asd 的作文贴，希望互相提高

45573asdasd

知道了~，哪个edsion是开玩笑的才写上去的，那不是陈老师的名字嘛，突然想到了，手贱就写上去了

45573asdasd

哈哈，兄台，是你孤陋寡闻了哦~we can not emphasize...too much 可是35 好句里面的哦~

Yeeisstrong

Patient is usually not a good thing, we should take actions at once.

Recently，a controversial issue has been brought into our eye-sights that whether taking action instantly is a better choice than being patient. For me I hold the definite opinion that the patience owns a more far-reaching effect in our daily life, no matter in study or in the work. My following reasons will substantiate my opinion.

To begin with, have you ever had the experience in the childhood that the questions answered in last few minutes in exams always turned out to be wrong? If you have, I think you might stand on my side that the impatience and hasty always lead us into problems. We always want to make some progress quickly, but what we forget is that the patience always helps us succeed. Let me take an example from Edsion(Edison), not the one took photoes, but the one who invented a lot of great devices. Edsion wanted to invent a device which could bring people light. It is a huge work. Through (the) millions of experiments and failures,he did it. Even clever as he is, he always keep patient and hardworking. I think we can not emphasize the patience too much.

In addition, taking action without adequate consideration may lead to grate catastrophe. Because without enought time, some crucial things could not be taken into consideration. I might cite an early story about Chinese spacecraft as an example. It was 1989 that Chinese government wanted to send a spacecraft into the outer space to show the country's power. But the device exploded in its way to sky quickly after being set off. All Chinese people were sad about. Finally the result turned out to be a little device got loosen owing to a researcher's carelessness. So I think this great tragedy informs us that by no means could we forget the significance of the patience, because it related to our health, to our prosperity and even to our lives.

Last but not least, being patience also makes a good personality. We grow up and meet a lot people. I found I like people who always be patient to me. My high school teacher MR. Wang, he always shows his great patience in our study. We were the No.1 class in the final exam and we all liked him very much. In term of the personality. I think patience is more important. （论点是性格和耐心的关系，论据好像有点和论点远啊~）

From all aspects taken into consideration carefully. I can draw the conclusion that we should emphasize on patience more. Even ifsometimes taking actions will provide more opportunities. But as the saying goes, every coin has its two sides. Being too fast may lead to nightmares. While being patient is likean(the) insurance, always keeping us out of trouble.





我的作文很菜的，意见仅仅参考而已呢，楼主文章的字数挺多的，我觉得你的例子很详尽的，我是怎么都写不出来，350都凑凑合合的。我个人比较喜欢每段的论点很明确的文章，建议在每段详细的事例基础上段首总结很有力的论点啦~

45573asdasd

Recently, a controversial issue has been brought into our eyesights that whether children should follow their parents' career. It is indeed hard to get a definite answer, but for me, I think children should not do similar jobs with their parents. My reasons following will substantiate my opinion.


To begin with, who can control our life? especially the important issue like marriage and job path. Parents? Friends? Or teachers? None of them can control our lif but ourselves, because only we know what we want. At this issue, children should not necessarily follow their parents'career path. Because they might not like the jobs their parents do. I think I am an epitome of this issue. I like sports very much and really want to do something related to sport field. But my mother wanted me to be a teacher because she was a teacher. She thought she could provide me some tips in my future career, but I can not concentrate on my subjects in these education courses. Finally. I made up my mind to be an athlete, and I feel happy everyday. Furthemore, I found a job in the gym with a fat salary. I think I made the right choice.

In addition, parents's jobs maybe not a good job. imagine that if a carpenter's child wants to be a lawyer and does well in this area. I think his father will also be proud that his child is going to be a lawyer, even if his carpenter father can teach his child some wood making expertises.So at this point, I think in this society which full of opportinuties. It is not a good choice to let children cline to their their parents' jobs.

last but not the least. Doing similar jobs with parents may limit children's career, Because children will have no motivation to do his job if he has a good father who can always handle everything he need. I think the process of solving the certain problems will stimulate one's potential power. But If he has an experienced father, he will probobly lose this opportunity.


From all aspects taken into consideration carefully, I can draw the conclusion that children should not do the similar jobs as their parents do. even though doing a similar jobs will enjoys some benifits such as good family atomsphere and some advises from parents. doing job which children like is the most improtant. as the preverb goes" Interest is the best teacher". In addition to interest, in this high velocity society, every thing changes quickly,including jobs. parents' jobs maybe not good to their children.

1369179610

Recently, a controversial issue has been brought into our eyesights that whether children should follow their parents' career. It is indeed hard to get a definite answer, but for me, I think children should not do similar jobs with their parents. My reasons following will substantiate my opinion.


To begin with, who can control our life? especially the important issue like marriage and job path. Parents? Friends? Or teachers? None of them can control our lif but ourselves, because only we know what we want.(这是你第一段的观点) At this issue（point）, children should not merely necessarily follow their parents'career path. Because they might not like the jobs their parents do. I think I am an epitome of this issue. I like sports very much and really want to do something related to sport field. But my mother wanted me to be a teacher because she was a teacher. She thought she could provide me some tips in my future career, but I can not concentrate on my subjects in these educational courses. Finally. I made up my mind to be an athlete, and I feel happy everyday. Furthemore（later）, I found a job in the gym with a fat salary. I think I made the right choice.

In addition, parents's jobs maybe not be a good job.（第二段的观点） imagine that if a carpenter's child wants to be a lawyer and does well in this area. I think his father will also be proud that his child is going to be a lawyer,（这是个好例子，但是应该提到木匠为什么不好。） even if his carpenter father can teach his child some wood making expertises.So at this point, I think in this society which full of opportinuties. It is not a good choice to let children cline to their their parents' jobs.

last but not the least. Doing similar jobs with parents may limit children's career（potential ability）（本段观点）, Because children will （may，will 有点绝对）have no motivation to do his job if he has a good father who can always handle everything he need. I think the process of solving the certain problems will stimulate one's potential power. But I he has an experienced father, he will probobly lose this opportunity.（还可以尝试假设他的爸爸特别难超越~）


From all aspects taken into consideration carefully, I can draw the conclusion that children should not do the similar jobs as their parents do. even though doing a similar jobs will enjoys some benifits such as good family atomsphere and some advises from parents. doing job which children like is the most improtant. as the preverb goes" Interest is the best teacher". In addition to interest, We should also notice clearly that（加一句，更连贯一些） in this high velocity society, every thing changes quickly,including jobs. parents' jobs maybe not good to their children.（结尾不错哦）

总体来说，写的不错，挺好的，若是再充实一点字数就上500了，好吓人啊。

45573asdasd

Recently, a controversial issue has been brought into our eye-sights that whether cars have a greater influence on society than airplanes do. it is quite a hard cohice because different people will have different opinions. For me, I think airplanes have an even greater influence on society. My reasons will substantiate my opinion following.

To begin with. cars as one of the most important have dominated the transportation system years. While in these days, as the technology develops, cars' unshakable place has been affected by many kinds of new transportation. As is known to all. China has established an advanced train system in recent years. Train has become the most economical and fast way of travelling because of the skyrocket of the gas price. But the planes is still an unchangable method. How can we get from China to America? Yes, we have to take planes. Because cars which can be driven in the ocean have not been invented.If we want a long journey, taking plane is the best choice.

In addition,cars are the most dangerous way of travelling. A survey conducted by Chinese Traffic Agency(CTA) indicates that cars accidents account for more accidents than all other transportations together. The statistic is very crule. Have you ever hearded that an old couple lost their only child in a car accident? If you have, I think you might stand on my side that cars are,to some degree, destorying our life rather than making it convenient. By contrast, the accident rate of plane accidents is the lowest among all transportations. So in term of the satety, airplanes outweigh cars.

Last but not the least, as the prices of cars is getting lower and lower.An advantage of this situation is that people will benefit from this trend by saving money. But the decreasing price also give rise to a bad environment. The more cars are on street, the worse is our living condition. Gas from the cars affect people's lungs. Moreover, many women in big cities can not have a baby. Also, cars are to blame. But planes can convey people more efficiently. One plane can carry hundreds of people. While many cars only have only one passenger in it.

From all aspects taken into consideration carefully, I can draw the conclusion that planes has a greater influence on society confidently. Even though cars make people's life more convenient. it also pose great harm to our lives. In oppsite, airplanes are more safe, and no other public traffic service can replace it.

tengawaakito

ecently, a controversial issue has been brought into our eyesights that whether children should follow their parents' career. It is indeed hard to get a definite answer, but for me, I think children should not do similar jobs with their parents. My reasons following will substantiate my opinion.


To begin with, who can control our life? especially the important issue like（such as！！gmat） marriage and job path. Parents? Friends? Or teachers? None of them can control our lif(life） but ourselves, because only we know what we want. At this issue, children should not necessarily follow their parents'career path. Because they might not like the jobs their parents do. I think I am an epitome of this issue. I like sports very much and really want to do something related to sport field. But my mother wanted me to be a teacher because she was a teacher. She thought she could provide me some tips in my future career, but I（found that加入found 表示你尝试了发现不能，这样比较自然） can not concentrate on my subjects in these education courses. Finally. I made up my mind to be an athlete, and（since then加个过渡，自从我用了xx，身体倍棒吃嘛嘛香） I feel happy everyday. （这里我觉得应该用逗号，f小写）Furthemore, I found a job in the gym with a fat salary. I think I made the right choice.

In addition, parents's jobs（后面是单数这里统一比较好。。。估计老师不会注意的） maybe not a good job.（I大写) imagine that if a carpenter's child wants to be a lawyer and does well in this area. I think his father will also be proud that his child is going to be a lawyer, even if his carpenter father can teach his child some wood making expertises.So at this point, I think in this society which full of opportinuties（这句有语病 ，改成这样你看看I think there are full of opportunities in this soceiry）. It is not a good choice to let children cline to their their parents' jobs.

last but not the least. Doing similar jobs with parents may limit children's career, Because children will have no motivation to do his（their） job if he has（they have注意人复数人称的统一） a good father who can always handle everything he need（they need）. I think the process of solving the certain problems will stimulate one's potential power.（很好的总结句，最后放个必杀技很好） But If he has an experienced father, he will probobly lose this opportunity.


From all aspects taken into consideration carefully, I can draw the conclusion that children should not do the similar jobs as their parents do.（E大写）even though doing a similar jobs will enjoys（enjoy） some benifits such as good family atomsphere and some advises from parents. doing（换个动词比较好，不要连续用同一个动词。比如chooseing） job which children like is the most improtant. as the preverb goes" Interest is the best teacher". In addition to interest, in this high velocity society, every thing changes quickly,including jobs. parents' jobs maybe not good to their children.



写得很不错，字数好多啊，我打不完。。但是要注意单词的换用，显示单词量。


ps 那句应该是   一百人中有一百个哈姆雷特hamlet 不是沙克斯比亚。。。。谁知道原句是什么？

45573asdasd

ecently, a controversial issue has been brought into our eyesights that whether children should follow their parents' career. It is indeed hard to get a definite answer, but for me, I think children should not do similar jobs with their parents. My reasons following will substantiate my opinion.


To begin with, who can control our life? especially the important issue like（such as！！gmat） marriage and job path. Parents? Friends? Or teachers? None of them can control our lif(life） but ourselves, because only we know what we want. At this issue, children should not necessarily follow their parents'career path. Because they might not like the jobs their parents do. I think I am an epitome of this issue. I like sports very much and really want to do something related to sport field. But my mother wanted me to be a teacher because she was a teacher. She thought she could provide me some tips in my future career, but I（found that加入found 表示你尝试了发现不能，这样比较自然） can not concentrate on my subjects in these education courses. Finally. I made up my mind to be an athlete, and（since then加个过渡，自从我用了xx，身体倍棒吃嘛嘛香） I feel happy everyday. （这里我觉得应该用逗号，f小写）Furthemore, I found a job in the gym with a fat salary. I think I made the right choice.

In addition, parents's jobs（后面是单数这里统一比较好。。。估计老师不会注意的） maybe not a good job.（I大写) imagine that if a carpenter's child wants to be a lawyer and does well in this area. I think his father will also be proud that his child is going to be a lawyer, even if his carpenter father can teach his child some wood making expertises.So at this point, I think in this society which full of opportinuties（这句有语病 ，改成这样你看看I think there are full of opportunities in this soceiry）. It is not a good choice to let children cline to their their parents' jobs.

last but not the least. Doing similar jobs with parents may limit children's career, Because children will have no motivation to do his（their） job if he has（they have注意人复数人称的统一） a good father who can always handle everything he need（they need）. I think the process of solving the certain problems will stimulate one's potential power.（很好的总结句，最后放个必杀技很好） But If he has an experienced father, he will probobly lose this opportunity.


From all aspects taken into consideration carefully, I can draw the conclusion that children should not do the similar jobs as their parents do.（E大写）even though doing a similar jobs will enjoys（enjoy） some benifits such as good family atomsphere and some advises from parents. doing（换个动词比较好，不要连续用同一个动词。比如chooseing） job which children like is the most improtant. as the preverb goes" Interest is the best teacher". In addition to interest, in this high velocity society, every thing changes quickly,including jobs. parents' jobs maybe not good to their children.



写得很不错，字数好多啊，我打不完。。但是要注意单词的换用，显示单词量。


ps 那句应该是   一百人中有一百个哈姆雷特hamlet 不是沙克斯比亚。。。。谁知道原句是什么？

-- by 会员 tengawaakito (2012/12/16 21:51:32)

谢谢22teng哈哈，我是要注意了。我的词语转化确实需要注意了

1369179610

Recently, a controversial issue has been brought into our eye-sights that whether cars have a greater influence on society than airplanes do. it is quite a hard cohice because different people will have different opinions. For me, I think airplanes have an even greater influence on society. My reasons will substantiate my opinion following.

To begin with. cars as one of the most important have dominated the transportation system years. While in these days, as the technology develops, cars' unshakable place has been affected by many kinds of new transportation.（这个就有点偏题了，紧扣车和飞机谈就好，不要说别的。） As is known to all. China has established an advanced train system in recent years. Train has become the most economical and fast way of travelling because of the skyrocket of the gas price. But the planes is still an unchangable method. （换一个理由吧~最好不要说自己都不信的话。）How can we get from China to America? Yes, we have to take planes. Because cars which can be driven in the ocean have not been invented.If we want a long journey, taking plane is the best choice.

In addition,cars are the most dangerous way of travelling.（considering safety，cars are not so good as airplanes.） A survey conducted by Chinese Traffic Agency(CTA) indicates that cars accidents account for more accidents than all other transportations together.(可以考虑改成the traffic accident rate is higher than that of airplanes) The statistic is very crule. Have you ever hearded that an old couple lost their only child in a car accident? If you have, I think you might stand on my side that cars are,to some degree, destorying our life rather than making it convenient. By contrast, the accident rate of plane accidents is the lowest among all transportations. So in term of the satety, airplanes outweigh cars.

Last but not the least, as the prices of cars is getting lower and lower.An advantage of this situation is that people will benefit from this trend by saving money. But the decreasing price also give rise to a bad environment.（非常好的观点~） The more cars are on street, the worse is our living condition. Gas from the cars affect people's lungs. Moreover, many women in big cities can not have a baby. Also,No doubt that cars are to blame. But（comparatively） planes can convey people more efficiently without that much air pollution. One plane can carry hundreds of people with only limited liters of gasoline. While many cars with the same energy consumption only have only one passenger in it.(要注意对比的两个东西的可比性。)

From all aspects taken into consideration carefully, I can draw the conclusion that planes have a greater influence on society confidently. Even though cars make people's life more convenient. it also pose great harm to our lives. In oppsite, airplanes are more safe, and no other public traffic service can replace it.（结尾还不错~）

asd君，我建议你尝试一下不限时写作。

cooperdw

Recently, a controversial issue has been brought into our eye-sights that whether cars have a greater influence on society than airplanes do. it is quite a hard cohice->choice because different people will have different opinions. For me, I think airplanes have an even greater influence on society. My reasons will substantiate my opinion following.

To begin with. cars as one of the most important (宾语呢)have dominated the transportation system years. While in these days, as the technology develops, cars' unshakable place has been affected by many kinds of new transportation-> (记得多替换，要么改形容词加个tools，要么用vehicle代替). As is known to all. China
has established an advanced train system in recent years. Train has become the most economical and fast way of travelling because of the skyrocket of the gas price. But the planes is still an unchangable method->(飞机是…的方法？solution是这里最好替换). How can we get from China to America? Yes->(这文章中最好少用yes. definitely , No doubt ,of course来替换), we have to take planes. Because cars which can be driven in the ocean have not been invented.->(不知你怎么想，我觉得如果是我我不会这样表达‘汽车不能做到从中国到美国’我想我会用 that is what motorcar unable to do)If we want a long journey, taking plane is the best choice.

In addition,cars are the most dangerous way of travelling. A survey conducted by Chinese Traffic Agency(CTA)->(对organzation的熟悉彰显专业，必须学习) indicates that cars accidents account for more accidents->(老问题，替换啊tragedies 等等)than all other transportations together->(你是不是想说car造成的事故比其他各种交通工具所造成的事故都多？用 a 是 b的多少倍来表达更灵活: a will be 6 times as much as b). The statistic is very crule->cruel. Have you ever hearded that an old couple lost their only child->(加个不定冠词吧) in a car accident? If you have ->(if the answer is true), I think you might stand on my side that cars are,->(又没宾语？)to some degree, destorying our life rather than making it convenient. By contrast, the accident rate ->(rate of accident) of plane accidents is the lowest among all transportations. So in term of the satety, airplanes outweigh cars.

Last but not the least, as the prices->(去掉s) of cars is getting lower and lower.An advantage of this situation is that people will benefit from this trend by saving money. But the decreasing price also give rise ->(替换 enhance) to a bad environment. The more cars are on street, the worse is our living condition->(这句子对吗？我不太确定). Gas from the cars affect people's lungs. Moreover, many women in big cities can not have a baby. Also, cars are to blame. But planes can convey people more efficiently. One plane can carry hundreds of people. While many cars only have only one passenger in it.

From all aspects taken into consideration carefully, I can draw the conclusion that planes has a greater influence on society confidently. Even though cars make people's life more convenient. it also pose great harm to our lives. In oppsite, airplanes are more safe, and no other public traffic->(自己替换，不说了，别美中不足好吗) service can replace it.


流畅度不说了，逻辑也不错，也有诸如 pose great harm to ....的精彩短语，必须学

此篇文章的问题：
1   依然表达问题，体育兄一定要养成习惯：作文中某段或者全文中主要讨论的某个关键词（一般是名词），一定要再脑海中多储备几个同义词进行替换
   张宏岩的词以类记 可以帮到你
2   看得出来有一些粗心的错误，要避免
3   这篇文章417字数稍微偏少