advertisement as main way to advertise and increase the sales of products is seen frequently at the beginning of a movie and generally from the sponsors of the movies, and it impress us more or less. Some sponsors will make contributions to the society after they achieve successful, and we are willing to buy their products when we remind of their actions, consequently, the sales of products will increase and the sponsors will do a lot of charity work more intensely to payback the society. For example, once I noticed an KFC advertisement promised that they will separate part of their sales revenue to help the children from poor families, and I was moved by that promise and became more preferable for KFC's products.



Admittedly, some disharmonious things such as violence,crime always appear in the movies, and will have bad influence on children. However, these things can be avoided by taking some measures, like parents' control and the advantages from movies always outweigh the disadvantages. Therefore, we can safely conclude that movies are worth watching not merely when they teach us something about the real life.

margrate

综合  FROM MARGRATE

bonnenuit

10.14独立
The best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers ‘salaries’.


Nowadays, more and more parents prefer to sent their children to some preeminent schools for the high quality education rather than the common schools, leading the unbalanced development in educational industry. In order to avoid the unreasonable phenomenon, some measures should be taken to improve the quality of education in some common schools. Someone claims that the best way to improve the quality of education is to increase the teacher's salaries. However, I tend to disagree with that, and I will give several reasons to illustrate my view.



To begin with, it is groundless to attribute the poor quality of education to teacher's salaries. The teaching level of teachers vary as a result from their own educational backgrounds, concerns and experience. some well educational and experienced teachers can always find the proper ways to teach the students, communicate with the students, foster the students, and flexibly cope with difficulties with which the students come up. In addition, they always consider the education as their responsibility rather than the salaries, hence they are more easy to obtain respect from their students than some others do.



Furthermore, the quality of education is not only subject to the teacher's teaching level, but also to the facilities. Just as the the saying goes: one cannot make bricks without straw, a teacher cannot help the students better understand their subjects without any extra tools in spite of his or her outstanding teaching level. For example, without doing experiment in the lab, the students will not deep understand the physic and the chemistry, and it will be not easy for students to broaden their professional knowledge without additional material from the library. In order to improve the quality of education, the school should invest more on these facilities.



Admittedly, increasing salaries can positively motivate the teachers to devote themselves into teaching, however, not every teacher will experience the same consequence. For example, some teachers will gain more motivations and work harder than before by the high salaries, while someone just take the free ride and still do the same thing.



Therefore, we can safely conclude that increasing the salaries is not the best way to improve the quality of education, but the schools can achieve the goal by investing more on facilities, or by improving the teacher's teaching level.

chengzaaaa

说的不对的地方多包涵，指出讨论哈。共同进步~

bonnenuit

10.16独立写作
Should all school teachers be required to attend courses every 5 years to update their knowledge?


A lot of concepts and theories have been out of style and replaced by new ones, attributing to the rapid development of science and technology. Whether all school teachers should be required to attend courses every 5five years to update their knowledge is a controversial issue. As far as I concerned, I do not totally agree with this issue, privately, however, I reckon that the old teachers are more necessary than young teachers to attend such courses to renew their knowledge.



To begin with, the opportunities for young teachers are much more than those for old teachers. Since young teachers grow up in a circumstance where IT is highly developing and numerous high-tech products, such as computers, Televisions, have been introduced into their daily life, they are more easy to come into contact with new knowledge through Internet, TV news,magazines, even communicating with others. However, the old teachers own so few ways to achieve update knowledge except for the textbooks that their concepts and theories have been out of fashion, hence, it is necessary to organize them to attend courses every 5 years to update their knowledge.



Furthermore, the old teachers are not only subjected to the narrow ways to achieve updating knowledge, but also reluctant to accept new ideas. Due to the chronic influence of previous theories and concepts on them, old teachers always reveal too stubborn to take new knowledge in and feel puzzled about the new things. On the contrary, young teachers are much easier to accept updating ideas. They live in the environment where complex ideas mix together and information updates fastly, and they have to cultivate themselves' ability to accept new things to adapt to the competing circumstance.



Admittedly, old teachers have more experience in teaching than young teachers, even they are more flexible to cope with the difficulties with which the students come up. Nevertheless, a good teacher should help his or her students to equip with updating educational backgrounds to adapt to the new society. Therefore, the old teachers are more necessary to attend the courses every 5 years to update their knowledge than young teacher.



All in all, from the reason listed above, we can safely conclude that, not all teachers should take such courses every 5 year to update their knowledge.

AnthonySummer

10.16独立写作
Should all school teachers be required to attend courses every 5 years to update their knowledge?


A lot of concepts and theories have been out of style and replaced by new ones, attributing to the rapid development of science and technology. Whether all school teachers should be required to attend courses every 5five (five) years to update their knowledge is a controversial issue. As far as I concerned, I do not totally agree with this issue, privately, however, I reckon that the old teachers are more necessary than young teachers to attend such courses to renew their knowledge.

To begin with, the opportunities for young teachers are much more than those for old teachers. (可以简写：Younger teachers have more opportunities than older teachers’.) Since young teachers grow up in a circumstance where IT is highly developing and numerous high-tech products, such as computers, Televisions, have been introduced into their daily life, they are more easy (eaiser) to come into contact with new knowledge through Internet, TV news, magazines, even communicating with others. However, the old teachers own so few ways to achieve update knowledge except for the textbooks that their concepts and theories have been out of fashion, hence, it is necessary to organize them to attend courses every 5 years to update their knowledge.

Furthermore, the old teachers are not only subjected to the narrow ways to achieve updating knowledge, but also reluctant to accept new ideas. Due to the chronic influence of previous theories and concepts on them, old teachers always reveal too stubborn to take new knowledge in and feel puzzled about the new things. On the contrary, young teachers are much easier to accept updating ideas. They live in the environment where complex ideas mix together and information updates fastly(very faster), and they have to cultivate themselves' ability to accept new things to adapt to the competing circumstance.

Admittedly, old teachers have more experience in teaching than young teachers; even they are more flexible to cope with the difficulties with which the students come up. Nevertheless, a good teacher should help his or her students to equip with updating educational backgrounds to adapt to the new society. Therefore, the old teachers are more necessary to attend the courses every 5 years to update their knowledge than young teacher.

All in all, from the reason listed above, we can safely conclude that, not all teachers should take such courses every 5 year to update their knowledge.

总体写的不错，挑不出什么毛病~ 如果列子能够举得更丰富就更好了！就是感觉用一篇文章400多字就说的一个大问题有些简单~

bonnenuit

10.18独立
Should all school teachers be required to attend courses every 5 years to update their knowledge?


A lot of concepts and theories have been out of style and replaced by new ones, attributing to the rapid development of science and technology. Whether all school teachers should be required to attend courses every 5five years to update their knowledge is a controversial issue. As far as I concerned, I do not totally agree with this issue, privately, however, I reckon that the old teachers are more necessary than young teachers to attend such courses to renew their knowledge.


To begin with, the opportunities for young teachers are much more than those for old teachers. Since young teachers grow up in a circumstance where IT is highly developing and numerous high-tech products, such as computers, Televisions, have been introduced into their daily life, they are more easy to come into contact with new knowledge through Internet, TV news,magazines, even communicating with others. However, the old teachers own so few ways to achieve update knowledge except for the textbooks that their concepts and theories have been out of fashion, hence, it is necessary to organize them to attend courses every 5 years to update their knowledge.


Furthermore, the old teachers are not only subjected to the narrow ways to achieve updating knowledge, but also reluctant to accept new ideas. Due to the chronic influence of previous theories and concepts on them, old teachers always reveal too stubborn to take new knowledge in and feel puzzled about the new things. On the contrary, young teachers are much easier to accept updating ideas. They live in the environment where complex ideas mix together and information updates fastly, and they have to cultivate themselves' ability to accept new things to adapt to the competing circumstance.


Admittedly, old teachers have more experience in teaching than young teachers, even they are more flexible to cope with the difficulties with which the students come up. Nevertheless, a good teacher should help his or her students to equip with updating educational backgrounds to adapt to the new society. Therefore, the old teachers are more necessary to attend the courses every 5 years to update their knowledge than young teacher.


All in all, from the reason listed above, we can safely conclude that, not all teachers should take such courses every 5 year to update their knowledge.