Alex达不到29就是无。节。操。。。

晨依Jacqueline

Alex加油，我也觉得make yourself understood是更重要的，其实你的语言水平已经很好了，千万不要因为想求高而失稳啊。
鸟儿姐姐的点评太经典了，其实我最后那天你给我改的对我在考场上的写法有很大的影响，很感激。

chasedreamabc

10.10 独立

Nowadays, watching movies has become a leisure activity in our life. In watching movies, we can have many choices as at present. Science fiction can bring us to the world that we have never experienced; Romantic movies make us cherish what we have already have; motivational films can encourage us to work hard and achieve our goals. Whether only worth watching movies that can teach us something about real life? From my perspective, I totally disagree with that idea.

First of all, there is no denning that we can learn some valuable lessons from the worth watching movies. This kind of movies, are always have some encouragement and motivation for us to achieve ourselves by work hard and paying more efforts. From watching that kind of movies, we can be encouraged and make it into practical actions. For example, the movie which named "The Pursuit of happiness", is one of the worth watching movies that encourage me to chase my dream and never, never stop. What has been said in the movies that "If you have a dream, protect it" makes me most impression.

In additional, other types of movies, like science fiction, comedy and romantic love movies are also worth watching. Only we pay attention to the movie and relate them to the real life can we realize how meaningful the movie is. Take romantic love story as an instance, the famous movie, Titanic, teach us something about the real life. First, that movie is revised by a real story which happened in 1800s. Second, when watching Titanic, not only can we feel how much the love will receive from our parents, friends and lover, but also from strangers. One of the plot, which have shown that people are so polite and good manner that they left the room of the boat to women and children who are weaker than them. To connect the movie to the real life, we also have to be gentle enough to help the person who needs help in order to keep the harmonious society.

Besides, the comedy movies, teach us to cherish our life. When facing with the disasters and misfortune, what we have to do is to face them bravely, find correct and suitable ways to work them out, just like the movies. Seeing various films make our mind diverse and thoughtful.

All in all, anyone can safely draw the conclusion that we also can learn some precious lessons in our life through the movies. Only when we set our mind into appreciating the movies can we learn something in our real life.

晨依Jacqueline

Mark~督促Alex写作文，达不到31无节操！

Serena0710

先是我耍流氓。希望这次你避免无节操无下限的流氓行为！干死托福！

chasedreamabc

先是我耍流氓。希望这次你避免无节操无下限的流氓行为！干死托福！

-- by 会员 Serena0710 (2012/10/10 12:08:03)

你都告别T了

235852140

10.10 独立批改   错误建议 好

题目： Movies are worth watching only when they teach us something about the real life.


Nowadays, watching movies has become（became） a leisure activity in our life. In watching movies, we can have many choicesas（去掉） at present. Science fiction（加个movies，要不是科幻小说了） can bring us to the world that we have never experienced; Romantic movies make us cherish what we have already have; motivational films can encourage us to work hard and achieve our goals. Whether only worth watching movies that can teach us something about （+the）real life? From my perspective, I totally disagree with that idea.

First of all, there is no denning（denying） that we can learn some valuable lessons from the worth watching movies. This kind of movies, （为什么要加个逗号。。不懂）are（this kind of 是单数哦，用is） always have（have 和 be 用一个动词啦） some encouragement and motivation for us to achieve ourselves by work hard and paying more efforts. From watching that kind of movies, we can be encouraged and make it into practical actions. For example, the movie which named "The Pursuit of happiness", is one of the worth watching movies that encourage me to chase my dream and never, never stop. What has been said in the movies that "If you have a dream, protect it" makes me most impression. (这句对吗？是你太高端了我看不懂，还是不对啊。我只见过what has been said is that, 这用法你确定一下。)

In additional（In addition）, other types of movies, like science fiction, comedy and romantic love movies are also worth watching. Only we pay attention to the movie and relate them to the（our更好，前面说we） real life can we realize how meaningful the movie is. Take romantic love story as an instance, the famous movie, Titanic, teach us something about the real life. First, that movie is revised by a real story which happened in 1800s. Second, when watching Titanic, not only can we feel how much the love will receive from our parents, friends and lover, but also from strangers. One of the plot, which have shown（我觉得不用完成时态，就算完成时态也不是Have,是has，which shows/describes that） that people are so polite and good manner that they left the room of the boat to women and children who are weaker than them（them是不是有指代歧义啊，可以指women啊。）. To connect the movie to the real life,（用to do的形式表目的不符合意思吧，用doing的形式比较好。或者by更好,表示通过这样做，…。by connecting the movies to the real life） we also have to be gentle enough（gentle enough有个固定意思：柔情似水。。） to help the person who needs help in order to keep the harmonious society. (我怎么觉得说来说去还是意思teach us something about the real life的电影才值得看，那不是支持了吗。。我觉得这个论点不靠谱，而且你还讲了联系到现实生活中的方法：pay attention to the movie and relate them to。。只是说了电影类型不一样，但还是在那个范围里)

Besides, the comedy movies,(为什么又加逗号) teach us to cherish our life. When facing with the disasters and misfortune,（when facing的逻辑主语是人，这个逻辑主语应该和后面那句的主语一致，否则就不能省略） what we have to do is to face them bravely, find correct and suitable ways to work them out, just like the movies. （画线部分，两者平行，加个and）（just like the movies，什么和什么like啊，前面说的是要怎么做，它和电影不能比较啊，和电影中的故事什么的还差不多。）Seeing various films make our mind diverse and thoughtful. （这句和前面那句就像北极和赤道的距离一样，没什么逻辑关系。也没有什么连词连接。）（这段与上段是并列段，字数却那么少，文章不平衡，看着不好看）

All in all（奥利奥，嘻嘻）, anyone can safely draw the conclusion that we also can learn some precious lessons in our life through the movies. Only when we set our mind into appreciating the movies can we learn something in our real life.（跑题了。。就算前面你都是在支持题目的观点，把第一段disagree改成agree也就差不多可以了，可是结尾说：“我们肯定都能从电影里面学到东西，只是我们需要认真去看去欣赏才能学到”，这完全跟题目不搭边啊，文章变成了：论如何从不同的电影中都学到东西。。划斜线的部分你看看是不是跑题了）

总结：
1. 结构问题：从字数上来看：共431个字，量上面合格了。但是， 其中79开头+41结尾=120，让步105（太长了！重点不是让步呀。），论点206（并且一段157，一段49，不平衡）  我相信你知道问题了。
2. 论点问题：开头你提出观点：disagree。后面怎么看都是agree。还提出了如何联系到real life的方法。只是从不同的电影类型说，不同类型电影让我们学到不同的东西。 可是都teach us了。。都在说同一种电影好不好。最后我觉得文章再论：如何从不同的电影中都学到东西。
3. 语言问题：Alex，你真的退步了~~我的单词量那么少都没有遇到一个不认识的单词。。有木有高级点的拽拽。部分用法不确定对不对。感觉有的句子读起来不那么顺畅。

PS: 我只改了一遍，可能还有些小问题没有发现。因为我觉得你会重新写这篇了。所以不重复看了。

chasedreamabc

真的好水了，肯定要重写改写的

chasedreamabc

10.15 in order to succeed, you should be more like others than be different from everyone

In order to succeed, is it better to be like others, or better to be different from everyone else? Some people claim that being different makes it difficult to communicate and work together. Other people think that if we are  the same, we have nothing to set us apart, and so we can not succeed. I agree  with the latter view for the following reasons.

The primary reason for being different, is that innovation leads to  success. If you want to be successful in any field, you should attempt to do something outside of the box. The world needs new inventions, new exploration, and people who dare to do something different. These are the people who make new breakthroughs, and succeed to build  a better tomorrow.

Being different from others may also be risky, but this is actually an advantage. Following others is easy, but it only leads to complacency, the statusquo, and at best, a mediocre success. If you try something new, at first it may fail,  but failure reveals our inadequacies and points us in a new direction. Henry Ford’s early business ventures failed and left him broke five time before he founded the successful Ford Motor Company. If you want to succeed you have to take a risk and be different in order to learn from your mistakes.

Do not be afraid to be different. Success comes to those that stand out from the crowd, not from those that follow. Bill Gates and other successful businessmen have all made fortunes from ideas that were different and new. They believed in themselves and they knew that doing the same things will only bring the same results. To truly find success you should not try to fit in, you should take advantage of your differences

Although there may be tremendous risks and difficulties waiting for those who dare to be different, I believe we should encourage individual differences in order to succeed

235852140

10.15批改  in order to succeed, you should be more like others than be different from everyone

In order to succeed, is it better to be like others, or better to be different from everyone else?（引题很好啊！） Some people claim that being different makes it difficult to communicate and work together. Other people think that if we are the same, we have nothing to set us apart, and so we can not succeed. I agree with the latter view for the following reasons. （开头挺好的，很安全的开头。如果要求高一点就是没有什么出彩的地方。但是很稳妥）

The primary reason for being different,（为什么有逗号，不理解） is that innovation leads to success. If you want to be successful in any field, you should attempt to do something outside of the box. The world needs new inventions, new exploration, and people who dare to do something different. These are the people who make new breakthroughs, （这里不应该有逗号，succeed那些内容和前面make不是并列的吗，用一个who引导的）and succeed to build a better tomorrow.（这段好短啊，作为primary reason这么短说不过去啊，可以价格例子嘛）

Being different from others may also（前面没提坏处，also和谁also） be risky, but this is actually an advantage. Following others is easy, but it only leads to complacency, the statusquo, and at best, a mediocre success. If you try something new, at first it may fail, but failure reveals our inadequacies and points us in a new direction. Henry Ford’s early business ventures failed and left him broke five time（+s） before he founded the successful Ford Motor Company. If you want to succeed you have to take a risk and be different in order to learn from your mistakes. （这段还不错~）

Do not be afraid to be different. Success comes to those that stand out from the crowd, not from those that follow. Bill Gates and other successful businessmen have all made fortunes from ideas that were different and new. They believed in themselves and they knew that doing the same things will only bring the same results. To truly find success you should not try to fit in, you should take advantage of your differences.

（价格in conclusion吧。总觉得还要写下去似的）Although there may be tremendous risks and difficulties waiting for those who dare to be different, I believe we should encourage individual differences in order to succeed.  

总体没什么错误，但有一种吃大米饭的感觉，食之无味。还需要加点菜神马的才香~结构不错了，但是论证不太有力，感觉有些空，语言也是，还是那个意思：“加点菜”~

chasedreamabc

alex不爱吃蔬菜的毛病都被乃发现了，去买菜