从12.19起, Liz 回来了, 这次要求很低,作文只要30分! 不要29~ 求亲们狠批~

lizchang1990

1．4 独立
In order to success, you should be more like others than be different from everyone else.

Success is like a scarce green rose that a great many people are yearn to pick it up. Meanwhile, there are a myriad of ways to access to success. Different people from diverse backgrounds will uphold totally opposite opinions toward this topic. From my perspective, we should be different from someone else rather than be like others. Several points from various dimensions will be presented and explained to testify my argument.

To begin with, at the top of the list of my views is that unique can help us catch others' eyes easily, and it is the especial difference that we are more likely to achieve success. To make my standpoint more convincing, I would like to take the champion Liyuchun as an example. Li is the annual champion in the show Super Girl in China. In 2007, she was chosen as a cover girl in TIMES magazine, because she had the unique character. You know, traditional Chinese people usually prefer girls to wear dress, have long hair and be mild. However, Li breaks this standard of normal audiences’. Instead, she presents another kind of beauty. Of course, at that time, her unique character and special dressing raise others' diverse comments and catch people's eyes quickly. This is an indispensible factor for her success in this aspect.

Moreover, another compelling point worth being mentioned is that different thought can benefit us in the fierce market. As we know, the huge advance of science and technology has occurred.  Simultaneously, our daily life has been influenced by this series of fast changes, and the young generation would like to pursue the new things. If we always keep the same as others, we will be forgotten by our consumers in the business realm. Here comes another vivid example. I believe all of us are familiar with the brand, Apple. It is a symbol for fashion, young and high taste now. Most importantly, Apple has its unique configuration. For instance, iPhone has the ISO system, which is completely different with others' electronic devices. In addition, Apple also has its special surface. We can see these differences are created by staff in Apple Corporation. If all of them have the similar ideas as others, it will be hard for us to imagine what the Apple Corporation will be.

Given all of these carefully analyses, I firmly believe that be different with the peers is an inevitable element for our future success. Although some people still remain query for my illustration, the reasons and explanation I referred will serve to the purpose to propel the opponents to see the diverse dimensions and reconsider the parts they have ignored. Now, if you have a chance to choose the two ways for success, will not you select be unique to other individuals?

lizchang1990

1.6 独立liz这篇作文超时3分钟完成~
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
The effective leader tries to make others feel they have been part of a decision.




A group is like a big family, and the team members are the indispensible supporters for the mutual success. Now, here comes a thorny issue towards which strategy is best for leaders to manage his or her employees. Different people from diverse dimensions will uphold various views about this topic. From my perspective, the effective leader should make others feel they have been part of a decision. Several points will be presented and explained to testify my standpoint.


To begin with, the top of the list of my opinions is that the sense of belonging is a necessary strategy to motivate staff's passion. How should a leader make employees have the sense of belonging? The boss should let staff participate in some decisions. As we know, the acknowledgement from the leaders is the huge bonus for workers, because they will feel they are part of the group. Meanwhile, when their enthusiasm is posed, employees will contribute to the collective goal and help the team to accomplish the aim more actively.


Another compelling point worth being mentioned is that the sense of participation will stimulate employees' strong sense of responsibilities. To make my perspective more convincing, I would like to take Toyota, a famous Japanese automobile company, as an example. Every year, Toyota
will invite more than 200 regional leaders from different branches to take part in a summit meeting in the Tokyo headquarter. It is an open conference. In the meeting, members can discuss their seasonal performance or the potential market problems and so on. It is the frequent communication and the participation from a great many members that Toyota can win its edge in the fierce competitive market, as the headquarter let all members feel that they are part of the team, and they should and must be responsible for the same aim.

Last but not least, it is necessary for us to close the gap among other people's assertions, before other possible factors have been taken into consideration. Admittedly, there are a variety of approaches for leaders to conduct effective strategies of management, such as increase staff's salary, create more comfortable working environment or add employees' holidays. But these methods can just last for a short time, and they cannot cause a long term result. Only when the sense of participation can reach the goal and help corporations achieve win-win goal.


Given all these carefully analyses, I firmly believe that leaders should try to make workers to join some collective decisions. Although some people remain query about my illustration, the reasons and explanations I referred above will serve to the purpose to propel the opponents to notice the diverse dimensions and reconsider the parts they have ignored. Now, if you are an outstanding leader, in order to strengthen the cohesion among your team and take use of the members' talent to complete the same goal, won't you choose the strategy which is let employees be part of your decision?

lizchang1990

TO 批改的同学~ 我貌似写得有点多，愿意多看的话，我不介意哈~  尤其这个独立，我希望能帮忙多看吧~，尤其#64楼那篇13号的独立，我提前写的，因为考试，不可能那天写。 十分感谢罗！！！

lizchang1990

1.7 独立 liz这篇超时15分钟完成，唉~就为了跳出以往自己的模板，求新意。批改的同学尽情拍砖吧，我的铁打脑子会受得住的~thanks so much ~
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
People who move out of their native village or town are more successful and happier than who stay in their native village


There is a true story about a England young man, Michael Root. He had been expecting to go to big cities to find a satisfying job, because his friends told him that he could be a billionaire overnight in the big city. However, Michael just stayed in London
for two years and then came back to his small village again because of unhappy life in the urban. As the hero in the story, I also don't think we will become more successful and happier when we leave our native village.

Most obvious obstacle for living in city is that we have to adapt the totally different life, sometimes the conflicts will cause the huge depression on us. Therefore, it is impossible for people to achieve success and be happier. To make my perspective more convincing, I would like to take the famous Chinese painter Qibaishi as an example. When Qi was young, he left his native country and followed other friends to adventure the strategy big cities of China. This kind of aimless life lasted for almost three years, and he didn't make any progress on art as he couldn't get a inspiration for his painting in such a chaotic and overcrowded surroundings. Later, he went back to his hometown Hunan
and lived in a peaceful countryside house. It is the familiar environment that he could finish his works more quickly and do it better. Xia is one of his outstanding paintings, which was completed in his native village. From this case, we can see that native circumstance can help us achieve success more easily. Meanwhile, we also have a happier life.

Another compelling point worth being mentioned is that the complicated fierce competition in the cities makes people stressful and bear more burden. As a result, it is doubtful that individuals will enjoy a happy life and successful career. According to authoritative nationwide survey in China, the increasing number of young people prone to move to cities for their ideal career success. Unfortunately, nowadays with the spread of globalization, competition not only exists in our native country but also appears in the whole world. The consequence of this tendency is that people will have to do more tasks and handle more orders every day. Such stressful life discourages the new generations' energy and passion toward promising future. Eventually, they just become more and more depressed. Under this vicious cycle, it will be hard for them to pursue a happier and successful life any more. On the other hand, if they stay in their native village, even though they cannot make much money, at least they will have a happier life and achieve a small success in the local area.


Last but not least, it is necessary for us to close the gap between the two aspects in the topic. Admittedly, the big cities will provide more job opportunities, and we have more convenient transportation and infrastructures. On the other hand, these advanced and convenient equipments or devices are also a nightmare for citizens in the city. On the contrary, the small villages we born are serener. Simultaneously, the extensive and solid social networks among villagers are time-tested and last for longer. This factor can contribute our future success greatly.


Given all these carefully analyses, I firmly believe that people who move out of their native village or town are more successful and happier than those who stay in their native village. Albeit some people still remain query about my illustration, the reasons and explanations I referred above will serve the purpose to propel the opponents to notice the diverse dimensions and reconsider the parts they have ignored. Now, if you have a chance to choose the work place, in order to get a cozier, satisfying and successful life, won't you select your native village?

wsxz007

There is a true story about a Englandyoung man, Michael Root. He had been expecting瞬间性动词好像不能这么用应该接时间点to go to big cities to find a satisfying job, because his friends told him that he could be a billionaire overnight in the big city. However, Michael just stayed in London
for two years and then came back to his small village again because of unhappy life in the urban. As the hero in the story, I also don't think we will become more successful and happier when we leave our native village.要表达的是离开之后的意思吧，表达一个时间段，另外leave表离开的话要加介词哦


这一段以栗子开头是个不错的想法，启发了我，但是是不是我太孤陋寡闻了，这人真心不知道啊，建议想这种地方用一个非常非常知名的栗子指名道看个字母就知道是什么内容会比好，毕竟是开头，开门见山还是王道。




Most表最高级前面加the 我记得是…… obvious obstacle for living in city is that we have to adapt to the totally different life, sometimes the conflicts will cause the huge depression on us. Therefore, it is impossible for people to achieve success and be happier. To make my perspective more convincing, I would like to take the这句子拿走借我抄抄famous Chinese painter Qibaishi as an example. When Qi was young, he left his native country and followed other friends to adventure the strategy big cities of China.没看懂去周游其他城市？Follow sb to some place This kind of aimless life lasted for almost three years, and he didn't make any progress on art as he couldn't get a inspiration for his painting in such a chaotic and overcrowded surroundings. Later, he went back to his hometown Hunan
and lived in a peaceful countryside house. It is the familiar environment that he could finish his works more quickly and do it指代的有点不清而且单复数有问题，and可以直接跟副词也不错better. <Xia> is one of his outstanding paintings, which was completed in his native village前后时态，加一个表过去时间段的短语. From this case, we can see that native circumstance can help us achieve success more easily. Meanwhile, we also have a happier比较级出现要有比较对象life.


第一点：适应新生活，冲突使人沮丧，所以不可能达到成功和更幸福


Another compelling point worth being mentioned is that the complicated fierce competition in the cities makes people stressful and bear more burden. 并列成分不想等As a result, it is doubtful that individuals will enjoy a happy life and successful career. According to authoritative nationwide survey in China, the increasing number of young people prone to move to cities for their ideal career success.According to authoritative nationwide survey in China, the number of young people who move to cities for their ideal career success was increased. Unfortunately, nowadays with the spread of globalization, competition not only exists in our native country but also appears in the whole world. The consequence of this tendency is that people will have to do more tasks and handle more orders every day. Such stressful life discourages the new generations' energy and passion toward promising future. Eventually, they just become more and more depressed. Under this vicious cycle, it will be hard for them to pursue a happier and successful life any more. On the other hand, if they stay in their native village, even though they cannot make much money, at least they will have a happier life and achieve a small success in the local area.

第二点：市生活压力大，不一定幸福和成功。由于大城市人口越来越多，竞争压力越来越大，阻碍越来越大。所以在家比较幸福，取得小的成功。


Last but not least, it is necessary for us to close the gap between the two aspects in the topic. Admittedly, the big cities will provide more job opportunities, and we have more convenient transportation and infrastructures. On the other hand, these advanced and convenient equipments or devices are also a nightmare for citizens in the city. On the contrary, the small villages we born are serener. Simultaneously, the extensive and solid social networks among villagers are time-tested and last for longer.建议单独拿出来做一个论点This factor can contribute our future success greatly.

第三点：辩证的看待问题，指出城市生活的好处，属于文章的辨证段落




Given all these carefully analyses,I firmly believe that people who move out of their native village or town are more successful and happier than those who stay in their native village.是不是写反了？ Albeit some people still remain query about my the illustration, the reasons and explanations I referred above，will serve the purpose to propel the opponents to notice the diverse dimensions and reconsider the parts they have ignored. 是要写让步状语从句么？那主句缺成分啊这个句子有点混乱Now, if you have a chance to choose the work place, in order to get a cozier, satisfying and successful life, won't you select your native village?



结尾，重申观点，以反问句再度强调挺好的，只是句子再斟酌下，成分乱乱的，真心没看懂啊





我个人觉得DISAGREE的话可以从两面说否定城市生活，或者支持家乡生活更易成功和幸福，论点比如：家里生活环境熟悉，朋友亲人多，工作无后顾之忧，或者家里社会关系资源比较丰富，第三相较于外乡人，本地人的竞争优势……比较单纯的否定城市生活不能证明家乡生活会拥有等同或更成功更幸福的结果



不知道我分析的对不对，呵呵

lizchang1990

8 January
Independent Writing:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
It's more important for the government to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational
devices (such as swimming pool, playgrounds).

Along with the development of economy, government has received more and more revenue from taxes. Now, here comes an intractable issue towards which way is preferable for our government to spend the fund. Should it use the money to build art museums and music performance or to build recreational devices? From my perspective, the later suggestion outweighs the first one. Several points will be presented and explained to testify my standpoint.

At the top of the list of my view is that recreational devices can help government cut down huge budgets on health insurance. To make my perspective more convincing, I would like to take an official nation-wide survey in China in 2011 to explain it. In the past twenty years, it is said that the health situation of more than 68 percentages of citizens was worse than it today, as the rapid urban development and excessive urban expansion push people into the fast-pace life, and they pay less attention on their health. As a result, government has to pay much money every year to cover the enormous fees. But since 2008, when government noticed this thorny issue and started to build a large number of recreational devices beside the road and local parks, this situation was improved greatly. Correspondingly, government spends less on the medicine cost. Therefore, it is important for government to pay an eye on infrastructure.

Another point worth mentioning is that recreational devices improve staff’s efficiencies. With the expansion of globalization, we have more opportunities to contact with the outside world. Simultaneously, merchants have more international orders, meetings or communication with foreign countries. Then, one change of the inevitable trend is that most people have to deal with a pile of tasks each day and bear more burden than they are in the past. Unfortunately, employees are living under the extremely stressful situation and have no place to relax. At this time, if our government provides the recreational device on the main parks, then diligent workers can do exercise there to release their stress when they go home. Eventually, employees have more energy to focus on the heavy workload next day and keep the highly efficiency.

Admittedly, art museum and musical performance center can enrich our spiritual life and expand our social connections. However, we have to notice that these building will cost a lot of money from the government budget or charge the expensive tickets fees from residents. On the contrary, recreational devices are available for all citizens, sometimes they even don’t need to pay a coin. Hence, recreational structure can exert its functions completely and benefit more people.

Given all of these carefully analyses, I firmly believe that it is more crucial for us to build recreational devices. Although some people still remain cautious about my illustration, the reasons and explanations will serve to the purpose that propels the opponents to notice the diverse dimensions and the parts they have ignored. Now, if you are in charge of the power, in order to bring more interest for both the government and citizens, won’t you choose to build recreational devices?

shanhunian

1月8  改独立

Along with the development of economy, government has received more and more revenue from taxes. Now, here comes an intractable issue towards（不加S哦， toward不是动词，在这里是介词哦） which way is preferable for our government to spend the fund. Should it use the money to build art museums and music performance or to build recreational devices? From my perspective, the later suggestion outweighs the first one. Several points will be presented and explained to testify my standpoint.（ points....to tesify standpoint??观点解释观点？。。有误）

At the top of the list of my view（感觉有点繁琐了，还是简洁点好把，直接说fisrtly, 或是其他的词代替把） is that recreational devices can help government cut down huge budgets on health insurance. To make my perspective more convincing, I would like to take an official nation-wide survey in China in 2011 to explain it（这里不需要it把). In the past twenty years, it is said that the health situation of more than 68 percentages （不要s把）of citizens was worse than it today（这句表达有点中式了，感觉）, as the rapid urban development and excessive urban expansion push people into the fast-pace life, and they（前面有and连接，这里的they指代不清啊） pay less attention on their health. As a result, government has to pay much money every year to cover the enormous fees. But since 2008, when government noticed this thorny issue and started to build a large number of recreational devices beside the road（加S） and local parks, this situation was improved greatly. Correspondingly, government spends less on the medicine cost. Therefore, it is important for government to pay an eye on infrastructure.

Another point worth mentioning is that recreational devices improve staff’s efficiencies. With the expansion of globalization, we have more opportunities to contact with the outside world. Simultaneously, merchants have more international orders, meetings or communication with foreign countries. Then, one change of the inevitable trend is that most people have to deal with a pile of tasks each day and bear more burden than they are in the past. Unfortunately, employees are living under the extremely stressful situation and have no place to relax. At this time, if our government provides the recreational device on the main parks, then diligent workers can do exercise there to release their stress when they go home. Eventually, employees have more energy to focus on the heavy workload next day and keep the highly efficiency.

Admittedly, art museum and musical performance center can enrich our spiritual life and expand our social connections. However, we have to notice that these building （加s)will cost a lot of money from the government budget or charge the expensive tickets fees from residents. On the contrary, recreational devices are available for all citizens, sometimes they even don’t need to pay a coin. Hence, recreational structure can exert its functions completely and benefit more people.（这段阐述的不是很有说服力，感觉）

Given all of these carefully analyses, I firmly believe that it is more crucial for us（是政府哦） to build recreational devices. Although some people still remain cautious about my illustration, the reasons and explanations will serve to the purpose that propels the opponents to notice the diverse dimensions and the parts they have ignored. Now, if you are in charge of the power, in order to bring more interest（用benefit好点把） for both the government and citizens, won’t you choose to build recreational devices? （结尾的话，要么是总结重申自己的立场，要么是总结然后进一步提出建议。所以，感觉你的结尾，读起来有点没说到什么东西的感觉。。。）

lizchang1990

liz最后一次写作文啦，在经过长达10天的模板生活后，认真反思悔改了一晚，决心像上次考试一样不用模板写作文，展现自己水平~这次丢掉了模板，感觉内容充实了许多，辛苦批改的同学。祝自己1.13作文考试力争满分，真心不想27，起码得有个突破嘛。

9 January
Independent Writing:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
Movies are worth watching only when they teach us something about the real life.



Have you ever been fascinated with Harry Porter? Have you ever watched Ice Age with your best friends? Have you ever been to cinema to watch Titanic with your couple? Because of the development of technology, we can see movies are around us anywhere. Now, here comes a thorny issue toward whether only these movies which can teach us something about the real life worth watching. From my perspective, this argument is totally fallacious. Several points will be presented and explained to support my standpoint.



The first point that appears on my mind is that funny or intriguing movies also should win our preference. To make my view more convincing, I would like to take my own experience as an example. I prefer to watch soap opera, such as My Girl, which is a South Korea play. I am also fond of Vampire. Do these movies really educate me a lot? Obviously, the answer is negative. However, these plays can make me feel less stressed and more relaxed. After the exhausting work all day long, the short time break is really important to release my stress. As a result, I can keep a highly passion and a good mood to focus my attention on work next day. Hence, we may safely states that humorous or funny movies are best therapy for treating our tired bodies and minds.



Another point worth mentioning is that movie is the pivotal method to enhance individuals’ social connections, regardless of the topic of the movie itself. In another words, we just make use of movie as a medium to reinforce relationships rather than go to cinema to take a lesson. Here is a vivid example. Every weekend, a great many couples will plan to watch a movie in a cinema. Do they indeed in want of being educated? Of course, it is not necessary for them to equip themselves with knowledge in this way. Meanwhile, objectively speaking, it is obvious that there are not so many educating plays are yielded every month or every season. Instead, they just use the warming scene in the cinema as the platform to build up their relationships. Therefore, it is imprudent to demonstrate an argument that we only need the educating movies.



Admittedly, educating movies can endow us a lot of useful or professional knowledge about human beings or the principle of real life. On the other hand, we have to notice that the purpose of movies is not the only one, and we should see the big picture from the diverse dimensions. If we just watch the educating movies, it is hard for us to imagine that how terrible and tedious life will be. Simultaneously, it also bring the huge strike to the whole film industry, as film makers will not catch audiences’ eyes and obtain the considerable interest any more by providing sole category.



Given all of these careful analyses, I firmly believe that educating movies are not the only pursuit for modern citizens. We need various types of movies to offer us a colorful life. Moreover, I do believe different types of films can not only benefit our private life but also boost the economy in film industry.

wsxz007

9 January
Independent Writing:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
Movies are worth watching only when they teach us something about the real life.



Have you ever been fascinated with Harry Porter? Have you ever watched Ice Age with your best friends? Have you ever been to cinema to watch Titanic with your couple?(范文排比哦，很酷的开头哦，不过注意下时态咧，排比的时态要一致，而且不能是现在完成时吧？)Because of the development of technology, we can see movies are around us anywhere. Now, here comes a thorny issue toward whether only these movies which can teach us something about the real lifeworth watching（是不是少谓语）. From my perspective, this argument is totally fallacious. Several points will be presented and explained to support my standpoint.



The first point that appears on my mind is that funny or intriguing movies also should win our preference. To make my view more convincing, I would like to take my own experience as an example. I prefer to watch soap opera, such as <My Girl>, which is a South Koreaplay. I am also fond of <Vampire>. Do these movies really educate me a lot? Obviously, the answer is negative. However, these plays can make me feel less stressed and more relaxed. After the exhausting work all day long, the short time break is really important to release my stress. As a result, I can keep a highly passion and a good mood to focus my attention on work next day. Hence, we may safely states that humorous or funny movies are best therapy for treating our tired bodies and minds.



Another point worth mentioning is that movie is the pivotal method to enhance individuals’ social connections, regardless of the topic of the movie itself. In another words, we just make use of movie as a medium to reinforce relationships rather than go to cinema to take a lesson. Here is a vivid example. Every weekend, a great many couples will plan to watch a movie in a cinema. Do they indeed in want of being educated? Of course, it is not necessary for them to equip themselves with knowledge in this way. Meanwhile, objectively speaking, it is obvious that there are not so many educating plays are yielded every month or every season. Instead, they just use the warming scene in the cinema as the platform to build up their relationships. Therefore, it is imprudent to demonstrate an argument that we only need the educating movies.

看电影增进社会关系，无关乎啥主题的电影，这个观点好新颖哦，不过好像不太好写，可是Liz写的很不错哦

Admittedly, educating movies can endow us a lot of useful or professional knowledge about human beings or the principle of real life. On the other hand, we have to notice that the purpose of movies is not the only one, and we should see the big picture from the diverse dimensions. If we just watch the educating movies, it is hard for us to imagine that how terrible and tedious life will be.这句有点夸张了，“若只看教育类电影，很难想象生活将是多么的糟糕和沉闷”是这个意思么？那就说不通了，对于大众来说，电影不是生活的重心。而只看教育类电影是有点小郁闷可不至于生活都绝望了，逻辑太过绝对了以偏概全。Simultaneously, it also bring the huge strike to the whole film industry, as film makers will not catch audiences’ eyes and obtain the considerable interest any more by providing sole category.

这段逻辑有点乱鸟，其实我自己写到最后也是近乎崩溃，画圈圈的感觉。把自己写晕了，建议可以把提纲尤其是最后一段用中文写的明确点，省的在最后心智已经被虐的不清醒的时候跑偏了，耽误了前面的好文章。

Given all of these careful analyses, I firmly believe that educating movies如果后面总结、包括上面那段用“education movie”前面最好有个明确的定义，它等同于the movies which can teach us something about real life不然老米会很困惑那个词跟题目有啥子关系.are not the only pursuit for modern citizens. We need various types of movies to offer us a colorful life. Moreover, I do believe different types of films can not only benefit our private life but also boost the economy in film industry. 这后半句总结写的木有出处啊 和主题也不想关，也不是分论点，可删去否？




Liz的文章已经很成熟喽，啥时候我也能这样啊，真心企盼啊！

Liz 考试加油 等你的好消息，让我们也一起开心下！

lizchang1990

谢谢wsxz   热心点评~  嗯嗯，我会加油的啦~

考完回来给大家传授经验。(*^__^*) 嘻嘻

你也加油哦~