LaneeSherry 的作文贴，新人求指导非常感谢！

laneesherry

7 Aug
Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Nowadays it is easier to maintain good health than in the past.
(不限时， 319字)


With the rapid development of science and technology, people now live better lives than ever before. Thus, it's much easier for people to keep health then in the past. The reason is obviously.

First and foremost, the living environment is improved. Nowadays, most people are living in the buildings or villa, which is much tidier and cleaner than the thatched cottage in the past. Mice and other animals that usually carry deadly bacteria such as plague are difficult to be seen in people's home than before, which reduce the risk of getting sick.

In addition, the knowledge of building a strong body is popular today. Plenty of people dead in the past because they did not have enough knowledge about the bacteria and the virus and the reason why people get sick. According a survey conducted by scientists, about 80% of the sicknesses in the past are connected with the bad habits such as not washing hands before having meals and throwing litters everywhere. As this general knowledge is well-known now, it's far difficult for the bacteria and virus to attack people's body.

Last but not the least, medical conditions are much better than before. The number of hospitals is increasing and family doctor is not an unfamiliar word to people living in the modern society. That means people need not walk for a long time to see doctors like they did in the past. As a recent research conducted by a group of professor from a University said, the rate of human's death is the lowest in the human's history, and that the improvement in medical condition contributed much more to the reduction of the rate.

To sum up, thanks to the giant development of medical science and technology as well as the widespread of the knowledge to keep health, we now can safety draw a conclusion that people are easier to maintain a healthy body than before.

懒蜗窝

With the rapid development of science and technology, people now live better lives than ever before. Thus, it's much easier for people to keep health then (than) in the past. The reason is obviously.(adj,obvious)First and foremost, the living environment is improved. Nowadays, most people are living in the buildings or villa,(building 和 villa 最好单复一直，前面有the 后面单数就可以）which is much tidier and cleaner than the thatched cottage in the past. Mice and other animals that usually carry deadly bacteria such as plague are difficult to be seen in people's home than before, which reduce the risk of getting sick.（楼主两个句子都是which的非限制性定语从句，觉得可以小改一下吧~比如第一个，most people are living in much tidier and cleaner conditions like buildings or villa instead of the thatched cottage in the past.)In addition, the knowledge of building a strong body is popular today. (这句话我不太懂，知识很受欢迎？）Plenty of people dead in the past because they did not have enough knowledge about the bacteria and the virus and the reason why people get sick. According a survey conducted by scientists, about 80% of the sicknesses in the past are connected with the bad habits such as not washing hands before having meals and throwing litters everywhere. As this general knowledge is well-known （widely spread 是不是比著名好呢？）now, it's far difficult for the bacteria and virus to attack people's body.Last but not the least, medical conditions are much better than before. The number of hospitals is increasing and （the）family doctor is not an unfamiliar word to people living in the modern society. That means people need not walk for a long time to see doctors like （like是介词，不能加句子，改为as )they did in the past. As a recent research conducted by a group of professor from a University said, the rate of human's death is the lowest in the human's history, and that the improvement in medical condition contributed much more to the reduction of the rate. (and 并列，and 后有that 而前没有呀）To sum up, thanks to the giant development of medical science and technology as well as the widespread of the knowledge to keep health, we now can safety draw a conclusion that people are easier to maintain a healthy body than before.

很荣幸又改楼主的文章 可是我的有点有限呀。 昨天去了TPO小站，那有老师免费给改，楼主可以试一下多方面提高嘛~加油加油！！

laneesherry

懒蜗窝 发表于 2013-8-8 08:41
With the rapid development of science and technology, people now live better lives than ever before. ...

O.O!
谢谢建议！我去那边看下
话说如果直接把好几天的作文拿过去应该没关系……吧？

laneesherry

0807作文修改稿：

With the rapid development of science and technology, people now live better lives than ever before. Thus, it's much easier for people to keep health then (than) in the past. The reason is obvious。 First and foremost, the living environment is improved. Nowadays, most people are living in much tidier and cleaner conditions like buildings or villa instead of the thatched cottage in the past.Mice and other animals that usually carry deadly bacteria such as plague are difficult to be seen in people's home than before, which reduce the risk of getting sick. In addition, the knowledge of building a strong body is popular today. Plenty of people dead in the past because they did not have enough knowledge about the bacteria and the virus and the reason why people get sick. According a survey conducted by scientists, about 80% of the sicknesses in the past are connected with the bad habits such as not washing hands before having meals and throwing litters everywhere. As this general knowledge is widely spread. now, it's far difficult for the bacteria and virus to attack people's body. Last but not the least, medical conditions are much better than before. The number of hospitals is increasing and family doctor is not an unfamiliar word to people living in the modern society. That means people need not walk for a long time to see doctors  as they did in the past. As a recent research conducted by a group of professor from a University said, the rate of human's death is the lowest in the human's history, and that the improvement in medical condition contributed much more to the reduction of the rate. To sum up, thanks to the giant development of medical science and technology as well as the widespread of the knowledge to keep health, we now can safety draw a conclusion that people are easier to maintain a healthy body than before.

jacki1

0806 Integrated Writing：
TPO26
(193字，超时三分钟)

The passage warned us that zebra mussel, a freshwater fish, must be vigilant as its appearance in North America might cause serious problems （什么问题，要具体 fish population）on ecosystem.  However, in the lecture, the professor had different ideas.(个人感觉第一段没有达到预想的效果)

First and foremost, the passage claimed that the widespread of the zebra mussel is difficult to control according to what happened in the past. But the professor in the lecture said that the reason why people cannot stop it is that they didn't have enough knowledge about this species.（如果能多些内容就更好，比如ballast water saltywater 那个例子说一下，因为reading部分讲这块文字特多， 所以要有侧重；）

Secondly, the passage pointed out that the zebra mussel can get used to the new environment quickly, which means their population could increase once they are put into a new place. However, the professor arguing that their natural enemy would soon appear too, and the population would be controlled.（时态用一般现在时就行吧）

Thirdly, the passage said that the increase of the zebra mussel’s population was a threaten（threat） to the local fish because they captured their food. But the professor retorted that it just reduced some kind of fish living in the same water-course with the zebra mussels, and the other fish won't be affected. Thus, the fish's population would not change in total.

最后一段我黏贴一下范文：Finally, zebra mussels would not cause the decline of overall fish population. While zebra mussels would most likely cause the decline of plankton eaters, as the passage suggests, they would also provide nutrients for bottom-feeding fish and eventually cause the population of those fish to increase.（观点内容很具体）

laneesherry

jacki1 发表于 2013-8-8 22:37
0806 Integrated Writing：
TPO26
(193字，超时三分钟)

非常感谢=v=
我会认真修改的！

laneesherry

0808综合 TPO02

In the passage, working in group has many advantages for not only the whole group but also the team members. However, in the lecture, the professor has a different idea and using two examples to opposite it.

Firstly, the passage claim that working in groups can be more efficient because people in the team have different kinds of knowledge to do the things that are difficult for individual and they can discuss before leap, which decrease the rate of walking a wrong way. But the professor said that the efficiency could be decreased according to an experiment, for it could be more difficult for all the people to get an idea together and it is not easy for them to change the direction once they were wrong.

Secondly, the passage said that all the team members could benefit as they can find the suitable work for themselves and have better chance to contribute to the team. Nevertheless, the professor argue that in fact, the result of the experiment showed that the one doing the best is not always get the reward s/he owned and all the team members could be to blame when they get wrong, which means no one would be punished.

laneesherry

终于。。。写完了。。。
这次的作文不是一般地差，那位帮忙改作文的同学真的是非常抱歉。。。

8 Aug「Today」
Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
人们不像以前那样尊重长辈了
（不限时，316字）



With the rapid development of science and technology, people nowadays have a  faster and faster live pace. Some people may think that in today's busy and materialistic society, people are less respected the elder than before. However, this is totally wrong.

The meaning of respecting the elder is changed as people entered a new era of information. In the past, people must obey the elder's orders in their family and people's any querying behaviour to them is unrespectable. It's not an unfamiliar phenomenon that children are punished for their contradictions to their grandfather in old time. Nevertheless, as people's average education level increased, people can talk with the elder equally and they can put forward their own ideas. That doesn't means unrespectable to the elder but the development of the society.

The development society gives more chance for people to respect the elder. People could give better material conditions to the elder. There is no denying that young people are busy for their work and hardly go home to visit their parents and grandparents. But it doesn't means that they do not love them or do not respect them. On the contrary, it is a kind of way to show their love and respect. My uncle is a typical case. He worked hard all day and only went home twice a year. He lived a very ascetic live because he gave most of the money he earned to his parents so that they could buy many things to enjoy a better material condition and a better life. This case is not rare. In fact, lots of people today are showing their respect to the elder in that way.

To sum up, as the society has changed and the things people could give to the elder is much more than before, we can safety draw a conclusion that people are not less respected the elder than before

懒蜗窝

laneesherry 发表于 2013-8-9 02:54
终于。。。写完了。。。
这次的作文不是一般地差，那位帮忙改作文的同学真的是非常抱歉。。。

我还没写呢 我先帮你改 加油！这两天状态好不好呀

jacki1

我看到阅读后很纳闷怎么就2段，然后听力貌似讲了三个方面，所以手足无措不知道怎么写了。不清楚到底该分几个部分。建议：综合就写成三点，因为考官一般按三点给分，写了2点只能得三分之二的分数了。
0808综合 TPO02

In the passage, working in group has many advantages for not only the whole group but also the team members. However, in the lecture, the professor has a different idea and using two examples to opposite it.

Firstly, the passage claim that working in groups can be more efficient because people in the team have different kinds of knowledge to do the things that are difficult for individual and they can discuss before leap, which decrease the rate of walking a wrong way. But the professor said that the efficiency could be decreased according to an experiment, for it could be more difficult for all the people to get an idea together and it is not easy for them to change the direction once they were wrong.

Secondly, the passage said that all the team members could benefit as they can find the suitable work for themselves and have better chance to contribute to the team. Nevertheless, the professor argue that in fact, the result of the experiment showed that the one doing the best is not always get the reward s/he owned and all the team members could be to blame when they get wrong, which means no one would be punished.（基本是根据自己理解写的，但是表述有些简单）
听听力的时候注意关键词，比如本文的on virtually every team, Another finding was, on the other hand,这些key word会引出观点，观点也是在作文中写在句首的。

附上范文

Thelecturer talks about research conducted by a firm that used the group system tohandle their work. He says that the theory stated in the passage was verydifferent and somewhat inaccurate when compared to what happened in reality.  

  

First,some members got free rides. That is, some didn’t work hard but got recognitionfor the success nontheless. This also indicates that people who worked hardwere not given recognition they should have gotten. In other words, theyweren’t given the opportunity to “shine”. This directly contradicts what thepassage indicates.  

  

Second,groups were slow in progress. The passage says that groups are more responsivethan individuals because of the number of people involved and their aggregated resources.However, the speaker talks about how the firm found out that groups were slowerthan individuals in decision making. Groups needed more time for meetings,which are necessary procedures in decision making. This was another place whereexperience contradicted theory.  

  

Third,influential people might emerge and lead the group towards glory or failure. Ifthe influent people are going in the right direction there would be no problem.But in cases where they go in the wrong direction, there is nobody that hasenough influence to counter the decision made. In other words, the group mightturn into a dictatorship, with the influential party as the leader, and mightbecome less flexible in its thinking. They might become one-sided, and thus failto succeed.