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5.17 独立 蓝色为意见或建议 高亮为精彩 绿色为总结 红色为错误 又超了两分钟啊啊啊啊。。。码太多字了。。。。 ML It was easier for people in the past to identify which type of career or jobwould have a secure or successful future
No wonder with the ascent competition and more variously growing of professionsin modern career fields, which career will possess a brighter future confusedpeople even they(去掉) when (they) are still in collages (colleges). Comparedwith the past, less frequent changes in technology, small population andimmatureness of globalization, those are all the possible features could assistpeople to identify a secure and successful future. (既然用的是compared with the past,那么接下来应该说的是现代blabla但lz貌似写的的是古代怎么样啊,雨巷觉得不太合适呢)
To begin with, globalization was not a prevalent phenomenon in the past. Therefore,little information can be transformed among nations, whichmeans the same situation for crisis.(?) Things like Great Depression are unlikely to make people lose theirjob in each isolate country. Aside from informationtransformation, trend followed those super stars cannot create a worldwideinfluence, which means no necessity for people working in mass production areato change their products every minute and either do they have to worried (worry)aboutwhat will happen if people do not like the products related to certain staranymore. (这么长的句子。。。。whichmeans 可以换成In otherword/ that is to say等另起一句ps发现lz文章很多whichmeans ,可以考虑替换哦)In this way, thesecurity of people's job can be promised clearly in the past time, also people can make choices freely.(两个句子了要么加连接词,要么另起,建议 and people can make choicesfreely as well.)
Another point will makethe statement clear is that technology was not advanced, which meansgreat evolution in technology would not appear in such a high frequency likenowadays. Walt created stream engine, thousandspositions in factories were offered for a long time. Edison invented bulb,millions of people were hired to work in electricity field for years. Einstein discovered relativity theory, another thousands works wereprovided to scientists to enhance that area for decades. (这些例子貌似都是两个句子木有连接词就放到了一句话里==)Those areall what the topic means. No frequent changes in technology, no rapid shift inpeople’s job.(这句话才应该是你上面三个例子的TS吧,第一句感觉明显不搭额) People will not be forced to change their careeraccording to the popularity of another kind of technology,which is another kind of (两个another kind of 出现同一句话里 直接说aninsurance 或者oneof insurances 就ok 啊)insurance for their job. Unlike these days, new technology spreads outthrough the world at the second minutes they are proposed. Obviously, no onecan presume what will happen to their profession in the next second.
Some people may announce that right now there are thousands kinds of (sorts of)occupations for people to pick and there are great needs in themarket. On the contrary, in the past, there were just few. Indeed the varietyof job is increased. Unfortunately, things like more security in job are not anaccurate prediction. Population has grown tenfoldover the last century, what can be ensured is that the competition is tenfoldto some extent. (又是两句话,木有连接词)Accordingly, itis easier for people in the past to identify their career.
To sum up, because of globalization, developed technology and soaring population, hardly can people identifywhether they make correct choice to ensure themselves a security and successfulfuture. To 包子不包子: 1.在这么短的时间写出这么多字,还木有错误,雨巷着实佩服O(∩_∩)O~ 2.需要注意的问题啊,lz很喜欢两个句子放在一起不加连接词唉 |
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