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asd 的作文贴,希望互相提高

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41#
发表于 2012-12-12 01:00:00 | 只看该作者
in that= because我还真不知道。
不好意思啊,是我知识量不够,改的不好···让你困惑了!~~~
42#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-12-12 09:56:00 | 只看该作者
some的多种用法我倒是忽略了。。。不好意思哈。
额,因为我学的是SAT,所以有的时候语法方面的问题可能和GMAT不太一样吧。
this kind 是可以的,但是你那句话本身多谓语了。
因为考SAT语法的时候老师一直强调this出现是自杀词,所以我可能疏忽了,真不好意思啊~~~还望多包容!
-- by 会员 阿伦艾弗森 (2012/12/12 0:58:16)


哪里的话!哈啊哈,真的很棒了改的,学习就是一件互相帮助互相提高的过程
43#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-12-12 22:17:12 | 只看该作者
12.12
Recently, a controversial issue has been brough into our eye-sights that should the universities prepare the students who are about to attend jobs? Just as one of the sayings goes, one hundred people will have one hundred Shake Spares in their own minds. It also applies to this certain topic. For me, I highly recommend the universities, as possible as they can, to provide some preparations for the students. It is not only great for students but also for universities themselves.
To start with,we might see many talent students who are not willing to study. They may do everything such as playing games, dating different girls or dringking all nights. the reason why they do not study is that they lack motiviation. They have no idea of the real world or the fierce competition because they are in an isolated tower, which is the university. If the universities prepare some information about the unpromising employeement situation in today's society. students will concentrate on their studies owing to the joblessness.

In addition, students, more often than not, want to get a better job after graduation, but many aspects are considered by employers other than the GPA or the ability to work. Good manners, abilities to communicate with bossess are also important.Students has to show these abilities in interviews. These are something teachers do not mention in the classes,so preparations for the interviewing seems to be of great importance. A survey conducted by the Chines Study Agency(CSA) indicates that students who once got the preparation classes are of higher hire rate than thoes who did not get such classes. At this point, I think the importance of the preparation for students is obvious.

Last but not the least, preparations will be good to universities,too. If most students of the university can get good jobs, the reputation of the university will be boosted. More students, therefore, will apply the university.In long-term aspect to universities. the universities should prepare students before students graduate.

From all aspects taken into consideration carefully, I can draw the conclusion that universtiies should provide some preparations for graduating students. Even if studying in the university without thinking other things will be a good circumstance for study. Do not forget what is most students longing for. a good job. Preparations is just what they need before they graduate.
44#
发表于 2012-12-12 23:18:05 | 只看该作者
Recently, a controversial issue has been brought into our eye-sights that should the universities prepare the students who are about to attend jobs? Just as one of the sayings goes, one hundred people will have one hundred Shake Spares in their own minds. It also applies to this certain topic. For me, I highly recommend the universities, as possible as they can, to provide some preparations for the students. It is not only great for students but also for universities themselves.
To start with,we might see many talented students who are not willing to study. They may do everything entertaining such as playing games, dating different girls or drinking all nights. the reason why they do not study is that they lack motiviation. They have no idea of the real world or the fierce competition because they are in an isolated tower, which is the university. If the universities prepare some information about the unpromising employment situation in today's society,students will concentrate on their studies owing to the joblessness.
In addition, students, more often than not, want to get a better job after graduation, but many aspects are still considered by employers other than besides the GPA and the ability to work. Good manners, abilities to communicate with bosses and customers are also important.Students has to show in interviews these abilities . These which are something teachers do not mention in the classes,so preparations for the interviewsing seems to be of great importance. A survey conducted by the Chinese Study Agency(CSA) indicates that students who once got the preparation classes are of higher hire rate than those who did not get such classes. At this point, I think the importance of the preparation for students is obvious.

Last but not the least, preparations will be good to universities,too. If most students of the university can get good jobs, the reputation of the university will be boosted.(很棒的观点啊~~) More students, therefore, will apply for the university.In long-term aspect to universities. the universities should prepare students before students they graduate.

From all aspects taken into consideration carefully, I can draw the conclusion that universties should provide some preparations for graduating students. Even if studying in the university without thinking other thingsintently) will be a good circumstance for study. Do not forget what is are most students longing for. a good job. Preparations is just what they need before they graduate.


嗯,既然句子和词组都没大问题了,asd君就要在写作内容的丰富程度上下功夫了,还欠斟酌,多看点范文,多做点阅读,体会行文思路会很有帮助的。
45#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-12-12 23:32:53 | 只看该作者
Recently, a controversial issue has been brought into our eye-sights that should the universities prepare the students who are about to attend jobs? Just as one of the sayings goes, one hundred people will have one hundred Shake Spares in their own minds. It also applies to this certain topic. For me, I highly recommend the universities, as possible as they can, to provide some preparations for the students. It is not only great for students but also for universities themselves.
To start with,we might see many talented students who are not willing to study. They may do everything entertaining such as playing games, dating different girls or drinking all nights. the reason why they do not study is that they lack motiviation. They have no idea of the real world or the fierce competition because they are in an isolated tower, which is the university. If the universities prepare some information about the unpromising employment situation in today's society,students will concentrate on their studies owing to the joblessness.
In addition, students, more often than not, want to get a better job after graduation, but many aspects are still considered by employers other than besides the GPA and the ability to work. Good manners, abilities to communicate with bossesand customers are also important.Students has to show in interviewsthese abilities . Thesewhich are something teachers do not mention in the classes,so preparations for the interviewsing seems to be of great importance. A survey conducted by the Chinese Study Agency(CSA) indicates that students who once got the preparation classes are of higher hire rate than those who did not get such classes. At this point, I think the importance of the preparation for students is obvious.

Last but not the least, preparations will be good to universities,too. If most students of the university can get good jobs, the reputation of the university will be boosted.(很棒的观点啊~~) More students, therefore, will apply for the university.In long-term aspect to universities. the universities should prepare students before studentsthey graduate.

From all aspects taken into consideration carefully, I can draw the conclusion that universties should provide some preparations for graduating students. Even if studying in the university without thinking other thingsintently) will be a good circumstance for study. Do not forget what isare most students longing for. a good job. Preparations is just what they need before they graduate.


嗯,既然句子和词组都没大问题了,asd君就要在写作内容的丰富程度上下功夫了,还欠斟酌,多看点范文,多做点阅读,体会行文思路会很有帮助的。
-- by 会员 1369179610 (2012/12/12 23:18:05)


我也意识到了,能给我写具体的意见吗?看要不我看范文也没有针对性也无法提高啊
46#
发表于 2012-12-12 23:37:49 | 只看该作者
你可以尝试总结范文的提纲。
47#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-12-12 23:42:39 | 只看该作者
好吧,我也在写之前总结了,但是吧,先列出3观点,尔后就写。你是觉得主题逻辑不够清晰还是内容或者语言不够华丽或着其他的不足?
48#
发表于 2012-12-13 09:31:01 | 只看该作者
asd君已经写的很好了~~你的作文主题,句子,结构都有了。我总觉得就是火候不到。包括我对自己的作文也是这种想法。
49#
发表于 2012-12-13 18:25:48 | 只看该作者
丫的word今天老跟老娘过不去。。。从昨天就开始老假死,今天简直绝了,给你改第一段就死了3回了。。。欺负我么?初看感想,作为体育生你写的真不错,就是不是体育生写这样也不错了。。。我捣鼓下我这电脑,随后附上批改。
50#
发表于 2012-12-13 18:44:24 | 只看该作者
OMG,要贴了,又死了。。。稍等哈~
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