小丹尼作文练习贴，欢迎各位拍砖～～

DanielleZ

7.10 Do you agree with the followingstatement that patience is usually not a good strategy, we should take actionnow rather than later

Do you rush to work every morning? Do youfeel that the speed of our life become more and more fast? Have you everconsider living under the society with the extremely growing speed, patiencewould no longer be a good strategy? When it comes to question whether thepatience is still a good strategy in nowadays, people usually hold differentopinions. Some people thought that it is a waste of time to be patient in thisrush world. From my standpoint, I believed that no matter how fast is thesociety development, patience is always a good strategy before taking actions.

To begin with, patience would give peopleextra time to perfect our plan before action. It is common that people makedecision too hurry to find out the proper solutions. In some situations, peoplewent on the wrong direction just because they lost patience to make a plan andcheck whether the direction is correct. In those circumstances, peoplecompelled to pay a very high price to their mistake. Let us take my self as anexample, I used to be very impatient and like to take actions once I got themission. Once in a mathematic exam, the last question in the test was too hardto comprehend totally and correctly. I could not help to wait to calculate atonce, but after five minutes writing, I found out that I totally misunderstoodthe meaning of the task. However, I had no time to change my answer, and I lostthe whole score of that task. As a result, I failed to pass that exam, and hadto attend some classes to finish that course. Due to my impatience, I hadwasted a lot of time and energy to the extra classes. From my experience, wecan readily figure out that planning patiently at first is the most import stepbefore action.

Moreover, in most cases, we also need patientto wait for the result of the previous step. Because it takes time for thingschange. In order to get the result as rapid as possible, some people takeaction immediately after the previous step. However, many cases went to theopposite direction as they expected. Many people want to recover from diseaseas soon as possible, so that they take pills once and once again without waitingpills working in their body. As a result, they can not cure their diseasequickly, but also would probably suffer from other diseases caused by too manypills. The results would leave much to be desired, if people can not waitpatiently during the process of doing things.

Admittedly, it is universally acknowledgedthat taking action is also of the great importance. No matter how well the planis, without action people would never realize the dream. For example, somepeople want to learn English. If s/he only plan the study schedule once andonce again, without taking first step to try to talk with some foreigners inEnglish. S/he would never harness speaking English.

From what we have discussed, we cansafely draw conclusion that patience is still good strategy for nowadays peoplebecause we need patience to plan and wait for the result.

包子不包子

7.9 TPO 24

Thereading passage and the professor discussed about the evidences of the tissues foundin 70-million-year-old fossil of Tyrannosaurus rex. The passage asserted threemain evidences about the tissue in the fossils; however the professor thoughtall of these evidences are were skeptical, and he raised several points to refutethe idea of the passage.

Firstof all, the professor argued that the soft substance found in the fossilizedleg bone were not necessary remain of the vessels. Those soft substances wouldbe something else, like bacterial. The professor explained that the bacterialwould grow in the hollows of like bones after T. rex died and would leave organicmaterial in the hollows. These organic materials were easily considered to bethe trace as vessel. This was where speaker did not agree with the passage.

Moreover,according to the professor, the iron-a-material would not be the red bloodcells of the T.rex. The professor claimed that the spheres also were found inother animals’ fossils, even in some animals that did not contain any bloodcells. It is absolute that the animal which did not contain any blood cellswould not contain any blood cells in their fossils.这句话没有和sphere联系上啊 As a result, the ironspheres might probably come from other animals. This was another part whereexperience the contradicted theory.

Thefinal evidence adopted by lecturer to jeopardize passage is that the collagencould not maintain 70-million years. The collagen could never be older than100,000 years from the idea of the time of collagen lasting. 70-million yearswas too long to be possible. The professor said that the collagen detected fromthe fossils may come from other recent resources. He pointed out it may comefrom the hand of the researchers who hold the bones. This was entirely opposedto the passage’s viewpoint.

丹尼有些细节没有听出来 导致第二段叙述不准确哦 另外感觉有些句子可以合起来写 除了在段末总结的地方 其他地方也应该适当运用连词哦
包子的听力是少不了练得。。。
在听的时候会听那些在写作时会用到的东西 只记关键词 但是只记关键词在看要知道自己想说什么 所以只有笔记是不够的额 还要用脑袋
还是多练吧 练多久了就有适合自己的方法了~~
加油哦！！

DanielleZ

12.3独立：Agree or disagree? Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does?




Have you ever consider how to live a happy life? To find a wonderful job, to travel around the world, or to have a colorful social life? When it comes to the question, different people hold different opinions. Some people believe that jobs effect on our happiness the most, however other people agree that the social life could benefit us more on the happiness of our life. From my standpoint, I totally agree that the social life would do more than job on our happiness.



Admittedly, most of us could not live without jobs. But the truly happy life is not based on how much estate that people have. It is the job that brings us enough money to maintain daily life, purchase luxury cars and bags, and even travel around world. Some of us believe that the money which are brought by jobs make us life happier, so that they consistently work very hard, and save every penny as possible as they could. They forget their initiative to get a job, and all they care about is only the number of money they had saved. Could those people be thought to life a happy life? I do not think so. Their so-called happy life is just built on the money, once they lost all the money, their happy would collapse immediately.



Moreover, the job itself would sometimes damage our happiness. The rebuke from boss, the complaints from clients and the competition from colleagues would definitely ruin our life and bring more pressure. Too much concerns and worries block us from living a happy life. Take myself as an example, I used to be a happy girl when I was in collage, but after I got a job, everything has changed. As a freshman in a company, I had to respect every colleague in my company, even someone who treated my bad. Although I was very angry to them, I could not quarrel with them because I am afraid to leave the bad impression to my colleagues. During that time, I could not feel any happiness that brought by job, and my previous happy life has ruined by job. So I believe the people who faced same situation as mine would agree with me that the job could damage the happiness of our live.



On the contrary, social life would effect on our happiness to great extent no matter people agree or not, and it has a great impact on our happiness in most of cases. We live in a world that requires us connect with other people consistently, no one could refuse to have social life unless s/he live on a lonely island. Let us take myself experience as an example again. I still remember the frustrated life of being a freshman in my company. The only thing I could do is to talk with my friends about my difficulties. Luckily, all of my friends gave me great assistance, we shared upset experiences with each other, went to the countryside to reveal and embrace the beauty of nature, and sometimes just sit together in a sofa to see movies. Thanks to their help, I finally went through those tough day, and , because of my social life, my feeling of happiness become even more stronger than when I was in collage. As a result, social life cues the sorrow brought by job and makes me even stronger.



As what we have discussed above, I believe that social life has more effect than job on our happiness.

晨依Jacqueline

红色为错误，蓝色为修改建议，高亮绿色为精彩！
Have you ever consider(ed)how to live a happy life? To find a wonderful job, to travel around the world, or to have a colorful social life? When it comes to the question, different people hold different opinions. Some people believe that jobs effect(affect) on our happiness the most, however other people agree that the social life could benefit us more on the happiness of our life. From my standpoint, I totally agree that the social life would do more than job on our happiness.


Admittedly, most of us could not live without jobs. But the truly happy life is not based on how much estate that people have.It is the job that brings us enough money to maintain daily life, purchase luxury cars and bags, and even travel around world. Some of us believe that the money which are brought by jobs make(s)us(our) life happier, so that they consistently work very hard, and save every penny as possible as they could. They forget their initiative to get a job, and all they care about is only the number of money they had saved. Could those people be thought to life(live) a happy life? I do not think so. Their so-called happy life is just built on the money, (and)once they lost all the money, their happy would collapse immediately.

Moreover, the job itself would sometimes damage our happiness. The rebuke from boss, the complaints from clients and the competition from colleagues would definitely ruin our life and bring more pressure. Too much concerns and worries block us from living a happy life. Take myself as an example, I used to be a happy girl when I was in collage(college), but after I got a job, everything has changed. As a freshman in a company, I had to respect every colleague in my company, even someone who treated my bad. Although I was very angry to them, I could not quarrel with them because I am(was) afraid to leave the(a) bad impression to my colleagues. During that time, I could not feel any happiness(happy) that brought by job, and my previous happy life has ruined by job. So I believe the people who faced same situation as mine would agree with me that the job could damage the happiness of our live(life).

On the contrary, social life wouldeffect(affect)on our happiness to great extent no matter people agree or not, and it has a great impact on our happiness in mostofcases. We live in a world that requires us connect with other people consistently, (+连词so )no one could refuse to have social life unless s/he live on a lonely island. Let us take myself(my own)experience as an example again. I still remember the frustrated life of being a freshman in my company. The only thing I could do is(was) to talk with my friends about my difficulties. Luckily, all of my friends gave me great assistance, (and)we shared upset experiences with each other, went to the countryside to reveal and embrace the beauty of nature, and sometimes just sit(sat) together in a sofa to see movies. Thanks to their help, I finally went through those tough day(s), and , because of my social life, my feeling of happiness become(became) even more stronger than when I was in collage(college). As a result, social life cues the sorrow brought by job and makes me even stronger.

As what we have discussed above, I believe that social life has more effect than job on our happiness. （结尾略显单薄，建议能够加一句话最后强调啊升华一下神马的。）



感觉小丹尼的作文思路还不错，但是小的语法错误太多了（动词时态、单复数、拼写等等），这样会很影响你的分数的。第二点是在很多句子的表达方面过于啰嗦了，而且句间的连接做得不是很好，比如你在讲你的例子的时候要6句以上，但是你的句子却大多数都是单句（还有一点就是有的句子写成了run-on sentence注意加上连词呀！）字数足足的没的说，但是我觉得如果想再往高分提升的话还需要注意简洁高效呀。想想怎么改写能把自己的例子浓缩成更加精华。加油呀！

晨依Jacqueline

关于简洁高效的表达，推荐你看看这个帖子
http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-712479-1-2.html

DanielleZ

12.3 TPO 05
The passage and the professor in the lecture talked about the use of the settlements of Chaco Cayon in New Mexico. The passage raised three theories, but the professor in the lecture thought those three ideas were not convincing and disputed the passages from three aspects.

First of all, the passage asserted that the settlements were purely residential, because the style of the architecture was seen in more recent Southwest. However, the speaker did not agree with the reading material. He argued that the settlements may look like apartment buildings from outside, but from inside, the space reflect that people could not live there. The professor gave further explanation that the number of the fire places in settlements could not support the number of people that the rooms in settlements could contain. The fire places in the settlements could support only ten families, while the room in the settlement could contain 100 families. This is the first place that experience the paradox.

Secondly, according to the passage, the Chaco structures were used to store food supplies. Since the main crop of the Chaco people was grain maize. But the lecturer disagreed with that theory. He said that this theory was unsupportable because no trace of the maize or container was discovered in the structure. If the structure was used to contain maize, people should at least find maize flakes on the floor. This point is totally different with the passage.

The final evidence that speaker used to refute the idea of the passage is that the old materials which were used to support the settlements were used as a ceremonial center in one house might be just trash. The professor explained the building materials were not used up by Chaco people and left in the settlements. The food such as pork in one house may also be just regular trash. The professor pointed out the those material were not good evidence.

DanielleZ

关于简洁高效的表达，推荐你看看这个帖子
http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-712479-1-2.html

-- by 会员 晨依Jacqueline (2012/12/4 22:57:37)

收到，我去看看～谢啦～

晨依Jacqueline

The passage and the professor in the lecture talked about the use of the settlements of Chaco Cayon in New Mexico. The passage raised three theories, but the professor in the lecture thought those three ideas were not convincing and disputed the passages from three aspects.（开头不错！）

First of all, the passage asserted that the settlements were purely residential, because the style of the architecture was seen in more recent Southwest. However, the speaker did not agree with the reading material. He argued that the settlements may（might） look like apartment buildings from outside, but from inside, the space reflect（ed） that people could not live there. The professor gave further explanation that the number of the fire places in settlements could not support the number of people that the rooms in settlements could contain. The fire places in the settlements could support only ten families, while the room in the settlement could contain 100 families. This is（was） the first place that experience the paradox.
（建议句子之间的衔接能够更加完美，加上几个连词。）
Secondly, according to the passage, the Chaco structures were used to store food supplies. Since the main crop of the Chaco people was grain maize.（这不是一句话，和前面连起来吧。） But the lecturer disagreed with that theory. He said that this theory was unsupportable because no trace of the maize or container was discovered in the structure. If the structure was used to contain maize, people should at least find maize flakes on the floor. This point is（was） totally different with the passage.

The final evidence that speaker used to refute the idea of the passage is that（没有错误，但是感觉还是写得有点啰嗦了，可以看看一些范文里面是怎么表达的。）the old materials which were used to support the settlements were used as a ceremonial center in one house might be just trash.（这个句子从整体上来看就是结构不好。虽然长，但是不清晰。）The professor explained the building materials were not used up by Chaco people and left in the settlements. The food such as pork in one house may also be just regular trash. The professor pointed out the those material were not good evidence.



我觉得很大的一个问题是句子与句子之间少连接词，感觉一个意群一个意群地往外蹦，但是这些东西又没有很好地黏连在一块像一篇完整的文章。另外就是表达方面了，啰嗦，不够简洁高效。最后一点就是其实用一般现在时来写就可以了。建议还可以加个小结尾总结。加油，小丹尼！