Vanessa923的作文贴！6月4日起全力以赴写作！

vanessa923

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should encourage their children to do their schoolwork independently rather than help children to do their schoolwork.
Nowadays,parents play a increasingly crutial role in children's education and well-being.Some argue parents should encourage their children to deal with  homework independently in wish for children's  independent thinking ability rather than  work with the children with the schoolwork.I disagree with this claim .
First and foremost,both parents and children can cooperate and communicate in the learning process,thus in turn  promote their communication and improve their understanding and relationship.When I was in  primary school,every night my parents would spend 1 hour assisting  me in my study.After analyzing my problems  and give me some hints,I would always feel out of puzzle.Besides,there always came a happy discussion about my school life,like how was my friend Kate who always cried out in  fear of math calss and whether my English teacher married who always emphasize being single.These funny stories always make us giggle and trully reinforce the  parent-and-children relationship.
In addition,by helping children with their schoolwork,parents can check the children's study plan and make some reasonable ajustments.For instance,if the child is apt at math while poor at English,concious of this imbalance,the parents can make a plan for the child.They can arouse the child's interest of English  by taking the child to Enlish corner or watching English movies with the child.All these ajustments can nurture the child's interest in Enlish.Consequently,child can really benefit from the kind of flavor by adding english into the child's life.
Though some claim  that let the child finish his/her homework independently can develop their independent thinking ability,but the parents can also achieve this goal by giving a hand.Here is a good suggestion,parents can set a time for child'sindependently handling schoolwork.In this way,the chances of children seeking for answers instantly  without thinking can be avoided.Then after the  time,parents can check the schoolwork and help finding the blind spots. Moreover,the parents can even help children conquer the dilemma of the neck-of-bottle  when  this problem was overlooked.
In a nutshell,with the guidence and scrutinize of parents,the children can not  only have a better understand of their  study,but their own  being-their own advantages and disadvantages,their gifts and shortcomings.
算了一下，才343个字。。不知道会不会有点少啊。。

vanessa923

再来加个提纲，比较方便大家改。
1.不同意
2，理由1有助于父母与子女间的交流，从而加强父母子女关系。例子自己编
3.理由2有助于父母及时检查学习计划。
4.转折，诚然可以提高孩子独立思考能力，但是父母一起学也可以。加建议
5，总结。
各路牛人都可以看看，提提意见哈。小女子先在此谢过啦。O(∩_∩)O~

vanessa923

昨日习作Questions:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Successful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they know how to do well.
提纲：同意
1.体验新事物可以踏入新领域，获得意想不到的结果。e.g.Elon Musk
2.能更好适应社会。自己找工作例子。
3.让步
4.总结
Asked what successful people have in common,some people would say they kept trying new experiences
and take risks.While some people argue that they focus on doing what they are good at.As far as I am
concerned,successful humans  would rather challenge themselves than stick to the status-quo.
First,by experiencing new things and going outside to take risks,people can step into the unknown world they are not familiar with and gain some challenges and even unexpencting results.Take Elon Musk as an example,after droping out of university and started his own business comapany,we all thinnk maybe it's  the best result for him.However,to our suprise,with the money by selling the paypal to Ebay,he made an astouding decision-to set up his own sapce company and send the satelite into orbit.He made  it and it's really a big turning point  for him,even for the world.
Second,though trying new things we can better adapt ourselves into society and the world.An illustrsting example is my own experience.In the second summer holiday of my college life,I intended to take a part time job as a turtor as usual.However,my mother suggested me taking a quite different job."You need to try different jobs and you will know where  you go to."She said.At last,I chose to be a sales girl in a private shop which sells handbags and suitcase.I really benefit a lot.Not only this job offers me a good oppotunity to paratice my oral English,but helps  improve my communication skills.Noew I am quite talkative and can easily get along with others.
Though some people oppose by saying that you may lose everything by risking.But to me,life is long,and you will never know what will happen next.Even if you lose the money,the reputation,but who can say you can never get them back in the end?Who knows?
After experiecing new things and enjoying beautiful scenery along the long road of life,you will find your life colouful and worthwile.

Crystaljoy

wow~好认真的孩子哦！

但是记得去大本营回复哦，然后晚上才会被分组。规则在大本营首页~加油！

vanessa923

呵呵。好滴。。。。

vanessa923

TPO12
The  reading passage explores the subject of a professionally painted portrait and the lecturer talks about the same issue.However,contrary to the claim in the reading passage that the subject is Jane Austen,the professor argues for the following reasons.
First,though Austen's family recognize the portrait as Jane Austen with the illustration of her letters,the professor contends  there are evidence showing the letter was written in 1882 when Jane had been dead for 17 yeaes.So that shows there is no chance for the family to use the letter as evidence.This directly contradicts the counterpart in the reading passage.
In addition,the writer suggests that the subject in the picture resembles the real Jane Austen in Cassandra's sketch,however,the lecturer oppose it by pointing out that the subject could be any character in Jane's big family-the cousin or the cousin's children ,any relative could be similar in the appearance.
Last,the reading passage claims that the style of the  painting is linked to Ozias Humphrey,who just existed in the same period when Jane Austen was a teenager.While the the professor  argues that the paiting was produced in the time when Jane was indeed elder in the portrait.In other words,it couldn't be Jane Austen.
In conclusion,the proffesor clearly identifies the weaknesses in the reading passage and convincingly shows that the main idea in the reading-that is, the subject in the portrait is Jane Austen,is incorrect.

lxc1989614

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should encourage their children to do their schoolwork independently rather than help children to do their schoolwork.
Nowadays,parents play a increasingly crutial（crucial） role in children's education and well-being.Some argue parents should encourage their children to deal with  homework independently in wish for children's  independent thinking ability rather than  work with the children with the schoolwork.这句话太长啦~I disagree with this claim .你的观点要，明确讲出来
First and foremost,both parents and children can cooperate and communicate in the learning process,thus in turn  promote their communication and improve their understanding and relationship.When I was in  primary school,every night my parents would spend 1 hour assisting  me in my study.After analyzing my problems  and give me some hints,I would always feel out of puzzle.Besides,there always came a happy discussion about my school life,like how was my friend Kate who always cried out in  fear of math calss class and whether my English teacher married who always emphasizes being single.These funny stories always make us giggle and trully reinforce the  parent-and-children relationship.我感觉这个例子不是很恰当。。到后面怎么变成八卦了。。。
In addition,by helping children with their schoolwork,parents can check the children's study plan and make some reasonable ajustments.For instance,if the child is apt at math while poor at English,concious of this imbalance,the parents can make a plan for the child.They can arouse the child's interest of English  by taking the child to Enlish corner or watching English movies with the child.All these ajustments can nurture the child's interest in EnlishEnglish.Consequently,child can really benefit from the kind of flavor by adding english into the child's life.
Though some claim  that letting the child finish his/her his or her homework independently can develop their independent thinking ability,but the parents can also achieve this goal by giving a hand.Here is a good suggestion,parents can set a time for child'sindependently handling schoolwork.In this way,the chances of children seeking for answers instantly  without thinking can be avoided.Then after the  time,parents can check the schoolwork and help finding the blind spots. Moreover,the parents can even help children conquer the dilemma of the neck-of-bottle  when  this problem was overlooked.
In a nutshell,with the guidence and scrutinize of parents,the children can not  only have a better understand of their  study,but their own  being-their own?? advantages and disadvantages,their gifts and shortcomings.

主要有几个问题：
1、拼写错误，建议楼主写完后自查一遍
2、有许多中式的表达方法不能理解，建议多看一点地道的表达方法
3、时态、语法什么的貌似比较混乱（因为本人语法不好，所以有些语法的问题也不是很清楚）

joan31217

TPO12
The  reading passage explores the subject of a professionally painted portrait and the lecturer talks about the same issue.However,contrary to the claim in the reading passage that the subject is Jane Austen,the professor argues for the following reasons.

First,though Austen's family recognize the portrait as Jane Austen with the illustration of her letters,the professor contends  there are evidence showing the letter was written in 1882 when Jane had been dead for 17 70　yeaers.So that shows there is no chance for the family to use the letter as evidence.This directly contradicts the counterpart in the reading passage.

In addition,the writer suggests that the subject in the picture resembles the real Jane Austen in Cassandra's sketch,however,the lecturer opposes it by pointing out (好句子） that the subject could be any character in Jane's big family-the cousin or the cousin's children ,any relative could be similar in the appearance.

Last,the reading passage claims that the style of the  painting is linked to Ozias Humphrey,who just existed in the same period when Jane Austen was a teenager.While the the professor  argues that the paiting was produced in the time when Jane was indeed elder in the portrait.（这句话里没提blank canvas,这才是重点） In other words,it couldn't be Jane Austen.

In conclusion,the proffesor clearly identifies the weaknesses in the reading passage and convincingly shows that the main idea in the reading-that is, the subject in the portrait is Jane Austen,is incorrect.

vanessa923

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People now are less happy and less satisfied than people in the past.
People ofen find themselves in dilemmas-am I prettier than others or whether I should quit my job when bored with the work?Or like the statement,are we less happy and less satisfied than people in the past?For this puzzle,I would say,no,I don't think we are living  a less happy and satisfied life than our forebears.
First and foremost, compared with 20 or 30 years ago,people's health conditions are greatly improved with improvements both in medical and technology.As an survey reveals,the life span of human beings has increased to 72 on average at an astounding rate in just 30 years.The research really shows that we are living a healthier and longer life.An illustrating example is my grandmother.Once we had a talk and  she told me she gave birth to 8 children  before the founding of the new nation.At that time people suffered a lot from the war and the famine.So it is imaginable that she lost 3 children 3 weeks  after they came to this world for the lack of food and the haunt of disease.I feel pity for the miserable life at that time and  I think if it is set in the present background, it can not happen.
In addition,with such a wide variety of entertainment to choose from,people can have a wider choice to choose the way they live.I believe nowadays we have a better understanding of ourselves with better and higher education.And it is not difficult to find what we really pursue.My uncle,a middle- aged man,determined to travel  in Thailand for a  month after experiencing the bottom point in his career."I am tired of the present life and I wanna try a quite different life style for a break",he said.Yes,if one is fed up with the present life,he can choose whatever life he likes.raging from travelling to volunteer.This wider mental recreation can help us live an easy life.
Some people cliam that we may not contented with  the present life with better life and wider choices,thus we are less satisfied and less happy. However,I still think seeking for happiness  is humans' ultimate desire.As long as the world is peaceful and we are healthy,can 't we say that it is  the true happiness we are seeking for?  Obviously we are enjoying this kind of life.
In a nutshell.there is no definite answer to whether we are happy with the past life or the present life .As long as we accept what we are and where we are,the best time is just before our eyes.

默存追日

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People now are less happy and less satisfied than people in the past.
People ofen(often) find themselves in dilemmas-am I prettier than others or whether I should quit my job when bored with the work?(语法问题：破折号后面是否可以跟随一般疑问句我不太确定，但是，用or并列两个句子的话，至少应该同为疑问句或是同为陈述句。)Or （or一般用作连词，可以并列词和句子，此处同学应该是想应用副词吧？）like（不知道托福怎样要求，GMAT要求举例不用like，用such as吧。） the statement,（逗号后面要有个空格，格式要求。）are we less happy and less satisfied than people in the past?For this puzzle,I would say,no,（run-on语法错误，两个句子并列没有连词）I don't think we are living  a less happy and satisfied life than our forebears.（（喜欢这个词的用法。）
First and foremost, compared with 20 or 30 years ago,people's health conditions are greatly improved with improvements （个人觉得，既然之前用了improve的话，后面尽量避免其名词形式improvement，要是我的话，会用development等。）both in medical and technology.（句号后面也是要空一格。）As an survey reveals,（觉得survey的应用值得学习，自己写的时候没有想到应用survey进行论点阐述。）the life span of human beings has increased to 72 on average at an astounding （同学词汇量很好。）rate in just 30 years.The research really shows that we are living a healthier and longer life.An illustrating example is my grandmother.Once we had a talk and （and此处多余了，once在这里做连词了。） she told me （宾语从句在此处是否可以省略引导词？不确定，但是觉得加上that肯定是不会错。）she gave birth to 8 children  before the founding of the new nation.At that time people suffered a lot from the war and the famine（学习新词了。）.So it is imaginable that she lost 3 children 3 weeks  after they came to this world for the lack of food and the haunt of disease（此处的and并列会不会造成歧义，建议补出介词for。还有逻辑上，两个部分并不适合并列，逻辑含义不对，要是“住在疾病蔓延的地方”的话，是可以和“食物缺乏”并列的）.I feel pity for the miserable life at that time and  I think if it is set in the present background, it can not happen.
In addition,with such a wide variety of entertainment to choose from,people can have a wider choice to choose（choose换成make吧，make a choice） the way they live.I believe （加上that比较好些，注意补上that的时候的副词nowadays的位置，副词位置不同，修饰对象不同。）nowadays we have a better understanding of ourselves with better and higher education.And it is not difficult to find what we really pursue.My uncle,a middle- aged man,determined to travel  in Thailand for a  month after experiencing the bottom point in his career."I am tired of the present life and I wanna try a quite different life style for a break",he said.Yes,if one is fed up with the present life,he can choose whatever life he likes.（此处要用“,”，V-ing修饰，不是完整句子。）raging from travelling to volunteer.This wider mental recreation can help us live an easy life.
Some people cliam that we may not contented with  the present life with better life and wider choices,thus we are less satisfied and less happy. However,I still think seeking for happiness  is humans' ultimate desire.As long as the world is peaceful and we are healthy,can 't we say that it is  the true happiness we are seeking for?  Obviously we are enjoying this kind of life.
In a nutshell.there is no definite answer to whether we are happy with the past life or the present life .As long as we accept what we are and where we are,the best time is just before our eyes.

-- by 会员 vanessa923 (2012/6/6 18:45:12)

昨天是我第一次写托福作文。所以说，我对托福作文的书写逻辑层面划分及相关手法要求还木有熟悉。

不过格式和语法应用我倒是没有太大问题。

楼主例子应用的很好，生动。

看出楼主喜欢用复杂句式，但是，句子逻辑含义的划分上，请楼主利用一下GMAT的SC部分的知识。要是没学过GMAT，就直接背那个写作300句吧。

第一次改写他人作文，刚到家，有些匆忙，此次仅能做到这样。不好意思，加油。