包子不包子：欢迎拍砖～～

包子不包子

vanessa923有没有觉得包子的词汇 句型 太简单 单调 什么的？
好久没写 感觉没有以前写的好了 T.T

-- by 会员 包子不包子 (2012/6/12 13:00:24)

我觉得词汇还好哦，其实用准用对才是最好的。
句型可以适当下意识提高一下，像我有时候会特意提醒自己什么强调句，倒装句，并列句什么的多用点。
有意识就好了，呵呵。
加油！

-- by 会员 vanessa923 (2012/6/12 19:45:00)

恩！
谢谢～
同努力！！

包子不包子

6月13日110211 NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes.

Spoiled children crying for new gifts are the commonest scene I can see in my community. Nowadays, parents devoted all their love to the next generation, especially in China, where there is a one child policy. However, the flooding love and protection from parents does not always ensure the health development children. Parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from that.

To begin with, the knowledge learned from people's own experience are more impressive direct and hard to forget. For a child, the colorful world around him is beautiful but also dangerous. It is not strange that a child favors to put everything in their reach into their mouth. Also they may easily be attracted by the shining flame of candle and struggle to touch them. When things like that happened, parents should allow children to bit those things and touch the fire. Only by children themselves' self -experiments can they impress the feeling deep in their hearts-the hot dancing fire is not a good toy and erasers are not tasty. If those things must be convey to a toddler by language, the outcome may not be as clear as mentioned above. Apparently, next time, no same mistakes will occur again on the children who have experienced the mistakes before. Therefore, children become more experienced from their own experience if the parents allowed them to make mistakes.

Another point values the same is that learning from mistakes is part of self-improvement process. There is an old saying in China that people who can learn from their mistakes should own the respects as teachers. No one can live a life without a single mistake. The point is that whether people can benefit from their misdoing and never let the same thing happen again, which is the real progress for a person. For parents, if they invest them in protecting their children from all kinds of danger. Eventually, children probably cannot understand the meaning of mistakes. No wonder they can do nothing when encounter with mistakes later in their life and it is needless to discuss about self-improvement. In this way, making mistakes and learning from them is part of people's developing journey. Parents should not stop their children from enjoying them.

Some people may say the children are too young to handle all kinds of mistakes in the real world. While, this is time for parents to be on stage. What they have to do is not prevent children from attempting and learning. The role they should act is like a tour guide to offer help and direction for their beloved children, which will definitely leads to a brighter future for children.

To sum up, children are not precious dolls. They have to experience mistakes and learn from them, which is part of their development in nature. Accordingly, parents should allow their children to make mistakes and learn from them.

nirvanababy

红色改错，蓝色疑问or建议，高亮精彩，绿色点评。
6.13 tpo21


Both of the writer and the lecturer discuss the influences of genetic （genetically） modified trees. The writer lists out three possible benefits of genetic modified trees. The lecturer, however, insists that they can benefit the public and environment but they are not as great as they first heard. Problems and causes associated with genetic modified trees are real.

First, the professor believes that genetic modified trees cannot ensure the survival of its species. That is genetic modified trees are more unified. Not like nature trees with genetically diverse, at least some trees of its species are resistance to the environmental challenges, which ensure the survival of that species. Genetic modified trees, on the contrary, are more likely to die out when facing environmental challenges because of their lacking in（lack in后面一般是接名词）genetic（genetically） diverse. Therefore, this directly disproves its counterpart in the reading material.

Moreover, the lecturer contends that genetic modified trees actually cost more for people who grow them, which is different from the writer. The speaker strengthens her idea by claiming that genetic modified trees companies charge more for the seeds and people who grow them cannot simply collect the seeds and plant them for free. By law, they have to pay for the companies every single time they plant that kind of tree. Accordingly, this is another place where experiences contradicted theory.

At last, the speaker asserts that genetic modified trees produce more damages to wild trees rather than prevent them from overexploitation. They grow more aggressively, she says, also they outcompete the wild trees which are mixed with genetic modified trees for resources like sunlight, water and nutrition. Eventually, the nature trees will be crowding out. Consequently, the last point is disproved.

In conclusion, the professor clearly identifies the weakness in the passage and convincingly shows that all of the potential benefits raised by the author are incorrect.

要点都写到了，逻辑清晰，继续努力~！

包子不包子

6月14日110415 NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Compared with hiring famous teachers, school should pay more attention to improve facilities.

写得有点多... 超时了T.T

Education makes up a significant part of a person's development. Nowadays, lots of schools in my community are competing with each other about whether they have the best facilities or not. It seems that myriad of parents regard this factor as an indispensable element in measuring the quality of a school. From my perspective, those can be compared to people have no knowledge but enjoying in showing off their expensive clothes to others. In this way, school should pay more attention in hiring famous teachers rather than improving facilities.

To begin with, without qualified teachers, even a world top class facility cannot be made the most use of. Precise facilities are not as handy as they first saw. That is also why institutions always hire the best specialists in the country to run those facilities. Under the operation of famous teachers, those facilities are able to show the expected experiment results-bright light after the mixture of certain chemical elements and the function of alter violate wave, which is the most direct approach to educate students. Once problems occur, it is hard to imagine what will happen if no one knows how to fix them. With the qualified teachers in reach, the questions can be solved in a second, which ensures the regular routine of school and teaching work. Besides, schools do not have to pay extra money in inviting experts to fix the facilities. Therefore, more attention should be paid to hire famous teachers than improve facilities.

Another point owns the same value is that education is about interactions between students and teachers, but not students and advanced facilities. In ancient Greece, no modern exist facilities at schools. All the tools available are stone boards, rocks and sticks. In spite of that, still lots of famous people emerge in the flow of history. Socrates and Aristotle, teacher and his student, both of them own world fames thousands of years later. It is not the reason of advanced facilities, but the devotion of famous teacher in their career that educates students. A famous teacher talks to students about their mistakes. A famous teacher encourages students when they are in low mood. A famous teacher can teach students how to be a useful person to the society. All those things about education mentioned above are impossible for any facilities to accomplish. Accordingly, schools should devote more in hiring famous teachers.

Others may say that in modern education system students should learn to practice. Consequently, facilities related to do chemical and physical experiments should be improved. The statement is biased. No matter how advanced the facilities are, without the instruction from famous how can students know what to do? Facilities are merely a small part of the iceberg. Attention should be paid to the main body-teachers.

To sum up, education is related to students and teachers instead of students and facilities. In this way, schools should pay more attention in hiring famous teachers rather than improving its facilities.

zombiee

6月13日110211 NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes.

Spoiled children crying for new gifts are the commonest scene I can see in my community. Nowadays, parents devoted all their love to the next generation, especially in China, where there is a one child policy. However, the flooding love and protection from parents does not always ensure the health development children. Parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from that.

To begin with, the knowledge learned from people's own experience are more impressive direct and hard to forget. For a child, the colorful world around him is beautiful but also dangerous. It is not strange that a child favors to put everything in their reach into their mouth. Also they may easily be attracted by the shining flame of candle and struggle to touch them. When things like that happened, parents should allow children to bit those things and touch the fire. Only by children themselves' self -experiments can they impress the feeling deep in their hearts-the hot dancing fire is not a good toy and erasers are not tasty. If those things must be convey to a toddler by language, the outcome may not be as clear as mentioned above. Apparently, next time, no same mistakes will occur again on the children who have experienced the mistakes before. Therefore, children become more experienced from their own experience if the parents allowed them to make mistakes.

Another point values the same is that learning from mistakes is part of self-improvement process. There is an old saying in China that people who can learn from their mistakes should own the respects as teachers. No one can live a life without a single mistake. The point is that whether people can benefit from their misdoing and never let the same thing happen again, which is the real progress for a person. For parents, if they invest them in protecting their children from all kinds of danger. Eventually, children probably cannot understand the meaning of mistakes. No wonder they can do nothing when encounter with mistakes later in their life and it is needless to discuss about self-improvement. In this way, making mistakes and learning from them is part of people's developing journey. Parents should not stop their children from enjoying them.

Some people may say the children are too young to handle all kinds of mistakes in the real world. While, this is time for parents to be on stage. What they have to do is not prevent children from attempting and learning. The role they should act is like a tour guide to offer help and direction for their beloved children, which will definitely leads to a brighter future for children.

To sum up, children are not precious dolls. They have to experience mistakes and learn from them, which is part of their development in nature. Accordingly, parents should allow their children to make mistakes and learn from them.

-- by 会员 包子不包子 (2012/6/13 12:36:41)

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes.

Spoiled children crying for new gifts are the commonest scene I can see in my community. Nowadays, parents devoted all their love to the next generation, especially in China, where there is a one child policy. However, the flooding love and protection from parents does not always ensure the health development +of children. Parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from that.

To begin with, the knowledge learned from people's own experience are more impressive direct and hard to forget. For a child, the colorful world around him isbeautiful but also dangerous. It is not strange that a child favors to put everything in their reach into their mouth. Also they may easily be attracted by the shining flame of candle and struggle to touch them. When things like that happened, parents should allow children to bit those things and touch the fire. (真的吗，这么危险)Only by children themselves' self -experiments can they impress the feeling deep in their hearts-the hot dancing fire flame is not a good toy and erasers are not tasty. If those things must be convey to a toddler by language, the outcome may not be as clear as mentioned above. Apparently, next time, no same mistakes will occur again on the children who have experienced the mistakes before. Therefore, children become more experienced from their own experience if the parents allowed them to make mistakes.

Another point values the same is that learning from mistakes is part of self-improvement process. There is an old saying in China that people who can learn from their mistakes should own the respects as teachers. No one can live a life without a single mistake. The point is that whether people can benefit from their misdoing and never let the same thing happen again, which is the real progress for a person. For parents, if they invest them in protecting their children from all kinds of danger. Eventually, children probably cannot understand the meaning of mistakes. No wonder they can do nothing when encounter with mistakes later in their life and it is needless to discuss about self-improvement. In this way, making mistakes and learning from them is part of people's developing journey. Parents should not stop their children from enjoying them.

Some people may say the children are too young to handle all kinds of mistakes in the real world. While, this is time for parents to be on stage. What they have to do is not prevent children from attempting and learning. The role they should act is like a tour guide to offer help and direction for their beloved children, which will definitely leads to a brighter future for children.

To sum up, children are not precious dolls. They have to experience mistakes and learn from them, which is（单复数，） part of their development in nature. Accordingly, parents should allow their children to make mistakes and learn from them.
不错的文章，有点小错误，加油

zombiee

6月13日110211 NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes.

Spoiled children crying for new gifts are the commonest scene I can see in my community. Nowadays, parents devoted all their love to the next generation, especially in China, where there is a one child policy. However, the flooding love and protection from parents does not always ensure the health development children. Parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from that.

To begin with, the knowledge learned from people's own experience are more impressive direct and hard to forget. For a child, the colorful world around him is beautiful but also dangerous. It is not strange that a child favors to put everything in their reach into their mouth. Also they may easily be attracted by the shining flame of candle and struggle to touch them. When things like that happened, parents should allow children to bit those things and touch the fire. Only by children themselves' self -experiments can they impress the feeling deep in their hearts-the hot dancing fire is not a good toy and erasers are not tasty. If those things must be convey to a toddler by language, the outcome may not be as clear as mentioned above. Apparently, next time, no same mistakes will occur again on the children who have experienced the mistakes before. Therefore, children become more experienced from their own experience if the parents allowed them to make mistakes.

Another point values the same is that learning from mistakes is part of self-improvement process. There is an old saying in China that people who can learn from their mistakes should own the respects as teachers. No one can live a life without a single mistake. The point is that whether people can benefit from their misdoing and never let the same thing happen again, which is the real progress for a person. For parents, if they invest them in protecting their children from all kinds of danger. Eventually, children probably cannot understand the meaning of mistakes. No wonder they can do nothing when encounter with mistakes later in their life and it is needless to discuss about self-improvement. In this way, making mistakes and learning from them is part of people's developing journey. Parents should not stop their children from enjoying them.

Some people may say the children are too young to handle all kinds of mistakes in the real world. While, this is time for parents to be on stage. What they have to do is not prevent children from attempting and learning. The role they should act is like a tour guide to offer help and direction for their beloved children, which will definitely leads to a brighter future for children.

To sum up, children are not precious dolls. They have to experience mistakes and learn from them, which is part of their development in nature. Accordingly, parents should allow their children to make mistakes and learn from them.-- by 会员 包子不包子 (2012/6/13 12:36:41)

Spoiled children crying for new gifts are the commonest scene I can see in my community. Nowadays, parents devoted all their love to the next generation, especially in China, where there is a one child policy. However, the flooding love and protection from parents does not always ensure the health development +of children. Parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from that.

To begin with, the knowledge learned from people's own experience are more impressive direct and hard to forget. For a child, the colorful world around him is beautiful but also dangerous. It is not strange that a child favors to put everything in their reach into their mouth. Also they may easily be attracted by the shining flame of candle and struggle to touch them. When things like that happened, parents should allow children to bit those things and touch the fire. (真的吗，这么危险)Only by children themselves' self -experiments can they impress the feeling deep in their hearts-the hot dancing fire flame is not a good toy and erasers are not tasty. If those things must be convey to a toddler by language, the outcome may not be as clear as mentioned above. Apparently, next time, no same mistakes will occur again on the children who have experienced the mistakes before. Therefore, children become more experienced from their own experience if the parents allowed them to make mistakes.

Another point values the same is that learning from mistakes is part of self-improvement process. There is an old saying in China that people who can learn from their mistakes should own the respects as teachers. No one can live a life without a single mistake. The point is that whether people can benefit from their misdoing and never let the same thing happen again, which is the real progress for a person. For parents, if they invest them in protecting their children from all kinds of danger. Eventually, children probably cannot understand the meaning of mistakes. No wonder they can do nothing when encounter with mistakes later in their life and it is needless to discuss about self-improvement. In this way, making mistakes and learning from them is part of people's developing journey. Parents should not stop their children from enjoying them.

Some people may say the children are too young to handle all kinds of mistakes in the real world. While, this is time for parents to be on stage. What they have to do is not prevent children from attempting and learning. The role they should act is like a tour guide to offer help and direction for their beloved children, which will definitely leads to a brighter future for children.

To sum up, children are not precious dolls. They have to experience mistakes and learn from them, which is（单复数，） part of their development in nature. Accordingly, parents should allow their children to make mistakes and learn from them.
不错的文章，有点小错误，加油

包子不包子

6.15 独立
ML It was easier for people in the past to identify which type of career or job would have a secure or successful future

Population is soaring in every corner of the world. Revolution in technology is happening in every second. Myriad of brand new information is spreading among countries in every now and then. In all, things change so quickly. From my perspective, it is not as easy as in the past to identify the career in order to have a secure or successful future.

To begin with, every country is connected by globalization, which creates a complex environment for people to identify their career nowadays. Capital globalization, resources globalization and employee globalization, the world is an integral. Once the role of only one country changes on the global stage, unfortunate may spread out quickly to all the other countries in the world. People cannot predict what changes will appear in the next few years. Also it is hard to identify a career to secure their future success under such a complicated situation. Like the Great Depression, dark side of globalization, people with the most decent job, finical employees, end up to work as labors on the streets. Needless to discuss about their life’s secure and success in the future. Is their choice to be an accounting or investment analysts wrong? Apparently not, it is the changes on the global stage unable to assure their career success.

Another point owns the same value is that competition is even fiercer with one new life every three seconds to feed on earth. In every filed, especially in those that can ensure the success of an individual, hundreds of candidates are gathered together to compete for merely several position. People can never feel relief even they get a good job, chief or the leader of the whole medical department. There are always new and better candidates coming to compete for the job. Even the most inconspicuous mistake can be the reason for one to leave. At the first second, you though the bright future is right in your hand. The next second, you lost it. No matter what kind of difficulty and struggle you have been through when identifying a suitable job, with the soaring population and fierce competition people in modern world can never announce with confidence that they find a lifelong successful career.

Some people may argue that modern world creates thousands of new occupation for people. How can there be worry for identifying a secure job? However, please do not forget that variation of job has been increased, so does the population. Maybe there is a threefold in job variation. Population could be tenfold and competition either. Therefore, it is too harsh to jump to the conclusion that modern world definitely provide people with clear background in identifying career.

To sum up, changes produced by globalization and competition pressure created by growing population lead people to great difficulty in identifying their career to ensure a secure and successful future.

a273007862

先占个座~~明天过来评哈·~

jasonma2046

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Compared with hiring famous teachers, school should pay more attention to improve facilities.

写得有点多... 超时了T.T

Education makes up a significant part of a person's development. Nowadays, lots of schools in my community are competing with each other about（compete可接三个介词with,against,for,此处应该用for）whether they have the best facilities or not. It seems that myriad of parents regard this factor as an indispensable element in measuring the quality of a school. From my perspective, those can be compared to people have(having) no knowledge but enjoying in showing off their expensive clothes to others.(这个比喻还是很贴切的) In this way, (也可用Therefore)school should pay more attention in hiring famous teachers rather than improving facilities. (反驳反面观点开头，引出正面观点很好)

To begin with, without qualified teachers, even a world top class (top-class)facility cannot be made the most use of. Precise(难道是precious?) facilities are not as handy as they first saw(as they were first seen). That is also why institutions always hire the best specialists in the country to run those facilities. Under the operation of famous teachers, those facilities are able to show the expected experiment results-bright light after the mixture of certain chemical elements and the function of alter violate wave(更改扰乱波？alter是动词，不知什么意思), which is the most direct approach to educate students. Once problems occur, it is hard to imagine what will happen if no one knows how to fix them. With the qualified teachers in reach, the questions can be solved in a second（太快了吧）, which ensures the regular routine of school and teaching work（教学工作？有点chinglish，直接teaching好了）. Besides, schools do not have to pay extra money in inviting experts to fix the facilities. Therefore, more attention should be paid to hire famous teachers than improve facilities. （观点论据都很好，论述能力很强啊）

Another point owns （owning否则出现两组谓语了）the same value is that education is about interactions between students and teachers, but not students and advanced facilities. In ancient Greece, no modern exist facilities at schools （No modern facilities exist at school）. All the tools available are stone boards, rocks and sticks. In spite of that, still lots of famous people emerge in the flow of history. Socrates and Aristotle, teacher and his student, both of them own world fames(fame是不可数名词) thousands of years later. It is not the reason of advanced facilities, but the devotion of famous teacher in their career（是否应该为who pursuing their career） that educates students. A famous teacher talks to students about their mistakes. A famous teacher encourages students when they are in low mood. A famous teacher can teach students how to be a useful person to the society. All those things about education mentioned above are impossible for any facilities to accomplish. Accordingly, schools should devote more in hiring famous teachers. (最后用排比句突出老师的作用，还是蛮好的)

Others may say that in modern education system students should learn to practice（practise?）. Consequently, facilities related to do chemical and physical experiments should be improved. The statement is biased. No matter how advanced the facilities are, without the instruction from famous (teachers)how can students know what to do? Facilities are merely a small part（tip） of the iceberg. Attention should be paid to the main body-teachers.

To sum up, education is related to students and teachers instead of students and facilities. In this way,（出现两次可以换一换） schools should pay more attention in hiring famous teachers rather than improving its facilities.



Conclusion:

1、优点：论据与论点充足，文章结构都蛮好的，词汇量特别是连接词用的很好，不重复。

2、缺点：句式有些死板，应当倒装啊，反问啊什么的用的多一点，这样显得文章表达灵活多样。
3、总体上已经很好了，表达很清楚明白，注意一些小的语法点就可以了。

lunating

刚刚把6.15独立写完的几篇浏览了一下，发表些许感慨哇><

包子亲，现在用英文写文章绝对是信手拈来哇^^

这篇首先立意特别高，站在全球的视角。行文气势磅礴，波涛汹涌，看完直觉心胸开阔有木有！

再次，遣词造句也相当完美华丽，直接可当例文参考。So wonderful，全文下来，精彩不断。膜拜之！

最后，指出一小点错误：
1. Therefore,it is too harsh to jump to the conclusion thatmodern world definitely provides people with clear background in identifying career.
2. To sum up,changes produced by globalization and competition pressure created by growing population leads people to great difficulty in identifying their career to ensure a secure and successful future.

都是单复数的小问题啦！我的水平有限，实在挑不出旁的错来。值得肯定的是，这篇文章本身就很完美。

加油哦亲，看好你！认真向同志们学习！