瓜瓜卷土重来啦！！！！

N只梨花压海棠

When it comes to factors that contribute to success, people probably think of hard work ofoneself (双of 不地道，可以用one' hardworking) and the help from other people. However, once referring to outside help, the help from one’s family seems to be so essential that no one(no one else 是不是好一些) could deny its indispensible role. With the evolvement of the society(换种表达方式，with+blah blah blah太老套了), I, personally, hold the opinion that it is much easier to achieve success with the help from one’s family than what is like before(paraphrase一下).

The most important reason is that network is playing a more and more(老外很反感more and more, 可以改成 increasingly 或者 直接比较) significant role in the modern society, and the network which is based on family is so strong(strong这词用的很好啊) and effective. Take a simple but common situation for example. Just imagine you are the member of a university admission department, and there are two applicant compete for the last admission. One is your nephew and other is a stranger. (标点符号啊，亲)It may be cruel but true that you would pick your nephew even though the other one is a bit over him. In the chaotic web of network today, there is no doubt that this kind of help does make a big difference.(第一段例子可以了，但是貌似从主题句到论证的过程还不是太全面，加点讲理的话)

In addition, besides the importance of network, it is self-evident that even though the rapid peace of modern life, people treasure family more than before, which is an emotion(emotional) push that drive people to help their family. Blood band(bond吧？) is definitely the strongest relationship, under which people are more inclined to spare no effort to help, because they regard helping family as one’s obligation. This kind of obligation feeling put a pressure on people’s mind, and force them to pay more effort to events related to their family. (这段不够convincing, 家人关系可以说一两句，但是一段来描述实在有点浪费)

Admittedly there are other factors contributing to success, such as opportunity, times and so on. What is more, in the highly developed society, it seems to be harder for people to succeed than past, as opportunity is(复数哦) limited while competitors are so many(countless感觉能生动些). However, when look around, do you find any opportunity? (when looking around)And ask yourself then would you like to offer help to your family as much as you can? For two answer(s) are both yes, then it cannot deny the common truth that it is more likely to succeed with the help from family than before.(这句很混乱，it指代用的太多，把句子结构拆开或者直接换名词)

From what has been discussed above, we can safely reach to the conclusion that because of the important role of network and the strong emotion push in modern society, it is easier for people to achieve success with the help of family than it was before.(paraphrase)

to 瓜瓜同学， 可以看出文章的文字功底还是不错了，但是有些句子匠气太重了，需要摆脱中国式思维方法，这里给你提供关于你second point的几个思路：
你第一个论证点说家庭来network很重要，不错，接下来就要说家人来找networking很方便和strong---你提过的 这方面再详细说
家人间关系很好是个emotional push，还可以说家人可以提供的不仅仅是关系啊，还有Money啊Money, 还有心灵上的安抚啊，可以说的sensational一点，在现在这个险恶的社会中，没家人的support没人能成功啊 , 通过这些方面来和过去对比来说就很全面了

超级无敌小鹤鹤

我是来瞻仰某瓜的作文的

瓜瓜不瓜

819 TOP 18 Partner with K~
The reading passage and the lecture discuss the possible solution to protect Torreya from extinct. While the passage puts forward three method to stop the decline of Torreay, the professor points out that these solution will not work. The professor uses three specific points to support her contention.

First, the professor refuses the reestablish plan, which is stated by the passage. According to her, as the microclimate is largely affected by the change of large region, the original place will not be suitable for Torreya. What is more, because of global warming or the drain of Florida, this location will be much drier than now, which will definitely become unsuitable for Torreya.


In addition, the professor claims that the relocation plan is also going to fail. To support her assertion,she use the example of  the black locus, which is remove from its original location to another place. The black locus spread quickly in the new environment and kill lots of local plants, which are also in danger.     The professor disagree the second proposal becaust of its unpredicted outcome.

In the last, the professor turns down the third option--to preserve Torreya in research centers. As the professor says, the population of Torreya is to small to allow it to survive from disease. This kind of survival asks for the species genetic diversity, which is impossible to make in the research centers.

In summary, the professor demonstrates that the three proposals from the passage are not going to work.

kaddish

The reading passage and the lecture discuss the possible solution to protect Torreya from extinct. While the passage puts forward three method to stop the decline of Torreay, the professor points out that these solution will not work. The professor uses three specific points to support her contention.嘿嘿，我觉得第一段用模板挺好的


First, the professor refuses the reestablish 这是动词plan, which is stated by the passage. According to her, as the microclimate is largely affected by the change of large region, the original place will not be suitable for Torreya. What is more,（我觉得这里不存在递进关系，是一个举例说明） because of global warming or the drain of Florida, this location will be much drier than now, which will definitely become unsuitable for Torreya.


In addition, the professor claims that the relocation plan is also going to fail. To support her assertion,she use the example of  the black locus, which is remove （removed）from its original location to another place. The black locus spread quickly in the new environment and kill lots of local plants, which are also in danger.     The professor disagree the second proposal becaust of its unpredicted outcome.
In the last, the professor turns down the third option--to preserve Torreya in research centers. As the professor says, the population of Torreya is to toosmall to allow it to survive from disease.这里最好有个并列连词，large 和diversity是两个并列条件 This kind of survival asks for the species genetic diversity, which is impossible to make用的有点奇怪 in the research centers.

In summary, the professor demonstrates that the three proposals from the passage are not going to work.

瓜瓜不瓜

8月19日
Do you agree or disagree, the way a person dressed is a good indication of his/her personality or character.

用时：1:11 摔！！！

How many times do you judge somebody just through the way he/ she dressed? It seems to be human beings’ instinct that we cannot help ourselves paying attention the outlook of all things, as well as people. However, I, reject the notion that the way a person dressed is a good reflection of one’s personality or character.

Generally, three of factors decide the way a person dressed, profession, situation and personality. Decided by multiple elements, the way people dressed cannot be blindly asserted to be a good indication of inner mind. Even a out-going and open-minded person has to wear suit and tie when he is at work. This is not because he is rigorous, but because he wants to look professional. Same situation is that no way would a hip-pop music star wear big T-shirt and worn jean forever. Thus, it is unwise to judge a person through the way he/ she dressed regardless of other factor .

Anyway, it is so ridiculous to judge a person merely from appearance. The irony novel “The Million Pound Note”, written by Mark Twain, shows us the amusing and absurd story, in which, the protagonist was treated so well just because his outstanding appearance. The story counterattacks money worship, and meanwhile warm people do not judge people just by appearance.

Admittedly, sometimes the way people dressed does indict personality, as a neat freak never would wear untidily, and a fashion chaser would always add something to adorn his/ her suit. However, by no means will it be wrong to judge people through long-time communication. Only when a person you go with through for a period, would you can acknowledge him/ her more comprehensively.

All in all, it is unwise to judge a person personality only by the way he/ her dressed, as lots of other factors have influence on the option of wearing. Moreover, I insist to acknowledge a person through long-time communication.

蝴蝶渡海

How many times do(did) you judge somebody just though the way he/ she dressed? It seems to be human beings’ instinct that we can help ourselves paying attention (to)the outlook of all things, as well as people. However, I, reject the notion that the way a person dressed is a good reflection of one’s personality or character.

Generally, three of(vital)factors decide the way a person dressed, profession, situation and personality. Decided by multiple elements, the way people dressed cannot be blindly asserted to be a good indication of inner mind. Even a（an）out-going and open-minded person has to wear suit and tie when he is at work. This is not because he is rigorous, but because he wants to look professional.（过于典型的中式英语。。虽说我也不知道怎么改。提供我自己想的吧，he want to embody professional） Same situation is that no way would a hip-pop music star wear big T-shirt and worn jean forever. Thus, to judge a person through the way he/ she dressed regardless of other factor.(这句是病句吧，无明显主语, to do 作主语有些牵强)（Thus，we cannot judge someone only by the cloths he or she wore）

Anyway, it is so ridiculous to judge a person merely from appearance. The irony novel “The Million Pound Note”, written by Mark Twain, shows us the amusing and absurd story, in which, the protagonist was treated so well just because his outstanding appearance. (此句后半我不知道是不是对的，最好找鸟或者hehe问问)The story counterattacks money worship, and meanwhile warm（warns） people do not judge people just by appearance.

Admittedly, sometimes the way people dressed does indict（这个是起诉的意思吧。。是不用错词了？） personality, as a neat freak never would wear untidily, and a fashion chaser would always add something（改成fashion elements好点）to adorn his/ her suit. However, by no means will it be wrong to judge people through long-time communication. Only when a person you go with through for a period, would you can acknowledge him/ her more comprehensively.

All in all, it is unwise to judge a person personality only by the way he/ her dressed, as lots of other factors have influences on the option of wearing. Moreover, I insist to acknowledge a person through long-time communication.

蝴蝶渡海

感觉你的结尾有些短，最好能呼应一下你前面的各种论据

瓜瓜不瓜

820 Independent Writing:
D/A your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.

用时：1:12 我摔！ 字数：383.  让步段好难写T.T 捂脸….

As happiness is the ultimate goal of life, every time come to the topic what affects one’s happiness, there will be heated debate. Whether it is jobs or social life that contributes more to the sense of happiness? I, personally, support that jobs have more influence. Here are my reasons.

Obviously, as material is the base of a person’s living, the quantity and quality of material, which people get from work, do directly affect their feeling of happiness. According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs theory show, only when physiological needs are statisfied can people start to persue higher needs, such as love and belongings, esteem, and so on, which are all closely related to one’s inner happiness. Just imagine a person suffering from starvation. Worried about how to feed himself, he may be in a long-term anxiety and too busy with earning a living to think about the happiness. Clearly, jobs provide bread, prevent people from hunger and coldness, allow they to chase higher inner persuit.

Once jobs meet the need of material, jobs become more than a method of earning a living, as people seek self-actualization in their career, which brings super satisfaction in one’s mind. Take Bill Gates for example. For this billiinaire, there is no need to worry about his physiological needs, but he never stop working. Why? What pushes him to leave luxury life behind and bury himself in work? Definitely happiness. Bill Gates expressed how statified every time the Mircrosoft got a new break in his autobiography. He said the feeling cooprate with his colleague excites him and keep him energitic everyday. There is no doubt that jobs do bring huge happiness to people.

Admittedly, social life makes people’s life more colourful, and it is also a dispensible part contributing to happiness. However, in many situation, the people we contact with and the place we go for activities are decided by jobs, which consctruct material base. It is human beings’ instinct to enjoy high quality of life, including social life. The jobs offer an access towards it.

Generally speaking, jobs not only statisfy material needs, but also offer peole an access to realize their value, which both are closely related to happniess. Thus, we can safely reach the conclusion that jobs have a more significant influence than social life on happniess.

GWinner

我来啦 不好意思哈有点晚> <~~
820 Independent Writing:
D/A your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.

用时：1:12 我摔！ 字数：383.  让步段好难写T.T 捂脸….[我也用时超久> <希望考场上给力!!!]

精彩错误修改 提议综合

As happiness is the ultimate goal of life, every time [对这个用法不熟悉哈..怎么觉得应该是every time when it comes to...]come to the topic what affects one’s happiness, there will be [+a]heated debate. Whether it is jobs or social life that contributes more to the sense of happiness? I, personally, support that jobs have more influence. Here are my reasons.
[Following are my reasons是不是更好点? 感觉here有点太口语哈]
Obviously, as material is the base of a person’s living, the quantity and quality of material, which people get from work, do directly affect their feeling of happiness. According to Maslow’s hierarchy[Haha!这个例子NB!!]of needs theory show[According后面直接名词就好了~], only when[是不是用after更有层次感?]physiological needs are statisfied can people start to persue higher needs,[这个only...can...倒装用得好!!] such as love and belongings, esteem, and so on, which are all closely related to one’s inner happiness.Just imagine a person suffering from starvation. Worried about how to feed himself, he may be in a long-term anxiety and too busy with earning a living to think about the happiness.Clearly, jobs provide bread, prevent people from hunger and coldness, allow they[them] to chase higher inner persuit.[?]

Once jobs meet the need of material, jobs[用代词吧~they] become more than a method of earning a living, [Once这个逻辑性好像有点不对...感觉应该是not only but also的关系吧?]as people seek self-actualization in their career, which brings super satisfaction in one’s mind. Take Bill Gates for example. For this billiinaire, there is no need to worry about his physiological needs, but he never stop working. Why? What pushes him to leave luxury life behind and bury himself in work? Definitely happiness. Bill Gates expressed how statified every time the Mircrosoft got a new break in his autobiography.[in his...显得头重脚轻, 可以放到前面去 读起来会更舒服]He said [+that]the feeling cooprate with his colleague excites him and keep him energitic everyday.[这句话读起来怪怪的...你看变成这样如何? When cooperating with his colleague, he never feels tired to conquer the working difficulties.] There is no doubt that jobs do bring huge happiness to people.

Admittedly, social life makes people’s life more colourful, and it is also a dispensible part contributing to happiness. However, in many situation, the people we contact with and the place we go for activities are decided by jobs, which consctruct material base. It is human beings’ instinct[这个词儿不知道是否合适 但用nature一定没错~] to enjoy high quality of life, including social life. The jobs offer an access towards it.

Generally speaking, jobs not only statisfy material needs, but also offer peole an access to realize their value[用你刚刚提到的马斯洛里面的自我实现那个词会更好!], which both [both of which]are closely related to happniess. Thus, we can safely reach the conclusion that jobs have a more significant influence[have influence on? have effect on...???] than social life on happniess.


瓜同学的文章结构和思路都灰常不错~马斯洛那个例子很添彩^^

提出以下几个TIPS供瓜同学参考~

·感觉文章里面有些地方有点太口语了哈 不知道ETS到底是怎么定位独立写作的 不过总觉得如果出现太多口语性的东西(比如here are my reasons或者一些问句)会不会有所影响...我个人来说是以避免为主的 也不确定 瓜同学可以再问问别人哈~
·文章里的句式还是挺多样的 连接词也用的不错 有些词汇的用法还需要谨慎 千万别用词典查中文意思翻译过来就直接用
·再就是一些细节性的东西喽~比如最后一段里的both of which啦之类的 瓜同学第一遍写好以后可以先自己读一遍 有些问题立刻就会发现的啦~

木有神马可在挑的错误啦~加油哦！！！

瓜瓜不瓜

GW同学提的意见都很好~特别是中间第二段的第一句话的逻辑！确实用not only... but also 会更好！