独立写作 求拍砖 求指导~

kris灿

1024 TPO 粉色建议
In the reading passage, 如果只是reading那它就只是表达了一个原因就是污染 听力才是predator it argues that there are two possible explanations of ( for)decreasing population of sea otters,去逗号 are environmental pollution and predator. The reading passage supports the former one. However, the lecture casts doubt on what the reading passage holds.建议楼主有个好一点的模版这个感觉有点干啊。


Initially, the reading passage points out that it is the industrial chemicals that results in the reduction of the sea otters. However, the professor mentions that there is no evidence finding death sea otters washing off the Alaskan coast, 最好说一下尸体的数量变化which prove the main cause of decreasing of sea otters （cause of sea otters' decrease）is predator rather than environmental pollution.

Furthermore, the reading passage asserts that the pollution affects entire ecosystem including the sea otters and large predators like orca. In the contrary, the professor believes the reason that contributes to the decreasing population of the sea otters is human hunters这里容易产生误会建议后面的那句前提哦这调换一下Since the human hunt aquatic species excessively, some large animals are forced to change their diets to prey small animals like sea otters instead of large preys.


Finally, the reading passage thinks that the uneven pattern of sea otters results from the reduction of sea otters.这句你想表达的有问题吧 But the professor opposes this by saying that the uneven pattern, as a matter of fact, can explain the later point. The reason is that if the predator of the sea otters can find them easily, the population of the sea otters will be diminished greatly. In contrast, it's so hard for large predators to prey sea otters in shallow sea, which is attributed to the uneven pattern.
建议楼主把重点线说出来 然后再说细节加油~~

小滋滋

10.25独立
What is happiness？Different people will have different answers about happiness due to their different backgrounds. Some people think that the success obtained in one’s career will make his or her happy. Others argue that hanging out with friends will bring them happiness. From my point of view, work can bring greater happiness than social life



No one can deny that social life truly bring us a lot of fun, especially after we work in the front of the screen of the computer to fulfill a large number of workloads for ten or twelve hours a day. Nothing can compare with the happiness that hanging out with friends relaxing ourselves can bring. We can go shopping in big mall to buy anything we want with our friends. We can go to Movies Theater to watch a latest movie. Or we can go to KTV to sing songs and release our stress. All of these make me feel fun, which can unconsciously relieve our pressure from study and work.



However, in a matter of fact, social life plays a small part in our life in certain times. After all, we need to work for living and work occupy most of our life rather than entertainment, especially in this high-pace and intensive society. As a breadwinner, you need to work hardly to support your family and you always can acquire big salary through the work and improve living conditions of family. For example, you can buy a big house in the suburbs, which provide a good environment for your children’s development. You can also afford your children the best education to send his or her to excellent school. All of these will definitely cement make your family a better life.



Furthermore, the successful achievement that you gain in your career may bring you a sense of personal satisfaction. The fruits of own working achievement are always sweeter than of indulging in comforts. When you finish a load of work or promote sales of productions, you will be happy and successful unconsciously, even though you have spent an exhausted day.



In sum, although the entailment with our friends can bring an instant amusement and relaxation for us, in long run, we need more meaningful things to prove our individual value in society. It is undeniable that the success in our career can benefit both our family and us. Thus, there’s no doubt that work can bring greater happiness than social life.

kiddy72

What is happiness？Different people will have different answers about happiness due to their different backgrounds. Some people think that the success obtained in one’s career will make his or her happy. Others argue that hanging out with friends will bring them happiness. From my point of view, work can bring greater happiness than social life



No one can deny that social life truly bring us a lot of fun, especially after we work in the front of the screen of the computer to fulfill a large number of workloads for ten or twelve hours a day. Nothing can compare with the happiness that hanging out with friends relaxing ourselves can bring. We can go shopping in big mall to buy anything we want with our friends. We can go to Movies Theater to watch a latest movie. Or we can go to KTV to sing songs and release our stress. All of these make me feel fun, which can unconsciously relieve our pressure from study and work.这段后面最好反驳一下吧 要不一开始让人容易有观点混乱的感觉



However, in a matter of fact, social life plays a small part in our life in certain times. After all, we need to work for living and断句吧 感觉这两句没什么联系 work occupies most of our life rather than entertainment, especially in this high-pace and intensive society. As a breadwinner, you need to work hardly to support your family and you always can acquire big salary through the work and improve living conditions of family. For example, you can buy a big house in the suburbs, which provides a good environment for your children’s development. You can also afford your children the best education to send his or her to excellent school. All of these will definitely cement make your family a better life.



Furthermore, the successful achievement that you gain in your career may bring you a sense of personal satisfaction. The fruits of own working achievement are always sweeter than of indulging in comforts. When you finish a load of work or promote sales of productions, you will be happy and successful unconsciously, even though you have spent an exhausted day.



In sum, although the entailment with our friends can bring an instant amusement and relaxation for us, in long run, we need more meaningful things to prove our individual value in society. It is undeniable that the success in our career can benefit both our family and usourselves. Thus, there’s no doubt that work can bring greater happiness than social life.

AnthonySummer

求作文！

dreamcece

等你的10.27综合和独立。

小滋滋

10.27独立
Wether patience is a good strategy?  Different people will hold different opinions due to their different backgrounds.Some people argue that patience enables us think comprehensively and make a sound decision, which improves the possibility of success. Others assert that taking instant action is the key point access to success instead of simply waiting since opportunity never waits for anyone. From my point of view, whether to keep patience depends.



For a scientist, once settled his goal, he should always keep patience and hold confidence to be successful next time.  Scientific research is a repeating, lonely and dull work. No one can tell you whether you are on the right way to your destination. What a scientist only do is to devote all his soul to the project and improve the process of experiments gradually. Every time he refine his procedure of his experiments, perhaps he will approach his success in one close step. He should keep patience and never give up. Such faith is needed for being a scientist. Edison kept patience during thousands of failures. Mrs. Curie did not gives up though the extremely hard times. Their patience leads them to success.



However, the situation may just be the opposite for a student, especially the student just graduating from university.As a job-hunter,theymust take actions immediately rather than wait since opportunity do not always wait for anyone. We live in a world whereis a high-pace and intensive environment . Modern people, even student,have to suffer from a large number of pressures from life and work. The competition to enter good companies is fierce. In this case, modern college students should grasp every opportunitie that can help them access to job and take action right away when opportunities coming.



As to ordinary people, we should always keep this motto in our mind, for we are not scientists most of the times. Actually, we are the person who recognize ourselves'talents and shortcomings comprehensively and know what are best for us. If we decide to do something, we should take action instantly rather than hesitate. The success depends on how far you go rather than how far you imagine. For example, Bill Gate made a astonishing decision of dropping out of Harvard to organize Microsoft since he observed the demand of the product and seized the business oppotunity. The Steve Jobs quited the Reed University in the second year of study. If they once hesitated, they would not become who they are today.



Nothing is absolutely right just as nothing is absolutely wrong. Patience leaves us space to prepare thoroughly, while action virtually helps us close to our goal. As a result, from the above statement, we can draw out the belief that whether we should take action now rather than latershould be obtained on who you are and where you are.

小滋滋

TPO13
The reading passage explores the focus on the issue that the commercial fossils have a bad effect on both scientists and public.However, the professor's lecture hold a different opinion that commercial fossils benefit more than harm.



To begin with, the reading passage suggests that commercial fossils make it impossible for public to see the fossils and therefore reduce their interest in fossils. In the contrary, the lecture asserts that commercial fossils will make more people access to fossils. Since the commercial fossils make fossils expose to morelow-level institutions like school and library.



Furthermore, the reading passage mentions that commercial fossils sold to private collector can make scientists miss many important discoveries. However, the lecture opposes that fossils won not lose valuethough collected by private collector. The reason is that before collector purchase the fossils, the fossils must be identified by scientists through examinations and tests.



Finally,  the lecture opposes the reading passage by saying that  commercial fossils will destroy valuable fossils, one of the most valuable scientific evidence. While the lecture  contradicts  that commercial fossils enable most of uncoverd fossils expose to human, which contributes the development of fossils.

dreamcece

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

Wether or not patience is a good strategy?  Different people will hold different opinions due to their different backgrounds.Some people argue that patience enables us to think comprehensively and make a sound decision, which improves the possibility of success. Others assert that taking instant action is the key point access to success instead of simply waiting since opportunity never waits for anyone. From my point of view, whether to keep patience depends on blabla...thesis statement 一定要完整呀。 不能直接将it depends换成你想说的内容的，没有这个表达.



For a scientist, once settled his goal, he should always keep patience and hold confidence to be successful next time. 表达不明确，不太能看懂你用这句话做subpoint的开头有什么用。 Scientific research is a repeating, lonely and dull work. No one can tell you whether you are on the right way to your destination. What a scientist only do？？ is to devote all his soul to the project and improve the process of experiments gradually. Every time he refine his procedure of his experiments, perhaps he will approach his success in one close step. He should keep patience and never give up. Such faith is needed for being a scientist. Edison kept patience during thousands of failures. Mrs. Curie（小意见，说Marie Curie比较好，因为老外不知道谁是Mrs. Curie.） did not gives up though the extremely hard times. Their patience leads them to success.



However, the situation may just be the opposite for a student, especially the student who just graduating from university.As a job-hunter,theymust take actions immediately rather than wait since opportunity do not always wait for anyone. We live in a world whereis a high-pace and intensive environment . Modern people, even student,have to suffer from a large number of pressures from life and work. The competition to enter good companies is fierce. In this case, modern college students should grasp every opportunitie that can help them access to job and take action right away when opportunities coming. 例证不错，如果能更注意遣词造句就更好了。



As to ordinary people, we should always keep this motto in our mind, for we are not scientists most of the times. 此句不通，建议重写。Actually, we are the person who recognize ourselves' our (反身代词没有物格的哦，所以用Our就好了)talents and shortcomings comprehensively and know what are best for us. If we decide to do something, we should take action instantly rather than hesitate. The success depends on how far you go rather than how far you imagine.（文章中主体指代要尽量一致，之前用了we，就用us, our 做对应；不要冒出you啊之类的了。）For example, Bill Gate made a astonishing decision of dropping out of Harvard to organize Microsoft since he observed the demand of the product and seized the business oppotunity. The Steve Jobs quited the Reed University in the second year of study. If they once hesitated, they would not become who they are today. 加强用词丰富性会加强例证的强度。



Nothing is absolutely right just as nothing is absolutely wrong. Patience leaves us space to prepare thoroughly, while action virtually helps us close to our goal. As a result, from the above statement, 这是一句废话。建议不用。we can draw out the belief that whether we should take action now rather than latershould be obtained on who you are and where you are.

dreamcece

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

The reading passage explores the focus on the issue that the commercial fossils 这个表达有歧义。have a bad effect on both scientists and public.However, the professor's lecture hold a different opinion that commercial fossils benefit more than harm.观点提取的相当准确。



To begin with, the reading passage suggests that commercial fossils make it impossible for public to see the fossils and therefore reduce their interest in fossils. In the contrary, the lecture asserts that commercial fossils will make more people access to fossils. Since the commercial fossils make fossils expose to morelow-level institutions like school and library.



Furthermore, the reading passage mentions that commercial fossils sold to private collector can make scientists miss many important discoveries. However,the lecture opposes that fossils won not lose valuethough collected by private collector. The reason is that before collector purchase the fossils, the fossils must be identified by scientists through examinations and tests.



Finally,  the lecture opposes the reading passage by saying that  commercial fossils will destroy valuable fossils, one of the most valuable scientific evidence. While the lecture  contradicts  that commercial fossils enable most of uncoverd fossils expose to human, which contributes the development of fossils.怎么个发展法呀？有歧义哦。

总结：总的来说，前两个点总结的相当完美，不仅细节充分，而且和原文的conflict比照的也很清楚。唯一的一些遗憾在：1. 表达不够准确，如commericial fossils, 更准确的表达应该是commercial fossil market/ selling fossils in the commericial market.2. 第三个小点的细节部分没有抓住，在第三点上lecturer有一个优劣对比，他说尽管信息可能会因为贩卖化石受到损害，但是更多的化石可以被discovered，所以更好。
In all, 这篇文章相当精彩，我认为good是跑不掉的。

小滋滋

Environmental protection and economic development are both of significance for a country. When it comes to whether governments should focus its budgets more on environmental protection than on economic development, different people will hold different opinions based on their different backgrounds. From my point of view, Governments should focus its budgets more on environmental protection than on economic development

Good environment is of prerequisite of human being as well as plants and animals on our planet. To begin with, atmosphere on earth, the environment of our basic living conditions, provide fresh air for human to breath. But air is not polluted by modern transportation that burn fossil fuels, which make our air less healthy to breathe. The air pollution also causes the acid rain, which destroy vegetation and building in the ground. To convert this situation, the government has to plant a lot of trees in the surroundings areas of the city, which need a large expenditure as well as long time to change the quality of our atmosphere.Furthermore, the water that one of most important resource we human beings depends on is also polluted due to human activity. Many industrial factories choose to dump waste materials to rivers and streams because the water seems to disappear downstream. When the waste is dumped into downstream, the water in the downstream becomes undrinkable and unavailable for both human and animals. Thus, government should take a series of action: act a law, remove the waste and pure the water.Only in these way can government can effectively deal with the water pollution.

Admittedly, the economic development boosts our living conditions and makes us a better life. We have a great leap in technology, which benefit greatly benefit both our life and work. Our children have the excellent education and health care systems. We have all kinds of entertainment activities to relax ourselves in spare time. All of these contribute to the economic development of a nation. However, compared with environment that we human beings rely on, the progress of economic plays a less important role in human development. Without the good environment, the toxic air may destroy human beings even though we have the most advanced economic development. Therefore, it is no deniable that government should devote all it efforts to protect environment no matter how it cost.

In sum, human activity poses a threat on our environment. It is necessary to take measures to save our environment. Although the economic development facilitates the human’s living condition, it plays a small part compared with the environment problem. So Governments should focus its budgets more on environmental protection than on economic development.