Alex达不到29就是无。节。操。。。

婷婷connie

4.22独立改文
4.22 独立
哇， 字数好多，咋一看，吓到了都
In this day and age, the main role of university professor has been thrown into sharp relief.（这是什么意思？） People remain divided over（the point that怪怪的，感觉得加一个宾语）whether they are supposed to be educators or researchers. I tend to agree with that they should pay more attention to education rather than research.

At the very beginning, most fundamental knowledge and skills, which are useful to students' job hunting process（不写process也是一个意思的）, are from college courses. Without careful instructing(instructing是动名词，用instruct/guidance/direction更好), students may not find a proper job and then the college will lose its reputation gradually. For example, my major is finance. We have to learn（digest） a large number of professional theories and skills which are all come from professors. If they do not pay enough attention to educating, we will lose competition（competence） when find（finding） jobs because of poor grasp of knowledge and practice skills. Investment banking will not want to hire graduates from our college and finally our college may have difficulty in enrolling new students. This is a vital problem to a university. So professors are supposed to educate students carefully to guarantee college's reputation and attract increasingly(increasing)numbers of excellent students.

Also(用besides/furthermore吧，also感觉不正式), agesfrom 18 to 25 is the time when most people generate their real interests and decide to choose which field as their lifelong career, so professors should pay more attention on students' education to guide them finding their own way. Otherwise, there may be more perplexed adolescents wander on the street having no jobs. For example, Li Kaifu（哈哈，我还加他微博了）, previous CEO in Google China, once was a law student in Columbia University, USA, but he found he had a huge interest in computer science when he attended an elective. Then he transferred to （the）school of computer science. Without the professor who stimulated Li's interest to(on) computer （and professors who helped him to reach his goal 这一句可以不要了）we will lose an outstanding leader in IT industry.
这一段的TS太长，重点不突出。
Granted, someone may indicate that educating to students will distract professors from research which is also important to professors and universities. Instead, I assert that discussing with students sometimes can inspire professors’ idea and help them reach a high（higher）stage in their research. For example, my instructor Professor Gent, whose research area is similar to my graduation thesis, likes to discuss with me about issues in our research field when she guides my thesis. We often can inspire each other, which is a wonderful experience.

Thus, given education from professor benefits students’ professional knowledge and skills and their career choice and students and(besides,)professors can inspire(enhance) each other during the process of instructing, the main role of university professor is educating.

Conclusion：整体来说算是一篇美文了，词汇多，例子也很丰富，不过，逻辑上还得加强，尽量让每一段的TS对应起来。还有就是一定要再检查一遍，有点Chinglish哦，加油啦

chasedreamabc

4.30 独立

In a university, a student usually asks his or her classmates who happen to be very good at classes for help when the student has problems in learning a certain subject.While, I disagree this method to study. Because it is not a beneficiate way for the student, whose do not know the certain subject clearly. Thus, I do support students should ask help from a professional tutor rather than a good student. And my reasons are as follow.


At the very beginning, a professional tutor receives a rigoroustraining that can understand which questions the student has. After that, a professional tutor can teach a special class. However, a good student cannot find the shortage; So a professional tutor is better than a perfect student who good at this subject. For example, i am not good at physics class, and i asked my classmates a physics question. Only do they tell me how to do for that question. While, i asked my professional tutor the similar question not only told me the method but also teach the knowledge point, helping me grasp the knowledge better.

Secondly, through the communication with a professional tutor, the student can learn a knowledge well. Students may  systemic learn the points which they do not know before or make mistakes. Usually, a professionaltutor comprehensive teach a question, which may concludes more than one point. What is more, a method ,you ask a professional tutor, is the best simple and convenient way to solve this problem.

Finally, asking help from a professional tutor can learn not only a good method but also a mode of thinking, which is more important than solve a problem only. In fact, learning a way of thinking is fundamental when students in a university.  A mode of thinking widely used when students graduated from school. After students understand a mode of thinking, they can solve more problems than only know points form subject. Hence,  a professional tutor can teach students some skills which their classmates do not know.

In conclusion, I strongly agree that students should ask help from a professional tutor. If that, students can learn much more knowledge and skills than ask help from a good student.

易雨水巷

蓝色为建议 红色为错误 绿色为总结
In a university, a student usually asks his or her classmates whohappen to be very good at classes for help when the student has problems inlearning a certain subject. While, I disagree thismethod to study (建议改成disagree with this study method). Because it isnot a beneficiate way for the student, whose (whoseclassmates?) do not know the certain subject clearly. Thus, I do supportstudents should ask help from a professional tutor rather than a good student.And my reasons are as follow.

At the very beginning, a professional tutor receives sucha rigorous training that (such…that...句型) can understand which questions the student （thesequestions which the student has或者直接换成students’ questions）. After that, aprofessional tutor can teach a special class. However,a good student cannot find the shortage.（这句话应该是要表达好学生不能像professionaltutor 一样能够很好地理解学生的问题吧？如果是这样的话，单一个shortage是不能很好的表达这层意思的。建议再详细叙述一下） So a professionaltutor is better than a perfect student who (+is) goodat this subject. For example, i(I) am not goodat physics class, and i(I) asked my classmates aphysics question. Only do they tell me how to do forthat question. （建议They only told me how to cope with thatquestion. PS: only的用法http://edu.sina.com.cn/gaokao/2008-03-15/1639128216.shtml）While,（去掉逗号） i (I)askedmy professional tutor the similar question(+逗号&缺主语了he/she)notonly told me the method but also teach （taught， 与told保持时态一致）the knowledgepoint, helping me grasp the knowledge better.

Secondly,through the communication with a professional tutor, the student can learn a knowledge (knowledge 不可数，去掉a, 如果指代知识点，需要加point, 另 知识点也可以用learningpoints 表示，为避免重复，可以换着用O(∩_∩)O~)well. Studentsmay systemic (systematically) learn thepoints which they do not know before or makemistakes （before making mistakes? or是写错了吧？）. Usually, a professionaltutor comprehensive （副词 comprehensively）teach(teaches) a question, which may concludes (conclude)more than one point. What is more, a method, you ask a professional tutor(同位语从句用法请参照百度百科 建议改为 an approach, yourturning to a professional tutor for help), is the best (most) simple and convenient way to solve thisproblem.

Finally,asking help from a professional tutor can learn not only a good method but alsoa mode of thinking, which is more important than solve a problem only. In fact,learning a way of thinking is fundamental when students(+ are 缺谓语动词)in a university.  Amode of thinking （+are）widely used when studentsgraduated from school. After students understand a mode of thinking, they cansolve more problems than only know points form subject. Hence, aprofessional tutor can teach students some skills which their classmates do notknow.

Inconclusion, I strongly agree that students should ask help from a professionaltutor. If that (If so), students can learn muchmore knowledge and skills than ask help from a good student.

To ABC: 易雨水巷的意见可能比较多希望ABC不要介意哦O(∩_∩)O~
1.题目好像是关于friend和professionaltutor的选择不是students哦，需要改一下 PS：THX为我指出 professional tutor的含义
2. 可以多用一些替代词， 如帮助可以用 dosb a favor/give sb a hand/ turn to sb for help 等等; 问题可以用：problems/difficulties/troubles;方法：method/way/approach等等；解决问题：handle/copewith/ deal with/solve等等
3.雨巷发现ABC似乎不喜欢在句子中加谓语&喜欢用形容词修饰动词，这个需要注意一下~
4. 感觉第二段和第三段的论述略有重复，可以再斟酌一下O(∩_∩)O~
Anyway,一起加油，一起rock！

chasedreamabc

5.2 独立

As the development of economic globalization，many companies enlarge their investments to get more profit. Corporations invest much money in each area, such as real estate, gold, stock market. Broadly speaking, I support that a company spends its capital on improving skills of its employees. It benefits for the company. No matter a profit is a long-distant plan or at now. My reasons are as follows.

At the first place, a company improves skills of its employees that can raise the productiveness. For example, at before, workers used five hours to finish a subject. However, the company increases the skills of the employees now. Only one hour do they finish the same work. Although the company spends much money on improving skills of the employees, the corporation saves time which products more productions to earn money. For a period the investment can be regained as long as company produces enough goods.

In addition, when employees own high level of skills, their company possesses top competitive power in the market. Each company wants to enhance its competitive to increase the ration of owning a market. So the important step is improving skills of employees of the company. The works who adopt advanced skills can produce high qualitied goods which sell good. Thus, the advanced skills of employees are the most important thing of a company.



Finally, the method of a company, which chooses improving skills of its employees , is a minimal risk investment. As we all known, the price of real estate may decreases, otherwise finical crash of 2008 would not happen, so did gold investment. But a company invests the employees om improving skills of its employees is an intelligent way. Once improving employees skills, they create much valuable.



Om the whole, a company can choose may ways of investments. Whereas improving employees' is the most important behavior for a corporation. It can creates more valuable than the profit of other ways.

chasedreamabc

The writer thinks that some paintings is fake to Rembrandt ,such as the portrait of Elderly Woman. The argument bases on some evidences.

Firstly, the writer states, according to Rembrandt’s painting style, the women’s clothe does not conform to Rembrandt’s attention of detail. But the speaker insists that her fur color was not a part of formal painting, the color was added one hundred years after the painting was made.

Secondly, the writer think that Rembrandt’s paintings have excellent light and shadow. However, the speaker claims that the origin color was removed, as a result , the dark fur collar below the face absorb light instead of reflection.

Finally, the writer continues to says that there are some pieces of wood making up of a painting panel, it is known that no Rembrandt’s painting was used to different woods in a work. But the speaker tells us that it would be valuable if the painting used a broaden panel. Also, it was discovered that the pieces of wood were come from some tree.

婷婷connie

哈哈，路过，改了一下综合
The writer thinks that some paintings is fake to(这是什么用法？) Rembrandt ,such as the portrait of Elderly Woman. The argument bases on some evidences.（这里可以加上lecturer的观点）

Firstly, the writer states, according to Rembrandt’s painting style, the women’s clothe does not conform to Rembrandt’s attention of detail. But the speaker insists that her fur color was not a part of formal painting, the color was added one hundred years after the painting was made.

Secondly, the writer think that Rembrandt’s paintings have excellent light and shadow. However, the speaker claims that the origin color was removed, as a result , the dark fur collar（不是，是亮色的衣服，使她的脸没有阴影了） below the face absorb light instead of reflection.

Finally, the writer continues to says that there are some pieces of wood making up of a painting panel, it is known that no Rembrandt’s painting was used to different woods in a work. But the speaker tells us that it would be valuable if the painting used a broaden panel.（这一句逻辑不对，是people enlarge the painting in order to make it grand and valuable ） Also, it was discovered that the pieces of wood were come from some tree.

Conclusion:听力细节还得再抓哦，每一段的逻辑词用得很好啦

瓜瓜不瓜

婷婷 你好好 哈哈哈

瓜瓜不瓜

第一次改综合 多多包涵 黄色底纹为优秀， 绿字为需表达错误，红字为内容的错误
The writer thinks that some paintings is fake（改成mistakenly attributed） to Rembrandt ,such as the portrait of Elderly Woman. The argument bases on some evidences(什么样的evidence呢？最好说明是contradict 的）

Firstly, the writer states, according to Rembrandt’s painting style, the women’s clothe does not conform to Rembrandt’s attention of detail（文章和attention无关，是fur collar 与衣服 不符合）. But the speaker insists that her fur color was not a part of formal painting, the color was added one hundred years after the painting was（加一个originally更好） made.

Secondly, the writer think that Rembrandt’s paintings have excellent light and shadow（文章讲的重点并不是R擅长于light and shadow，而是说 L&S的风格与R的不符合）. However, the speaker claims that the origin color was removed,（逗号变句号，两个整句之间没有连词）as a result , the dark fur collar below the face absorb light instead of reflection.

Finally, the writer continues to says that there are some pieces of wood making up of a painting panel, （逗号问题）it is known that no Rembrandt’s painting was used to different woods in a work. But the speaker tells us that it would be valuable if the painting used a broaden（broaden，vt，应用broad,或用听力材料中的grand） panel. Also, it was discovered that the pieces of wood were come from some tree. 听力材料意思理解错误，文章讲的是the piece is made from the very tree which another R's well-known painting was made of.

意见：避免语法错误的硬伤，若是文章没有听清楚的地方就不要写，写越多就越错。但是整体文章的结构和思路都出来了

瓜瓜不瓜

ABC兄
http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-710770-1-1.html 我的综合 这个是第一次写，很P

探险者

多谢修改，指出了很多细节方面的问题，的确，自己在这些方面常常不注意。
有一个地方要给楼主指出，那就是Which引导的非限制性定语从句，可以指代前面的一整句话，当然这样使用可能有时比较不容易理解。但从语法上讲，这种用法是正确的。可以参考张道真语法，其中有例子
与君共勉