6.18 独立

qianjun06

6月18日101017 大陆 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better to relax by a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.

       Currently, there is a public controversy on  how to relax after a busy working day. Those who approve of watching a movie or reading a book argue that it is a convenient and meaningful method to amuse one’s self, but other people in favor of doing physical exercise. Coincident with the opinion of those people is my heartfelt agreement with idea that doing physical exercise is a healthy, communicative and economical way to relax.
     First, doing physical exercise does strong our body as well as our mental health. Under the circumstance of a long-time working ,not only our body but also our brain is strain and lack of oxygen. Attending a physical  course or just roaming around the playground is the optimum choice to lose one's burden. For example, tormented by heard disease ,my friend persists in jogging after dinner meal. After three years' perseverance, he get rid of the disease and became a healthy man. Thus, to be a healthy man ,one could not live without doing physical exercise.
    In addition, communicating or consorting with a new friend  plays an essential role when determining whether relax at home or go to gymnasium. There is no denying that exchanging experiences is a fantasying way to relax one's self, even contributing to a giant deal. The story is not rare, it provides a typical instance of my boss bidding a titanic project successfully just during the exercising in the fitting room. What an amazing thing it is to doing physical exercise.
    Last but not least, building exercise centers will contribute more Gross National Product to the endemic economy. The more developments we make, the more progress we get. We cannot emphasize the important of economy too much for a developing country.
    Considerable though the advantages that doing physical exercise results in are, they cannot compete with benefits of a movie or reading a book brings about, when convenience and  knowledge are taken into consideration. But, doing physical exercise has more merits as a healthy, interactive and  
economic way of relaxing.

包子不包子

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better to relax by a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.

Currently, there is a public controversy on how to relax after a busy working day. Those who approve of watching a movie or reading a book argue that it is a convenient and meaningful method to amuse one’s self, but other people in favor of doing physical exercise. Coincident with the opinion of those people is my heartfelt agreement with idea that doing physical exercise is a healthy, communicative and economical way to relax.

First, doing physical exercise does strongstrengthen our body as well as our mental health. Under the circumstance of a long-timeterm working ,not only our body but also our brain is strain and lack of oxygen. Attending a physical course or just roaming around the playground is the optimum choice to lose one's burden. For example, tormented by heard disease ,my friend persists in jogging after dinner meal. After three years' perseverance, he get rid of the disease and became a healthy man. Thus, to be a healthy man题目说的视为relax啊 ,one could not live without doing physical exercise.

In addition, communicating or consorting with a new friend plays an essential role when determining whether relax at home or go to gymnasium. There is no denying that exchanging experiences is a fantasyingfanscinating way to relax one's self, even contributing to a giant deal.which even contribute a big part The story is not rare, it provides a typical instance of my boss bidding a titanic project successfully just during the exercising in the fitting room. What an amazing thing it is to doing physical exercise.包子没大读懂这段啊 嘿...

Last but not least, building exercise centers will contribute more Gross National Product to the endemic economy. The more developments we make, the more progress we get. We cannot emphasize the important of economy too much for a developing country.这段可以归到上面某段 如果单独一段 感觉有些跑题

Considerable though the advantages that doing physical exercise results in are, they cannot compete with the benefits of a movie or reading和 movie统一 a book brings about, when convenience and knowledge are taken into consideration. But, doing physical exercise has more merits as a healthy, interactive and economic way of relaxing.

词汇和句型的运用包子很佩服啊 尤其是最后一段
可以在两段例证后加一段让步 显得逻辑更严谨
总结段真的好~~

qianjun06

谢谢，刚开始写，开头和结尾都是COPY戴云教主的。被你表扬我感到有写作动力了，

qianjun06

6月20日110827 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.

               In the recent years, there is a public controversy on whether people In the recent years, there is a public controversy on whether people should take action as soon as possible. Those who in favor of the phenomenon agree that fast is best, but other people ,on the other hand, argue that snow work yields fine products. Coincident with the opinion of those people is my heartfelt agreement with the idea that patience is usually a good strategy.
               To begin with, being patient is a successful way to deal with dilemmas. When someone is in trouble, he or she maybe impatient and the first decision to be taken is more likely not imprudent, which will probably have nothing to do with success. For instance, one of my friends majored in math. But after one year's curriculums, he changed his major and found he was more adept at accounting. It is his patience and perseverance that made he be able to catch with his classmates without one more year. As the saying goes, dripping water wears throng a stone. On no account can we ignore the value of patience brings about.
               In addition, there is no denying that to be patient does contribute a lot to our health when we are in hurry. By keeping patient, can we stay a fresh brain instead of turning matter to be worse. The situation is not rare, it is typical of dozens. My roommate fell down while riding on his way to school, only to find that his leg was broken. But he kept in prudent and just laid down, waiting for ambulance instead of take the first aid, which will cause another injury. What an essential thing it is to remain patient.
               Some people may argue that we may have not sufficient time to deem and make the right decision under some circumstances. It is no doubt that taking action immediately surely save us affluent time and makes people more capable to treat with calamities efficiently and competitively, even stopping the catastrophe happen.
               Considerable though the advantages that taking action abruptly results in are they can not compete with the benefits that being patient by keeping a fresh mind brings about, when craving success and dealing with emergency are taken into consideration.

yangyangyu

6.20

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

In the recent years, there is a public controversy on whether people In the recent years, there is a public controversy on whether people should take action as soon as possible. Those who in favor of the phenomenon agree that fast is best, but other people ,on the other hand, argue that snow(slow)  work yields fine products( or results?). Coincident with the opinion of those people is my heartfelt agreement with the idea that patience is usually a good strategy.（是模板句吧？不错哦～）

To begin with, being patient is a successful way to deal with dilemmas. When someone is in trouble, he or she maybe(may be) impatient and the first decision to be taken is more likely not imprudent,(这句话怎么感觉意思相反的呢? first decision 不会轻率?) which will probably have nothing to do with success. For instance, one of my friends majored in math. But after one year's curriculums, he changed his major and found he was more adept at accounting(逻辑是不是有点问题？ found he was more adept at accounting and changed his major?). It is his patience and perseverance that made he be able to catch up with his classmates without one more year(within a year?). As the saying goes, dripping water wears throng(through) a stone. On no account can we ignore the value of patience brings about.

In addition, there is no denying that to be patient does contribute a lot to our health when we are in hurry. By keeping patient, can we stay a fresh brain instead of turning matters to be worse. The situation is not rare, it is typical of dozens. My roommate fell down while riding on his way to school, only to find that his leg was broken. But he kept in prudent(形容词?) and just laid down, waiting for ambulance coming instead of take the first aid( making the first aid on his own), which will cause another injury. What an essential thing it is to remain patient.( 这里可以不用从句了,The essential thing is to remain patient)

Some people may argue that we may have not sufficient time to deem and make the right decision under some circumstances. It is no doubt that taking action immediately surely save us affluent time and makes people more capable to treat with calamities efficiently and competitively, even stopping the catastrophe happen.
Considerable though the advantages that taking action abruptly results in are they can not compete with the benefits that being patient by keeping a fresh mind brings about, when craving success and dealing with emergency are taken into consideration.

总结:
qianjun 童鞋 一些词用的不错，思路也还蛮清晰. 用了模板吧~ 还是不错啦~
只是有的句子感觉有点 就着词而来写句子，句子意思不是特别清楚哦
还有有的词的拼写也要注意哇
加油 加油！

qianjun06

6月24日110108 ML Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Food in the past was much healthier than today.


                  Currently, there is a public controversy on the sanitation of food. Those who criticize the unhealthy food arguing that more additive and no-licence workshop raise the risk to one's health; however, other people in favor of the current food. Contrary to the opinion of many people is my heartfelt agreement with the idea that food today is much more excellent than in the past.
                  To start with, food contains more nutrition nowadays which support the whole day's nutriments our body needs. With a growing number of researches on health and food, scientists have found more agreeable ingredients and adjust certain element or omit certain one to meet the needs of a special person complying with ken of nutriology. Take the salt for example, numerous people of Asia lacking the element of iodine, so this chemical is added by manufactories to ordinary edible salt to balance the daily need. This case is not rare, it is one of many examples I have heard. Thus, we cannot emphasize the importance of the present food on our health too much.
                 In addition, there is no denying that it is more convenient to obtain the food present than in the past. Thanks to the increasing number of factories, freeways and transportations, we acquire the food more quickly than before and all these contributions are devoted to us with more healthier and fresher food. It provides a typical instance that fresh food transported by freeways can be enjoyed by the people who live 1000 miles away the farm. It is the modern public accommodations that benefit people by saving time and offering healthy food. On no account can we ignore the value of modernization on current healthy foods.
               When human beings enjoy their healthy diets today, isn't it necessary that they give some consideration to the sanitary condition of some food company.  Unfortunately, quite a few workshops are exposed by media that several poisonous additives have added in our food with no regards of peoples' health. Some restaurants even do not bleach their dishwares, pursuing higher profits.
                Considerable though the disadvantages that current food results in are, they cannot compete with the benefits that it brings about, when convenience and freshness are taken into consideration. Nevertheless, immediate actions should be taken to establish a valid legal system against those who  only maximizes the profits, neglecting the health of human beings.

DanielleZ

hi，Dear Qianjun，不好意思，我才把24号的作文交上来，可以修改啦，谢谢啦~http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-727156-3-1.html#last

qianjun06

6月26日100206 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? High school students should take a course on basic economics.


In recently years, there is a public controversy on whether basic economics knowledge should be merged into students' common curriculums. Those who criticize the suggestion argue that students saddled with numerous tasks and homework leads to no time for entertainments. However, some people advocate that basic economics are primary lesson, which is useful throughout our lives. Contrary to the opinion of many people is my heartfelt agreement with the idea that basic economics course should be adopted among students' basic lessons.

To start with, economics is a kind of science, teaching people how to select the optimum choose and how to omit the unnecessary ones. With the knowledge can we understand the economy dilemmas more easily and take some financial investments more rationally. There is no denying that universities are the places where students can obtain diversified knowledge and even only in the colleges can students acquire more time and energy to learn more kens without considering about social matters. It provides a typical instance of my campus life. Thought I major in mathematics, accounting is the second major I took for my leisure time and the basic economic knowledge help me understand the process of the financial crisis in 2008. Thus, we cannot emphasize the importance of the preliminary economics courses on solving our daily issues.

In addition, gaining the ken of economics is also a sense of success. It is conceivable that employees have more chances to be employed by companies, because with widen knowledge always means one can overcome more complicated puzzles. By feeling the successful sense, one will be more willing to devote themselves to conducting their professional cases. For example, my roommate has passed the CPA examination before graduation. So, in the employment fair, it was easily for him to find a good job. The story is not rare, it is typical of dozens. On no account can we ignore the value attaining economics knowledge results in.

When people deem it is essential to be educated with economics courses, isn't it necessary that they give some considerations to the disadvantages taking more lessons brings about? Students should be reduced burden from their overwhelming assignments. Taking the economics courses means more amusing time will be contributed to the redundant task. As the saying goes, all works and no play makes jack a dull boy.

Considerable though the negative aspects that economics education results in are, they cannot compete with the benefits that enjoying these curriculums brings about. Also, rational schedule should be taken by students to crave a multiple life.

tyyhappy

黄色是高亮，红色是修改，蓝色是疑问。
In recently years, there is a public controversy on whether basic economics knowledge should be merged into students' common curriculums. Those who criticize the suggestion argue that students saddled with numerous tasks and homework leads to no time for entertainments. However, some people advocate that basic economics are primary lesson, which is useful throughout our lives. Contrary to the opinion of many people is my heartfelt agreement with the idea that basic economics course should be adopted among students' basic lessons.（读起来很舒服）

To start with, economics is a kind of science, teaching people how to select the optimum choose and how to omit the unnecessary ones. With the knowledge can we（这个地方没有必要倒装） understand the economy dilemmas more easily and take some financial investments more rationally. There is no denying that universities are the places where students can obtain diversified knowledge and even only in the colleges can students acquire more time and energy to learn more kens without considering about social matters. It provides a typical instance of my campus life. （短句子很漂亮，并且长短间杂读起来舒服）Thought I major in mathematics, accounting is the second major I took for my leisure time and the basic economic knowledge help me understand the process of the financial crisis in 2008. Thus, we cannot emphasize the importance of the preliminary economics courses on solving our daily issues.（这句话中丢了一个too much 或者more 吧，这么读就成否定的了。）

In addition, gaining the ken（ken在这里什么意思呢？）of economics is also a sense of success. It is conceivable that employees have more chances to be employed by companies, because with(个人觉得用having 更好一些，直接用介词短语作主语，这个··) widen(wide) knowledge always means one can overcome more complicated puzzles. By feeling the successful sense（the sense of success更好些）, one will be more willing to devote themselves to conducting their professional cases. For example, my roommate has passed the CPA（缩写的专有名词第一次出现要用全称哦） examination before graduation. So, in the employment fair, it was easily（easy） for him to find a good job. The story is not rare, it is typical of dozens.On no account can we ignore the value （of）attaining economics knowledge results in.
（连接和句子读起来很顺畅，很舒服）
When people deem it is essential to be educated with economics courses, isn't it necessary that they give some considerations to the disadvantages （of）taking more lessons brings about? Students should be reduced burden (reduce的用法是 reduce burden on students, 这个被动下应该是burden should be reduced on students )from their overwhelming assignments. Taking the economics courses means more amusing time will be contributed to the redundant task. As the saying goes, all works and no play makes jack a dull boy.

Considerable（这里是要表达“大量的”意思吗？还是想要表达考虑到，那个应该是用”considering”） though(though的位置有点别扭) the negative aspects that economics education results in are（这个are哪里来的··）, they cannot compete with the benefits that enjoying these curriculums brings about(that these curriculums bring out enjoyment 这是个同位语句子是不？). Also, rational schedule should be taken by (high) students to crave a multiple life.

To qianjun06

Happy 是个吹毛求疵的人····qianjun表要介意哈。

在思路上happy和qianjun上探讨一下，qianjun写的时候不要忘了high school students的前提哟。

关于论证，一部分是经济很重要，一部分是学了基础的经济对于就业很重要。我个人觉得第一部分应该完善一下是经济知识对于高中生很重要，第二部分我觉得有些跑了··毕竟题目是对于高中生，qianjun举了一个大学生的例子。

关于用词，qianjun 的词汇和表达都比happy要好，所以happy膜拜下。但是有的时候词性会使用错误。

关于句式，qianjun的文章读起来还挺舒服的，句式结构有变化，长短间杂，并且不会太臃肿。

qianjun06

7月1日Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Rather than help their children do schoolwork, parents should encourage their children do work independently. Do you agree or disagree?  



                     In the recent years, there is a public controversy on whether parents should help their children do schoolwork. Those who criticize this phenomenon argues that assignments should be finished independently; however, some people in favor of this issue. Contrary to the opinion of many people is my heartfelt agreement with idea that helping their children do homework, to some extent, has some merits.
                    To start with, doing assignments cooperatively instead of independently is an easy way for children to accomplish them. With the help of their parents, dilemmas can be solved effectively and efficiently. Even more time will be saved to entertain or be devoted to other fields of there hobbies. There is no denying that it is helping not just parents doing homework that broaden their children's minds. It provides a typical instance of myself. My father is a mathematics professor. When I have some puzzles in mathematics, I always resort to him. With the helps of his advices, I can obtain new physical laws and finish my work smoothly. We can emphasize the importance of positive aspects helping their children brings about.
                   In addition, it offers an excellent opportunity for parents to communicate with their children when they are resolving a difficult. Thanks to the situation that parents and children spend their daily time separately, homework time is the sole option for them to share their experience, impart knowledge, as well as exchange ideas.  Benefited from the communicating, children will be more active than before, which leads them easier to success. For instance, Abraham Lincoln lived in a single-parent family. Non-communication with his family made him feel solitary, even worse, which lead him to quit school. The story is not rare, it is typical of dozens. Thus, on no account can we ignore the value working together with their child results in.
                      when people deem it is favorable to help their children do assignments, isn't it necessary that they give some considerations to the negative points it cause? They may be become too dependent on their parents without the ability to think personally, which may cause them to be incompetent with peers in future career.
                      Considerable though the disadvantages that studying with parents together accounts for are, they cannot compete with the benefits solving issues together with parents brings about, when efficiency and communication are taken into consideration.