瓜瓜卷土重来啦！！！！

瓜瓜不瓜

820 Independent Writing
It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends.

time consuming: 59 mins         words:420    妹！敢不敢写得快一点啊！

Love, family and family friendship are the most precious things in the life, and they are also the very concern when we take a decision. Especially friendship, an amazing relationship beyond love connection and blood bonds, plays such an essential roles that no one could ever neglect it. Valuable as friendship is, I, personally still cannot agree that people should give up the chance to move a new place because are afraid of loss of old friend.

The most important reason is well-accepted that friendship is a relationship which has nothing to do with distance. To be more specific, people become friends not because（not because这么用对不对奥？） they are near to each other, and friendship would not end just because of the long distance. Take my personal experience for example. Lily has been my closest friendship since primary school. We went same middle school and high school. When it come to the choice of university, we did experience the dilemma as I wanted to go other province and she chose to stay. Although afraid the time and distance, we finally chose to follow our heart. However, the result has turn out not bad at all. We are still close friends, even much closer than before. Long distance strengthens rather than breaks friendship rather than break as it reflects how shinning and precious this relationship is.

Even if some people cannot stand the pain when they could not meet their friends due to long distance, modern technology helps to solve this problem. Mobile phones, as well as Internet, allow people to contact their friends whenever they want regardless of the distance. In addition, if the long-distance talk still could not satisfy the impulsion that people want to be with friend in person, modern transportation does a great favor. Airplanes, trains, buses and cars shorten the distance physically and mentally.

Admittedly sometimes it is rather frustrated that people cannot experience what their friends are going through, cannot stay together with friends all the time. However, it did change the fact that going to a new place is helpful for one’s maturation. In the brand-new city, people meet strangers, come across difficulties, and gain life experience. Whenever people feel lonely and helpless, old friend are always there and ready to offer a shoulder. Friendship is not a cumber but a push in people’s life.

In summary, people should not abandon the chance to go a new circumstance just because they are afraid of loss of old friend, Because friendship lives as long as you cherish it.

超级无敌小鹤鹤

59min...
噗呲，比昨天有进步！

瓜瓜不瓜

鹤鹤
时间缩短，字数增长有木有啦！
后面好多题目我都写过鸟~我打算开始写902的机经了~打滚求批改啊！

N只梨花压海棠

Love, family and family friendship are the most precious things in the life, and they are also the very concern(ed) when we take a decision. Especially friendship, an amazing relationship beyond love connection and blood bonds, plays such an essential roles(role) that no one could ever neglect it. Valuable as friendship is, I, personally still cannot agree that people should give up the chance to move a new place because (they) are afraid of loss of old friend(s).(你第一句说的famliy 和friendship没有什么关系啊)

The most important reason is well-accepted that friendship is a relationship which has nothing to do with distance. To be more specific, people become friends not because（not because这么用对不对奥？---对的） they are near to each other, and friendship would not end just because of the long distance. Take my personal experience for example. Lily has been my closest friendship since primary school. We went (in )same middle school and high school. When it come(s) to the choice of university, we did experience the dilemma as I wanted to go other province and she chose to stay. Although afraid of the time and distance, we finally chose to follow our heart(s). However, the result has turn out not bad at all. We are still close friends, even much closer than before. Long distance strengthens rather than breaks friendship rather than break as it reflects how shinning and precious this relationship is.(例子有点太长，最后一句结论没有论据)

Even if some people cannot stand the pain when they could not meet their friends due to (=caused by 修饰模糊了)long distance, modern technology helps to solve this problem. Mobile phones, as well as Internet, allow people to contact their friends whenever they want regardless of the distance. In addition, if the long-distance talk still could not satisfy the impulsion(不该是satisfy impulsion, 可以改成relieve the missing feeling 下半句再加上under implusion) that people want to be with friend in person, modern transportation does a great favor. Airplanes, trains, buses and cars shorten the distance physically and mentally.(感觉应该是mental and physical distance)

Admittedly sometimes it is rather frustrated that people cannot experience what their friends are going through, cannot stay together with friends all the time.(很好的衔接句子) However, it did change the fact that going to a new place is helpful for one’s maturation. In the brand-new city, people meet strangers, come across difficulties, and gain life experience. Whenever people feel lonely and helpless, old friend are always there and ready to offer a shoulder. Friendship is not a cumber but a push in people’s life.（这段不错，谈得有深度)

In summary, people should not abandon the chance to go a new circumstance just because they are afraid of loss of old friend, Because friendship lives as long as you cherish it.（再丰满一点就好啦）

to 瓜瓜同学
1，思路更加好了，读得很自然就顺下来了
2，语言方面，主要是句式上再丰满些就更好了
3，小的地方注意些
4，控制下时间
5, well done (XXX是个好男人)

瓜瓜不瓜

仔细读了一遍，发现有地方笔误，改过来，方便下次看。

Love, family and family friendship are the most precious things in the life, and they are also the very concern(ed) when we take a decision. Especially friendship, an amazing relationship beyond love connection and blood bonds, plays such an essential roles(role) that no one could ever neglect it. Valuable as friendship is, I, personally still cannot agree that people should give up the chance to move a new place because (they) are afraid of loss of old friend(s).(你第一句说的famliy 和friendship没有什么关系啊)

The most important reason is well-accepted that friendship is a relationship which has nothing to do with distance. To be more specific, people become friends not because（not because这么用对不对奥？---对的） they are near to each other, and friendship would not end just because of the long distance. Take my personal experience for example. Lily has been my closest friendship since primary school. We went (in )same middle school and high school. When it come(s) to the choice of university, we did experience the dilemma as I wanted to go other province and she chose to stay. Although afraid of the time and distance, we finally chose to follow our heart(s). However, the result has turn out not bad at all. We are still close friends, even much closer than before. Long distance strengthens rather than breaks friendship as it reflects how shinning and precious this relationship is.(例子有点太长，最后一句结论没有论据)

Even if some people cannot stand the pain when they could not meet their friends due to (=caused by 修饰模糊了)long distance, modern technology helps to solve this problem. Mobile phones, as well as Internet, allow people to contact their friends whenever they want regardless of the distance. In addition, if the long-distance talk still could not satisfy the impulsion(不该是satisfy impulsion, 可以改成relieve the missing feeling 下半句再加上under implusion) that people want to be with friend in person, modern transportation does a great favor. Airplanes, trains, buses and cars shorten the distance physically and mentally.(感觉应该是mental and physical distance)

Admittedly sometimes it is rather frustrated that people cannot experience what their friends are going through, cannot stay together with friends all the time.(很好的衔接句子) However, it could not change the fact that going to a new place is helpful for one’s maturation. In the brand-new city, people meet strangers, come across difficulties, and gain life experience. Whenever people feel lonely and helpless, old friend are always there and ready to offer a shoulder. Friendship is not a cumber but a push in people’s life.（这段不错，谈得有深度)

In summary, people should not abandon the chance to go a new circumstance just because they are afraid of loss of old friend, Because friendship lives as long as you cherish it.

瓜瓜不瓜

823 Independent Writing:
For future career success, is relating well to other people more important than
studying hard at school?

time consuming: 58 min                      word: 395
So many people dream for career success. However, there is a heated debate on what the important factors contributing to success are. Concerned about amazing result of network Some believe that relating well to other people play in a more significant role on the way to success than studying hard at school. Nevertheless, I, personally, support the notion that studying hard is so essential that it should be place before relationship.

First of all, career success ask for rich knowledge, especially the knowledge in one’s field, which can be acquired only through hard work. Working hard day by day, people cumulate and finally have a good command of knowledge, which would become a base of their future career success. Think about this. How would come the discover of the theory of relativity if Einstein had not built solid base of physics when he was in school. How would moon-landing plan work out if scientists had a deep understanding of the university? Hard working enable people to have a good understanding of knowledge and help them to apply it easier in future career.

Besides knowledge, study working helps people to cultivate good characteristic. Thanks to the hard working experience at school, people can concentrate on their work more easily in the noise, and be indifferent to fame and wealth. These qualities pushes people to move on rather than stop because of satisfaction of the contribution. To be indifferent to fame and wealth become more valuable in society today, as people are easily satisfied by what they have achieved.

Admittedly, relating well to other people, in other word, network does an incredible help to a person’s career success. School provide a big chance for students to establish their own relationship web, which is helpful in the future. For example, when you apply to a company for job, with the recommendation of familiar people, you will be more likely to be employed. However, hard working still stands before network. Even though a person has a strong network, he will not be enrolled if he has no knowledge the job asks for.

In summary, with the above-mentioned reason, hard working help people not only to acquire solid knowledge but also cultivate good characteristic, both of which are essential in one’s career success. Thus, I stand fort that studying hard is more important than relating well with others in school.

婷婷connie

8.23改文~
嘿嘿，来找碴啦~

So many people dream for career success. However, there is a heated debate on what the (most感觉加一个更好~)important factors contributing to success are. Concerned about amazing result of network Some believe that relating well to other people play（plays） in a more significant role on the way to success than studying hard at school. Nevertheless, I, personally, support the notion that studying hard is so essential that it should be place（placed注意被动哦） before（用个高级点的：prior over）（interpersonal） relationship.

First of all, career success ask(asks) for rich knowledge, especially the knowledge in one’s field, which can be acquired only through hard work. Working hard day by day, people cumulate and finally have a good command（mastery感觉比较好，是掌握的意思，command更倾向于武力方面的控制~） of knowledge, which would become a base of their future career success. Think about this. How would come the discover （赞！）of the theory of relativity if Einstein had not built （a）solid base of physics when he was in school. How would moon-landing plan work out（这里可以跟前面的句式一样，改成work out the moon-landing plan） if scientists had（did not have这里是反问，粗心了哦~） a deep understanding of the university? Hard working enable（enables） people to have a good understanding of knowledge and help them to apply it easier(more easily这里是副词) in future career.

Besides knowledge, study working(这里是神马意思，学习工作？) helps people to cultivate good characteristic. Thanks to the hard working experience at school, people can concentrate on their work more easily in the noise, and be indifferent to fame and wealth. These qualities pushes（push） people to move on rather than stop because of satisfaction of the contribution. To be indifferent to(之前用过了，换成unconcerned with吧) fame and wealth become（becomes） more valuable in society today, as people are easily satisfied by what they have achieved.

Admittedly, relating well to other people, in other word, network does an incredible help to a person’s career success. School provide（provides） a big chance for students to establish their own relationship web, which is helpful in the future. （这句话好像没有太大用诶）For example, when you apply to a company for job, with the recommendation of familiar people（person挑刺了，因为介绍人就一个嘛）, you will be more likely to be employed. However, hard working still stands before network. Even though a person has a strong network, he will not be enrolled if he has no knowledge the job asks for.

In summary, with the above-mentioned reason（reason）, hard working help（helps） people not only to acquire solid(firm) knowledge but also cultivate（foster） good characteristic, both of which are essential in one’s career success. Thus, I stand fort that studying hard is more important than relating well with others in school.



Conclusion:

1.小细节要注意哦，比如：被动语态和三单加s，这种小错误太多也会影响得分的哦

2.逻辑观点很顺畅，让步段的说理不够强，however,转得生硬了

3.多替换同义词，发挥一下语言多样性，这是个语言考试哦

4.瓜瓜文章写得不错啦，继续加油~o~

瓜瓜不瓜

826 综合 TPO24
听力好难！！！！！！跪跪跪！！！！超时3分钟！！！摔摔摔！！！
The passage and the lecture exploit the discovery of a fossil of T.rex. Whlie the passage is excited about the actual tissue in the fossil, including blood vessels, red blood cells, and collagen, the professor points out that these material are not sound evidence of acutal tissue. He uses three specific points to support his contention.

First, even though the passage shows that branching channels in the bone correspond to hollows where blood vessels were once located, the professor suggests that these hollow may be left by bacteria. Because of bacteria lived and clone in the bone, the hollow may be created by them. Thus, the branching channels would not be the evidence of blood vessels any more.

Second, despite the opinion of the passage that the presence of spheres could be the remains of red blood cells, the professor argues that T.rex did not have red blood cells when it was alive. The research of the previous animals in this area indicates at that time, animals did not have red blood cell, and so did T.rex. Therefore, red blood cell cannot supports that the fossil contains actual tissue.

Last, the professor disagrees with the idea of the passage that the leg bone contains collagen. According to the professor, collagen cannot last for more than a hundred years. As the fossil is more than 7 million years old, the collagen cannot be of R.tex. Indeed, it may be from the skin of the researcher who handled the fossil.

In a nutshell, the professor refutes the claim of the passage and demonstrates that the fossil do not contain actual tissue.

ykhjy

826 综合 TPO24  修改~蓝色good  黄色需修改  红色我改的 绿色批注建议

The passage and the lecture exploit the discovery of a fossil of T.rex. Whlie the passage is excited about the actual tissue in the fossil, including blood vessels, red blood cells, and collagen, the professor points out that these materials are not sound evidence[我感觉这里不太好，这些materials 在reading中应该不算evidence， reading中的evidence 应该是一系列的推论。不如直接说reading中的证据不足以证明这些materials 是 actual tissue]of acutal tissue. He uses three specific points to support his contention.

First, even though the passage shows that branching channels in the bone correspond to hollows where blood vessels were once located, the professor suggests that these hollows may be left by bacteria. Because of bacteria lived[living] and clone[cloning] in the bones, [注意because of 不是连词，后面不能直接跟句子;另一方面，内容好像不对，lecture中好像是说在animals 死了后，bacteria会出现] the hollows may be created by them. [这里细节不够，最好能指出那些东西可能就是traces of residues of bacteria]Thus, the branching channels would not be the evidence of blood vessels any more.

Second, despite the opinion of the passage that the presence of spheres could be the remains of red blood cells, the professor argues that T.rex did not have red blood cells when it was alive. The research of the previous animals in this area indicates at that time, animals did not have red blood cell, and so did T.rex.[这个是不是自己推测的，哈哈。内容不对。文中的意思是说在同样的地方找到了别的动物的同样的spheres,而其中有些动物在活着的时候是没有blood cells的，那就说明spheres不是 red blood cells 造成的啦 ] [这里还要加个细节，说明lecture中认为的spheres的origin]Therefore, red blood cell cannot supports that the fossil contains actual tissue [我觉得把，还是点明是blood cells的好，这是reading中的其中一个point。].

Last, the professor disagrees with the idea of the passage that the leg bone contains collagen. According to the professor, collagen cannot last for more than a hundred [thousand] years. As the fossil is more than 7 million years old, the collagen cannot be of R.tex. Indeed, it may be from the skin of the researcher who handled the fossil.【这段非常好，简单,细节也全】

In a nutshell, the professor refutes the claim of the passage and demonstrates that the fossil do not contain actual tissue.


【整篇文章 结构还是清晰的。我觉得大部分是听力的问题了把
  tips： 1.有些地方可能表达上可能会造成内容不准确，如第一段中的问题。我建议是听力的时候听清楚lecture中的第一句，如果实在没听清楚，直接就说lecture的观点不同于reading中的观点。
           2.注意词性，如 because of 是adv.不是conj
           3.注意单复数
                加油加油！~~
         有问题可以来找我讨论o~】

瓜瓜不瓜

换电脑，把一些文章贴上来作保存