6.18 独立

jasonliu119

              In recent years, there is a public controversy on whether children should inherit their parents' career. Those who criticize the phenomenon argue that children should have their own choice of their career. However, some people in favor of the issue. Contrary to the opinion of the former is my heartfelt agreement with the idea that having the similar jobs with their parents does good to their children.

         To start with, it is more convenient and efficient way （漏了a ）for children to share experience with their parents in the same job language. There is a common phenomenon that children may be easily influenced by their parents' job during their childhood. Holding the same profession, children can share their minds, opinions as well as feelings with their parents. It provides a typical example of myself. My mother is an accountant, which leads me to get interested to calculation and thus I choose accounting as my major. When I encounter with accounting dilemma, the first person I consort to is my mother .Otherwise, it will be solved when the next accounting course is taken. Thus, we cannot emphasize importance of enjoying identical career too much.

         In addition, having the similar jobs offers their parents an excellent opportunity to communicate with their children. There is no doubt that children are not mature and have less abilities to determine which career they are suit. Under this circumstance, parents may take the chance to impart their professional knowledge to their children. For instance, my roommate ,his （用whose吧？定语从句）mother is a doctor, was active（什么意思？活跃的？） when he was a child. His mother had insights into his talents in  manipulation and then taught him how to utilize the medical apparatus. Now, he became a celebrated doctor. The story is not rare, it is typical of dozens. Therefore, on no account can we ignore the value that children have the same jobs with their parents results in.（这句话语法上有点不通吧？，你的意思是用主语从句？不如改为 Therefore, on no account can we ignore the value  of the same job shared by the parents and the children）

           When people deem it is favorable to select the similar jobs of their own for their kids, isn't it necessary that they give some considerations to the negative points it may cause ? If the child take their parents advice and engage in the same field, they will lose the chance to seek which job they are competent for. Even worse, the job chosen by their parents will not accord with their own interests.

          Considerable though the disadvantages that children having equal career with their parents brings about are, it cannot compete with the benefits that sharing their parents' professional knowledge leads to(类似之前的意见，这个lead to 没必要吧，个人对故作复杂的表达有点反感、、、可不可以改为the benefits of sharing their parents' professional knowledge？), when convenience and communication are taken into consideration.

很好很强大，看出楼主的语法功底相当深厚。但是我有两点建议，你考虑下吧：
（1）你用了两正一反的结构，我觉得能够3正的话就用3正结构吧。觉得你的第三小点论证很不充分
（2）物极必反，否极泰来。我觉得，有些时候从句用得别扭的话，还不如用简单的表述

qianjun06

TPO4   综合

   The passage makes the points that considerable evidence shows that dinosaurs are endotherms. On the contrary, the lecture demonstrates a controversy idea that such discoveries do not support the proofs that dinosaurs are endotherms.

           To start with, contrary to the belief in the passage that dinosaurs living in polar regions proves that they can maintain temperature well, the  professor says that regions like polar regions were much warmer than  today.  Fossils of dinosaurs can be found in these regions. Therefore, the first reason provided in the reading text is refuted.

           In addition, the author holds the view that the legs of all modern endotherms are undernerath the body, and so were the legs of dinosaurs. In contrast, the lecturer contradicts that dinosaurs have no higher energy for running. The function leg position is to support more weight of their body .It has nothing to do with running. This directly cast doubt on its counterpart in the reading.

           Last but not least, the reading material states that the presence of haversian canals in dinosaurs shows that they are endotherms. On the other hand, the listening material presents a conflicting idea that there are growth rings among dinosaurs body. They show that dinosaurs stop or slowly growing during cold condition. while, if  animals have the temperature adjustments , they will continue to grow rapidly even when the temperature is cool.  Thus, the last point in the passage is unsound , according to the speaker.

qianjun06

7月13日
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement that compared with people who live in urban areas; the people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families.


              In recent years, there is a public controversy on whether rural life is more comfortable to live with families than the city life. Those who criticize the notion argue that city life has more convenient for families such as modern medical facilities and better education. However other people in favor of the idea that rural life are agreeable to their family. Contrary to the opinion of the former is my heartfelt agreement with the idea that people live in rural areas can take better care of their families.

             To start with, it is a health way to live in the rural area with your family. Jobs in rural may be quite easy to deal with, even the working time in rural is less than that in cities. In such a relaxing and without pressure circumstances, more time will be spent to enjoy with families. It provides a typical instance of myself. Our family live in jianghai town ,a small city in Sichuang province. I always went to the seaside together with my father to watch the sunrise. These meaningful experiences led me to major in astronomy in the college. So, on no account can we ignore the value of family caring.

             In addition, it offers more time when living in the rural. The leisure time can be arranged to communication with family members. There is no denying that more family has gaps between parents and children owing to having less leisure time. The more frequently we communicate with parents, the more harmonious the relationship in the family between us is. For example, my roommate lives in big city . When the time weekends comes, he seldom goes home instead of playing computer game in the dormitory, because their parents are busy even have business trips. Thus, I cannot emphasis the importance of family accompanying.

            When people deem it is favorable to live in rural, isn't it necessary that they give some consideration to some negative points it may cause? Life in rural is quite simple and primitive with no modern medical facilities and no high educational institutions. Even worse, it may pose a great threat to your career promotion.

       Considerable though the disadvantages that living in the rural encounters are, they cannot compete with the benefits that better taking care of families with a rural lifestyle brings about, when health and communication are taken into consideration.

芒果15号

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement that compared with people who live in urban areas; the people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families.


In recent years, there is a public controversy on whether rural life is more comfortable to live with families than the city life. Those who criticize the notion argue that city life has more convenient（conviniences） for families such as modern medical facilities and better education. (这句读起来有一点怪怪的~LZ可以再斟酌一下~)However other people in favor of the idea that rural life are is agreeable to theirfamilyfamilies. Contrary to the opinion of the former is my heartfelt agreement with the idea that people live in rural areas can take better care of their families.这句很精彩啊~

To start with, it is a healthy way to live in the rural area with your family. Jobs in rural may be quite easy to deal with, even the working time in rural is less than that in cities. In such a relaxing and without pressure circumstances （这里这样用好吗？。。）, more time will be spent to enjoy with families. It provides a typical instance of myself. Our family live in jianghai town ,a small city in Sichuang province. I always went to the seaside together with my father to watch the sunrise. These meaningful experiences led me to major in astronomy in the college. So, on no account can we ignore the value of family caring.

In addition, it offers more time when living in the rural（感觉首句的论点可以再稍微展开一点哈）. The leisure time can be arranged to communication with family members. There is no denying that more family has gaps between parents and children owing to having less leisure time. The more frequently we communicate with parents, the more harmonious the relationship in the family between us is(the more harmonious relationship will be built in the family 这样写是不是能更好一点？~). For example, my roommate lives in big city . When the time weekends comes, he seldom goes home instead of playing computer game in the dormitory, becausetheir his parents are busy even have business trips. Thus, I cannot emphasis the importance of family accompanying.

When people deem it is favorable to live in rural, isn't it necessary that they give some consideration to some negative points it may cause? Life in rural is quite simple and primitive with no modern medical facilities and no high educational institutions(可以用neither nor啊~感觉会显得高级一点). Even worse, it may pose a great threat to your career promotion.

Considerable though the disadvantages that living in the rural encounters are, they cannot compete with the benefits that better taking care of families with a rural lifestyle brings about, when health and communication are taken into consideration.

整体感觉这篇文章写得很warm~读起来感觉很好~~~而且有理有据~~向你学习~~
水平有限~只能看出一些小错误~~加油哈~~~
这篇我也写啦~~~也能帮我批改一下吗？~~~谢谢啦~~

qianjun06

   The passage makes the point that there are three theories of the explanation of the Chaco structures. On the contrary, the lecture demonstrates a controversy idea that these three theories are out of place.

             To start with, contrary to the belief in the passage that Chaco structures were purely residential, the professor says that the inside of the buildings cast doubts on living condition. Because there is no enough fire place for dong cooking, and there are only a few cooking rooms for only 10 families. Thus, the first reason for resident provided in the reading text is refuted.

            In addition, the author holds the view that Chaco structures were used to store food supplies. In contrast, the lecturer contradicts the idea in the reading by saying that though maize is the important food supply for Chaco people, there is no evidence of maize container in the buildings after the excavation. This directly cast doubt on its counterpart
in the reading.

            Last but not least, the reading material states that Chaco buildings were used as ceremonial centers. On the other hand, the listening material presents a conflicting idea that  pots may be the trash of after the meal. Besides the pots, there were also some building material like stone and sand, which are the trash of the construction materials. Therefore, the last possible explanation is totally unsounded, according to the speaker.

qianjun06

7月14日
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement that the advices from our grandparents have no use for their grandchildren because the world changed a lot during the past 50 years


            In recent years, there is a public controversy on whether it's wise to take the counsel from grandparents. Those who criticize the phenomenon argue that advices or experiences from grandparents may be stereotype. However, some people are in favor of the notion. Contrary to the former opinion is my heartfelt agreement with the idea that counsels from our grandparents are advisable to our life.
           To start with, our grandparents are more experienced than us. The more advice from them, the less crooked road we will pass. Grandparents are also our teachers in daily life. By taking their advice, we can solve the dilemmas efficiently and effectively. It provides a typical advice of my own. Once my arm was seared when I was cooking for my breakfast, my grandparent advise me to lay the ice on my arm and I felt comfortable after 10 minutes. So, on no account can we ignore the value of the suggestion from grandparents.
             In addition, receiving the proposals from our seniorities is also a process of communication. There is no denying that the gap between our two different generation is enlarged since we have litter in common, resulting from different taste of music enjoyment, different lifestyle and even different views of the world. Advising offers an excellent opportunity for us to reconstruct the relationship between us. The more frequently we communicate with them, the more harmonious the affinity in our family between us is. For example, I have the same hobby of gardening with my grandfather, and we always share planting experience when we are gardening. Thus, we cannot emphasis the importance too much when we are suggested by our grandparents.
            When people deem it is favorable to accept the advice from the elder, isn't it critical that they give some considerations to the negative points it may cause? Sometime s the counsels may out of time, even will go opposite of your propose when the idea is taken. After all, we are the most person who knows ourselves best. Also, with the help from our grandparents, we ae easily to depend on others and get lost in where is the termination we are head for.  
            Considerable though the disadvantages that obtaining elders' suggestion results in are, they cannot compete with the benefits that being proposed by grandparents brings about, when rich experiences and communication are taken into consideration.

kchszy061ban

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

The passage makes the points that considerable evidence shows that dinosaurs are endotherms. On the contrary, the lecture demonstrates a controversy idea that such discoveries do not support the proofs that dinosaurs are endotherms.

          To start with, contrary to the belief in the passage that dinosaurs living in polar regions proves that they can maintain temperature well, the professor says that regions like(这个可以不要额) polar regions were much warmer than today. Fossils of dinosaurs can be found in these regions. Therefore, the first reason provided in the reading text is refuted.

          In addition, the author holds the view that the legs of all modern endotherms are undernerath the body, and so were the legs of dinosaurs. In contrast, the lecturer contradicts that dinosaurs have no higher energy for running. The function leg position is to support more weight of their body. It has nothing to do with running. This directly casts doubt on its counterpart in the reading.

          Last but not least, the reading material states that the presence of haversian canals in dinosaurs shows that they are endotherms. On the other hand, the listening material presents a conflicting idea that there are growth rings among dinosaurs body. They show that dinosaurs stop or slowly growing during cold condition. while, if animals have the temperature adjustments , they will continue to grow rapidly even when the temperature is cool. Thus, the last point in the passage is unsound, according to the speaker.

不错，不错。嘿嘿。

lcaecar

红色 修改
蓝色 建议


7月14日
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement that the advices from our grandparents have no use for their grandchildren because the world changed a lot during the past 50 years


           In recent years, there is a public controversy on whether it's wise to take the counsel from grandparents. Those who criticize the phenomenon argue that advices or experiences from grandparents may be stereotype.这句话读的有点怪，不如改成: advices or experiences heard from... However, some people are in favor of the notion. Contrary to the former opinion is my heartfelt agreement with the idea that counsels from our grandparents are advisable to our life.
          To start with, our grandparents are more experienced than us. The more advice we learn(the more the more 结构最好对称) from them, the less crooked road we will pass. Grandparents are also our teachers in daily life. By taking their advice, we can solve the dilemmas efficiently and effectively. It provides a typical advice of my own. Once my arm was seared when I was cooking for my breakfast, my grandparent advise me to lay the ice on my arm and I felt comfortable after 10 minutes. So, on no account can we ignore the value of the suggestion from grandparents.
            In addition, receiving the proposals from our seniorities is also a process of communication. There is no denying that the gap between our two different generations is enlarged since we have litter in common, resulting from different taste of music enjoyment, different lifestyle and even different views of the world. Advising offers an excellent opportunity for us to reconstruct the relationship between us. The more frequently we communicate with them, the more harmonious the affinity in our family between us is. For example, I have the same hobby of gardening with my grandfather, and we always share planting experience when we are gardening. Thus, we cannot emphasis the importance too much when we are suggested by our grandparents.
           When people deem it is favorable to accept the advice from the elder, isn't it critical that they give some considerations to the negative points it may cause? Sometime s the counsels may out of time, even will go opposite of your propose when the idea is taken. After all, we are the most person who knows ourselves best. Also, without the help from our grandparents, we ae easily to depend on others and get lost in where is the termination we are head for.  
           Considerable though the disadvantages that obtaining elders' suggestion results in are, they cannot compete with the benefits that being proposed by grandparents brings about这句话可否换一个表达， 读起来太奇怪了, when rich experiences and communication are taken into consideration.

LZ的例子很好很丰富
但是为了句型的复杂而出现了很多错误
并且也读的不是很通顺
但是LZ用词很丰富，说明是个基础不错的人
另一方面句子的逻辑连接不是很通顺，不要为了刻意使用模板而生搬硬套进入
表达还可以更简洁
一起加油吧！

kchszy061ban

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

The passage makes the point that there are three theories of the explanation of the Chaco structures. On the contrary, the lecture demonstrates a controversy idea that these three theories are out of place.

            To start with, contrary to the belief in the passage that Chaco structures were（is） purely residential, the professor says that the inside of the buildings cast doubts on living condition. Because there is no enough fire place for dong cooking, and there are only a few cooking rooms for only 10 families. Thus, the first reason for resident provided in the reading text is refuted.

           In addition, the author holds the view that Chaco structures were used to store food supplies. In contrast, the lecturer contradicts the idea in the reading by saying that though maize is the important food supply for Chaco people, there is no evidence of maize container in the buildings after the excavation. This directly casts doubt on its counterpart in the reading.

           Last but not least, the reading material states that Chaco buildings were used as ceremonial centers. On the other hand, the listening material presents a conflicting idea that  pots may be the trash of the workersafter the meal. Besides the pots, there were also some building material like stone and sand, which are the trash of the construction materials. Therefore, the last possible explanation is totally unsounded, according to the speaker.

总体来说不错

qianjun06

7月16日
Do you agree or disagree, the way a person dressed is a good indication of his/ her personality or charactor.

                   In resent years, there is a public controversy on whether it is an excellent method to distinguish one's personality by dressing. Those who agree with the opinion state that dressing plays a critical role in representing one's personality or character. However, others are not in favor of it. Contrary to the belief of the former is my heartfelt agreement that never should we commend one's personality by his or her appearance.
                To start with, one's character can be evaluated from process when we communicate with each other. The words he uses, the views of the world and even the method he treats with dilemmas all will express the epitome of his personality. What the person dress sometimes has nothing to do with his character .It provides a typical example of my roommate. His family has possessed millions of asset, but he is a thrifty person. When we have dinner together in a restaurant, he always wraps the remnant back. So, on no account can we ignore the value of communication when we assess one's character.
              In addition, we can also learn about one's personality according from one's knowledge background. There is no denying that well-trained and higher degree person always the character of perseverance and capability. When we category them by using the apparel they wear, the answer will go to the opposite of my expectation. For instance, if appearance is regarded as a means of indicating artists characters, we will definitely draw a conclusion that they are ragmen. Therefore, we cannot emphasis the importance of knowledge blackground too much.
                 When we talk about the possible factors contributing to one's personality, isn't it necessary to judge a person with his dress when we are in emergency. By using their attire, we can easily make a decision whether he is a burglar when I stranger lingers outside your house. Also , the uniform dressed by the employees in the supermarket can be easily determined, which is helpful to us when we resort to them to find something.
                 Considerable though the advantages that criticizing one’s character by his or her dressing enjoys are, they can not compete with the benefits that using other elements brings about to judge one’s personality, when communication and knowledge background are taken into consideration. Simultaneously, it is better to use comprehensive ways to evaluate one’s quality.