4.20一战~作文求狠批~！

yomina

超级无敌小鹤鹤 发表于 2013-3-25 11:21
以后直接回复到你要改的那个同学的帖子里好了，，为了版面整洁，不要开新帖〜〜〜那个帖子帮你删掉了哈 ...

谢谢！可能刚改版不知道怎么发到版里了~~~谢谢小鹤鹤

viviyl

3.25
Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.

In the rapidly developing society, people long for success. They chase for handsome salary, big department, and high status. Sometimes people are too hurried to wait a minute to think about themselves on the way to pursue success. Is patience really a bad strategy? I don't think so. No matter what people do, it is necessary to keep patient in order to have enough time to make a sufficient preparation and take a roundly consideration.

To begin with, before people start to take action, they ought to think twice or more, making a detailed plan and considering all possible obstacles. In this condition, patience exerts its function. Without patience, people may just have the goal or the result in their eyes while in regardless of the method and the process. Take me for an example, when I prepared for my Gmat exam, I desired a high score and wanted to success as soon as possible. Then I just did as many exercise problems as I could without a bit patience to think about how to change my thinking pattern and how to improve my capability. As a result, I failed in my first test. After that, I hided my ardent desire of success and focused myself on the process which is more important than the end.

In addition, only patience can equip people with character of persistence, a critical factor to achieve accomplishments. Without patience, people are easy to give up when they encounter difficulties. If athletes lack patience, they could not keep hard training for four years after which they could compete with others for golden metals. If Madame Curie was devoid of patience, she would not have stayed in lab for decades to discover the radio-active element radium. Such cases are usual. If a person wants to succeed, he or she must keeps patient and never gives up.

Admittedly, sometimes we should grasp the chance and take action now without any hesitation. Under most situations, however, we have to harbor patience to wait for a good chance. Not every stars in Hollywood has been popular since they entered the acting field, most of them have to work hard as an unnoticed role at the beginning, waiting a time to make a great coup. If they had no patience, how could they insist in acting until they became famous?

In the end, basing on the evidenced supporting my argument, there is no denying that patience can usually be a good strategy, with which people are able to make full preparation and arrive at the target step by step.

lihaolan

3.25
Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.

In the rapidly developing society, people long for success. They chase for handsome salary, big department, and high status. Sometimes people are too hurried to wait a minute to think about themselves on the way to pursue success. Is patience really a bad strategy? I don't think so. No matter what people do, it is necessary to keep patient in order to have enough time to make a sufficient preparation and take a roundly consideration.

To begin with, before people start to take action, they ought to think twice or more, making a detailed plan and considering all possible obstacles. In this condition, patience exerts its function. Without patience, people may just have the goal or the result in their eyes while in regardless of the method and the process. Take me for an example, when I prepared for my Gmat(GMAT) exam, I desired a high score and wanted to success as soon as possible. Then I just did as many exercise problems as I could without a bit patience to think about how to change my thinking pattern and how to improve my capability. As a result, I failed in my first test. After that, I hided my ardent desire of success and focused myself on the process which is more important than the end.最后可以说下结果。

In addition, only patience can equip people with character of persistence, a critical factor to achieve accomplishments（make an accomplishment比较顺好像）. Without patience（重复了，可以being scarce of）, people are easy to give up when they encounter difficulties. If athletes lack patience, they could not keep hard training for four years after which they could compete with others for golden metals. If Madame Curie was devoid of patience, she would not have stayed in lab for decades to discover the radio-active element radium. Such cases are usual（not uncommon）. If a person wants to succeed, he or she must keeps（keep）patient and never gives（前面有must应该连到这后面吧。） up.

Admittedly, sometimes we should grasp the chance and take action now without any hesitation. Under most situations, however, we have to harbor patience to wait for a good chance. Not every stars in Hollywood has been popular since they entered the acting field, most of them have to work hard as an unnoticed role at the beginning, waiting a time to make a great coup. If they had no patience, how could they insist in acting until they became famous?

In the end, basing on the evidenced（evidences） supporting my argument, there is no denying that patience can usually be a good strategy, with which people are able to make full preparation and arrive at the target step by step.
文章挺好的，用词什么例子也挺好的。
个人觉得文章更多的要论证下面对机会时候要patient，因为毕竟题目有后半句take action now对比。
个人见解加油。

viviyl

3.26
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Students can get as many benefits from organization or club activities as they can get from their academic studies.

Because of education reformation, school lives of students are more and more abundant. In addition to academic studies, organization and club activities play an important role in their school life. Sometimes they can even get as many benefits from extracurricular activities as from academic studies. Several reasons are provided to demonstrate the statement.

First of all, taking part in organization or club activities, students could widen their social circles and make lots of new friends. An association is like a small society, in which members come from different colleges and have different experiences. Communicating with various kinds of students, one’s social ability will be improved. There are many kinds of organizations in school such as dance association, film club, chess association and so on. No matter what kind of clubs students join in, they will meet a pretty number of schoolmates who have the same interests as you have. When I was a freshman, for instance, I joined our school's film club, in which I met my best friend in my college. I always shared feeling about films as soon as I watched a new movie. This precious friendship is the largest benefit I have got from extracurricular activities.

Moreover, students will know about something that may not be taught in classroom if participating in club activities. In the class, teachers only tell you knowledge from book which is so theoretical that you may not understand it totally. In an organization, however, you are able to test your learned theories by experiments, connecting your knowledge with practice perfectly. There is a lawyer association in my college in which some students major in law cognize how lawyers work and what characteristics are necessary to be a good lawyer.

Frankly, as students, it is our duty to accomplish studies and get full credits. In academic studies, we accept professional and systematical train which is foundation of our school life. But only focus yourself on academic study, you will lose a lot of fun in university.

To conclude, from the discussion above, organization or club activities are as beneficial as academic studies to students. The former enrich your interests and enhance your leaning ability while the latter make you professional. Both of them are necessary to every student's school life.

yyjfantasy

3.26
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Students can get as many benefits from organization or club activities as theycan get from their academic studies.

Because of education reformation, school lives(life) of students are more and moreabundant. In addition to academic studies, organization and club activitiesplay an important role in their school life. Sometimes they can even get asmany benefits from extracurricular activities as from academic studies. Severalreasons are provided to demonstrate the statement.

First of all, taking part in organization or club activities, students could(can) widentheir social circles and make lots of new friends. An association is like asmall society, in which members come from different colleges and have differentexperiences. Communicating with various kinds of students, one’s social abilitywill be improved. There are many kinds of organizations in school such as danceassociation, film club, chess association and so on. No matter what kind ofclubs students join in, they will meet a pretty number of schoolmates who havethe same interests as you(theythemselves) have. When I was a freshman, forinstance, I joined our school's film club, in which I met my best friend in mycollege. I always shared feeling about films as soon as I watched a new movie(with him). Thisprecious friendship is the largest benefit I have got from extracurricularactivities.（感觉例子结束的有点仓促，可以再具体有说服力一点~）

Moreover, students will know about something that may not be taught inclassroom if participating in club activities. In the class, teachers only tellyou knowledge from book which is so theoretical that you may not understand ittotally. In an organization, however, you are able to test your learned theoriesby experiments, connecting your knowledge with practice perfectly. There is alawyer association in my college in which some students major in law cognizehow lawyers work and what characteristics are necessary to be a good lawyer.

Frankly, as students, it is our duty to accomplish studies and get fullcredits. In academic studies, we accept professional and systematical trainwhich is （the）foundation of our school life.But only focus yourself on academic study, you will lose a lot of fun inuniversity.

To conclude, from the discussion above, organization or club activities are asbeneficial as academic studies to students. The former enrich your interests and enhance your leaningability while the latter make you professional. Both of them arenecessary to every student's school life.

语法和用词都很好，能看出vivi替换同义词用得很顺手~。不过，内容上，每个分论点之间没什么逻辑联系。并且例证也显得单薄，总是一句带过~~总体来讲功底还是不错~注意充实内容~~加油！

viviyl

3.27
The parents spend too much time on determining future things of children. Children can make choices by their own.

It is true that parents are the first teacher in children's life. They teach children how to behave right, tell children why the earth runs around the sun, and company with children when facing difficulties. When children grow up, however, some parents still spend much time on their kids, making decisions for them and even determining futures for them. I don't think this kind of behavior is good to children and parents. As the age goes, children have independent judgments and they can make choices by themselves.

To begin with, if parents care much about their children and do everything for them, children may become over-dependent and even unable to establish themselves on the society in the future. Children indeed need parents to instruct them and help them at the first stage of life. When children grow up, it is time for them to cultivate matured thinking pattern and valuable powerful of observation. If parents keep determining everything for them, hardly will they equip themselves with ability of independent judgment. One of my roommates, for instance, a girl has been spoiled by her parents, failed to find a good job for herself because of insufficiency of independent views. Thus it is significant to let children make choice by their own.

In addition, children may feel stressful and restricted if parents determine future things for them. At times, parents just impose their own dreams upon their children. Most of the dreams are not what children really long for. Consequently, the stronger parents push, the more children resist. Instead, as children mature, it is wisdom to let them select future ways by their own.

Actually, the older children are, the more they have experienced. With more knowledge and experience, children can observe matters more carefully, distinguish good and evil and make a appropriate selection for themselves. As this phase, what parents should do is not to determine things but give some suggestions. Parents ought to be confident with their children and let them go.

To sum up, without awareness of children's capability some parent have over controlled their kids. In fact, children are able to make choice by their own. Parents just open their arms, then they will find how independent and strong their children are.

咩咩糖公主

3.27
The parents spend too much time on determining future things of children. Children can make choices by their own.

It is true that parents are the first teacher(teachers) in children's life. They teach children how to behave right, tell children why the earth runs around the sun, and company with(company做陪伴一般都是动词，accompany) children when facing(这个facing的主语应该是children,但是这里整句的主语都是the parents） difficulties. When children grow up, however, some parents still spend much time on their kids, making decisions for them and even determining futures for them. I don't think this kind of behavior is good to children and parents. As the age goes, children have independent judgments and they can make choices by themselves.

To begin with, if parents care too much about their children and do everything for them, children may become over-dependent and even unable to establish themselves on(in) the society in the future. Children indeed need parents to instruct them and help them at the first stage of life. Nevertheless, When children grow up, it is time for them to cultivate matured(mature) thinking pattern and valuable powerful of observation???. If parents keep determining everything for them, hardly will they equip themselves with ability of independent judgment. One of my roommates, for instance, a girl has been(去掉，或者前面加who) spoiled by her parents, failed to find a good job for herself because of insufficiency of independent views. Thus it is significant to let children make choices by their own.

In addition, children may feel stressful and restricted if parents determine future things for them. At times, parents just impose their own dreams upon their children这个论点好. Most of the dreams are not what children really long for. Consequently, the stronger(harder) parents push, the more children resist. Instead, as children mature, it is wisdom(wise) to let them select future ways(感觉有点chinglish..) by their own(题目中的词，替换一个呗）

Actually, the older children are, the more they have experienced. With more knowledge and experience, children can observe matters more carefully, distinguish good and evil and make a(an） appropriate selection for themselves. As(At) this phase, what parents should（had better） do is not to determine things but give(offer,provide, afford) some suggestions. Parents ought to be confident with their children and let them go.

To sum up, without awareness of children's capability some parent have over controlled their kids. In fact, children are able to make choices by their own. 加上As long as Parents just open their arms,  they will find how independent and strong their children are.
论点什么的都挺好的，逻辑清晰，就是语法错误多了点，词汇的替换要是更丰富一点就好啦~~（当然 比我还是好多了） 加油加油~一生悬命~

viviyl

3.28
With the huge development of our society, the standard of people's life has been dramatically improved since fifty years ago. Some people claim that because of the progress in the quality of modern life, it is much easier for a family to raise one child or even more. Is this really the case? From either material or psychological perspective, I do not agree with this statement instead of insisting that it is more difficult for parents to raise and instruct their children than before to some extent.

To begin with, as the government has exerted the policy of educational reformation, claiming that students need not only to be good at study, but also to develop full personality. As parents, who wish their children will have a brilliant future, spare no effect to help school cultivate their children, taking them to various kinds of interesting classes and sports clubs. Letting alone a large sum of expense on the extra-curricular activities, parents have to spend a lot of time on considering whether their children make any progress when participating in such abundant classes.

In addition, since the conception of globalize has exerted its intense effects on almost every nation in the world, an increasing number of trendy and exotic things and perspectives are rushing into the mind of people, especially the young. As a consequence, children, who are heavily influenced by the foreign cultures, become harder to be controlled. When I was in my adolescence, I often quarreled with my parents for their judgment on my clothing, speaking and behavior. At that time, they found that they were no longer the most knowledgeable people in my eyes and they felt very difficult to enter my mind.

Of course, some opponents may assert that in the past, the life of people is so tough that raising a child is not an easy matter while nowadays life change and parents need not consider monetary things. Nevertheless, parents just need to resolve the problem of food supply in the past while nowadays they have to care about the quality of children's life involving the education and psychology.

To sum up, considering all the factors supporting my argument, I definitely hold that it does not become easier but harder for parents to raise children today than it was fifty years ago.

咩咩糖公主

3.28
With the huge(感觉这个搭配有点奇怪。。一般都是rapid吧） development of our society, the standard of people's life has been dramatically improved since fifty years ago. Some people claim that because of the progress in the quality of modern life, it is much easier for a family to raise one child or even more. Is this really the case? From either material or psychological perspective, I do not agree with this statement. instead of insisting (这句话句意不清了，改为Instead, I insist)that it is more difficult for parents to raise and instruct their children than before to some extent.

To begin with, as the government has exerted the policy of educational reformation, claiming that students need not only to be good at study, but also to develop full personality. As parents, who wish their children will have a brilliant future, spare no effect to (我怎么总是不记得用这个词组。。）help school cultivate their children, taking them to various kinds of interesting classes（一点也不interesting= =。。兴趣班是interest classes吧） and sports clubs. Letting alone a large sum of expense on the extra-curricular activities, parents have to spend a lot of time on considering whether their children make any progress when participating in such abundant classes（不能这么搭配吧。。）.

In addition, since the conception of globalize（globalization) has exerted its intense effects on almost every nation in the world, an increasing number of trendy and exotic things and perspectives are rushing into the mind of people, especially the young. As a consequence, children, who are heavily influenced by the foreign cultures, become harder to be controlled. When I was in my adolescence, I often quarreled with my parents for their judgment on my clothing, speaking and behavior. At that time, they found that they were no longer the most knowledgeable people in my eyes and they felt (difficult的主语不对，不是they而是形式主语it）very difficult to enter my mind.

Of course, some opponents may assert that in the past, the life of people is（was） so tough that raising a child is not an easy matter while nowadays life change(changes） and parents need not consider monetary things. Nevertheless, parents just need to resolve the problem of food supply in the past while nowadays they have to care about the quality of children's life involving the education and psychology.

To sum up, considering all the factors supporting my argument, I definitely hold that it does not become easier but harder for parents to raise children today than it was fifty years ago.

viviyl

3.29
When it comes to how many days people work for in a week can make them feel more enjoyable, some workers hold that the fewer the better. Is it more enjoyable to work long hours for three days in a week than to work shorter hours for five days in a week? In my opinion, the answer is no. Several evidences will be offered to support my argument.

To begin with, the per-day working time in a week of three weekdays is too long for employees to undergo. Suppose that the total working time is thirty-five hours, so workers have to stay in workplace for about twelve hours per day for three days in a week. In other situation, however, workers just need to work for seven hours per day. Compared with seven hours working time, twelve hours per day is much longer that workers may hardly keep high efficiency and productivity. In old days, workers in factories always worked for twelve or more hours on the assembling line. Capitalists, with no idea of the physical and mental being of workers, treated them as machines. As a result, these active "machine" are out of use because of the excessive mission. On the contrary, working shorter hours such as seven hours is much more suitable for the nature of the human beings. This appropriate period is not long enough for people to get tired and boring or to reduce their productivity, while proposing employees to accomplish their tasks earlier before the deadline.

Of course, some opponents may claim that working hours for three days means four-day holiday, during which they can travel to some other cities to relax themselves or spend more time with their families. After a four-day holiday, however, it is impossible for employees to immediately adapt to the tense and serious working environment. Data from a scientific research have shown that it usually takes one or two days for employees to adjust themselves to the formal work after a holiday. That's why Monday is always the lowest efficient day in a week. In other case, working for five days and breaking two days, people will feel better and more flexible. In a two-day weekend, people can do some exercises to release pressure such as hiking, watching a movie or going to a music concert. They can even spend a whole day having a picnic outside with their children. These things are more comfortable and much easier than an arduous and long way travelling.

In the end, taking the physical being and ability of adjustment into consideration, I am definitely a proponent of working shorter hours for five days in a week is a better choice.