包子不包子：欢迎拍砖～～

包子不包子

哦 这样这样 加几句结论性的就明白了～
继续加油～～

探险者

Different attributes belong to various toys of job. There are obvious differences between an artist and a super movie star. Their working environment, working properties and goals of their job lead to the vast gap between their job effective(effective是形容词，怎么能用在这里呢？应该是efficiency). We cannot jump to the conclusion that my job has more effect on my happiness than my social life. It depends on my occupation to some extent.

If I am working like（作为一个作家：as a writer） a writer, which means the achievements of my work is(主谓不一致) the most influential thing to my career rather than my interpersonal ability, my job will produce more impact on my happiness than my social life. As a writer, my success lies in the wide recognition from the of public（建议用readers） my novels or articles. Once I receive that recognition, it is normal for me to be happy and say' oh, I am so glad that people love my books and it pays my hard working'（表示自己的工作有回报，建议：my hard working pays off）. Maybe the sense of happiness and satisfaction will assist me carrying my work even further. All the things mentioned above are related to personal feelings, happiness and satisfaction. How can my social life change due to the achievement in my writing skills? Under no circumstances will I attend parties or feasts in a dramatically increasing number of chances.

On the other hand, the opposite situation appears when I am a celebrity like Lady Gaga. More impacts on my social life will be brought by my job. Imagine the celebrity wearing extremely fancy clothes to meet the queen of U.K. for（in） a formal social event, what will happen? Absolutely, the day after, all the front pages of the major newspaper in U.K. will display the unrespectable attitude of the celebrity to the most important person in their country, and that is far from the end of the story. Maybe all the performance of the celebrity in U.K. will be canceled and famous people and studio in U.K. would rather not to meet（为什么用meet。如果是采访，可以说Interview） the celebrity any more. Less working opportunity and fewer parties or meetings to know new people will also follow. In this way, great impact from my job property has been put into my social life.（为什么没有说对happiness的影响？）

To sum up, different types of job cloud lead to opposite influence in social life and the sense of happiness. It all depends. No conclusion so absolute can be reached.

楼主我觉得你对这个题目的理解是有偏差的。如果按照你的理解，那么题目是这样的Your jobs have more effect on your happiness than on your social life.但是现在的题目的理解是Your jobs have more effect on your happiness than your social life does.

语言很不错，有些地方的用词可以再斟酌一下。注意一些小的语法错误。

包子不包子

呵呵 写的时候没有看到补充说明。。。把happiness 和social life并列了
捂脸。。。
第一个例子想说如果是作家 job 对happiness影响更大
第二个例子想说如果是明星job对social life影响更大
就是depends 了 嘿

包子不包子

5.15 综合

第一次写综合 想请教一下批改童鞋 时态是怎么规定的嘞
在涉及文章材料和听力材料时用一般过去时 但是在我解释文章或听力内容的时候的时候用一般现在时么
不明白啊 不知道怎么写了。。。
还有啊 这听力写到什么程度是细致呢 包子是不是写得不够细致啊啊啊
谢谢～～

The lecture apparently disputes the points illustrated in the reading material. According to the passage, it states that the study of old cultural artifacts in Britain faced problems and limitations in the 20th century. However, this does not correspond with the listening material.

To begin with, the writer claims that precious artifacts were lost and damaged due to the construction projects. In contrast, the professor points out that the newly published guideline improved that situation. That is to say before the carrying out of the construction project, the site has to be examined in order to ensure it is an archaeology interest or not. Once it is proved as an historical interest, builders, governors and all the other related stuff will gather together to make a plan to preserve the interest. So the lecture totally disagrees with the reading passage.

Second, the lecture insists that there would not be shortage in the found. Because the construction company instead of the government will pay for the archaeology plan. Enough found can be reached without the disturbing in the changing of government. In contrast, the author demonstrates this point in an absolute different way.

Finally, the professor mentions that more paid work that never existed before would be created for archaeologists to make sure enough jobs were provided for archaeologists to research the precious artifacts. On the contrary, the reading material argues that it is difficult to have a career in archaeology, and that contradicts with the listening explicitly.

In conclusion, the points made in the lecture refutes what is presented in the reading material.

包子不包子

5.15独立


As the rapidly growth happening in economy world, modern cities with skyscraper monsters gradually become crowded and busy. It seems that the hustle and bustle city life forces people to be impolite. However, not everywhere is experiencing the soaring in population and working pressure. It is too harsh to jump into the conclusion that being polite is not necessary.

To begin with, polite is of fundamental needed in every family. As a Chinese, respect the old and love the young, has always been the principle the people received since they are young. Besides, being polite is regarded as a virtue by all the society. Inside a family, being polite is followed precisely by every family member. As rules, their performing assists the family to maintain peach and happiness. Suppose polite has gone out of a family absolutely, what will happen? Children will shout at their parents for them not fulfill their will. Parents will punish their children even though they know it is their fault. Family members will argue about tiny problems rudely. Therefore, it is necessary to be polite in a family.

Another point about will make the statement bright, not like the announcing that everywhere is so busy and crowded and that makes unnecessary for people to be polite. That is so absolute indeed. Still, places like countryside, library and classrooms are not such crowded as mentioned. Once polite is through by people, loud laughing in library, students' fighting in classroom and people barging about trifles in the countryside will be so prevail that it is cruel for people to face the truth. Because no order can be seen in the society, even the environment will be merit to bear for the residents. In all, crowded and busy situation does not appear in each place, polite should not be forget by anyone.

Maybe someone will cast the doubt that in modern world to be polite can gain nothing for personal better life in busy and crowded environment. However, things should not be analyzed in this way. Interaction between people is what matters most. If you do not be polite, how can you expect others to be kind with you as the respond of your impolite calling? Only you perform in a polite manner, will others' behavior profit you please you. Accordingly, being polite is of extremely necessity for each one. Also, to start immediately is the fast approach for people to get benefit.

To sum up, owing to the actual situation exist in each family and public area. Assert as people do not need to be polite is not exact and it is biased. Being polite cannot be cast down by people even though only the busy and crowded can be experienced.

包子不包子

5.16 综合

The professor casts doubts on the reasons that decrease the number of birds in United States raised by boost human population by claiming the unconvincing of the information given in the reading material.

First of all, the reading material insists that the increasing urban use land due to population growth results in the destruct in bird's habitats. As the traditional areas suitable for birds' living no longer exist, all the birds' population shrinks as a consequence. However, in the lecture, the professor against that point by mentioning the growing number of some other kinds of birds, such as, pigeons and seagulls, even hawks manage to expand their number owing to the jumping number of prey. Although some species may experience the declining in number, no all the birds have to go through that.

Second, agricultural activates do play a part, states the professor, but in the future its influence will decrease due to the less land need in the United States for agriculture each year. Another reason, introduction of more productive crops could protect some birds' habitats from being destroyed, strengthens the opinion of the professor. In contrast, the author claims that the diminishing in birds' population will continue due to the growing of agricultural land.

Finally, for pesticides using, different statements are showed by reading and listening. The reading discusses the poisons in lowering the number of birds will continue, which is objected by the listening. Two reasons are displayed- new less toxoid pesticides are coming to be popular and more pest resisted crops are created by genetic modify-to help reducing the harm from human to birds.

In conclusion, the points made by the reading are challenged by the listening due to its less believable.

晨依Jacqueline

5.16 综合修改
The professor casts doubts on the reasons that decrease the number of birds in United States raised by boost human population by claiming the unconvincing of the information given in the reading material.（这个句子看的晨依晕倒了，@_@感觉句子结构不是特别清晰，大体意思倒是明白了。我觉得如果长难句很难看清楚结构的话，还是建议分成两句写吧。。。）

First of all, the reading material insists that the increasing urban use land due to population growth results in the destruct(destruction) in bird's habitats. As the traditional areas suitable for birds' living no longer exist, all the birds' population shrinks as a consequence. However, in the lecture, the professor against(这个好像不能直接这样用吧，votes against怎么样) that point by mentioning the growing number of some other kinds of birds, such as, pigeons and seagulls, even hawks manage to expand their number owing to the jumping number of prey. Although some species may experience the declining in number, no(not) all the birds have to go through that.

Second, agricultural activates do play a part, states the professor, but in the future its(前面是复数的吧) influence will decrease due to the less land need in the United States for agriculture each year. Another reason, introduction of more productive crops could protect some birds' habitats from being destroyed, strengthens the opinion of the professor. In contrast, the author claims that the diminishing in birds' population will continue due to the growing of agricultural land.

Finally, for pesticides using, different statements are showed by reading and listening. The reading discusses the poisons in lowering the number of birds will continue, which is objected by the listening. Two reasons are displayed- new less toxoid pesticides are coming to be popular and more pest resisted crops are created by genetic modify(modification?)-to help reducing the harm from human to birds.(这个句子写得真好！)

In conclusion, the points made by the reading are challenged by the listening due to its less believable.



总的来说写得还是很不错的，尤其是句子很流畅，词汇也很高级，亮点多多。但是我觉得其实听力部分不需要太多自己发挥的，把听力里面的key words说的恰到好处就好了，有的时候自己的同义转述本来是应该给文章加分的，但是ETS的评分员可能会觉得你听的时候只记了个大概意思，反而会对你的印象不好。。。之前新东方曾经说过就是reading部分尽量转述，listening部分尽量尊重原著吧。还有due to好像在文章中闪了好几遍，可以尝试多换换哈~继续加油咯！

包子不包子

谢谢晨依的修改～
看样子还是要加强听力练习。。。
那个  晨依改错文章了 这篇是今天的。。。嘎

包子不包子

5.16 独立

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people have no influence on the decisions that determine the future of the society as a whole.



Young people are the morning sun of a country; their brightness cannot be shadowed by any other social groups to some extent. Courage, active and youth are their advantages, depending on those qualities, how can young people have no influence on the discussions that determine the future of the society? I will demonstrate my reasons as the following parts.

In the first position, young people are active in innovation world, which has great impacts over a society's future development. Though they are young, they are creative and brave enough to publish their idea to the world, besides young inventers are needleless to count during the gradual quicken developing pace of human society. Walt created the steam engine not even reached his thirties. Nothing has to say about the great contribution of steam engine to human industry during the 1800s. Jobs, another creator, he managed to construct Apple to be a company that lead the fashion trend of computers and Walkman, which even influence the recognition of social statue among people. All this creations were planned during the youth of Jobs. In all, the action and decisions of young people cannot be ignored due to their magnificent influence over the society.

Another point of same value is that young people are energetic than aged people as well as they are more experienced than the teenager in terms of decision making. In this situation, it seems that they are the best candidates to take the burden of the future of a society. Even though wrong decisions are made by unconscious, more time to contemplate deeply and much energy to work even harder would probably assist them to compensate for the mistake produced by then before. Besides, young people are also a large group of the society, they are given the right to vote, to be voted and to demo fully with their own willing, and how can young people create no function in the decision making about the future of a society? It is merely a biased conclusion.

Some people may argue that young people are not mature enough, so it is dangerous for the young to decide the fortune of a whole society. It is true though, compared with the old. However, their young, their not matureness will benefit the society with ample brand new decisions that have never been proposed by the old ever before. New trend leading people's understanding, new technology enhancing the industrial pace of the society and up-to-date construction decision made for the need of young people, which can only be understand by their peers.

To sum up, young people plays a fundamental role in the decision making to decide the future of a whole society in variety of fields.

晨依Jacqueline

好吧 晚上再给你改昨天的……o(╯□╰)o
5.15 综合修改
The lecture apparently disputes the points illustrated in the reading material. According to the passage, it states that the study of old cultural artifacts in Britain faced problems and limitations in the 20th century. However, this does not correspond with the listening material.

To begin with, the writer claims that precious artifacts were lost and damaged due to the construction projects. In contrast, the professor points out that the newly published guideline improved that situation. That is to say(,)before the carrying out of the construction project, the site has to be examined in order to ensure(ensure是确保吧、后面就不要加or not了，或者换一个表达v. whether it is...or not) it is an archaeology interest or not. Once it is proved as an historical interest, builders, governors and all the other related stuff will gather together(貌似gather一个词就可以了，或者说get together) to make a plan to preserve the interest. So the lecture totally disagrees with the reading passage.

Second, the lecture insists that there would not be shortage in the found. Because(because) the construction company instead of the government will pay for the archaeology plan. Enough found can be reached without the disturbing in the changing of government. In contrast, the author demonstrates this point in an absolute different way.

Finally, the professor mentions that more paid work that never existed before would(这里是不是少写了什么？怪怪的) be created for archaeologists to make sure enough jobs were provided for archaeologists to research the precious artifacts. （还是长句的问题，写得有点乱了。）On the contrary, the reading material argues that it is difficult to have a career in archaeology, and that contradicts with the listening explicitly.

In conclusion, the points made in the lecture refutes what is presented in the reading material.

包子的文章写得不错，字数足足的，语言流畅性更是没的说！

好的不多说啦，晨依来挑挑毛病哈~

首先，阅读的部分一定要少于听力的部分，听力的内容一定要突出重点强化哈、比如第四自然段感觉就不是特别突出了。其次，最好是能有一个清晰的结构哈、我是指的段内，可以先说reading的观点，再说listening的观点，再说反驳啊等等，只是一个例子啊，建议包子看看小鹤鹤的文章，我觉得他写的就很条理。最后，第三四段的听力细节可以再详细些哈、我觉得包子的语言表达已经没有问题了，可以用TPO的综合写作练练听写加强下细节！