4.20一战~作文求狠批~！

viviyl

3.21
Agree or disagree?
Nowadays neighbors depend on each other less than the people in the past.




With the development of our society, people's life is becoming more and more convenient and comfortable. Some people indicate that the science and technology dramatically changed human's life, reducing the distance between people and thing while enlarging the distance between each individual. I quite agree that nowadays people are less likely to depend on each other even in neighborhood than people in the past. Several points in different dimensions will be explained and demonstrated to testify this statement.

At the very beginning, as people's life becomes more convenient, it is easier and faster for modern residents to obtain whatever they want. Once a housewife runs out of some life necessities, she just need call a dime store to ask a courier to deliver what she wants. It seems no need for her to knock at the neighbor's door to ask for a favor. If there is something wrong with the electricity or water, people just call the manage department to ask for a repair. The communication is so developed that people only need to move their fingers to type a string of number without dependent on their neighbors.

In addition, as the pace of the world is becoming faster and faster, it seems that modern people have no time to care about people surrounding them. They only consider themselves and their families. Every day they leave home in the morning and go back home in the evening, hardly do they meet their neighbors. Take my family for example, my family has moved to a new department for five years, however, I have never known the name of the neighbor that lives on the opposite door of my door. It seems ridiculous but actual. Even though the distance in space between my neighborhood and me is only three meters, the distance in mental is far from measure. How indifferent the society is!

Although an old saying goes that better good neighbors near than relations far away, nowadays people are so independent that it seems as if they could live without any neighbors. My grandma always complained about the unfamiliarity between the neighborhood, saying that she really missed the old days when neighbors helped each other and visited each other.

To sum up, basing on the evidences supporting my argument, it is regretful but undoubted that the relationship in the neighborhood is not as tight as that in the past and that neighbors depend on each other less than before.

lihaolan

3.21
Agree or disagree?
Nowadays neighbors depend on each other less than the people in the past.




With the development of our society, people's life is becoming more and more convenient and comfortable. Some people indicate that the science and technology dramatically changed human's life, reducing(narrowing是不是更好点) the distance between people and thing（这里解释下为什么，有点困惑。） while enlarging the distance between each individual. I quite agree that nowadays people are less likely to depend on（推荐个新词lean on） each other even in neighborhood than people in the past. Several points in different dimensions will be explained and demonstrated to testify this statement.（我总觉的这种套话不是很好。可以忽略我。。）

At the very beginning, as people's life becomes more convenient, it is easier and faster for modern residents to obtain whatever they want.（这里补一句邻居的作用因此不是那么重要了，时刻点题） Once a housewife runs out of some life necessities, she just need call a dime store to ask a courier to deliver what she wants. It seems no need for her to knock at the neighbor's door to ask for a favor. If there is something wrong with the electricity or water, people just call the manage department to ask for a repair. The communication is so developed that people only need to move their fingers to type a string of number without dependent（dependence） on their neighbors.

In addition, as the pace of the world is becoming faster and faster（这个表达上一段用过了换一个吧。。）, it seems that（这个也是）modern people have no time to care about people surrounding them. They only consider themselves and their families. Every day they leave home in the morning and go back home in the evening, hardly do they meet their neighbors（可以换成动名词短语。我不知道你这样表达行不行，，因为没有连词）. Take my family for example, my family has moved to a new department for five years, however, I have never known the name of the neighbor that lives on the opposite door of my door. It seems ridiculous but actual. Even though the distance in space between my neighborhood（neighbors）and me is only three meters, the distance in mental is far from measure. How indifferent the society is!（感叹句还是少用，客观陈述事实）

Although an old saying goes that better good neighbors near than relations far away（这句话。。不是句子吧。。。better good?）, nowadays people are so independent thatit seems as if they could live without any neighbors. My grandma always complained about the unfamiliarity between the neighborhood, saying that she really missed the old days when neighbors helped each other and visited each other. (这个例子要论述什么呢。最后可以点下中心)

To sum up, basing on the evidences supporting my argument, it is regretful but undoubted that the relationship in the neighborhood is not as tight as that in the past and that neighbors depend on each other less than before.

语法，用词没有什么问题。就是表达it seems that。。。seems用了太多次了。中心和例子的关系要注意，例子是论据需要论证下中心。

viviyl

3.21
Agree or disagree?
Nowadays neighbors depend on each other less than the people in the past.




With the development of our society, people's life is becoming more and more convenient and comfortable. Some people indicate that the science and technology dramatically changed human's life, reducing(narrowing是不是更好点) the distance between people and thing（这里解释下为什么，有点困惑。） while enlarging the distance between each individual. I quite agree that nowadays people are less likely to depend on（推荐个新词lean on） each other even in neighborhood than people in the past. Several points in different dimensions will be explained and demonstrated to testify this statement.（我总觉的这种套话不是很好。可以忽略我。。）

At the very beginning, as people's life becomes more convenient, it is easier and faster for modern residents to obtain whatever they want.（这里补一句邻居的作用因此不是那么重要了，时刻点题） Once a housewife runs out of some life necessities, she just need call a dime store to ask a courier to deliver what she wants. It seems no need for her to knock at the neighbor's door to ask for a favor. If there is something wrong with the electricity or water, people just call the manage department to ask for a repair. The communication is so developed that people only need to move their fingers to type a string of number without dependent（dependence） on their neighbors.

In addition, as the pace of the world is becoming faster and faster（这个表达上一段用过了换一个吧。。）, it seems that（这个也是）modern people have no time to care about people surrounding them. They only consider themselves and their families. Every day they leave home in the morning and go back home in the evening, hardly do they meet their neighbors（可以换成动名词短语。我不知道你这样表达行不行，，因为没有连词）. Take my family for example, my family has moved to a new department for five years, however, I have never known the name of the neighbor that lives on the opposite door of my door. It seems ridiculous but actual. Even though the distance in space between my neighborhood（neighbors）and me is only three meters, the distance in mental is far from measure. How indifferent the society is!（感叹句还是少用，客观陈述事实）

Although an old saying goes that better good neighbors near than relations far away（这句话。。不是句子吧。。。better good?）, nowadays people are so independent thatit seems as if they could live without any neighbors. My grandma always complained about the unfamiliarity between the neighborhood, saying that she really missed the old days when neighbors helped each other and visited each other. (这个例子要论述什么呢。最后可以点下中心)

To sum up, basing on the evidences supporting my argument, it is regretful but undoubted that the relationship in the neighborhood is not as tight as that in the past and that neighbors depend on each other less than before.

语法，用词没有什么问题。就是表达it seems that。。。seems用了太多次了。中心和例子的关系要注意，例子是论据需要论证下中心。

-- by 会员 lihaolan (2013/3/22 11:39:43)

thanks a lot！
那个people and thing 换成people and substance 可能更好理解吧。我想得是科技的发展拉近了人与物的距离，因为生活便捷了，什么东西都是伸手可得。

viviyl

3.22
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Since people care public recognition more than money, they will work harder to obtain public recognition even though there is no more money given.


Money may be a critical factor to be considered when some people search for jobs. But besides monetary factor, some people put the public recognition on the primary place, working harder for it without any idea of salary or subsidy. So for my part, I totally agree with this statement for following reasons.

To begin with, without strong desire of money or power, people caring public recognition will feel contented and pleased when doing some kind of job such as volunteer work, activity organized by non-profit organization and so on. This kind of job would not bring about money but have people contributed to the society and helped the weak. When I joined a volunteer organization last winter holiday, I participated in a program which was going to a children hospital to take care of ill children. Staying with the children, feeding pills to them and telling stories to amuse them, I felt quite happy and so dedicated, a feeling that I have never experienced by material things.

In addition, sometimes the jobs have nothing to do with money or profit, so people who just work for themselves, for their dreams, or for their hot interests may work much harder and totally concentrate on the jobs. Mother Teresa, for instance, the Nobel peace prize winner in 1979, was a selfless woman who contributed to almost all her life to the poor Indians, never thinking of her own life quality or fortunes. What she obtained is nothing but a high public recognition and respect. Perhaps Mother Teresa longed for nothing but the happiness of all the human beings, but her story definitely told us that something is more important than money in our lives.

Furthermore, to this kind of person, public recognition could bring them more sense of success than money. Regarding money as something out of themselves, they take more consideration to their inner feelings about achievement. Imagine such a case that an athlete trains extremely hard in order to get the first place to show his capability. The reason he works so hard is not that he wants the prize but that the recognition from the public will strong his confidence and pride, which is of great significance to his future career.

Admittedly, some people insist on pursuing a handsome salary, a large apartment or a big fortune, but I admire those who pursue something unrelated to monetary things. This kind of things such as public recognition or self affirmation is more permanent than money or thing.

lihaolan

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Since people care public recognition more than money, they will work harder to obtain public recognition even though there is no more money given.(我那时以为是两个题目。。。。。==他打两行，我觉得应该是并列吧题目。要不然since 后面就是事实了。。。就是要论证人们在乎社会认同，所以有人不为钱工作)


Money may be a critical factor to be considered when some people search for jobs. But besides monetary factor, some people put the public recognition on the primary place, working harder for it without any idea of salary or subsidy. So for my part, I totally agree with this statement for following reasons.

To begin with, without strong desire of money or power, people caring public recognition will feel contented and pleased when doing some kinds of job such as volunteer work, activity organized by non-profit organization and so on. This kind of job would not bring about money but have people contributed to the society and helped the weak（have people done？这种表达是什么意思.）. When I joined a volunteer organization last winter holiday, I participated in a program which was going to a children hospital to take care of ill children(从句语法有问题，which指代program，program was going to。。。。这不对吧。。。。。). Staying with the children, feeding pills to them and telling stories to amuse them, I felt quite happy and so dedicated（feel dedicated 不是很好。）, a feeling that I have never experienced by material things. （强调下社会的认同从例子中。）

In addition, sometimes the jobs have nothing to do with money or profit, so people who just work for themselves, for their dreams, or for their hot interests may work much harder and totally concentrate on the jobs.（例子很好，但是分论点work for dream 和work for social recognition还是有一点距离。） Mother Teresa, for instance, the Nobel peace prize winner in 1979, was（is 吧，她一直是一个无私的人） a selfless woman who contributed to almost all her life to the poor Indians, never thinking of her own life quality or fortunes. What she obtained is nothing but a high public recognition and respect. Perhaps Mother Teresa longed for nothing but（前一句刚用。） the happiness of all the human beings, but（这没有转折关系）her story definitely told us that something is more important than money in our lives.

Furthermore, to this kind of person, public recognition could bring them more sense of success than money. Regarding money as something out of themselves, they take more consideration to their inner feelings about achievement. Imagine such a case that an athlete trains extremely hard in order to get the first place to show his capability. The reason why he works so hard is not that he wants the prize but that the recognition from the public will strong his confidence and pride, which is of great significance to his future career.

Admittedly, some people insist on pursuing a handsome salary, a large apartment or a big fortune, but I admire those who pursue something unrelated to monetary things. This kind of things such as public recognition or self-affirmation is more permanent than money or thing.（结尾最好不要说我赞赏这种人，论证一种客观事实，人们愿意为society recognition 放弃金钱。）

分论点不是很明晰，第一个说社会认同可以带来满足，第二个说钱和工作无关，人们最求理想。第三，可以带来更多满足。我觉得，论点好像有点重复，就是斟酌下！

Not、、but好像用太多了，可以用instead ，rather than。。。

viviyl

3.23 独立
It's more important for government to spend money to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational facilities (such as swimming pool, playgrounds)

When it comes to artistic and cultural projects, many governmental officers go into raptures, talking about the art museums, music performance centers and art galleries as if such projects are the most important thing in the development of a society. But is this really the case? I don’t think so. With regard of the cost of building art projects and the significance of inhabitants’ physical beings, I am on the opponent of this statement. Reasons and examinations will be explored to break down the controversial issue.

To begin with, a wonderful physical body is the foundation of daily life. Regular exercise is necessary to keep your body operating well and reduce possibility of disease infection. Without a healthy body, you are unwilling to think about your mental life and unable to go to the art museums or a music concert. Before my grandpa suffered cancer, he had a lot of interests such as playing music, drawing pictures and so on. Once the cancer cell put him down, he had no choice but lying on bed, leaving musical instrument and brush alone. Nowadays, the healthy problems of inhabitants becomes more and more serious, bring about various kind of illness. In fact, basic infrastructure projects are playing an extremely important role and should be given priority. After this can government consider people's mental establishment.

In addition, compared with building swimming pool or playgrounds, building art museums and music centers is at a higher cost. To build recreational facilities, government just needs to pick a piece of place and purchase some sport equipments. In terms of museums or music centers, however, government should employ someone to operate and administrate them, letting alone the great expense on the construction of a grandiose museum or a dedicate music center. Moreover, unlike enjoying artistic work and listening music, which are expensive interests, swimming or running is so cheap that every citizen can enjoy themselves in swimming pool or on playgrounds. Even some people want to know about something artistic or musical, they can just buy some books on art or CDs, a more cost-effective way to construct their mental lives.

In the end, considering all the factors I have provided, it is not so important for government to spend more money to build art museums and music performance centers. With the money, government can build more recreational facilities which help strengthen people’s physical beings.

lihaolan

3.23 独立
It's more important for government to spend money to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational facilities (such as swimming pool, playgrounds)

When it comes to artistic and cultural projects, many governmental officers go into raptures, talking about the art museums, music performance centers and art galleries as if such projects are the most important thing in the development of a society. But is this really the case? I don’t think so. With regard of the cost of building art projects and the significance of inhabitants’ physical beings, I am on the opponent of this statement. Reasons and examinations will be explored to break down the controversial issue.

To begin with, a wonderful physical body is the foundation of daily life. Regular exercise is necessary to keep your body operating well and reduce possibility of disease infection. Without a healthy body, you are unwilling to（觉得不是很顺。没有健康身体不愿意考虑精神生活。） think about your mental life and unable to go to the art museums or a music concert. Before my grandpa suffered cancer, he had a lot of interests such as playing music, drawing pictures and so on. Once the cancer cell put him down, he had no choice but lying on bed, leaving musical instrument and brush alone. Nowadays, the healthy problems of inhabitants becomes（become） more and more serious, bring about various kind of illness（没有连词不能独立成句，换成bringing）. In fact, basic infrastructure projects are playing an extremely important role and should be given priority. After this can government consider people's mental establishment.（recreational facilities和good health 的关系点明。）

In addition, compared with building swimming pool or playgrounds, building art museums and music centers is at a higher cost. To build recreational facilities, government just needs to pick a piece of place and purchase some pieces of sport equipments(不可数). In terms of museums or music centers, however, government should employ someone to operate and administrate them, letting alone the great expense on the construction of a grandiose museum or a dedicate music center. Moreover, unlike enjoying artistic work and listening music, which are expensive interests, swimming or running is so cheap that every citizen can enjoy themselves in swimming pool or on playgrounds. Even some people want to know about something artistic or musical, they can just buy some books on art or CDs, a more cost-effective way to construct their mental lives.

In the end, considering all the factors I have provided, it is not so important for government to spend more money to build art museums and music performance centers. With the money, government can build more recreational facilities which help strengthen people’s physical beings（well-being）.

第二个理由，和题目不是很对应我觉得，important for government to spend on….

应该论证是不是important.和钱不是很相关。你可以说the benefits brought by art and museum cannot make up the investment.这个论点可能更好点！其他都挺好的

viviyl

3.24 独立
It is important for government to protect wild animals and wilderness areas for future generation.

Since human beings came up on this planet years ago, the ecosystem on the earth has dramatically changed. The rate of extinction of species is roaring and a large number of lands are invaded and occupied. Many biologists and environmental protectors are appealing to protect the dying mild animals and wilderness areas for offerings. Personally, I quite agree with this statement.

To begin with, protecting wild animals is protecting our human beings. It is universally known that every creature on the earth is involved to a long food chain. Although there are large numbers of species in the ecosystem, one or two species may produce effects on humans one day. For example, a kind of plant is exterminated, then the insect which feeds on this plant will die out. As a consequence, the bird feeding on this insect may starve to die. Then the extinction of the bird will affect other animals. Finally, such chain reaction will threaten human's subsistence. Considering the big possibility of extinction of wild animals, we human beings must spare no efforts to protect them.

In addition, besides the food supply, the influence on environment may also be a disaster to humans. As a member of the global ecosystem, each animal plays a certain role in the nature. Take beavers for instance, beavers live near streams and rivers and they block up the streams and rivers with logs or sticks, building dams that slow down the flow of the stream. This behavior creates wetlands, which support a lot variety of life around the river and offer a lot of ground water for our humans to drink. What if the beavers were gone? The ecosystem would be completely different and a lack of a big source of our drinking water. Thus to maintain our living environment, it is of great significance to protect wild animals.

Furthermore, as the population on the earth is increasing rapidly, the space for people's living is more and more limited. Government should take some measures to remit the pressure from narrow substantial space. Apart from constructing more mansions, it is our obligation to protect wilderness areas, not only for ourselves but for our descendants.

In the end, from what I have mentioned above, there is no denying that it is significant for government to protect wild animals and wilderness lands in order to equal the ecosystem for humans' substance and provide future generation with a comfortable living space.

yomina

3.24 独立
It is important for government to protect wild animals and wilderness areas for future generation.

Since human beings came up on this planet years ago, the ecosystem on the earth has dramatically changed. The rate of extinction of species is roaring and a large number of lands are invaded and occupied. Many biologists and environmental protectors are appealing to protect the dying mild animals and wilderness areas for offerings(什么意思？). Personally, I quite agree with this statement.

To begin with, protecting wild animals is protecting our human beings. It is universally known that every creature on the earth is involved to（as） a long food chain. Although there are large numbers of species in the ecosystem, one or two species may produce(不说produce effects） effects on humans one day. For example, a kind of plant is exterminated, then the insect which feeds on this plant will die out. As a consequence, the bird feeding on this insect may starve to die. Then the extinction of the bird will affect other animals. Finally, such chain reaction will threaten human's subsistence. Considering the big（可以换个词） possibility of extinction of wild animals, we human beings must spare no efforts to protect them.

In addition, besides the food supply, the influence on environment may also be a disaster to humans. As a member of the global ecosystem, each animal plays a certain role in the nature. Take beavers for instance, beavers live near streams and rivers and they block up the streams and rivers with logs or sticks, building dams that slow down the flow of the stream. This behavior creates wetlands, which support（s） a lot variety of（重复了） life around the river and offer（s） a lot of ground water for our humans to drink. What if the beavers were gone? The ecosystem would be completely different and a lack of a big source of our drinking water. Thus to maintain our living environment, it is of great significance to protect wild animals.

Furthermore, as the population on the earth is increasing rapidly, the space for people's living is more and more limited. Government should take some measures to remit the pressure from narrow substantial space. Apart from constructing more mansions, it is our obligation to protect wilderness areas, not only for ourselves but for our descendants.

In the end, from what I have mentioned above, there is no denying that it is significant for government to protect wild animals and wilderness lands in order to equal the ecosystem for humans' substance and provide future generation with a comfortable living space.


整体很好，错误不多，用词很多都不错，尤其是举的两个例子很具体。加油！

超级无敌小鹤鹤

yomina 发表于 2013-3-25 11:17
3.24 独立
It is important for government to protect wild animals and wilderness areas for future gen ...

以后直接回复到你要改的那个同学的帖子里好了，，为了版面整洁，不要开新帖〜〜〜那个帖子帮你删掉了哈