新加入的童鞋。。。求带。。。

Tanyar

2.3 独立

Currently, telecommuting becomes more and more common in this fast-changing world although modern attitudes towards telecommuting range from infinitely impressed to thoroughly disgusted. As always, there is a solid body of the opinion that telecommuting is much more comfortable and convenient. One has no worry about traffic jams and is able to work wherever (whenever) one wants at home. On the other hand, a variety of people advocate working in the office is better because of better facilities and environment. I, given the chance, prefer to endorse that working in the office is better than telecommuting.

To begin with, there is no doubt to say that one can have better facilities and equipment in the office, which is beyond the reach of telecommuters. It is vital to have advanced equipment in order to complete assignments more efficiently. In other words, one can concentrate on his work with advanced equipment rather than waste a large amount of time to cope with the equipment’s' problems. In addition, sometimes worker in some specific field, especially experimental science, cannot work at home just by using computers or telephones. They need experimental devices, which are often so expensive that few people are willing to spend their money on them to just work at home. Also, dangerous seems working at home for the sake of a little convenience.

To begin with, there is no doubt that we can enjoy better facilities and equipment in the office, which is beyond the reach of telecommuters. Advanced equipment is essential for employees to concentrate on their work rather than waste time and thus complete assignments more efficiently. In addition, sometimes workers, especially for those science researchers, cannot work at home just by computers or telephones. They need, for example, experimental devices, which are often so expensive that few people can afford them, let alone the potential danger they have to face in the process of experiment.

Aside from advanced equipment in the office, the easy access to cooperate with others is another crucial factor that determines working in the office is better than telecommuting. (to demonstrate the superiority of working in the office). Dealing with all kinds of assignments, one will definitely confront numerous problems that cannot be simply solved by individual. Namely, a lot of tough difficulties meeting (met) in the work have to be solved in team work. One will be able to talk and cooperate with each other conveniently to deal with a problem in the office. Quite comfortable and convenient as telecommuting is, it is not seemly easy to communicate with each other with the computer or the cell phone when one is stuck by a problem that has to be solved immediately.

Admittedly, working at home by using computers and telephones is so beneficial and comfortable that everyone dreams about it. Under the drowsy sunshine, one can ease into a workday in a pair of fuzzy slippers, avoiding the time and cost involved in commuting and presumably having a more flexible schedule and a better work-life balance. Beneficial seems telecommuting, however, according to a recent research, those who works at home are more likely to work overtime, an additional 5 to 7 hours on top of the standard 40. Using computers and telephones to work at home actually is not an easy work as one might consider. They do not know when to stop work since they have already regarded the home as work place.

All in all, as the reasons listed above, we can safely concluded that working in the office is better than working at home using computers or telephones.

没有什么语法错误，内容详实，尤其是有细节描写。结尾可以再加一句升华，而其他段落论述得则有点啰嗦，个人觉得，虽然字数多是个得分亮点，但是不必要的赘述可能反而会使考官对文章打折扣。
根据你的意思改了第二段，只略微变动了句式。
个人意见，仅供参考^_^

tsyxyss

4 February
Independent Writing:
1.When you are assigned to finish writing about an importantpresentation in a month,which way do you prefer?
A.To start working on it right away.
B.Wait until you have a good idea about it.

Nowadays, with the technology becoming moreand more sophisticated, the tempo of our life quickens to great extent.Regarding the problem listed above, as always, there is a solid body of opinionthat we should  start working on it rightaway, since we have to move fast in order to catch up the majority in this  fast-changing world. On the other hand, somepeople may argue that wait until you have a good idea about it for the sake ofthe good quality. I, given the chance, prefer to endorse that I would work onit right away.

To begin with, working fast can leave memore sufficient time to do other meaningful things, which can refresh my mindand equip my mind with knowledge. In this modern world, everyone is alwaysworking for the sake of utilitarian purposes. But it is vital to get a lifeoutside your work you are bored with, preventing you biding your time in yourstressful and mundane work forever. If I finish my assignment in advance, I canspend my time on all sorts of books, which will be able to not only broaden myknowledge level but also leave a positive mind to view everything. It is thatbook that reminds me that tragedy is not always removed far from comedy, then Inever get a lop-sided view of the thing. After reading those books, I find itbecomes easier to tolerate the monotonous work and the reading helps me keepthings in perspective.

Aside from sufficient time one can savefrom the fast work, a faster pace can also mean a better result. Good resultcomes from one's great effort paying on them. Actually, no one is willing tothink about the presentation if one decides to wait for a good idea. What theyoften do is to convert their invaluable time to relax.  In the end, if they still cannot come up agood idea, what should they do? No doubt, those who wait until they have a goodidea about it often cannot get a successful consequence. Just likeexaminations, you can have extra time to review and reconsider if you finishthem quickly. On the contrary, you may have to solve a number of formidabledifficulties you leave at the end of exam, for you have spent more time on easyproblems. So the faster you work, the better result is.

The last but not the least, working fastcan help one have more preparation for the next challenge. For those who waituntil the good idea comes out, they may ease into a workday in a fuzzy slipperwith drowsy sunshine but they will be extremely stressful and painstaking ifanother assignment comes out. Under the heavy pressure to work double assignmentsimultaneously, it is tough to accomplish any of them successfully. Bycontrast, if one has completed the former assignment, he does not to be worryabout the time to accomplish the next mission. And he can prepare his nextmission sufficiently so that it is not a difficult thing to get a good result.

All in all, from the reasons listed above,we can safely conclude that starting working on it right away is better thanwaiting until I have a good idea about it when I am assigned to finish writingabout an important presentation in a month.
 
Integrated Writing:
TPO12
The lecturer rebuts the argument in thepassage that a teenage girl in a professional painting recently for sale isJane Austen.

Frist, the lecture argues that the familydid not know whether the girl portrayed in the painting is Austen. This isbecause the time that Austen's family gave permission to use the portrait as anillustration in an edition of her letter was 70 years after Austen's death. Inother words, the family members did not even have seen Austen at that time. Sothe assertion made by her family that the girl is Austen, mentioned in passage,is not convincing.

Moreover, the professor claims that thegirl may be another teenager girl like Austen in her family although thepassage says the portrait resembles the one in Cassandra's sketch, which weknow depict Austen. Then he prove his point indefensible by pointing Austen'sfamily is so large that there may be a number of teenagers close to Austen,which means the girl depicted in the painting may another girl in her family.

Finally, the speaker advocates that thepainting was not finished by Oozes Humphrey, although the style is like his. Hedemonstrates his view with the fact that there is a stamp on the back of thepicture, which shows the canvas of the picture was sold by William. But thething is that he did not sell it in London when Austen was a teenager, which meansAusten was older than the teenage girl in the painting when it was accomplished. So it is not possible that the portraitwas painted by Oozes Humphrey, which the passage asserts.

perfectends

Nowadays, with the technology becoming moreand more sophisticated, the tempo of our life quickens to great extent.Regarding the problem listed above, as always, there is a solid body of opinionthat we should start working on it rightaway, since we have to move fast in order to catch up the majority in this fast-changing world. On the other hand, somepeople may argue that wait until you have a good idea about it for the sake ofthe good quality. I, given the chance, prefer to endorse that I would work onit right away.

To begin with, working fast can leave memore sufficient time to do other meaningful things, which can refresh my mindand equip my mind with knowledge. In this modern world, everyone is alwaysworking for the sake of utilitarian purposes. But it is vital to get a lifeoutside your work you are bored with, preventing 伴随状语，赞you biding your time in yourstressful and mundane work forever. If I finish my assignment in advance, I canspend my time on all sorts of books, which will be able to not only broaden myknowledge level but also leave a positive mind to view everything. It is thatthe （2个that 太重复了）book that reminds me that tragedy is not always removed far from comedy, then Inever get a lop-sided view of the thing. After reading those books, I find itbecomes easier to tolerate the monotonous work and the reading helps me keepthings in perspective. 这个说法有伐？固定搭配？你确定我就确定哈

Aside from sufficient time one can savefrom the fast work, a faster pace can also mean a better result. Good resultcomes from one's great effort paying on them. Actually, no one is willing tothink about the presentation if one he/ she(2个one太重复了）decides to wait for a good idea. What theyoften do is to convert theirinvaluable valuable(按照invaluable,逻辑不对了）time to relax.  In the end, if they still cannot come up agood idea, what should they do? No doubt, those who wait until they have a goodidea about it often cannot get a successful consequence. Just likeexaminations, you can have extra time to review and reconsider if you finishthem quickly. On the contrary, you may have to solve a number of formidabledifficulties you leave at the end of exam, for you have spent more time on easyproblems. So the faster you work, the better result is.很好的段末总结

The last but not the least, working fastcan help one have more preparation for the next challenge. 这观点挺好For those who waituntil the good idea comes out, they may ease into a workday in a fuzzy slipperwith drowsy sunshine很形象的描述 but they will be extremely stressful and painstaking ifanother assignment comes out（加soon）. Under the heavy pressure to work double assignmentsimultaneously, it is tough to accomplish any of them successfully. Bycontrast, if one has completed the former assignment, he does not to be worryabout the time to accomplish the next mission. And he can prepare his nextmission sufficiently so that it is not a difficult thing to get a good result.

All in all, from the reasons listed above,we can safely conclude that starting working on it right away is better thanwaiting until I have a good idea about it when I am assigned to finish writingabout an important presentation in a month.

perfectends

格式改不好了，干脆这里另起一楼写点评：
备注：红色--修改；黄色--赞；蓝色--建议

语法和用词没有大的问题，只是论述稍微长了点，你是限时写的吗？能打完那么多？
另外，同义替换做的大多较好，但是有两个地方你的代词是完全一样的，native speaker最讨厌重复了，所以相隔那么近，一定要替换掉。

再就是，有一个用法我拿捏不好，在文章里提出了疑问。。。求交流。。。

tsyxyss

keepthings in perspective. 这个说法有伐？固定搭配？你确定我就确定哈
这个我是无老师巨细堂抄的。

tsyxyss

按照invaluable,逻辑不对了 invaluable无价的意思啊。。。不对吗？

perfectends

按照invaluable,逻辑不对了 invaluable无价的意思啊。。。不对吗？

-- by 会员 tsyxyss (2013/2/7 11:35:11)

我看你2.5的文章里也出现了：As a result, teenagers abandon those goodmanners and convert their invaluable time to chase utilitarian profits.
啊呀，我记错了，invaluable= exteremly valuable. sorry

tsyxyss

8 February
Independent Writing:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement
Some people think that movies and TV programs that made in their owncountry are more interesting than that made in other countries.

Modern attitudes towards exotic movies and television programs range frominfinitely impressed to extremely disgusted. As always, there is a solid bodyof opinion that domestic movies and television programs are more meaningful andinteresting than others. On the other hand, some people may argue that exoticmovies and television programs are more sophisticated and attractive. I, giventhe chance, prefer to endorse that movies and television programs made in othercountry are more interesting than that made in own country.

To begin with, the sophisticated techniques that perform in exotic moviesand television programs is a crucial factor that attracts a number of people,especially our youths. I have to acknowledge that the technology used in mediain our country is left far away from other countries. A lot of advanced techniques,such as four dimension and dynamic color effects, are employed in a large scalein the exotic movies and television programs. In addition, many movies andtelevision programs shown nowadays in our country are meaningless and lack oftechniques, since many of them are on screen for the sake of utilitarianpurposes.  

Furthermore, there is no doubt to claim that movies and televisionprograms in other countries can bring exotic cultures and events to our people,which can be more attractive. There is no better example than Forrest Gump,which depicts several decades’ life of Forrest Gump, a naive and slow-wittedyet athletically prodigious native of Alabama who witness some of the definingevents of the latter half of the 20th century in the United States. By watchingthis movie, I become familiar with this period of history and I learn someculture in America.

Last but not the least, I believe we can practice our foreign language bywatching movies and television programs, which can offer us some interest.Without doubt, one can learn a language well in a particular languageenvironment, which the exotic movies and television programs can provide to us.For instance, The Big Bong Theory, one of the popular comedies among ouryouths, give an opportunity to learn the native language and practice one'sspoken English. What a interesting thing you can learn your second language bywatching the television.

All in all, from the perspectives listed above, more sophisticatedtechniques, a chance to learn exotic culture and events, and an opportunity topractice foreign languages, we can safely conclude that exotic movies andtelevision programs are more interesting than that in one's own country.









Integrated Writing:
TPO16
The lecturer argues that all the problems the science of archaeology  faces in England can be solved by the new guidelinespublished in 1990. The argument is in marked contrast with the passage that thearchaeology was faced with tough difficulties and limitation in Britain.

First, the lecturer claims that archaeological experts will exam the placebefore the construction ruins those invaluable artifacts in the new rule. Thatmeans examinations have to be made before the construction in order to assurewhether it is an archaeological interest. If it is, they will make preservationplans. They will construct beside the place or evacuate the artifacts. So theprofessor disproves its counterpart successfully.

Moreover, the professor debuts the passage by the point in the newguideline that the entire fee will be paid by the construction company. Inother words, Companies have to pay the money of the initial examination and thefee of preservation plans. This is not in agreement with the passage.

Finally, the speaker contends that a lot of jobs can be provided inarchaeology in the new guideline. Because they need experts in archaeology toexam the site value, make the preservation plan, and write reports. Inaddition, the speaker proves the point by mentioning that there are the most positionsavailable for archaeologists. Therefore, it rebuts the passage that the unemploymentrate will increase in archaeology.