新加入的童鞋。。。求带。。。

tsyxyss

The parents spend too much time ondetermining future things of children. children can make choices by their own. 5,1 独立

Nowadays, there are a burgeoning number ofpeople concerning about the family education problem whether our parents spendtoo much time on determining future things of children. As always, there is asolid body of opinion that parents should determine future things of children,since they can hardly tell the right or not. On the contrary, some criticizethat our children lose the liberty to choose their own life due to theirparents' determination. I, given the chance, prefer to endorse that our parentsshould not restrain children's liberty to determine their own future things.

To begin with, one obstacle over controlour children's own future things may lead to is that our children may lose allkinds of cherished hobbies, causing them, especially our teenagers inadolescence, becoming indifferent and bored with everything. Most parentscompel our children to give up their hobbies and convert all of their energy totheir study for the sake of utilitarian purpose, because currently individualcan hardly find a job without excellent performance and an awesome diploma inthis competitive society. Unfortunately, their determination destructs theirchildren's hobbies, which may give them a new life outside their study, relaxthemselves and refresh their mind after a day's hard work. Those interests caninspire our children's mind and moderately stimulate their passion to study,which can prompt our children's study in return.

Aside from ruined hobbies, psychologicalproblems become another significantly detrimental factor because of too muchdetermination of our children's future things. Parents' deprivation ofchildren's privilege to choose their future career and their interest may makethem upset and depress their motivation to study while what our children can dois forever listening parents' cliché introduction. Under such circumstances,most children become more and more unsociable and eccentric. Gradually, theyget mental disease and become indifferent with everything. What is worse, somemay suicide to express their protestation that children should have their ownfreedom.

Last but not the least, extraordinary workcan only be finished under the circumstance that one is keen on the job or thework. In most situations, our children who are determined by their parents canhardly have excellent performance, because the job their parents chose is whatthey hate most. Without enthusiasm, how can one have an exceptional work in thefuture? To some extent, the parents' determination may stifle our genius whocan have a splendid achievement in the future.  

All in all, from the reason listed above,we can safely conclude that the parents should not spend too much time ondetermining future things of children.

SMS

tsyxyss 发表于 2013-5-1 11:49
The parents spend too much time ondetermining future things of children. children can make choices b ...

The parents spend too much time ondetermining future things of children. children can make choices by their own. 5,1 独立

Nowadays, there are a burgeoning number of people concerning about the family education problem whether our parents spend too much time on determining future things of children. As always, there is a solid body of opinion that parents should determine future things of children, since they can hardly tell the right or not. On the contrary, some criticize that our children lose the liberty to choose their own life due to their parents' determination. I, given the chance, prefer to endorse that our parents should not restrain children's liberty to determine their own future things.

To begin with, one obstacle over control (overcontroling) our children's own future things may lead to is that our children may lose all kinds of cherished hobbies, causing them, especially our teenagers in adolescence, becoming indifferent and bored with everything. Most parents compel our children to give up their hobbies and convert all of their energy to their study for the sake of utilitarian purpose, because currently individuall (individual) can hardly find a job without excellent performance and an awesome diploma in this competitive society. Unfortunately, their determination destructs their children's hobbies, which may give them a new life outside their study, relax themselves and refresh their mind after a day's hard work. Those interests can inspire our children's mind and moderately stimulate their passion to study, which can prompt our children's study in return(这个是不是interests太远了？).

Aside from ruined hobbies, psychological problems become another significantly detrimental factor because of too much determination of our children's future things. Parents' deprivation of children's privilege to choose their future career and their interest may make them upset and depress their motivation to study while what our children can do is forever listening parents' cliché introduction. Under such circumstances, most children become more and more unsociable and eccentric. Gradually, they get mental disease and become indifferent with everything. What is worse, some may suicide to express their protestation that children should have their own freedom.

Last but not the least, extraordinary work can only be finished under the circumstance that one is keen on the job or the work. In most situations, our children who are determined by their parents can hardly have excellent performance, because the job their parents chose is what they hate most. Without enthusiasm, how can one have an exceptional work in the future? To some extent, the parents' determination may stifle our genius who can have a splendid achievement in the future.  

All in all, from the reason listed above, we can safely conclude that the parents should not spend too much time on determining future things of children.

1.      用词很丰富

2.      语言流畅

3.      结构很清楚

我只看出几个小问题，或者有一个还不是什么问题。

请教楼主怎么练习作文的？要背诵很多文章和句子马？

我大概和楼主同时期加入小分队的，但是好像您坚持的很好，我后来觉得自己太差，打着积累单词的名义好长时间没练习作文了，现在回来，楼主还在，可我好像进步也不大。真心请教您是怎么联系作文的？

tsyxyss

SMS 发表于 2013-5-4 20:39
The parents spend too much time ondetermining future things of children. children can make choices  ...

其实，我作文也好差的，一战才21分。我只能说多练习吧……可以去无老师巨细堂看看，好好品味下TPO阅读，那些都很经典的。

tsyxyss

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
The rules that the whole society today expect young people to followare too strict.5,12

Currently, people are forever talking aboutthe problem of youth. The world is full of the criticism of adolescentegocentrism, students' addiction of internet games, the decorated pendants on teenagers’neck, etc. However, I, given the chance, prefer to endorse that those are notour youth's fault. It is our society that expects young people too much.

To begin with, I argue that our societyshould not restrict young people's liberty. They have their own choices.Actually, what they desire is a little more free time to relax, since they aretoo tired in this stressful and mundane world, not like our parents thoughtthey are always easy. We are now living in an age without previous humanexperience that could be refer to. Living in such a fast-changing would not becomfortable and easy at all; as everything keep changing, our youth have tomove fast in order to catch up with the majority. Our youth no longer have astable and care free life like the previous generations but have to learn asecond language for the sake of a handsome salary, or read a lot in order toget informed. Our youth is just looking forward to a free day to relax theirstressful body. Unfortunately, what they get after a few minutes of relaxationis strict criticism and interminably cliché instruction. Can they have a freeday jumping outside the monotonous and stressful life?

Aside from the restriction of youngpeople's liberty, our society should not confine our teenagers to expressthemselves and to make them stand out. When I was a teenager, I was young anduncertain——that I was new boy in high school, and I would have been verypleased to be regard as something so interesting as a problem. I was eager towear strange clothes and a number of pendants, which was unallowed in our highschool at that time, in order to attract others' eyeballs. For one thing, beinga problem gives you identity, and that is one of the things the young arebusily engaged in seeking.

I find young people exciting. They have anair of freedom, and they have not a dreary commitment to mean ambitions or loveof comfort. They are not anxious social climbers, and they have no devotion tomaterial things. All this seems to me to link them with life, and the originsof things.  It is as if they were, insome sense, cosmic things in violent and lovely contrast with our suburbancreatures. What I am eager to claim is that why our society has to set a lot ofrule to make our innocent teenagers become those dreary elders? I believe thatour youth will be better just like twittering birds in the forest, if the worlddo not have those complicated rules to restrain them.

Our teenagers may be ill-mannered andunscrupulous, but I do not turn for protection to dreary clichés about respectfor elders and their rules as the reason listed above. The rules that the wholesociety today expect young people to follow are too strict.

anafkn

tsyxyss 发表于 2013-5-12 11:26
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
The rules that the whole society  ...

Independent Writing修改from anafkn：
第一次在CD里混，打扰了。如有问题，求赐教。
谢谢
又及:高亮表赞，蓝色建议，红色修改（不过回复好像经常把格式消掉了啊~~~）

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
The rules that the whole society today expect young people to follow are too strict.

Currently, people are forever talking about the problem ofyouth. The world is full of the criticism of adolescent egocentrism, students'addiction of internet games, the decorated pendants on teenagers’ neck, etc.However, I, given the chance, prefer to endorse that those are not our(we “不是我们年轻人的错”,人称并列，不过看后面好像都是用our"我们的年轻人"，大概也可以的吧), youth's fault. It is our society that expects young people too much.

To begin with, I argue(其实我是第一次看见I后面跟argue……think, 或者insist？) that our society should not restrict young people's liberty. Theyhave their own choices. Actually, what they desire is a little more free timeto relax, since they are too tired in this stressful and mundane（世俗的，平凡的？似乎跟stressful不太搭，） world, not like our parents thought they arealways easy（contradictory to what our parents conceive）.We are now living in an age without previous human experience that could be refer to. Living in such a fast-changing (world) would not be comfortable and easy at all; aseverything keep(keeps) changing, our youth haveto move fast in order to catch up withthe majority. Our youth no longer have a stable and carefree life like the previous generations but have to learn a secondlanguage for the sake of a handsome salary or read a lot in order to get informed（get informed?被通知？哎……木有看懂）. Our youth is just looking forwardto a free day to relax their stressful body. Unfortunately, what they get aftera few minutes of relaxation is the strictcriticisms and interminably cliché instruction. Can they have a free dayjumping outside the monotonous and stressful life?

Aside from the restriction of young people's liberty, our society should notconfine our teenagers to expressing（confine sth to sth） themselvesand to make(making) them stand out. When I was ateenager, I was young and uncertain——that I was a new boy in high school (木有看懂), and I would have been(would have been 表虚拟语气，所以是“我本应当很高兴能像问题一样被视为有趣”？) very pleased to beregarded as something so interesting as aproblem. I was eager to wear strange clothes and a number of pendants, which was unallowed(not allowed/banned) in our high schoolat that time, in order(虽然总是删啊删，很不好意思，但是……不觉得很罗嗦吗)to attract others' eyeballs. For one thing, being aproblem gives you identity, and that is one of the things（that is exactly what） theyoung are busily engaged in(“从事于”建议删去) seeking.

I find young people exciting. They have an air of freedom, and they have not（do not have） a dreary commitment to（they never lose the commitment to） meanambitions or love of comfort. They are not anxious social climbers, and theyhave no devotion to material things(material wants怎么样，物质需求). All this seems tome to link them with life, and the origins ofthings（我真的……木有看懂）.  It is as if they were, in some sense, cosmic things in violent and lovely contrastwith our suburban creatures（懂，不明觉厉）. What I am eager toclaim is that why our society has to set a lot of rulesto make our innocent teenagers become those dreary elders? I believe that ouryouth will be better just like twittering birds in the forest, if the world does not have those complicated rules to restrain them.

Our teenagers may be ill-mannered and unscrupulous (一查字典：“木有节操的” *^◎^*), but I do not turn for protection to dreary clichés about respect forelders and their rules as the reason listed above. The rules that the whole societytoday expect young people to follow are too strict.

字数膜拜
有很多句子的意思很美，非常美，句式或者写法换一换就是高亮
总论点：rules too strict；分论点：1. rules限制了young liberty;2. confine expressing(但是例子赶脚小奇怪)；3. young is better to live freely.逻辑觉得不是很强。
打扰了，谢谢

perfectends

anafkn 发表于 2013-5-13 13:28
Independent Writing修改from anafkn：
第一次在CD里混，打扰了。如有问题，求赐教。
谢谢

兄弟颜色咋整的？

anafkn

perfectends 发表于 2013-5-14 09:01
兄弟颜色咋整的？

回复的框的右上角有一个“高级模式”，用里面的各种小标记可以像word一样加颜色和高亮哦~~~~~^0^V

perfectends

anafkn 发表于 2013-5-14 09:23
回复的框的右上角有一个“高级模式”，用里面的各种小标记可以像word一样加颜色和高亮哦~~~~~^0^V ...

谢谢！唉，昨儿占座占晚了，没赶上分组~

tsyxyss

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
People who have developed many different kinds of skills are moresuccessful than people who focus on only one skill. 5.19

Nowadays, in this information explosionage, there are a burgeoning number of people concerning about whether peopleshould develop many skills or focus on one skill in order to achieve success.As always, there is a solid body of opinion that one has such a short life thatone cannot perform well in every part. On the other hand, some may argue theage need more tales who have skills in a wide range of fields. I, given thechance, prefer to endorse that those who have developed many skills are moresuccessful in this age.

To begin with, high-standards companieshave a tendency to select people who have different skills. Currently, nothingis impossible to turn back the tide of globalization, not only do we have moreand more multinational corporations but also our domesticated companies have tocommunicate more frequently with foreign companies in order to get updatedtechnology. Employers are desired to get tales who are good at both their majorknowledge and foreign language. Unfortunately, that is still not enough. Inthis information explosion time, everything keeps changing so fast that ouremployees will not be recruited if he know nothing about the computer— the mostimportant and convenient medium to learn the world. High-standards companiesalso want talents who have good representation skill, the creative ability, thegood handwriting, etc. Anyway, the more skills one has, the more chance onewill be recruited.

Moreover, to satisfy the division of laborin society. as an employee, one has more choices when applying for a job. Inour country, our graduate students are facing a problem to find a job. Ourcompanies are always disappointed about our graduate students who cannotsatisfy their standard, while our students are forever complaining their salaryis too low. One way to cope with the problem is to develop more skills. If youhave adequate skills, as a employee, you can always find a satisfying job inthe talent market. I mean, one can has more choices if he masters many skills.There must be some place suiting for him and he definitely will satisfy one ofcompanies.

Last but not the least, the more skillsoften represents the better learning ability. We are now undergoing an age ofrevolution without any previous human experience that we can refer to. In thisever-changing world, people need to keep learning in order to catch up with themajority. And the more skills often mean one has better learning capability.They have better ways to learn something efficiently, know how to save their invaluabletime, have better comprehension ability. There is no doubt that those abilitiescan help one become successful.

All in all, from the reason listed above,we can safely conclude that people who have developed many different kinds ofskills are more successful than people who focus on only one skill.

minnowbunny

Hello~队长让我们5.19独立互改呀~你写的已经那么好了，我简单改改贴在下面喽~有空记得帮我看看，但不要见笑……