Alex达不到29就是无。节。操。。。

chasedreamabc · 发表于 2012-2-20 23:51:32

2012-2-20

I strongly agree to this statement that there is never a reason to be rude (impolite) to another person, and points my ideas as follow.

In nowadays, we more or less have the similar experiences that we quarreled with our best friends, for the most trivial things. We believe it is the indignation that turned our mind. Because of our impolite , we lost our friends forever. Now I come to know that no matter how angry we are, we should not be rude to another person.

Firstly, I believe that polite is a fundamentalrequirment for a well-educated person and it is a good manner and personality. On one hand, how we behave to others, rude or polite, can indirectly show our educational level and especially our home education. We all learn the basic manners to treat others from our parents such as honest, brave and polite. On the other hand, people all want to establish a relationship with those polite people. For example, we don't want to be friends with those who always speak dirty words and it makes people feel embarrassed so they want to keep them away as far as possible. Therefore, in order to build a nice and even well-educated social network, it is necessary for people to behave polite to others.

Second, politeness can help us achieve success as well. Here, I want to share my brother’s experience with you. He attended an interview in 2011. When an officer filled his paper to him, he stood up and said “thank you” politely rather than ignored the officer as other interviewees do. Owing to his politeness my brother impressed the interviewer deeply and succeeded eventually. It seems to be incredible, but it does have its place.

Thirdly,politeness can help us build a harmonious society .For instance, if your friend just failed to pass a very important course for last semester and you just make a joke at the point after he just looked at his score, how can you expect he will show a smell at you? He was so angry and you just laugh at him, we should understand the rudeness of him. Moreover, if people can dig out the deeper reasons behind the rudeness, we can learn more about others and strengthen our friendships. Just as the former example, if we stop making jokes at that poor guy and we have a talk in order to know why he was so upset, then, we can show our concerns to him and he will feel better. Thus, people should care about others' feelings and eliminate misunderstandings which are raised by rudeness.

In sum, I maintain that a well-educated person, who wants to have a good social network with others, should never be impolite to other people, and in this way can we understand each other better and live a happy life.

Crystaljoy · 发表于 2012-2-21 11:51:37

你得把大本营里面的占座改成作文网址链接
不然他们不知道你已经完成作业了
快去快去~

daisyの小夢想 · 发表于 2012-2-21 16:14:04

先顶一下^^ 今晚来改~~

Serena0710 · 发表于 2012-2-23 00:48:54

I strongly agree to（用with 更好些吧~~） this statement that there is never a reason to be rude (impolite) to another person, and points（这个point用的是动词单三吗？如果是动词的话是不是应该用原形呢？） my ideas as follow.

In nowadays, we more or less have the similar experiences that we ~~quarreled~~（改成always quarrel) with our best friends, （此处逗号需要去掉捏）for the most trivial things. We believe（that） it is the indignation that~~turned~~ (改成turns）our mind.（此处加个However表转折，逻辑上会更好吧~~） Because of our ~~impolite~~（impolite behavior,impolite 是形容词，后面需要跟上名词） , we lost our friends forever. Now I come to know that no matter how angry we are, we should not be rude to another person.

Firstly, I believe that ~~polite~~（politeness） is a fundamental requirment for a well-educated person and it is a good manner and personality（恩。这句有点怪，我再斟酌一下哈）. On one hand, how we behave to others, rude or polite, can indirectly show our educational level and especially our home education（最好是parenting education). We all learn the basic manners to treat others from our parents such as honest, brave and polite.(整句话调整一下，we all learn from our parents the bacis manners, such as honesty, braveness and politeness, to treat others.)On the other hand, people all want to establish a relationship with those polite people. For example, we don't want to be friends with those who always speak dirty words and it(it在这里无指代吧？改成……speak dirty words, which……）makes people feel embarrassed so they want to keep them away as far as possible. Therefore, in order to build a nice and even well-educated social network, it is necessary for people to behave ~~polite~~ （用副词politely ）to others.

Second, politeness can help us achieve success as well. Here, I want to share my brother’s experience with you. He attended an interview in 2011. When an officer filled his paper to（for） him, he stood up and said “thank you” politely rather than ignored the officer（officer's effort) as other interviewees do（did）. Owing to his politeness(,) my brother impressed the interviewer deeply and succeeded eventually. It seems to be incredible, but it does have its place. (have it place?是固定表达吗？）

Thirdly,politeness can help us build a harmonious society .For instance, if your friend just failed to pass a very important course for last semester and you just ~~make~~ （made）a joke at the point after he just looked at his score, how can you expect （that）he will show a~~smell~~ （smell？smile！）at you? He was so angry and you just ~~laugh~~（laughed） at him, we should understand the rudeness of him。（此句在GMAT语法中叫做run-on sentence哦~~想一想该怎么改~） Moreover, if people can dig out the deeper reasons behind the rudeness, we can learn more about others and strengthen our friendships. Just as the former example, if we stop making jokes at that poor guy and we have a talk in order to know why he was so upset, then, we can show our concerns to him and he will feel better. （需要改成虚拟语气不?等我再问问啊~~）Thus, people should care about others' feelings and eliminate misunderstandings which are raised by rudeness.failed to pass a very important course for last semester and you just ~~make~~ （made）a joke at the point after he just looked at his score, how can you expect （that）he will show a~~smell~~ （smell？smile！）at you? He was so angry and you just ~~laugh~~（laughed） at him, we should understand the rudeness of him。（此句在GMAT语法中叫做run-on sentence哦~~想一想该怎么改~） Moreover, if people can dig out the deeper reasons behind the rudeness, we can learn more about others and strengthen our friendships. Just as the former example, if we stop making jokes at that poor guy and we have a talk in order to know why he was so upset, then, we can show our concerns to him and he will feel better. （需要改成虚拟语气不?等我再问问啊~~）Thus, people should care about others' feelings and eliminate misunderstandings which are raised by rudeness.

In sum, I maintain that a well-educated person, who wants to have a good social network with others, should never be impolite to other people, and in this way can we understand each other better and live a happy life.

Alex，我改动的比较多，可能是因为我是按照GMAT的语法去改的。不要受打击啊~~整体思路还是很好的。当时我这篇文就没写就扔那让晨依改去了。我给你个小建议（我其实也是菜鸟），多看看范文，积累一些好的表达句和词汇。这样文章就会更丰富，更精彩！一起加油！

chasedreamabc · 发表于 2012-2-23 12:02:41

THX Serena
我多多学习

chasedreamabc · 发表于 2012-2-24 07:33:24

2.23 独立

Obviously, it might be tempting to suggest that the world we live in has changed beyond recognition each single day and therefore it is unnecessary to consult our grandparents when we encounter new problems. In most case grandparents’ advice is no use for their grandsons. I’ll give some reasons as follow.

First of all, we are now lining in an age of revolution with no previous human experience that could be referred to. Everything is changed in the past 50 years. Living in such a fast-changing world would not be easy and comfortable at all; with everything keeps changing, everyone has to move fast in order to catch up with the majority. Moreover, when our grandparents were children, they did not have to learn second language to get a good job, or read a lot to get informed. Yet in our age, these are supposed to be the responsibility of young people. Modern society is information explosion, everything changes faster than before. So grandparents’ advices do not guide the problem of today.

Also, with the development of technology, adolescence would easily adapt new things than elder people. Grandparents cannot use some new technology, that they may give mistakes ideas.
For example, in the modern society, many children and youth have a cell phone, even though someone has more than one cell phone. This is a normal phenomenon in the society. But our grandparents are not accustomed to using a cell phone and then they tell the grandsons that do not use the cell phone because of an expensive fee and bad for main. But cell phone is very useful in the modern life.

The last factor is about the characteristic between elder and young people. Elder people are conservative in outlook, and they overprotect youth what is not a beneficial behavior. But the young people would like to fight innovative and change the world much better.

Fifty years is a long-period of time in terms of a human lifespan. Some of the values and principles of the human society have changed for sever decades. World changed a lot during the past 5o years, the advice from grandparents has no use for their grandchildren.

晨依Jacqueline · 发表于 2012-2-24 09:52:17

ABC的作文写的太好啦！晨依要好好学习一下呢~！有几个地方不是很确定，如果我修改错了记得告诉我一声哦~
红色为错误，蓝色为疑惑或不确定，黄色为特别精彩！

Obviously, it might be tempting to suggest that the world we live in has changed beyond recognition each(every) single day and therefore it is unnecessary to consult our grandparents when we encounter new problems. In most cases grandparents’ advice is no use for their grandsons. I’ll give some reasons as follow.

First of all, we are now lining(living) in an age of revolution with no previous human experience that could be referred to. Everything is(has,这里一方面不需要用被动形式，另外根据后面的时间应该用完成时) changed in the past 50 years. Living in such a fast-changing world would not be easy and(or) comfortable at all; with everything keeps changing, everyone has to move fast in order to catch up with the majority. Moreover, when our grandparents were children, they did not have to learn asecond language to get a good job, or read a lot to get informed. Yet in our age, these are supposed to be the responsibility of young people. Modern society is information explosion(当代社会是信息爆炸…这里感觉不太舒服，建议修改As we are living in an age of information explosion), and everything changes faster than before. So grandparents’ advices do not guide the problems(guide the problems用法略感奇怪啊，advice is no longer a guide to problems这样写怎么样？) of today.

Also, with the development of technology, adolescence would easily adaptto new things than elder people. Grandparents cannot use some new technology, that they may give mistakes ideas.For example, in the modern society, many children and youthseachhave a cell phone, even though(even though是即使，虽然的意思，直接用even就好啦) someone has more than one cell phone.(这个地方我个人建议是直接写成each have one cell phone or even more)This is a normal phenomenon in~~the~~(一般society前面如果没有别的形容词是不加the的) society. But our grandparents are not accustomed to using a cell phone and then they tell the grandsons that do not use the cell phone because of an expensive fee and bad for main(不明白呢). But acell phone is very useful in the modern life.

The last factor is about the(different) characteristics between elder and young people. Elder people are conservative in outlooks, and they overprotect youth what is not a beneficial behavior. (我觉得这半句读着不大对劲，可是不确定哪里错鸟~~是不是应该overprotect youth from a detrimental behavior?)But the young people would like to fight innovatively and change the world much better.

Fifty years is a long-period of time in terms of a human lifespan. Some of the values and principles of the human society have changed for sever(several)decades. World changed a lot during the past 5o years, and the advice from grandparents has no use for their grandchildren.

Conclusion：ABC的遣词造句达到了出神入化的程度，表达多样，词汇丰富，句式灵活；逻辑思路也无可挑剔，多注意一下小细节就更perfect啦！

chasedreamabc · 发表于 2012-2-25 17:36:13

TO晨依，
不带这样的，一篇文章多一半被蓝色和红色占据，结论是出神入化...我能当表扬听吗

chasedreamabc · 发表于 2012-2-25 17:47:28

Grandparents cannot use some new technology, that they may give mistakes ideas（这句好像逻辑是出现一些问题，连接词改为and then 可能更好）
在朗文里面好像更倾向于conservative in outlook
晨依同学的建议也的确是我在写的过程中所遇到的困难和疑惑，非常感谢小晨的同学敬业的努力

晨依Jacqueline · 发表于 2012-2-25 23:55:12

上上楼的，已在群里解释完毕。
上楼的，conservative in outlook 又学到好东东，收走……你的感谢也收走

晚安

Alex达不到29就是无。节。操。。。

蓝色代表错误或疑惑

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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