LaneeSherry 的作文贴，新人求指导非常感谢！

Kate1992

0811 综合写作 TPO5
（限时，205字）

The passage was about three theories that the "great houses" were used. But the professor in the lecture did[does] not think that the theories are correct.
【教授和阅读的观点都用一般现在时吧，否则从句的时态还要顾及】

Firstly, some archaeologists in the passage thought that the houses were used for people to residential[dwell at]. However, the professor pointed out that although the houses looked like departments from the outside, the number of fire place【s】 in it is not enough for hundreds of families to use, which is conflicted with the theory.

In addition, the passage put out another theory that the structures were places to store food such as the grain maize, one of the main crops of the Chaco people. 【我觉得你写的句子真的很简练呢！】But the professor didn't agree with it, saying that there was much evidence【evidence是可数的，were many evidences】 to opposite【oppose】 it. For one thing, the condition in the houses is not suitable for people to store crops; for another, people did not find enough containers to store so much food in the buildings.

Lastly, the theory that the great houses' function as ceremonial centers was also incorrect. Although many broken pots were found in the houses as the passage claimed, many other necessary materials for a ceremony is lacked, so professor thought that the place cannot be used for a ceremony.【这点找的不对，可以把文章再听一遍】
【黄色部分：lz很注意句式的变换呢，这点非常值得学习】
【谢谢lz对我的点评呢~~我看了无老师的那个作文，是不是每一观点写一点反驳就可以了，没有必要展开呢，觉得无老师那个写的也挺简单的】

laneesherry

Kate1992 发表于 2013-8-12 20:30
0811 综合写作 TPO5
（限时，205字）

谢谢点评！
之前写完之后去看范文的时候也是，发现第三点几乎是没有听出来。
关于句式的问题……其实我每次写综合都用的是那几个固定句式。在CD的某个贴子里有总结过综合写作的模板句式换词的，忘记贴子名字具体是什么了。我这些句子是之前在那之中挑了几个喜欢的表达背下来的。
综合写作我的观点是只要把点写出来，再稍微加一些支持性说理的细节就可以了。你可以看一下那个TPO的综合写作解析+范文，也是在CD的某个贴子里有资源。

laneesherry

迟交作业了真的是非常抱歉。。。。。。

0812
Independent Writing：
你同不同意that 學生參加學校的organization 和activities club is as important as their academic class.
Students get benefit from student organization or club activities 是不是as much as their academic studies.
（51分钟，361字）

"All study and no play makes Jack a dull boy." students' experiences of attending the organization and the activities club are of course as important as the academic class. The things they could learn in the activities might be much more useful than in the academic studies.

There is no denying that students can learn lots of basic knowledge in the classes at school such as mathematics and music. However, it's through the attendance of the organization and the activities that they apply the theory into practice and gain many other valuable things at the sometime.

Joining an organization or activities club can apply the knowledge students learned in the class into practice, which is can help students understanding more about the things they learned. One of my friends' experiences is a typical case in that point. Mary is a radio amateur so she joined in a radio lover club. She applied all the knowledge about radio she learned in the class and after class into practice in the club and now, she is almost an expert of radio. This case is not rare. The best way to learn a thing is to practice it and the organizations and clubs gave students the opportunity.

Being active in the organizations and activities clubs can enhance the friendship among the students. The organizations and clubs give students chances to communicate with each other, which is one of the best ways for students to find out the same hobbies with others and makes friends with others. Taking one of my experiences for example, I took part in my school's bicycle organization when I was a high school student, where I came across many bicycle lover there and made a lot of friends. After graduated, we still connected with others and traveling by bike together sometimes, which were one of the most wonderful experiences I owned. It could be an pity if a student never attend any organization or club, for he or she would miss many great moment in his or her live.

To sum up, attending the organization and activities club is very important because students can benefit a lot during that time.

laneesherry

0813
TPO7
(193字)

The passage doubted that the ecologically friendly companies could not be so success in the U.S. But in the lecture, the professor put out many evidence to opposite it.

First and foremost, the passage claimed that the consumers in America paid little attention on the ecocertification label as there are so much advertising. However, the professor said that the project was supported by many people and the advertising would be taken out independent.

In addition, the passage pointed out that the ecocertified wood would be more experience, and less people would buy it. Nevertheless, the professor did not agree with it, arguing that according to a research, this would happen only when a thing's price was much higher. As the ecocertified wood was not much more expensive, he thought that the customs could choose the environmentally friendly one.

Last but not the least, the point that the company could not gain much attention in the world was also incorrect. The professor said that it's the competition not the number of company that made sense. The appearance of this new kind of companies could surely soon draw much attention in the world and attract lots of foreign business.

laneesherry

这次的大作文实在是太晚了。。。


0813  independence writing
学校或工作presentation 你习惯一个月前就开始准备还是有idea之后晚一点儿才开始？
（1h10min 372字）

In today's competitive society, people are usually supposed to give an excellent presentation with both a good idea and a great performance in the school or at work. However, not everyone could manage to do so. When it comes to whether people should prepare a mouth before the presentation to get a presentation with a great performance but a fair idea or prepare later after an idea coming out to give a presentation with a fantastic idea but a bad performance, my choice is always the former.

The people who prefer to prepare later may argue that a good idea is more important, for it's a fantastic idea not an impressed performance that is the soul of a presentation. This argument seems reasonable on the surface, but on second thoughts, it cannot hold water.

It might take people a long time to think of a good idea, which reduced the practicing time and consequently, causing a failure on their presentation. My classmate Jack, who does nothing for a presentation before getting a good idea, is a typical case. One day, it was his turn to give a presentation about the buildings in the future. However, not until the midnight before the persentation did the idea comes up with him and he only have several hours to prepare for it. As a result, he performed awfully the next morning and no one understood the things he was talking about. "Hurry makes waste." It is better for us to begin preparing earlier.

Preparing early might lead to a perfect presentation. "Practice makes perfect", as a saying goes. An earlier preparation means more time to practice and leading to a perfect presentation finally. One day, it was my turn to give a presentation about the cars in the future in my class.  Practicing for a mouth, I described my idea clearly in a short time, After that, we began to discuss some new ideas about the topic and consequently, lots of good ideas are put out and I got a perfect presentation. Thus, preparing early is very important.

To sum up, with so many advantages, we can safety draw a conclusion that preparing for a presentation a mouth before the deadline is a better choice.

懒蜗窝

TPO7(193字)
The passage doubted that the ecologically friendly companies could not be so success in the U.S.(强调的不是公司而是certification这个事吧？觉得有点偏） But in the lecture, the professor put（pointed感觉好些 put out熄灭；伸出；出版；使不方便，打扰） out many（evidence 不可数 much) evidence to opposite(adj. 改为v. oppose) it.First and foremost, the passage claimed that the consumers in America paid little attention on the ecocertification label as there are so much advertising（不是因为太多广告，而是大多数普通广告也贴）. However, the professor said that the project was supported by many people and the advertising would be taken out independent.（缺乏细节）In addition, the passage pointed out that the ecocertified wood would be more experience,（粗心了哦！Expensive) and less people would buy it. Nevertheless, the professor did not agree with it, arguing that according to a research, this would happen only when a thing's price (有点中式的直译）was much higher. As the ecocertified wood was not much more expensive, he thought that the customs could choose the environmentally friendly one.Last but not the least, the point that the company could not gain much attention in the world was also incorrect. （好像没这个意思吧？）The professor said that it's the competition not the number of company that made sense. The appearance of this new kind of companies could surely soon draw much attention in the world and attract lots of foreign business.（这段感觉楼主自己的观点出来了，没听力细节）
总体来说，楼主应加强听力训练，然后多记笔记，尽量多写听力细节，不要夹杂自己的观点。可以先看看阅读，听听力的时候想着听力与阅读相反，明确态度就记细节，加油！！

懒蜗窝

laneesherry 发表于 2013-8-7 20:19
谢谢批改！我会认真修改的=v=

现在要出去一趟 回来立刻帮楼主改独立

懒蜗窝

In today's competitive society, people are usually supposed to give an excellent presentation with both a good idea and a great performance in the school or at work. However, not everyone could manage to do so. When it comes to whether people should prepare(for) a mouth（month） before （the time we make )the presentation to get a presentation with a great performance but a fair(adj. 公平的；美丽的，白皙的；[气象] 晴朗的) idea or prepare later after an idea coming out to give a presentation with a fantastic idea but a bad performance, my choice is always the former.(觉得有点不合逻辑，晚些准备并不一定有bad performance）The people who prefer to prepare later may argue that a good idea is more important, for it's a fantastic idea not an impressed performance that is the soul of a presentation. This argument seems reasonable on the surface, but on second thoughts, it cannot hold water.
It might take people a long time to think of a good idea, which reduced the practicing time and consequently, causing a failure on their presentation. My classmate Jack, who does nothing for a presentation before getting a good idea, is a typical case. One day, it was his turn to give a presentation about the buildings in the future. However, not until the midnight before the persentation （presentation）did the idea comes up with him and he only have（had） several hours to prepare for it. As a result, he performed awfully the next morning and no one understood the things he was talking（talked)about. "Hurry makes waste." It is better for us to begin preparing earlier.
Preparing early might lead to a perfect presentation. "Practice makes perfect", as a saying goes. An earlier preparation means more time to practice and leading to a perfect presentation finally. One day, it was my turn to give a presentation about the cars in the future in my class.  Practicing for a mouth(month), I described my idea clearly in a short time, After that, we(前面I ) began to discuss some new ideas about the topic and consequently, lots of good ideas are put out and I got a perfect presentation. Thus, preparing early is very important.
To sum up, with so many advantages, we can safety （safely）draw a conclusion that preparing for a presentation a mouth （month，嘿嘿我特意查查mouth有没有别的意思）before the deadline is a better choice
.论据不太具有说服力，主题句不够清晰。觉得楼主这篇没以前帮楼主批过的写的好，继续加油~~

lyslj001

LZ 我来改你14号的作业啦！ 求作业~~    也求批改

laneesherry

lyslj001 发表于 2013-8-15 17:50
LZ 我来改你14号的作业啦！ 求作业~~    也求批改

不好意思交迟了，这是14号的作业：


Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
The rules in societies today are too strict for young people.
(50~60分钟 305字)

In today's competitive society, the rules in societies today become more and more strict. Some people may complain that these rules are too strict for young people. However, in my opinion, the rules would never be too strict.

To begin with, the strict rules are a refraction of the reality that young people must be awarded of as soon as possible. Were the rules not so strict, young people could not adapted themselves to the fiery competitions in today's society quickly, which is deadly for their future. The young eagles must be thrown out of the nest by their parents with not full grown wings following the rule of them. The rule might seem strict to the young birds, but they could never learn to fly if they were not exposed to such a dangerous environment, which would lead to an ending of their lives. The sources in the world are limited and the world people lived in is full of competitions. It could be dangerous if young people were not asked to follow the strict rules.

In addition, strict rules mean a strict and ordered world. People may think that the rules are too strict to them when they were young, but after getting used of it, they would find that the rules contributed to a ordered world. Without the rule of competition equally, for example, the world would full of cheating and people would lose trust on others, consequently, leading to a bad world in which people's lives would be much more difficult than today. In that case, the rules that the young followed are not so strict, are they?

To sum up, with the rapid development of science and technology and the increasing requirement to people of today's society, the rules young people are supposed to follow could never be so strict.