【写作小分队】轰炸写作~526~!!!

miss绿光

很好很好，亲爱的真棒~~！！

-- by 会员 Suri在奋斗 (2012/4/14 18:39:11)

难道Suri看我的作文了？也给点意见啦~~~

miss绿光

The bone of contention is around the cause of the sea otters' population decline. The passage is inclined to the account that the decline is attributed to the pollution hypothesis.Opposed thoroughly, however, the professor emphasizes that the predators' attack is the main cause.

First of all, the author asserts that there were known sources of the pollution along the Alaskan coast,the exact place where the decline occurs. However, the professor disapproved that assertion to a thorough extent. The lecturer claims that the author's idea is weakened by the fact that there has no died sea otters on the beach, which is the signal of the pollution hypothesis. If the pollution contributes to the decline, it will kill many otters and leave their body, which is conflicted with the fact. What's more, the pattern of the decline is consistent with the signal that it is attributed to predators.

Subsequently, the passage mentions that the decline affects other sea mammals as well rather than mere in the specific species, which can only be explained by the pollution hypothesis that it usually affects the entire ecosystem rather than a single species. The professor, however, stands on the opposite side in this case again. The professor claims that because the human's hunting, whales migrate to other places, leaving the predators to find other food sources and thereby only the smaller animals. Therefore, because of the changing diet of the whales' predators, the all small see animals are declined such as sea lions and sea  otters.

At last, the author points out that the pollution can also account for the uneven pattern of the decline that the sea otters at locations where currents or other environmental factors may have created concentrations of pollutants decline more greatly than at locations without such possible effects. However, the professor put forward the evidence that can better account for the phenomenon. In fact, the decline depends on whether the location is accessible or not. If the location is accessible, the number of decline is great. On the other hand, if the location is not accessible, for example, the locations that sea otters could not live in such as shallow places, the sea otters didn't decline too much.

==============================

看了DAISY的我先自我检讨了…第一个观点和第三个观点都没有说清：第一个没有提：没有尸体是因为predator都吃了。第三个没写出predator的名字&也没有指出是accessible for predator。

好差劲…

bechasing

TO 婷婷：我写的是JJ，因为428就要考试啦~嘻嘻，麻烦你拉，可能还要再想看下我的观点切不切题什么的，我是觉得最后有点累赘和牵强了……辛苦你啦！！！！20101009NA
Agree or disagree? Compared with people who live in cities, people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families.


That might seem the trend to enter cities from the rural areas has never stopped, making the cities seemingly more advanced than the rural areas. There is somebody outside, meanwhile, claims that the trend must be explained other than such theory because they believe that living in different places doesn’t lead them to different life status. From my perspective, however, people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families than those who in rural areas.

First of all, education is more available in the cities than in the rural areas. Although government has already put increasing funds into the construction of education facilities and improvement of the soft power of education in rural areas, the difference of education level between the rural areas and the cities remains a huge gap. I have the best evidence to demonstrate the existence of such gap since I live in cities while some of my cousins live in rural areas. School in cities, such as my school – XX High School, have a relatively high percentage of professors while in rural areas, for example, my cousin’s school named QingHe High school, the teachers even don’t possess the teacher certification. Tremendous difference is also exhibited in the aspect of facilities. Schools in cities always have sophisticated machines and apparatus but those in rural areas, on the other hand, rarely have machines which may help teachers to deliver their ideas effectively, such as the projectors and big screens. Without question, education is the most significant factor to raise children, therefore, with better education condition, people in cities can take better care of the children in their families.

Another equally paramount reason is that medical systems in cities are more advanced and sophisticated than those in rural areas.For instance, according to the Chinese Medicine Magazine, the percentage of grade-one hospitals in the cities is 30 percent while in rural cities, the percentage is close to zero. Moreover, about 93.2 percent of the most sophisticated medical machines are concentrated in cities, leaving the medical condition in rural areas harsh and inconvenient. Health issues are so essential to the whole family, regardless of the age and gender, that after taking this factor into consideration, I reinforce that people in cities can take better care of their families.

Even so, facing the facts mentioned above, some may claim that such comparison and claimed superiority are discriminated classification that separate cities and rural areas unfairly. Such assertion, however, ignores the notion that facing the truth makes the whole society keep moving forward,including narrow down the gap between the development levels in cities and in rural areas. The comparison is objective, which we must face rather than escape or distort it. Moreover, only we admit the existence of such gap of life styles can we handle with gap better and help the rural people take better care of their families.

To sum up, no matter in terms of the education level or of the medical system, people in cities have more ways and are more convenient to take care of their families, which is why governments need to pay more attention and do more efforts to narrow the gap. Furthermore, only facing such comparison and difference objectively and admitting that people in cities can take better care of their families than the rural people, can the rural areas develop better. Therefore, I insist on the idea that people who live in cities can take better care of their families than those who live in rural areas.

=====

写了40分钟，不好，总是顾虑（想着要给大家看，不好意思写不好）+检查了5分钟~

-- by 会员 miss绿光 (2012/4/14 0:02:19)

用词拼写 语法错误 语句修改
That It might seem that(最好别省) the trend to entering cities fromthe rural areas has never stopped, making the cities seemingly more advancedthan the rural areas. There is somebody outside, meanwhile, claims that thetrend must be explained other than such theory because they believe that livingin different places doesn’t doesnot lead them to different life status. From myperspective, however, people wholive in rural areas cities can take better care of their families thanthose who in rural areas.(亲，这个后果很严重啊，注意注意注意)

First of all, education is more available inthe cities than in the rural areas. Although government has already putincreasing funds into the construction of education facilities and improvementof the soft power of education in rural areas, the difference of educationlevel between the rural areas and the cities remains a huge gap. I have thebest evidence to demonstrate the existence of such gap since I live in citieswhile some of my cousins live in rural areas. School in cities, such as myschool – XX High School, have a relatively high percentage of professors(高中木教授啊) famous teachers whilein rural areas, for example, my cousin’s school named QingHe High school, theteachers even don’t do not possess the teacher certification. Tremendous differenceis also exhibited in the aspect of facilities. Schools in cities always havesophisticated machines and apparatus such asthe projectors and big screens, which may help teachers to deliver their ideaseffectively. On the contrary, those schools in rural areas rarely have suchmachines due to the lack of enough money and teachers’ level. (but those in rural areas, on the other hand, rarely havemachines which may help teachers to deliver their ideas effectively, such asthe projectors and big screens).Without question, education is the most significant factor to raise children,therefore, with better education condition, people in cities can take bettercare of the children in their families.

Another equally paramount reason is thatmedical systems in cities are more advanced and sophisticated than those inrural areas. For instance, according to the Chinese Medicine Magazine, thepercentage of grade-one hospitals in the cities is 30percent of the whole hospitals(什么的百分比？), while inrural areas, cities thepercentage is close to zero. Moreover, about 93.2 percent of the mostsophisticated medical machines are concentrated in cities, leaving the medicalcondition in rural areas harsh and inconvenient. Health issues are so essentialto the whole family, regardless of the age and gender, that after taking thisfactor into consideration, I reinforce that people in cities can take bettercare of their families.

Even so, facing the facts mentioned above, somepeople may claim that such comparison and claimed superiorityare discriminated classification that(that用的太多了，换换which之类的) which separates cities and rural areasunfairly. Such assertion, however, ignores the notion that facing the truth is needed to makes the wholesociety keep moving forward, including bridging / narrowing (down) the gap of development levels between the development levels in cities and inrural areas. Therefore we should face the rural urban dividerather than secape it. (Thecomparison is objective, which we must face rather than escape or distort it). Moreover, only we admiting the existingence of such gap of life styles standards can we handlewith gap it better and help the rural people take better care of theirfamilies.

To sum up, no matter in terms of the educationlevel or of themedical system, people in cities have more ways and are more convenientto take care of their families conveniently, which is why the governments needs to pay more attention and do more efforts to narrow thegap. Furthermore, only facing such comparison and difference objectivelyand admitting that people in cities can take better care of their familiesthan the rural people(多余重复), can the rural areas develop better. Therefore, I insiston the idea that people who live in cities can take better care of theirfamilies than those who live in rural areas.

miss绿光

谢谢bechasing…其实这个不是你给我改哇^^更加谢谢你啦~

bechasing

哈哈 没有作文改 手痒痒啦
个人意见 绿光明鉴哈

miss绿光

哈哈 没有作文改 手痒痒啦
个人意见 绿光明鉴哈

-- by 会员 bechasing (2012/4/15 11:37:07)

好得很好的很~我都在我的word里把你们给改的标出出来了^^甚是感动~~你什么时候考T呀~

bechasing

哈哈 没有作文改 手痒痒啦
个人意见 绿光明鉴哈

-- by 会员 bechasing (2012/4/15 11:37:07)

好得很好的很~我都在我的word里把你们给改的标出出来了^^甚是感动~~你什么时候考T呀~

-- by 会员 miss绿光 (2012/4/15 11:38:01)

加油加油！
6月9号的呢 然后7月奔G 亚历山大~~哈哈

yiayia

感谢绿光分享，作文真的非常需要练习。加油~~

daisyの小夢想

TPO10 综合

The bone of contention is around the cause of the sea otters' population decline. The passage is inclined to the account that the decline is attributed to the pollution hypothesis. Opposed(opposed这里是动词还是形容词？我觉得应该用opposing) thoroughly, however, the professor emphasizes that the predators' attack is the main cause.

First of all, the author asserts that there were known sources of the pollution along the Alaskan coast, the exact place where the decline occurs. However, the professor disapproved that assertion to a thorough extent. The lecturer claims that the author's idea is weakened by the fact that there has no died sea otters on the beach, which is the signal of the pollution hypothesis. If the pollution contributes to the decline, it will kill many otters and leave their body, (这句用虚拟语气比较好，If the pollution contributed to the decline, there would have been dead bodies of otters that were poisoned by pollutants )which is conflicted with the fact. What's more, the pattern of the decline is consistent with the signal that it is attributed to predators.

Subsequently, the passage mentions that the decline affects other sea mammals as well rather than mere in the specific species, which can only be explained by the pollutionhypothesis(factor)that it usually affects the entire ecosystem rather than a single species. The professor, however, stands on the opposite side in this case again. The professor claims that because the human's hunting, whales migrate to other places(这个细节我没听到，学习~), leaving the predators to find other food sources and thereby only the smaller animals. Therefore, because of the changing diet of the whales' predators, the all(all the) small see(sea) animals aredeclined such as sea lions and sea otters(嗯嗯，把这个列举出来好).

At last, the author points out that the pollution can also account for the uneven pattern of the decline that the sea otters at locations where currents or other environmental factors may have created concentrations of pollutants decline more greatly than at locations without such possible effects(这句太长了，可以用连词链接，that改成since). However, the professor put forward the evidence that can better account for the phenomenon. In fact, the decline depends on whether the location is accessible or not. If the location is accessible, the number of decline is great. On the other hand, if the location is not accessible, for example, the locations that sea otters could not live in such as shallow places, the sea otters didn't decline too much.

daisyの小夢想

每次互改都很羡慕绿光能在那么短时间爆发出那么多字那么多复杂句。