bonnenuit的作文帖！作文一直都是个弱项！求大牛帮忙批改作文！感激不尽啊！

amissrosa

11.12 綜合 TPO24 改

橘色建議 紅色錯誤

In the lecture, theprofessor is skeptical about the ideas of the idea of the reading passage that the 70-million-year-old fissile fossils of T.redx might still contain remains ofthe actual tissues of the animal. The professor argues that the materialsrevealed inside the T.rex’s leg bone might not be the remains of blood vessels, red blood cells,and collagen matrix.



In the reading passage, the presence of a soft, flexible organicsubstance inside the channels of fossilized leg bone may very well represent the remainsof the actual blood vessels of T.rex. On the contrary, the professor says thatthe soft, flexible organic substance is not necessary the remains of the actualblood vessel, but it may be somethingelse. For example, the bacteria will live in the hollow and empty the boneafter the animal die. What's more, the bacteria will leave behind the trace oforganic tissues. Hence, the soft substance may be left by bacteria.
前辈记得好多听力的details喔!!赞!!



The professor then opposes the reading's idea that the presence of sphere could be the remain of red blood cellsby stating that the sphere are also found in some other animals, include those without bloodcells (and some of these animal lives without read blood cells).
为了让文章看起来漂亮,建议每段篇幅尽量扯到差不多字数,可以用些转承词重述教授的论点,这样在时间内也能让篇幅变长. 这段少提到教授认为T-rexsphere可能只是reddishmineral.



Finally, the professor disapprove the reading's idea that collagen foundin the leg bone is exactly the kind of biochemical material that one wouldexpect to find in association with bone tissue. The professor points out thatthe collagen cannot last more than one hundred thousand years, ; however, the T-rex fossil is70-million-year-old, therefore the collagen may come from other resource,; for example, it may come fromthe human who touched it(the fossil)
第一段听力的detail足够,但二三段的细节稍嫌不足,再接再厉,会越写越好的!

bonnenuit

11.13综合tpo23
In the lecture, the professor is skeptical about the several hypothesis to explain the decline of population of the yellow cedar. The professor argues that these hypotheses are not valid enough, the explanation still remain unknown.



In the reading passage, one hypothesis is that the insect parasites cause the yellow cedar decline,specially the cedar bark beetle, which is known to attack cedar trees and whose larvae eat the wood. On the contrary, the professor says that, the insect parasite is not the cause. the cedar tree is much more resistant to insect parasites than other species of trees, and it also can produce a kind of powerful chemical materials,which can poison the insects.



The professor then opposes the second hypothesis attributes the decline to brown bears, by stating that the decline of yellow cedar cover from the North America to the South America, no matter  on the mainlands or islands. However, the populations of yellow cedar declines in the islands, in which no brown bear lives at the same time.



Finally, the professor disapprove the third hypothesis that gradual changes of climate may be to blame. The trees in high latitude are more likely to suffer from the damage from freezing, and get killed in winter than the trees in low latitude do, where the climate is more mild. In fact, more cedar trees in low latitude are killed.so the gradual change of climate cannot explain the decline.

bonnenuit

11.13独立写作Some people think university professors should spend more time doing research while others think they should spend more time educating students. What is your view?


Some people think university professors should spend more time doing research while others think they should spend more time educating students. What is your view?




The professor should spend more time doing research or they should spend more time educating students is a heated topic discussed by people. Various views are held by people are resulted from their different backgrounds and concerns. As far as I am concerned, I tend to agree with that the professor should put the research in the first place. I will give several reason as follow.



To begin with, the professor can make more contribution to the society by doing research than by educating students. Nowadays, the society has encounter many difficulties, such as how to cure the cancer, how to slow down the process of global warming. The professor should take time to cope with these problems in the lab rather than in the classroom. If the professor make some breakthrough on the research, it will make difference to millions worldwide.



Further more, if a professor's research is successful, it may benefit the university and the students in two ways. First, the university will receiver more grants and funding to continue with further research. This money can be utilized to improve the facilities, benefiting the students who use these facilities. Secondly, recognition of the research will improve the reputation and standing of the university, and make students proud of their school's achievements.



Moreover, a professor who continues with his or research is more aware of recent developments and place themselves at the forefront of the field, making him or her a more knowledgeable teacher. The professor is also likely to be a more enthusiastic teacher because they will be excited about the new discoveries they are making and be eager to share this enthusiasm with the students they teach.



Admittedly, it is the professor's duty to educate students. However, it has been a trend that the students have a favor for learning by themselves rather than sitting in the classroom to listen to professors and make notes. The students usually come to ask for help from professors when they confront with academic problems. Hence, it also saves the professors a lot of time and they can devote themselves more into their researches.



All in all, from the reason listed above, we can safely conclude that the professor should allowed to spend more time doing their researches.

lizchang1990

11.13综合tpo23
In the lecture, the professor is skeptical about the several hypothesis to explain the decline of population of the yellow cedar. The professor argues that these hypotheses are not valid enough, the explanation still remain unknown.

In the reading passage, one hypothesis is that the insect parasites cause the yellow cedar decline, specially the cedar bark beetle, which is known to attack cedar trees and whose larvae eat the wood. On the contrary, the professor says that, the insect parasite is not the cause. the cedar tree is much more resistant to insect parasites than other species of trees, and it also can produce a kind of powerful chemical materials, which can poison the insects.

The professor then opposes the second hypothesis attributes the decline to brown bears,(觉得没必要加个逗号吧) by stating that the decline of yellow cedar cover from the North America to the South America, no matter on the mainlands(main lands/ mainland) or islands. However, the populations of yellow cedar declines（decline） in the islands, in which no brown bear lives at the same time.

Finally, the professor disapprove(用单三) the third hypothesis that gradual changes of climate may be to blame. The trees in high latitude are more likely to suffer from the damage from freezing, and get killed in winter than the trees in low latitude do, where the climate is more mild(milder这是个不是多音节词,前面无需加more ). In fact, more cedar trees in low latitude are killed. so the gradual change of climate cannot explain the decline.

亲~这篇综合写得不错~但建议多换换那个hypotheses, professor 不然每段开头都是他们的身影, 看着有点词汇缺乏.  语言比较好,英语功底扎实,继续~~~


抱歉我不会弄成红色字体.

bonnenuit

11.14tpo22综合写作
In the lecture, the professor is skeptical about the reasons offered by many critics about ethanol is not a good replacement for gasoline. The professor argues that the ethanol is a desirable replacement for gasoline.



In the reading passage, the increased use of ethanol would not help to solve the global warming caused by gasoline use. On the contrary, the professor says that the ethanol use would not all global warming, because the ethanol is made from plants ,such as corn. These plants can absorb the carbon dioxide as part of nutrition, and remove the carbon dioxide from the atmosphere.



The professor then opposes the reading's idea that the production of significant amounts of ethanol would reduce the amount of plants available for uses, by stating that the production will not reduce the food available for animals. The ethanol is produced by using the cellulose, which is main component of plant's cell wall and will not eaten by animals. Hence, the production will not reduce the amount of plants available for use.



Finally, the professor disapproves the reading's idea that ethanol will never be able to compete with gasoline on price. The professor points out that once enough people start buying ethanol, the ethanol producer will increase the production, then the increase of production will lead to a drop in price.

AnthonySummer

11.13独立写作Some people think university professors should spend more time doing research while others think they should spend more time educating students. What is your view?





Some people think university professors should spend more time doing research while others think they should spend more time educating students. What is your view?









The professor should spend more time doing research or they should spend more time educating students is a heated topic discussed by people. Various views are held by people are resulted from their different backgrounds and concerns. As far as I am concerned, I tend to agree with that the professor should put the research in the first place. I will give several reason as follows.







To begin with, the professor can make more contribution to the society by doing research than by educating students. Nowadays, the society has encountered many difficulties, such as how to cure the cancer, how to slow down the process of global warming. The professor should take time to cope with these problems in the lab rather than in the classroom. If the professor makes some breakthrough on the research, it will make a difference to millions worldwide. (chinglish 老外看不懂。It will change millions of people's destiny.)







Further more, if a professor's research is successful, it may benefit the university and the students in two ways. First, the university will receive more grants and funding to continue （語病，讀了不通順）with further research. This money can be utilized to improve the facilities, benefiting the students who use these facilities. Secondly, recognition （這裡和後面什麽聯繫？看不懂）of the research will improve the reputation and standing of the university, and make students proud of their school's achievements.







Moreover, a professor who continues with his or research is more aware of recent developments and places （缺連係詞）themselves at the forefront of the field, making him or her a more knowledgeable teacher. The professor is also likely to be a more enthusiastic teacher because they will be excited about the new discoveries they are making and be eager to share this enthusiasm with the students they teach. （感覺每段句子都有語病：太長了，讀者太累，傷腦筋）







Admittedly, it is the professor's duty to educate students. However, it has been a trend that the students have a favor for learning by themselves rather than sitting in the classroom to listen to professors and make notes. The students usually come to ask for help from professors when they confront with academic problems. Hence, it also saves the professors a lot of time and they can devote themselves more into their researches.







All in all, from the reason listed above, we can safely conclude that the professor should allowed to spend more time doing their researches.

qimaozi

In the lecture, the professor is skeptical about（建议改成questioned ,be skeptical about 多用来形容人/物很多疑） the reasons offered by many critics about ethanol is not a good replacement for gasoline. The professor argues that the ethanol is a desirable replacement for gasoline.（两个一样的词建议把其中一个改为alternative）



In the reading passage（stated that） the increased  use of ethanol would not help to solve the global warming （problem）caused by gasoline use. On the contrary, the professor says （said）that the ethanol use would not all(add to )global warming, because the ethanol is made from plants ,such as corn. These plants can absorb the carbon dioxide as part of nutrition, and remove the carbon dioxide from the atmosphere.

The professor then opposes the reading's idea that the production of significant amounts of ethanol would reduce the amount of plants available for uses, by stating that the production will not reduce the food available for animals. The ethanol is produced by using the cellulose, which is main component of plant's cell wall and （which）will not eaten by animals. Hence, the production will not reduce the amount of plants available for use.(楼主用词的重复率比较高，建议富有变化。)



Finally, the professor disapproves the reading's idea that ethanol will never be able to compete with gasoline on price. The professor points out that once enough people start buying ethanol, the ethanol producer will increase the production, then the increase of production will lead to a drop in price.
最后一段建议改为：
Finally, the professor discovers that once enough people start to buy ethanol, the producers would take this chance to increase the volume of production, which would lead to a drop in price then. This point disagrees with the statement demonstrated in the reading passage.

相关建议：
1.    楼主的用词重复比较高，托福的综合写作非常注重同义转换，建议用词能够富于变化。比如professor可以改成lecturer  speaker  talker ……
2.    在综合写作中比较重视听力的内容，而楼主每一个分论点的开头都是以阅读内容开头的， 这样会让批改的人产生歧义。建议楼主选择一个以听力内容为开头的的模板。

qimaozi

楼主，由于我不太会用那个编辑的东东，所以就发附件给你了，见谅啊~

bonnenuit

11.15综合写作
In the lecture, the professor is skeptical about the idea of reading passage that planting genetically trees on a large scale promise to bring a number of benefits. The professor argues that the benefits listed in the reading passage are open to debate, though planting genetically trees do bring some benefits.



In the reading passage, genetically modified trees are more hardier and more likely to survival than their unmodified counterparts. On the contrary, the professor says that the genetically modifications do not ensure the trees survive in the wild. Some trees may survive from some disasters, however, the genetically modified trees are too uniform to get through the disaster and more likely to die out.



The professor then oppose the view in the reading that the genetically trees will bring the farmer more economical benefits by stating that the company will charge more on the genetically tress' seeds than unmodified trees 's, even the farms cannot plant the seed freely after they collect them.



Finally, the professor points out that the genetically modified trees grow more aggressively than normal trees do, and take the nutrients and water away, making the unmodified trees out of competition. This fact disapproves the reading's idea that the use of genetically modified trees can prevent overexploitation of wild trees.

lizchang1990

TO bonnenuit,不好意思阿~ 我尽量快点帮你批改作文吧~ 若今晚没看完,我明天早上发给你.我的作文也明天一块贴上来~  不好意思呀,忙递交申请材料今天,所以....   我一定会在明天早上前给你的!!!