新加入的童鞋。。。求带。。。

tsyxyss

那个好像是今天的，不知道为甚嚒粘贴过来格式就有问题。。。

tsyxyss

IndependentWriting:
Do you agree ordisagree with the following statement:

Nowadays people spend too much money on their pets, althoughthose can be spent on other things. What's your point?


Perhaps no doubt that pets play a more and more significant rolein our daily life in this ever-changing world. Young people raise pets as akind of interest while seniors feed pets in order to cope with the lonelinessin their hearts. However, I, given the chance, prefer to endorse that we canspend more money on other things instead of pets.
To begin with, as the world keeps changing fast, we can spend themoney to raise pets cultivating and recharging ourselves in order to catch upwith the majority. I advocate there is no better example to illustrate thepoint than this example that we can choose to use the amount of money topurchase some academic books, philosophical books, and motivational books.Nowadays I take leaves to say our youths seldom spend their time or moneystudying but rather entertaining themselves infinitely, such as raising a pet.Nevertheless, not only can reading books broaden our adolescents' knowledgelevel, which is important for our youths in this fast-changing world, but alsowe can know how to lead a happy life in this uneasy world.
Furthermore, in another perspective, we can spend that money goingto see a movie or having a party with our friends, which can provide us anopportunity to enhance our friendship. Although ridiculous and luxurious seemthose sorts of activities, one will believe it will be more beneficial thanraising pets for the sake of the utilitarian purpose. In our modern world, itis often our friends who can give us a hand under the circumstance that we willnot be able to get help from sisters or brothers like our parents, since mostof us do not have sisters or brothers. When finding a job or get a conflict in academicstudy, our friends are always standing behind us. So spending some money onsuch things to have a chance to communicate with friends is definitely muchbetter than staying home to raise a pet in silent, which will not talk with youat all.
Last but not the least, traveling to somewhere else is not worse  than raising a pet. During a trip, one can experience a very distinctiveculture and enjoy some local cuisines, which must be a great relaxingopportunity. And the trip can end your mundane and monotonous life you arebored with. After a trip, one will find that it will be easier to tolerate thestressful and painstaking work. The travelling experience will help one keep  things in perspective.
All in all, for the above reasons that we can spend those money toraise pets in recharging ourselves, having fun with friends, and travelling thatare more beneficial, we can safely conclude that we should spend less money onpets.

我也不知道为什么一预览就好多词连一块儿了。。。。

perfectends

Perhaps no issue in this world is as significant to our students' future as our performance in academic studies. However, we should not ignore the benefits of organization or club activities to our students. It is not rare in our modern world that numerous students focusing merely on study（加上while negleting exercise so they）get mental diseases or physical diseases. I, given the chance, prefer to endorse that students can get as many benefits from organization or club activities as they can get from their academic studies.

To begin with, our youths can relax themselves and refresh their mind by attending different kinds of organizations and club activities after a day's effort on academic studies. For instance, I have taken part in table tennis club in our school, where I practice my skills with all sorts of students from different departments who have the same interest. Throwing away our complicated academic problems, we assembly （assembly是名词，少谓语）every Saturday afternoon and play table tennis together. We become friends and share experience with each other no matter who they are. Thus, students will be able to have a good experience that will leave them a relaxed mind by participating those after class activities.
（兄台功底很好啊，本段除了这个小错，好像没了啊，全剩下赞了）


Furthermore, joining in organizations and clubs can sometimes promote teenagers' a variety of abilities and develop a good habit to benefit our society. There is no better illustration than the example that if one is a leader of a voluntary organization,he can not only promote his organizing ability but also devote his spare time to helping society.这理由好啊He can realize the meaning of his life and gain happy mood from the devotion although he may sacrifice his invaluable time for voluntary work, which seem to have little utilitarian use.这句型使用自如，词汇精到，太强大了

Moreover, it is beneficial for teenagers' academic studies to take part in organizations and club activities. According to a recent psychological result, tired and stressful people who are not able to be concentrate on their study or work can focus on them again after participating in some outdoor activities or just doing something else. So that means joining in those clubs or organizations can benefit our students' academic performance in return.段落结构很好啊，最后还小结了

Nevertheless,my opinion does not suggest that our academic studies should be abandoned but rather included along with those indispensible factors, like participating in organizations and club activities, which will lead to glory future of our adolescent. Academic performance is still among most parents' top concerns and students have to use their studying report as anchor when applying for the future study. But that does not matter the thing that students will get as many benefits from organization or club activities as they can get from their academic studies.

All in all, we can safely conclude that those activities will benefit them as much as they can get from academic studies, relaxing their bodies after a tired day, promote their own abilities, learning a good habit to devote to society, and benefit their study in return.





太强大了，这是创作高分范文么？除了个别小错误，没什么可修改啊。。。学习了。

tsyxyss

27 January
IndependentWriting:
Do you agree ordisagree with the following statement?
It is onlyworth watching movies that can teach us something about real life.


Perhaps, no issue is as significant to people's lifeas movies on present, as the scope of which continues to grow, and as thetechnology and equipment of movies becoming more and more sophisticated, and sofascinating that nobody will be able to repel the temptation. Movies have sucha great negative influence on adolescents that a number of them imitate their heroesto smoke or dye their hairs. Therefore, I, given the chance, prefer to endorsethat it is only worth watching movies that can teach us something about reallife.

To begin with, we should watch movies that can help usbecome more brave and courageous. For instance, the movie, 2012, depicts howpeople survive from the worldwide disaster. Confronting the great catastrophe,the leading character with his family in this movie goes through all sorts offormidable difficulties, such as the eruption of volcanoes, the tsunami, andthe earthquake. In the end, they survive. This movie is only one of thosebeneficial movies that can teach us to be a brave man, where heroes are alwaysconsidered as the symbol of brave, smart, and strong-willed who are dare towalk fearlessly towards challenges. As a consequence, motivated by them, webecome more and more confident and make our minds to be the truth seeker thatwill insist on overcoming every tough difficulty to stop being mundane andmediocre.

Furthermore, movies that will be able to leave us apositive mind are extremely beneficial for us to watch.  In this fast-changing world, mental diseases,such as the depression, can be often traced back to both the loneliness and thepressure. The best way to cope with those diseases is trying to view everythingin this world with a positive mind, which we can get from worthy movies. Andthere is no better example than Forrest Gump, which depicts several decades inthe life of Forrest Gump, a naive and slow-witted yet athletically prodigiousnative of Alabama who witnesses some of the defining events of the latter halfof the 20th century in the United States. Although disable seems Forrest Gump,he overcomes all of difficulties positively, which appears to be impossible formost of us. That always reminds me that tragedy is not really far removed fromcomedy, so I never get a lop-sided view of things.

Admittedly, quite meaningless as many movies are, theymake you get a life out of your work and study. This is vital to avoid foreverbiding your time in study or work you are bored with. It is the relaxations youget from those movies that make you easier tolerate the mundane and monotonouswork. Nonetheless, I have to claim that what we get from such entertainingmovies is much less than the worthy movies.

All in all, from the reasons listed above, we cansafely conclude that it is only worth watching movies that can teach ussomething about real life.




IntegratedWriting:
TPO 4
The lecturer does not believe that dinosaurs were endotherms,which is not in agreement with the reading passage.

Frist, the lecturer claim that the discovery ofdinosaurs' fossils in Polar Regions cannot prove dinosaurs were endotherms.This is because at that time the Polar Regions were much warmer than nowadays.In addition, dinosaurs could migrate to warmer places or hibernated during inharsh weather. The professor’s argument disproves its counterpart in thepassage that the finding of polar dinosaurs means dinosaurs were endotherms.

Furthermore, the professor does not argue that dinosaur’sleg position means they were endotherms. He supports his point with the factthat dinosaurs' legs that are underneath their body are to support their heavybody. In other words, their leg position is not in order to sustain physicalactivity, like endotherms. So the point of is in marked contrast to theassertion of the passage.

Finally, regarding the existence of haversian canalsin dinosaurs' bones, the speaker contends that there are also growth rings intheir bones, which exist when dinosaurs stop growing or grow slowly in coldcondition. That means haversian canals may not be the evidence for the thingthat dinosaurs were endotherms, which is in direct contradiction with the claimin the passage.

慕禾

黄色出彩 蓝色建议 红色加粗错误

Perhaps, no issue is as significant to people's life as movies on (at) present, as the scope of which continues to grow, and as the technology and equipment of movies becoming(become) more and more sophisticated, and so fascinating that nobody will be able to repel the temptation. Movies have such a great negative influence on adolescents that a number of them imitate their heroes to smoke or dye their hairs. Therefore, I, given the chance, prefer to endorse that it is only worth watching movies that can teach us something about real life.
To begin with, we should watch movies that can help us become more brave and courageous.(which can easily enable us to gain more bravery and courage) For instance, the movie, 2012, depicts how people survive from the worldwide disaster. Confronting the great catastrophe,the leading character with his family in this movie goes(went) through all sorts of formidable difficulties, such as the eruption of volcanoes, the tsunami, and the earthquake. In the end, they survive. This movie is only one of those beneficial movies that can teach us to be a brave man, where heroes are always (being)[always 多与Ving连用加强语气] considered as the symbol of brave, smart, and strong-willed (bravery,brightness and the firm will) who are dare to walk fearlessly towards challenges. As a consequence, motivated by them, we become more and more confident(we are likely to obtain much more confidence and perseverance than before) and make our minds to be the truth seeker that will insist on overcoming every tough difficulty to stop being mundane and mediocre.
Furthermore, movies that will be able to leave us a positive mind are extremely beneficial for us to watch. In this fast-changing world, mental diseases,such as the depression, can be often traced back to both the loneliness and the pressure. The best way to cope with those diseases is trying to view everything in this world with a positive mind, which we can get from worthy movies. And there is no better example than Forrest Gump, which depicts several decades in the life of Forrest Gump(FG's life changes during several decades), a naive and slow-witted yet athletically prodigious native of Alabama who witnesses some of the defining events of the latter half of the 20th century in the United States. Although disable seems Forrest Gump,he overcomes all of difficulties positively, which appears to be impossible for most of us. That always reminds me that tragedy is not really far removed from comedy, so I never get a lop-sided view of things.（词汇很棒，学习了）
Admittedly, quite meaningless as many movies are, they make you get a life out of your work and study. This is vital to avoid forever biding your time in study or work you are bored with. It is the relaxations you get from those movies that make you easier tolerate the mundane and monotonous work. Nonetheless, I have to claim that what we get from such entertaining movies is much less than the worthy movies.（这一段是让步段，大意明白，但逻辑有些混乱，建议再修改一下措词）
All in all, from the reasons listed above, we can safely conclude that it is only worth watching movies that can teach us something about real life.




优点：

句式变化丰富，很多倒装和从句，难词使用较多，看得出lz功底不错

改进：

逻辑不是特别清楚，某些地方转折的有些牵强，比如第一段和让步段，没有说清楚非real life的movie是如何的不好，只是大体带过然后接着说only worth watching blabla感觉有点不自然，可能还是论据不够充分吧。
某些词汇使用频率较高，建议多变换一下，哪怕是一些小词。记住准确第一。

模板有些重了，比如from the reasons listed above, we can safely conclude that这类的话尽量还是少用一些。


总的来说还是很棒的一篇习作，小地方多注意下，逻辑再清晰一些。lz继续加油，争取冲刺满分~

SMS

23日请问
All in all, we can safely conclude that those activities will benefit them as much as they can get from academic studies, relaxing their bodies after a tired day, promote their own abilities, learning a good habit to devote to society, and benefit their study in return.

为什么promote 和benefit不用promoting和benefiting呢？

tsyxyss

应该用，呵呵

tsyxyss

31 January
IndependentWriting:
Do you agree ordisagree with the following statement?
Your job hasgreater happiness than your social work.

Perhaps, no issue is as significant to one's life ashis job. Despite various responses, people may have the problem whether yourjob has greater happiness than your social work. Nowadays, there is a solid bodyof the opinion that social work can only make a person more tired and unhappy,since everyone has to move fast in order to catch the majority without time todo other things. However, some people may argue that one's life can be morecolorful by participating into social works, which will definitely make themhappier. I, given the chance, prefer to advocate that one's job has greaterhappiness than one's social work.    

To begin with, social works will be able to leave onea relaxed and happy mind from monotonous and mundane work. We should get a lifeoutside work. It is vital to escape from the swamp that we are forever bidingour time in our job we are tired with. By participating into a social work,which one does not need to worry about the quality and your efficiencyparticularly, one will gain a relaxed mind and become more tolerated of thestressfully ever-changing world. Even though happy seems one's job, one will bedrawn to chase the utilitarian purpose and evaluated by a criterion based on theprofits one makes inevitably  in thismodern world that is extremely pragmatic. Thus, one will gain a more relaxedand happier mind than one's job.

Furthermore, taking part in social works can encourageus to see everything in a positive way and develop a habit to devote to thesociety, which will provide us more happiness. There is no better illustrationthan the example that one devotes his spare time to the voluntary works, like awork in an elementary school without good facilities and environment in a poorarea. One will experience the poverty he never know and try his best to cherishthe valuable time he have. Facing all kinds of tough difficulties in voluntarywork one cannot get from your job, one will be forced to walk towardsformidable challenges positively in the future. One sacrifices his invaluabletime for the voluntary work, which has little utilitarian, however, not onlydoes he learn to see everything in a positive way but also he will realize themeaning of the world. Without hesitation, all of these will be attached to thehappiness of a person.

Finally, the expansion of the circle of one's friendsgetting from social work is another critical factor that can provide morehappiness than our jobs. Joining in social works suggest that one will stepinto a totally distinctive world from one's monotonous work. People assemblefrom a large scale of different kind of careers in social works. One can makefriends with others having the same interest and share his unique experiencewith each other. What they go through in social work colors one's life. Nevertheless,in one's office, what one views every day is always the same scene, the samepeople, the same work place. Although one is keen on his job, it is a littlemore monotonous than social work.

In summary,considering all the perspectives listed above, we can safely conclude thatone's job has greater happiness than one's social work.

IntegratedWriting:
TPO8
The lecturer claims that virtually most parts of thememoir Chevalier has done are accurate, which is not in agreement with thereading passage that Chevalier distorted and invented many events in thememoir.

First, the lecturer rebuts that borrowing money fromothers means Chevalier was very poor in Switzerland mentioned in passage. Thisis because he had not converted his assets to cash when he longed for the cashthat could be used for parties and gambling, even though rich seeded Chevalier.This is in marked contrast to the argument in the passage.

Moreover, the professor claims that the conversationbetween Chevalier and Voltaire is accurate enough. Then he supports this pointwith the fact that Chevalier jotted down after each conversation with Voltaireand consulted notes when composing, which suggest he had not invented anyevents of the conversation with Voltaire. Clearly, the professor's argumentdisproves its counterpart in the reading passage that the conversation betweenChevalier and Voltaire is not accurate.

Finally, regarding Chevalier's escape from prison, thespeaker does not contend that the Chevaliers jailers were bribed to free him,which is proved by the passage. He proves that this claim is indefensible bypointing out that there were some prisoners even having more powerful friends.They could not bribe jailers to free them. Also, the fact that people repairedthe ceiling of the prison Chevalier lived means the possibility he escaped fromceiling, which is in direct contradiction with the passage.

libertine

31 January
Independent Writing:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Your job has greater happiness than your social work.

   erhaps, no issueis as significant to one's life as his job. Despite various responses （不知道这句话放在这里有什么作用）, people may have the problem whether yourjob has greater happiness than your (和前面的people对应，改成their)social work. Nowadays, there is a solid body of 好！ the opinion that social work can only make aperson more tired and unhappy, since everyone has to move fast in order tocatch the majority without time to do other things（这句话容易产生歧义，建议改成as a result, there is no time left to doother things）. However, some people may argue that one's life can bemore colorful by participating into（建议直接写成in） social works, which will definitely make them happier.I, given the chance（感觉用在这里不恰当，建议改成if I have the chance to state my opinion）, prefer to advocate that one's job has greaterhappiness than one's social work.   (下面写的都是社会工作更快乐，而这里写的是工作更快乐，笔者下次要注意！)

   To begin with,social works will be able to leave one a relaxed and happy mind from monotonousand mundane work. We should get a life outside work. It is vital to escapefrom the swamp that we are forever biding our time in our job we are tiredwith.(定语从句有误，应该改成It is vital to escape from the tiring job the swampthat we are forever biding our time in) By participating into（建议直接写成in）  asocial work, which one does not need to（直接写成needn’t就好） worry about the quality (+of) and your（应该改成his，和前面的one匹配） efficiency particularly, one will gain arelaxed mind and become more tolerated of the stressfully (去掉ly) ever-changing world. Even though happy seems one's job, one will be drawn to chase the utilitarianpurpose and evaluated by a criterion based on the profits one makes inevitably（没看懂放在这里是什么意思） inthis modern world that is extremely pragmatic. 好！Thus, one will gain a more relaxed and happiermind than one's job.
为什么不需要worry about the quality 和 efficiency，我觉得两个都需要关心啊。。你做社会工作，随便找一个凑合就行了吗？还是需要找一个认认真真来做？况且，效率很低的话，你做它干嘛，这不就是单纯的浪费时间吗？

   Furthermore,taking part in social works can encourage us to see everything in a positiveway and develop a habit to devote to the society, which will provide us morehappiness. There is no better illustration han （估计这里是笔误than） the example that one devotes his sparetime to the voluntary works, like a work in an elementary school without goodfacilities and environment in a poor area. One will experience the poverty henever know and try his best to cherish the valuable time he have. Facing allkinds of tough difficulties in voluntary work one cannot get from your (和前面的one对应，改成his) job, one will be forced to walk towards formidablechallenges positively in the future. One sacrifices his invaluable time for thevoluntary work, 从这里往上数，出现了好多one啊。。which has（后面utilitarian是adj，所以has应该改成is） littleutilitarian, however, not only does he learn to see everything in a positiveway but also he will realize the meaning of the world. Without hesitation, allof these will be attached to the happiness of a person.

   Finally, theexpansion of the circle of one's friends getting (这里应该是被动got) from social work is another critical factor that canprovide more happiness than our (和前面的one对应，改成his) jobs.Joining in social works suggest that one will step into a totally distinctiveworld from one's monotonous work. People assemble from a large scale ofdifferent kind （+s） of careers in social works （去掉s，work不可数）. One can make friends with others having thesame interest and share his unique experience with each other. What they gothrough in social work colors one's life. Nevertheless, in one's office, whatone views every day is always the same scene, the same people, the same workplace. Although one is keen on his job, it is a little more monotonous thansocial work.

   In summary, consideringall the perspectives listed above, we can safely conclude that one's job hasgreater happiness than one's social work. (上面写的都是社会工作更快乐，而这里写的是工作更快乐，笔者下次要注意！)


最后觉得，其实作文没必要写那么多字吧。。。看起来很费劲的说。。况且一篇文章是否能得高分，主要是看他的内容而不是字数，与其花时间写这么多字，还不如多思考一下例子的合理性，看看已经写的东西是否合理。



IntegratedWriting:
TPO8
The lecturer claims that virtually most parts of the memoirChevalier has done are accurate, which is not in agreement with the readingpassage that Chevalier distorted and invented many events in the memoir.

First, the lecturer rebuts that borrowing money from othersmeans Chevalier was very poor in Switzerland mentioned in passage. This isbecause he had not converted his assets to cash when he longed for the cash thatcould be used for parties and gambling, even though rich seeded(没明白这个是什么意思) Chevalier. This is in marked contrast to the argument inthe passage.   （感觉这里缺细节Sub pointone: property, sell first, a few days, waiting for his money）

Moreover, the professor claims that the conversation betweenChevalier and Voltaire is accurate enough. Then he supports this point with thefact that Chevalier jotted（不准确，听力说的是写下everything） down after each conversation with Voltaire andconsulted notes when composing, which suggest he had not invented any events ofthe conversation with Voltaire. Clearly, the professor's argument disproves itscounterpart in the reading passage that the conversation between Chevalier andVoltaire is not accurate. （感觉这里缺细节Sub pointtwo: wrote down everything, kept his notes, Witnesses, consulted notes andjournals）


Finally, regarding Chevalier's escape from prison, the speakerdoes not contend that the Chevaliers jailers were bribed to free him, which isproved by the passage. He proves that this claim is indefensible by pointingout that there were some prisoners even having more powerful friends. Theycould not bribe jailers to free them. Also, the fact that people repaired theceiling of the prison Chevalier lived means the possibility he escaped from ceiling,which is in direct contradiction with the passage. 好！

tsyxyss

3 February
Independent Writing:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Working at home using computers or telephones is better than working inthe office.
Currently, telecommuting becomes more andmore common in this fast-changing world although modern attitudes towards totelecommuting range from infinitely impressed to thoroughly disgusted. Asalways, there is a solid body of the opinion that telecommuting is much morecomfortable and convenient. One has no worry about traffic jams and is able towork wherever one wants at home. On the other hand, a variety of peopleadvocate working in the office is better because of better facilities andenvironment. I, given the chance, prefer to endorse that working in the officeis better than telecommuting.

To begin with, there is no doubt to saythat one can have better facilities and equipment in the office, which isbeyond the reach of telecommuters. It is vital to have advanced equipment inorder to complete assignments more efficiently. In other words, one canconcentrate on his work with advanced equipment rather than waste a largeamount of time to cope with the equipment’s' problems. In addition, sometimesworker in some specific field, especially experimental science, cannot work athome just by using computers or telephones. They need experimental devices,which are often so expensive that few people are willing to spend their moneyon them to just work at home. Also, dangerous seems working at home for thesake of a little convenience.

Aside from advanced equipment in theoffice, the easy access to cooperate with others is another crucial factor thatdetermines working in the office is better than telecommuting. Dealing with allkinds of assignments, one will definitely confront numerous problems thatcannot be simply solved by individual. Namely, a lot of tough difficulties meetingin the work have to be solved in team work. One will be able to talk andcooperate with each other conveniently to deal with a problem in the office.Quite comfortable and convenient as telecommuting is, it is not seemly easy tocommunicate with each other with the computer or the cell phone when one isstuck by a problem that has to be solved immediately.

Admittedly, working at home by usingcomputers and telephones is so beneficial and comfortable that everyone dreamsabout. Under the drowsy sunshine, one can ease into a workday in a pair offuzzy slippers, avoiding the time and cost involved in commuting and presumablyhaving a more flexible schedule and a better work-life balance. Beneficialseems telecommuting, however, according to a recent research, those who worksat home are more likely to work overtime, an additional 5 to 7 hours on top ofthe standard 40.  Using computers andtelephones to work at home actually is not an easy work as one might consider.They do not know when to stop work since they have already regarded the home aswork place.    

All in all, as the reasons listed above, wecan safely concluded that working in the office is better than working at homeusing computers or telephones.

Integrated Writing:
TPO11
The lecturer does not advocate the factthat less people are reading literature at present is unfortunate, mentioned inthe reading passage.

First, the lecturer argues that there is alarge range of books providing the intellectual stimulation that literaturedoes. He prove his view indefensible by pointing that not only literature butalso other kinds of books, such as science writing and history books, can beequally high quality. These books can also stimulate intellect and creativeimagination. The assertion of the professor suggests the view of the passage isso lop-sided, which only admit the intellectual stimulation of literature.

Moreover, the professor debuts the passagethat diverting time previous spent in reading literature to other forms of expressionis not a culture decline but a culture change. He illustrates his point withthe example of movies and music concerts, which provide valuable culturematerials to people in a different way. In other words, other kinds of forms ofexpression can promote the level of culture in a distinctive way, which is indirect contradiction with the passage.

Finally, the speaker believes that the factthat writers get less support from publishers should be authors' faults ratherthan readers' faults. This is because what writers write nowadays is sodifficult to understand that nobody is willing to buy them, which means theliterature written nowadays cannot attract people in the past generations. Therefore,the speaker's argument disproves its counterpart in the passage.